075:

Tracy paced around the NICU lobby holding the phone from the nurse's station in one hand, and the receiver in the other. The hospital security team stood braced on this side of the large double doors, holding off the plethora of reporters that were hounding Richard and Tracy in the wake of the terrible morning explosion.

Tracy glanced up and watched Richard, his head bandaged, limp as far as the pay phone cord would let him, which wasn't far. Who was he talking to? His blood spattered t-shirt and jeans still reminded her of their harrowing experience.

"Yeah." She said to answer whatever her dad had just asked her. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Ray had already covered all the bases, and recognized his daughter's shock induced numbness. "I said, I spoke with Minako Hamilton, Jules' step-mom, she has a penthouse here in New York and you guys will be moved there while my house is being renovated and cleaned up."

"Is she there?"

"She and the girls are in the Philippines at the moment, visiting family. The place will be opened for you as long as you need it."

"I can afford a hotel, dad, that isn't why I called. I just wanted to touch base with you about the insurance. I talked to them and gave my report. Are you coming here?"

"I'm coming, but Shanna and the girls are going home. This funeral about killed us all." She could tell by his voice he was emotionally drained as well. Too many things kept happening.

She spoke for a few more minutes, anticipating seeing him in a few hours and eventually gave the phone back to the nurse on duty, while she went into the wash-up part of the NICU and started the timer. The numbness actually came and went. She knew her father identified with it, he'd told her that depression ran in their family, and when she'd talked to Lorraine, her biological mother, serious depression persisted in that side of the line as well.

The nurses nodded at her, as she entered the darkened peace of the NICU, noting a few sets of parents or grandparents outside the incubators in the line-up of rows. A chair or two had been pulled up. She smiled at them, and then made her way to the semi-secluded room Steven occupied. When she entered the NICU nurse on duty came up behind her.

"He's doing better today, Tracy." She said gently, her voice hushed but encouraging. "We're so sorry about what happened, but so thankful at the same time, that you and Mr. Mann were not in the vehicle."

Tracy nodded, her lips trembling. "Such a blessing, to be sure." She went to the glass and pulled back the flaps on the glass incubator. "As is this little miracle."

"It was touch and go there though the last two nights, but today he's gained a couple of ounces, and doctor said we can try without the CPAP again. His x-rays came back clear."

Tracy's eyes strayed to the nurses. "Clear?"
"No pneumonia."

Tracy couldn't speak, as the nurse nodded to her, eyes slanted down to give her some privacy. "Wait." Tracy looked up quickly. "Can I hold him then?"

The nurse stepped aside as the doctor came into the room smiling with the good news. "The RDS is subsiding."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Can I hold him?"

"Yes. I think you both deserve that today of all days. Why don't you get suited up in sterile? Ask Jenny. I'll be back. You can change his diaper and then Jenny will show you how to swaddle him. I'm taking his CPAP out, and the IV. I feel he is strong enough to take the bottle, let's have you do that as well. The breast bank you requested sent over some breast milk for him."

Tracy's heart shuddered to a complete and utter drum beat rhythm. She saw Richard over the doctor's shoulder. Her hand rose to cover her lips, as she tried not to cry.

His eyes were wide as he heard the proclamation.

The doctor turned. "You must be the prospective father. Congratulations, it looks like your little guy is coming out of the woods. We want to get him in loving arms right away. I'm going to have your wife hold him first, and then if you want to get suited up, I wouldn't be opposed to you having some time with him as well."

Tracy closed her mouth tightly, and kept her eyes on Richard's.

His sharply indrawn breath was telling. "Is that what you want, Trace?" The nurse brought the sterile blue cover-alls and handed them past him to Tracy.

"I do." She said softly, her eyes shining.

He nodded, slowly blinking in acceptance. They both went to the in-board changing room and came out hurriedly swathed in hospital blue, Tracy's hair completely hidden in the netting.

The nurse was opening the incubator, and Tracy stood ready. "I can change and swaddle him." She assured. "I took care of my older son. Is that okay?"

The nurse looked dubious, but Tracy stood hopefully, and firm. There was no reason why not.

So, Tracy gently started ministering to the tiny boy, the warmth of his light caressed skin in contrast to her own now heated fingers. She crooned to him the whole time.

"Oh, how Mommy loves this boy." She murmured as Richard walked into the room soundlessly. She looked up as she finished swaddling Steven tightly. The nurse had brought the first little bottle for his feeding.

He was squirming around, even swaddled.

"He's like a feather."

She cradled him gently as she sat in the stiff-backed overstuffed vinyl chair, and looked into the screwed up little face, his mouth rooting around as she stroked his peach fuzz cheek.

"Oh, my baby, my little baby." She took the bottle, and expertly gave it, remembering Danny at this age, feeding Danny, changing his diaper, everything about him. The tears rained down her cheeks, soundlessly. Richard had brought his camera.

She looked up as the flash went off, and Steven reacted, even though his eyes were closed, and they both laughed, breaking up the awkwardness of the moment.

"You let them think I'm your husband."

She chuckled. "You want to hold him, don't you?"

Richard felt the breath whoosh out of him. "I do, Trace, with all my heart."

"When I'm done. Look! He's latched on! Oh my goodness, what a big strong boy you are!"

Richard felt his knees going weak, so sat his butt down on the tiled floor at her feet, so he could see everything, including her sweet face, as she gazed onto the softly sucking baby.

"There is nothing like a newborn, Richard." She nuzzled her face into his body carefully, just close enough to get a good whiff. "Oh, my goodness! That yummy smell!"

Richard smiled at her exuberance, and rested a hand on her knee, leaning closer to see. They sat there grinning like idiots, laughing silently into each other's eyes, trying not to alert the laboring baby, having his first real meal.

"This is unprecedented." Tracy whispered.

"In what way?"

"Well, he's not ours, but we're all he has."

Richard contemplated this thought, and from a biological standpoint he understood, but knew that Steven would never have another mother, just her. "This kind of makes him ours, doesn't it?"

Tracy nodded. "You can be his honorary Uncle, and if we did godfathers you are his. Seriously, you and Jules, okay Richard?"

He nodded, choked up. She took the bottle and set it on the side table, and lifted the little bundle to her shoulder, tapping him softly till he actually burped, and then started crying. The nurses were right there to take him, not wanting to stress his lungs, but Tracy whispered to him, brushing his cheek with her lips, cuddling him to her protectively.

"There's momma's boy, shhhhh....."

"She's an old pro." Richard told the nurse as the infant silenced immediately. She soothingly rocked him, and crooned.

Steven cuddled into her softness, as she gazed steadily at him. "It's going to be okay, baby boy, you're going to be okay."

She looked up, Richard was staring hungrily at them. His heart was in his eyes, and she had to lower hers. Because hers was there too.

******