(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 84 - Actions Speak Louder Than Words)

The following afternoon Jess accompanies me, Mum and Robin to see the house I'm thinking of buying. I've thought a lot about this house over the last couple of days and I can really picture us both here. I know Jess wouldn't want to leave London permanently and to be honest it's not something I want at the moment either, Jess or no Jess. I love LA but England will always be my true home.

I can tell Jess is impressed by it but I'm also really aware that I don't want her to feel overwhelmed by it. There's no denying this place is absolutely incredible and sometimes I worry that I'll forget just how lucky I am to be in a position to be able to afford somewhere like this. But I also need to be realistic: I need somewhere that is private and secure for my own safety. This place has enough privacy but also plenty of open space. The glass wall in the master bedroom that leads out onto the rooftop deck provides the most amazing view, yet without being seen (at least not without a drone). 

"What do you think?" I ask Jess, sliding my arms around her waist as she surveys the view in front of her. 

She's quiet for a moment, searching for her words perhaps. "It's.... I'm speechless," she shrugs eventually, turning in my arms to face me. "I think it's amazing."

"The only thing I would change is the bathroom," I ponder. "It's a little on the small side in relation to the rest of the house. But I've viewed another few properties and this one is by far the best, for the money. And I really like the feel of the place."

"The bathroom is gorgeous!" she protests. "And honestly, how big do you need it to be? It's got everything you need."

"That we need," I remind her. "Seriously - I know London is our proper home, but when you're here with me, this will be your home too. I want you to love it."

"I do love it," she insists. "But I want you to choose somewhere that is perfect for you."

"Your opinion matters to me. If you said you hated it, I would reconsider."

She looks incredulous at this statement. "Would you really?" 

How can she not know by now how much I value her opinion?

"Of course. I wouldn't buy somewhere you really didn't like. I want you to be happy when you're here."

"Well, I love it. So you have nothing to worry about."

Mum has entered the room again behind me, and I give Jess a quick kiss on the lips and then turn to Mum. "What do you think?"

"I think it's lovely," she replies, nodding as she looks around the room. "If it's in the area you want and you're happy with it then I think you should go for it."

"I agree," Robin nods from the doorway. "And don't dawdle, if you've made your mind up. You don't want to lose it."

He's right. I know it's been on the market a short while and I don't want someone else to get in before me with an offer. Not when I feel in my bones that this place is ideal for at least the next couple of years.

"I have made my mind up," I declare. I slip my hand into Jess's and we descend the staircase together in search of the agent. "Can we talk numbers?" I ask, and he gestures to a seat in the kitchen and opens his briefcase to take the details of my offer. 

Jess is quiet on the way back home. 

"You look thoughtful," I observe, slipping my hand into hers and entwining our fingers. 

"Do I?" she smiles, looking as though I have just jolted her out of a daydream. "I'm just thinking how incredibly surreal all this is. It's a different world."

It is. She's not wrong. I choose my words carefully before answering. 

"It took me a long time to adjust to it," I reply eventually. "You're right, it is a different world. But I don't want you to feel for one second like you're not part of it."

She's quiet for another moment. 

"Sometimes I feel like I have no right to be here," she admits without looking at me. "I haven't earnt my place here. I haven't done anything spectacular that's made me loads of money. I'm here because I'm your girlfriend."

"Everything you're saying is exactly how I felt when One Direction started becoming popular," I assure her. "I felt as though I stuck out like a sore thumb at parties and gatherings and awards shows; an immature teenager amongst a load of successful musicians and actors, trying to swim with the big fish." We pull up at a set of traffic lights and I turn to look at Jess. "It didn't feel real. It took me a long time to become familiar with how to be famous-" (I draw the quotes in the air because I don't want to throw that word around like some sort of arrogant idiot) "-and even now I'm not entirely comfortable with the celebrity scene. That's why I choose not to be part of it very often. I'm happier being with my true friends, my family and you."

"Harry really struggled with it at first," Mum interjects from behind us. "But he loves you, Jess, and that gives you the right to be part of his world; because he wants you there."

Ah, that's what I should have said. That was far more concise. 

"What she said," I grin. "This is why I wanted you to think carefully about going public. I don't want you to feel insecure or inferior to me. We are both human and we're both equal. A bank balance doesn't define your soul, it just enables you to buy more stuff." She chuckles softly at this and my grin widens. "Don't over-complicate life. And don't take everything so seriously. I love you, you love me, we're a couple. That's all that matters."

I sound like a bad Hallmark card, but Mum doesn't seem to think so.

"Well said," she nods, and Jess looks from her to Robin to me.

"OK," she agrees. "Duly noted. But you know how I overthink everything. You may have to remind me every so often."

Ha. If only she knew the extent of my overthinking.

"Yeah, well we're all guilty of that sometimes," I concede. "It's a good job you couldn't read my thoughts when we first got together. You would have dumped me in about three seconds. I was embarrassingly uncool."

"What do you mean?" she grins.

"Let's just say, if Louis had said the words No Chill one more time to me while we were on tour, I would have shoved my fist in his face," I tell her, smirking at the memory as everyone in the car laughs.

