(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 73 - Keep You Next To Me)

As we're walking back to my car from Costa Coffee I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Assuming it's Kendall again I feel a twinge of annoyance, but when I open the message it's from Mum:

Jess's present has been delivered. It's at the side of the garage in the shadows so as long as you don't dawdle on the driveway when you get back she shouldn't notice it.

I fire a quick thanks back and usher Jess quickly into the warmth of the house as soon as we arrive home, under the pretext of feeling chilly. She doesn't suspect a thing. As we're shrugging our coats off in the hallway I can't resist pulling her to me for a sneaky little kiss, just because I'm feeling giddy and loved up and ridiculously nervous about tomorrow. 

We enjoy an amazing Christmas Eve dinner of steak in a red wine jus, courtesy of Mum, and then head into the lounge with homemade mince pies and mulled wine for a game of Scrabble, a Christmas Eve carol service playing quietly in the background. When Jess disappears to the bathroom for a minute I take the opportunity to dart outside and scan the brand new, shiny BMW that is parked next to Robin's Range Rover. I'm so excited about this present, but also a little worried that she will think it's too much. And don't even get me started on the house key and the moving in question. I've already decided I'm keeping it back from the other presents that are now sitting under the tree. It's terrifying enough asking her, never mind in front of an audience.

We all stay up until just past midnight to wish each other a merry Christmas, and then Mum bids us goodnight as she is planning on getting up early to prepare the turkey. Gemma and Robin stay up for another mulled wine but Jess and I head up to bed too, both of us unable to contain our yawns as we climb the stairs and I shut the bedroom door behind us. The second we're alone however, I feel a twinge in my pants that has nothing to do with nerves about tomorrow and everything to do with watching my incredibly hot girlfriend sliding her jeans down her legs to reveal a pair of red satin knickers that are just begging to be removed slowly. She catches me staring at her and giggles as I sit down next to her and push her back onto the bed, climbing on top of her and kissing her neck. 

"What are you doing?" she murmurs, and I can hear the grin in her voice as she slides her arms around me.

"What the fuck did you expect?" I whisper, pulling back momentarily to look into her eyes as she scoops my hair back from my face and holds it behind my head like a ponytail. I sit up and she lets go of my hair, freeing her arms so I can pull her jumper off to reveal a matching red satin bra that accentuates the gentle curve of her breasts. "You look fucking incredible," I breathe.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she whispers back, reaching for my tshirt and tugging it up. I whip it off and let it drop to the floor, leaning down towards her again as her fingers skate over my chest and my lips find hers. She unbuttons my jeans and I have to break our kiss while I tug them down impatiently, taking my boxers with them and hurrying to nestle between her legs again as she wriggles under the covers. I dip my fingertips inside the cup of her bra, grazing her nipple and tensing my groin muscles as I feel it harden at my touch. I reach behind her to remove the bra altogether, taking her nipple in my mouth as she whimpers softly in my ear and reaches down to touch my dick. She strokes me slowly, running her thumb over my tip every so often, just how she knows I like it. I roll her other nipple between my fingers as she squirms beneath me and then slip my hand between her legs and pull her knickers down her thighs. She moans again as I slip one, then two fingers inside her. Her hips twitch involuntarily and she moves her hand up and down faster; I'm getting close now. I move my own fingers to match her pace and with her free hand she grabs the back of my head, winding her fingers into my hair and holding me in place. 

"I'm coming," she gasps, and I feel her waves of pleasure around my fingers just as I reach the brink. I graze my teeth against her nipple as I shoot my load onto her stomach and she writhes beneath me, pushing herself against me and squeezing me tightly. I wipe her stomach with a tissue as she lies on her back, breathing hard, and can't resist giving her nipple one last kiss. She gives a small murmur of enjoyment, and so I kiss her again, wondering if she wants me to carry on. She moans softly again. Pulling myself fully on top of her I swirl my tongue around her nipple and she arches her back in response. I get myself comfy, thoroughly enjoying myself as I play with her breasts as she gives soft huffs of approval. After a minute or two, as her hips start to press against me, I dip my head and make my way down, taking care to avoid the sticky patch on her stomach, and nestle my head between my legs. Drawing my tongue slowly against her, I reach up to cup her breast with my right hand as her hips buck gently. 

"Harry," she pants, and I tweak her nipple gently as I flick my tongue against her, knowing she is close again and longing to make her come. It doesn't take long. A few seconds later she digs her nails into my scalp and lets out a ragged breath, clearly trying her best not to make a noise and struggling to contain it. I press my tongue against her as she comes, relishing being the only person who can do this to her and make her feel this way. 

