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She stood up and dusted off her short skirt. "Blaze, I want to be friends with you." She started walking back up toward the bonfire, really tired now, wanting to be back at her apartment, in bed. Her heart was beating too fast, her senses awhirl with his emotion. She didn't want to hurt him, but he was allowing himself to be hurt, by not backing off. He'd been impulsive before, if he grabbed her right now....

 Ah, how had she known?

He twirled her back around to face him and brought her close into his warm chest. He was going to make her fight him, and then he'd have a reason to hate her. 

Like Austin...

She forced herself to relax in his embrace, and he stood above her enigmatically. "I really want to be with you."

She tilted her face back to see him better. "You want to kiss me now?"

"Yeah." He drew her closer, his breath mingled with hers.

"Knowing that I am dreaming of someone else?" she said. His hands slid down her arms and took her hands.

"I'll replace those dreams with better ones."

She shook her head. "I've already been down this road. I've loved before, Blaze, I know what love is. I've loved one man while almost loving another. It doesn't work. You have to make a decision and stick with it. I choose Richard."

It was blunt, even mean, and she knew it by the anger in his eyes. Now he would let her go, she thought, and go get drunk, and tell his friends that she was a bitch....

Her cell phone buzzed, it was set to vibrate, and she felt it in her pocket. She reached for it, holding it up to the light, a number she hadn't expected. She held up a finger for Blaze to hold his thought, she turned slightly away, one hand holding him off. He blew out his breath in annoyance and stepped back from her.

"Sam?" she asked the little flip phone.

"Trace, where are you? I think you need to come home. Something has happened. I can't find Dad-- and Ty..." There was a weird eerie flash of light out over the ocean, and Tracy felt her world reeling, once again. The familiar voice from her past, a voice at once beloved and at the same time, reserved for unhappy memories. 

In a big way, she had left this family behind. The family that had adopted her as an infant, and who had treated her with contempt, and neglect all her growing up years until she'd found Casey and Bridget and Jules...

Blaze had moved in closer again, rubbing a warm bare leg against hers. She kicked sand at him, feeling annoyed.

"Sam, what's wrong? Where's Dad and Ty?"

"I- I can't find Dad."

"Sam? Aren't you like.... In Guam or something? Afghanistan?" she realized how little she had kept in touch with her adopted brothers, and parents since her grandmother's death, and Ruth's overdose, and subsequent move to a constant care facility. "Did Ruth... die?" Her heart clenched painfully. Ruth's face materialized rudely in her mind and she closed her eyes. It was a face she hadn't seen in seven or eight years, a face she had no intention of ever seeing again. 

Like Casey's Frances, Danny's biological mother, Ruth had tried to use her relationship with Tracy not for love or concern, but because of money. It sickened Tracy, and including all the years of abuse, and neglect, she had washed her hands of this past. Ruth was a woman she never associated herself with, her father, Jerry Nelson, was a loser, divorced, deadbeat, selfish, prig.... 

And her two adopted brothers, Sam and Ty were unfortunate losses.... Sam had joined the Marine's, Ty was a drunk.... She'd tried to help them, tried to find them homes, even her home, but they had been users at the time, and her attorney felt they would just drag her down.

All this flashed in front of her in a split second. "Did Dad die?"

"No...." his voice was wretched, painful. "I'm in Havana, I'm on leave, and I'm going to try and go home and arrange for the funeral.... But I can't find Dad."

"Funeral..." she repeated, shaking her head and trying to comprehend his words. "Did mom die?"

"Yes, I mean no, I mean yeah, she killed herself after she found out about Ty..." Now it sounded like he was crying. Tracy turned woodenly and tried to swallow. It wasn't Raine, it wasn't Steven.... It wasn't.... memories bombarded her too fast for identification and she felt a wave of dizziness, she heard Blaze's voice and pushed him away.

"What about Ty?" she croaked fearing the worst. She fell to her knees to avoid the dizziness, wondering if she would pass out for this one? Jet, Geoff, Casey, Raine, Steven! Mother???? Ty????? Did other people face this much death? It seemed to her that she could discuss funerals in a crowd and have everything in common with a mortician.

She knew the answer. "He- he might have committed suicide, I don't know, he was stabbed a lot. It might have been a bar fight." Sam said. "Trace, will you come? I don't know how to deal with this stuff; I have no idea how to arrange..."

"Yeah, I'm on it, honey." She said softly, picturing the child he had been. The little brother. He was what 19 now? Ty had been 18? So young, so.... Troubled, so abused....

A wave of guilt assailed her. Blaze was kneeling next to her in concern, having picked up on her distress. She hung up after a brief interim discussing plans and places to meet. Her eyes turned to him reflecting the bonfire and the surf.

She lifted a shoulder. "Our conversation---" Her blue eyes were soft, red rimmed. "Can it wait for another time?

"Of course." He'd heard the word funeral, and now looked at her expectantly. When she wasn't forthcoming he put out a hand palm up on her bent knee. Tracy swiped at her tears, staring quietly out to sea. "Are you upset?" Blaze asked her hesitantly.

*****