"I'll be asking him to elaborate on that next week when we fly home," Jess declares, and I look up, startled.

"No don't," I plead. That's the last thing I need. Louis will only embellish it to make me sound like an even bigger loser, if that's even possible.

"OK, I won't," she says reassuringly, and I breathe an inward sigh of relief.

~~~

I speak to James Corden the following morning to confirm arrangements for my birthday meal out on Tuesday and then Jess and I head over to hang out with Kendall for a bit. Her face is a picture as we drive through the gates of their estate and up to the house. I'm not sure if Jess has ever watched an episode of the Kardashians, but nothing can ever prepare you for what their house looks like in real life. It makes anything I own pale into insignificance.

Kendall welcomes us by throwing her arms around Jess and then leading us through to the lounge and making us drinks. When she finally comes to sit down, she looks at Jess a little hesitantly. "Um, Jess, I sort of wanted to apologise to you," she begins.

"To me?" Jess echoes in confusion.

"Yeah, over the whole shitstorm at New Year," she explains. "I've never really thought about how mine and Harry's relationship would be interpreted by someone that either of us were dating. I mean, I'm used to the media dramatising everything and I guess that just became the norm. I shouldn't have acted so familiar with Harry - I crossed a line there, whether the media were there or not. I realise now that acting like that with him hurt people, and that was never my intention."

"Oh - no, please, you don't have to apologise," Jess assures her.

"That's so good of you," Kendall smiles. "But I want to. And to let you know that it won't happen again."

"I trust you both," Jess insists. "But thank you."

Kendall gives her another hug and we settle down again on the sofa to watch TV and chat. It's late by the time we leave, and we don't get home until after midnight. I've barely had time to think about my birthday tomorrow in much detail, but when I come out of the bathroom Jess is wearing my dressing gown and looking shifty.

"Mmmm," I approve, trying to grab hold of her but she evades me. "You look great in my dressing down."

"I'm just going to brush my teeth," she calls as she disappears into the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. 

I don't want to get my hopes up, but I have a sneaky suspicion I might be about to receive my first birthday present. I really really hope I'm right.

When the bathroom door opens a minute or so later I act casual, only looking up from the TV when she switches the bathroom light off and walks across the room in my direction. Her hair is over one shoulder and there is a smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. Please let there be some sort of sexy underwear beneath the dressing gown.

"So I don't know if you noticed, but it's officially your birthday," she begins.

Yessss, this is it. It's happening.

I pretend to check the time. "Well, so it is."

"So I was wondering if maybe you might like to open one of your presents now?"

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

"That sounds... interesting."

I watch as she slowly unfastens the dressing gown cord to let it fall open, revealing a pale blue satin bra and knicker set. The bra is one of those push up ones that makes her boobs look fucking incredible. I want her nipples in my mouth right now.

She nudges her shoulders and the dressing gown pools on the floor. I can't take my eyes off her as climbs gracefully onto the bed and then crawls on all fours up my body until she's sitting on top of me, gazing down at me through her half closed eyes.

"Hi," she whispers.

"Hi," I whisper back. "Well this is a game changer."

She leans down to kiss me and I pull her closer, one hand on the back of her neck and one hand slowly creeping up towards her breast. I stroke the satin cup and it feels fucking amazing beneath my fingertips. I want every inch of her.

As she sits up again I look her up and down, appreciating not for the first time just how beautiful and sexy she is. 

"You look fucking incredible," I emphasise. "This underwear set.... fuck." I nudge my hips up - I'm already hardening, and as it presses against her I experience a jolt of pleasure.

"Are you going to unwrap your present?" she asks as I reach for her breasts again, her lips brushing against mine as my dick presses against her.

"It just seems a shame to remove such beautiful wrapping," I observe. "I think I'd like to leave it on for the time being."

She breaks away from my mouth to plant a trail of soft kisses along my jawline, neck, collarbone and onto my chest. I groan softly as she makes her way down my body, her fingers gently curling around the top of my boxers and pulling them down to reveal my erection, which she takes in her hand before gently running the tip of her tongue across my head. 

I groan again and close my eyes, allowing her to do whatever the fuck she wants. I try not to be too loud as she takes me in her mouth and sucks gently, her tongue applying pressure to my tip as she begins to move up and down. I take a handful of her hair in my hand, forcing my eyes open to maintain eye contact as she brings me to an explosive orgasm within minutes. 

"I'm sorry," I gasp, once I'm spent. "I couldn't hold out -"

"It's all about you," she smiles. "And if you're still awake in an hour or so, you might just get another one."

I moan longingly and push her onto her back, returning the favour despite her insistence that I don't need to... I don't think she understands that doing this to her is almost as much fun for me as it is for her.

~~~

Jess has got me a beautiful leather bound notebook, shirt and some aftershave for my birthday, which I enjoy opening the following morning. I think my favourite present was still the two blow jobs from the night before, though, not that I would ever admit that to her. 