Afterwards she lies in my arms, her legs entwined with mine and her hair tickling my chest. Just being this close to her is enough to dispel the nerves lurking in the pit of my stomach at the thought of the tiny little box in the drawer next to the bed

~~~

Christmas breakfast is amazing. Mum and Robin have gone all out as usual, and everyone is stuffed after the seemingly never ending plates of sausages, bacon, fried eggs, tomatoes and toast. Jess looks relaxed and happy, and I find myself jiggling my knee impatiently waiting for Gemma to finish so we can start opening presents. We clear the plates away while Robin makes a brew and lights the fire in the lounge and then I take the lead and start handing out presents to get everyone moving.

I'm more preoccupied watching Jess open hers than I am opening my own (although I've done really well this year with a new waterproof walking jacket, hat and wellies from Mum, a case of vintage wine from Robin and a novelty tshirt from Gemma. 

I'm deliberately leaving Jess' gifts to the end and she seems to be doing the same with mine. It hasn't really crossed my mind what she might have got for me, so obsessed have I been with my own present-buying. I unwrap an oversized hoodie with the softest lining (which I put on and love immediately) and I'm overwhelmed by the next present -  an antique wooden cigar box that has the word 'Styles' carved into the top. According to Jess she found it in a little shop in Mayfair, which makes me dread how much she paid for it. It's absolutely stunning, and just the sort of thing I would have bought for myself had I seen it.

I wait impatiently as she opens the hair care products (that Lou Teasdale recommended to me for her) and the perfume, but of course I'm most excited about the final present: the one that is parked next to the garage; the one whose key is wrapped in a small box in Jess's hand. She seems equally excited about the present I'm holding from her, and insists I go first. If I thought the cigar box had been expensive, it's nothing compared to what I unwrap next. It's a Cartier box, and I actually take a breath as I realise what she has bought for me.

"Jess," I protest, but she cuts me off.

"Shh - just open it."

I carefully remove the lid and feel my jaw drop as I see the watch nestling on the velvet cushion. There's no mistaking this is a genuine Cartier. 

"Oh my God," I murmur as I take it out and turn it over in my hands. "Baby... this must have cost an absolute fortune."

"Nah," she says shyly, but I'm not being fooled. 

"Jess," I say again. "This is just... incredible."

I scramble over to her and kiss her on the lips. I feel like a thank you is inadequate for the level of this gift, but it's the only thing I can think of to say.

"Thank you," I whisper. "I'm utterly speechless."

"Do you like it?" she asks anxiously.

"Like it?" I repeat. "I love it! I can't believe you spent this much on me!"

Mum, Gemma and Robin all admire it too, and then a jolt of relief floods through me as I remember she still has her present to open.

"Well, at least you won't be able to shout at me," I observe, and I perch on the arm of the sofa as she begins to open the car key.

It takes her a second to realise what it is, and then the BMW logo registers.

"Harry...," she begins, her mouth open in shock. "What..?"

She looks up at me with wide eyes and I jump off the sofa, grinning like a mad man. "Come with me," I beckon, and she follows me through the hall, out the front door into the frosty morning air and stops dead as I make a sweeping gesture towards her new car that is now clearly visible in the daylight.

She stares at it, apparently not only dumbstruck but also unable to move from the spot.

"Well? Press the key then!" I urge.

She fumbles clumsily with the key and the indicator lights flash once, punctuated by a click as the doors unlock.

"Oh my God," she breathes.

"Merry Christmas," I smile.

"Harry," she murmurs as I grab her hand and pull her across the driveway and over to the driver's door.

"You wanna take it for a spin?" 

She hesitates and looks up at me, looking in utter disbelief.

"Is this really for me?" 

"Who else would it be for?" I tease her. "Of course it's for you."

"But..."

"You needed a new car didn't you? Well, now you've got one."

"But it's so expensive!" she splutters, and I glow inwardly, hating myself for what I'm about to say but also feeling a little proud that I am lucky enough to be in the position to afford to spoil her like this.

"In case you hadn't noticed," I mutter in an undertone, unable to hide my grin, "and without sounding like the most arrogant prick on earth, I'm sort of a bit rich. So if I want to splash out on my girlfriend, I will. It's taxed and insured, too." 

"Oh my God," she breathes again, as though she is finally accepting that yes, this present is for her, and yes, she is allowed to accept it. "Thank you."