Gemma rings me to wish me a happy birthday, followed by my dad, grandparents and then texts from my cousins. In fact, my phone doesn't stop going off and I don't even have time to put into action my master plan - something I've been thinking about for several years....

I spend a while looking at the tweet on my phone before I send it, smirking to myself and waiting until Jess stops wittering with Mum so I can check she is OK with this before I put it out into the ether. She catches me eye several times and eventually surveys me with narrowed eyes. 

"What is it?" she asks suspiciously. "You look like you've got something up your sleeve."

I can't help grin at being found out. "Maybe I have."

"Oh God," she groans, rolling her eyes skywards. "What is it?"

"I want to run something by you," I explain with glee, "to make sure you're OK with it."

"OK..," she replies, looking apprehensive. "What is it?"

I really hope she's OK with this because this opportunity will never ever come again. Ever.

"Well, you know how Taylor Swift likes to get digs in about me whenever she can," I begin. "Songs, interviews et cetera..."

"Yes," she answers slowly, waiting for me to explain.

"And you know how I never respond to any of it, except once when I put that line in Perfect, which was Louis' idea anyway..."

"Yes..?" 

I can barely contain myself. "Well... I've had this one up my sleeve for a couple of years, and I've bided my time with it, waiting for the perfect moment to use it, and it's finally here."

I beam at her, hysteria rising in me. 

"What are you talking about?" Jess asks, while Mum stares at me with the same lack of comprehension.

I pass her my phone which is open on Twitter. I have typed the tweet I really want to send, but I need Jess to be OK with it because of the potential backlash it could cause for a lot of people:

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22.

Because it's my twenty-second birthday today, and that's a line from a Taylor Swift song - geddit? Geddit??

"Don't press anything," I tell her. "Just read what's on the screen."

I watch her face as she reads the words, waiting for her to get it. Her mouth falls open. Her eyes widen. I'm practically laughing out loud, such is my excitement.

"Can I tweet it?" I plead. "Would you be offended?"

"Offended?!" she repeats "I'll press the button to send it myself! It's brilliant!"

THANK THE LORD.

"Be my guest!" I gesture to the phone screen, but she shakes her head, grinning at me.

"No. That pleasure can be all yours."

"What's going on?" Mum asks, still in the dark.

"Oh Mum, it's just so fucking beautiful," I moan, ignoring the face she pulls at my expletive, and with a dramatic flourish I tap the Send  button. Of course, it doesn't work because I've hit the screen too hard so I look like a pleb as I try a couple more times and eventually just press it normally before it finally sends. "I've been waiting years for this day," I announce. "And it's finally come."

"Look at Twitter," Jess mutters, and I see Mum reaching for her phone as I close my eyes and bask in the glory of this tweet for a few seconds.

"Oh Harry," Mum sighs, shaking her head and smiling indulgently at me.

"What?" I protest, opening my eyes to look at her. "What?!"

On the sofa opposite me Jess is grinning like a fool and her face has gone all hot and red. 

"What are you grinning like that for?" I asked her, and she gives me an exaggeratedly confused look.

"I don't follow," she emphasises. "Or maybe now I do..."

Wait... 

No way...

She wouldn't... would she?

"Oh my God - did you just... do you...?" I splutter, grabbing my phone again and typing her Twitter handle, @jessie_braddy and waiting, my heart pounding, as her profile loads up. there's a tiny blue box that wasn't there before - Follows you.

"You just followed me again on Twitter!"

"Well, it seemed churlish not to, considering we're in a relationship," she teases and I practically knock her over when I launch myself onto her, my arms around her neck while Mum chuckles next to us.

"I think that's the best birthday present you could have given him," Mum teases.

"It really is," I murmur into her neck. (Apart from the blow jobs, obviously). "I love you."

"I love it when you fangirl over my Twitter follow," she teases me but I press my lips against hers to silence her, loading every emotion I can into this kiss in the hope that she can feel how much this means to me.

"I know you're enjoying playing it so damn cool," I tell her through narrowed eyes when we finally break apart (I'm pleased to see my kiss has left her a little flustered) ,"but I also know that you fully understand how significant this is, for both of us. So for once just shut up, and let me enjoy the moment."

---***---

Hi again! I just realised it's been 6 months since my last update and I can only apologise for what is probably the millionth time for leaving it so long between updates. I've actually got most of the remaining chapters drafted in vary degrees of completion, with only the last few to write now. I wasn't going to do NaNoWriMo this year as writing 50,000 words seemed like an impossible feat but now I've realised there are way fewer than 50k words left for me to write from scratch, I might just give it a go with the goal of finishing this book. (Yeah yeah, how many times have you all heard this before?!) I'm not going to promise, I'm just going to think about it because every time I come here with a paragraph of good intentions it's followed by months of silence and then a paragraph of apologies and more false promises... Anyway I'm waffling. I hope you enjoyed this chapter - it's always lovely coming back to Harry and Jess' story, and I hope you feel the same. TTFN xxx

(I've just noticed that Book 1, No Control, has reached 4 million reads and I am screaming!! Thank you to everyone who has read (and re-read) it, YOU'RE AMAZING 😍 xxx