"Pleasure," I nod in satisfaction and relief that she isn't going to refuse it out of some misplaced pride. "So come on, put some proper shoes on and take me out in it. I want to see how it drives."

Without a word she practically knocks me over with her hug, and I chuckle as I slide my arms around her waist. 

"I was worried for a minute that you weren't going to accept it."

She climbs into the driver's seat and catches sight of the One Direction air freshener that is hanging from the rear view mirror. She raises one eyebrow at me indulgently and I can't help smirking.

"What? I wanted an 'I heart Harry' one, but this was all I could find."

Once she has adjusted her seat position, mirrors, found the fog lights and switched on the heated seats she buckles her seatbelt and carefully reverses just enough to turn the car around in the driveway before heading out onto the road. The roads around here are usually pretty quiet, but on a Christmas morning they're completely deserted.

I watch as Jess navigates the unfamiliar bends with caution; bends that I normally throw my car around casually because I know them like the back of my hand. She is pressing her lips together in concentration and leaning slightly forward in her seat. It's so cute, but I bite my lip and refrain from commenting on it. I don't want to make her self-conscious as well as nervous.

She pulls a U-turn in a large farm entrance, ready to head back home, activates the handbrake and unbuckles her seatbelt.

"Do you like it?" I ask.

"It's amazing!" she grins. "Your turn - go on, you know you're dying to have a go."

I don't need to be asked twice - I'm desperate to see how this car handles. It takes me a couple of minutes to get used to the feel of it but I'm more confident than Jess on these country lanes. 

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to drive it back to Cambridge on your own tomorrow morning, especially if you wanted to drink today," I tell her as I pull into Mum's driveway and tuck the car next to mine. "So the driver is still arranged for tomorrow, but you can cancel it if you do want to drive yourself."

"You really have thought of everything, haven't you," she smiles in delight.

"I just want to make you happy."

"You do," she promises, and I kiss her happily.

"Good. Now let's get back inside, before everyone starts wondering what we're up to."

"How was the car?" Mum asks as we shut the front door and kick our shoes off, glad to be in the warmth of the house again.

"Amazing!" Jess beams. "I still can't quite believe it. I never expected it in a million years!"

"I'm glad you like it," she smiles. "I'm going to start the dinner now - will you two help Gemma clear up the wrapping paper in the lounge while Robin starts on the dining room table?"

We dutifully agree, and once the lounge is tidy we head upstairs to get showered and dressed. Jess's front door key is still in the drawer next to my bed, wrapped in its little box. I decide against taking it downstairs with me, mainly because I don't want the box to be squashed in my jeans pocket and also because I know every time I feel it in my pocket it'll add to the pressure. 

Of course, I don't need the key in my pocket for me to be obsessing about it all day. It's never far from my mind: during dinner, playing charades, drinking champagne, teasing Gemma... I forget about it for a few minutes and each time I remember I get a nervous twinge in the very pit of my stomach. 

Gemma collars me in the kitchen as I'm topping up mine and Jess's glasses mid way through the evening. "Nice present," she remarks, setting her own glass down next to the ice bucket.

I admire my watch on my wrist, smiling. "Thanks."

"No - I didn't actually mean the watch, although I have to admit it is pretty spectacular."

I look at her questioningly.

"I meant the car. Jess's car."

"Oh - yeah, well, I wanted to go big, and also practical. It was only a matter of time before she would have had to replace her car."

Gemma fills her glass, nodding thoughtfully. The empties the champagne bottle and then turns it upside down in the bucket. "I have to admit, for a second there I thought it was an engagement ring."

My eyes widen as she looks up at me, clearly trying to gauge my reaction.

"What - fuck, no, really? Do you think Jess thought it was going to be a ring too?"

"No, no, of course not," Gemma assures me hastily. "The box was completely the wrong shape. It just looked like it for a moment from where I was sitting until I saw it properly. But it got me thinking.... you guys seem pretty serious. I don't think I'll believe you if you tell me it hasn't crossed your mind for the teensiest second."

I'm about to deny this outright, but something forces me to be honest. "It's crossed my mind," I admit. But only fleetingly!" I add as she pulls the most excited face ever and waves her hands enthusiastically. "Mainly in a, 'I wonder if she is actually The One, and whether we'll get married one day' kind of way."

"Have you talked about it?" Gemma probes.

"God no! I've never even admitted out loud to anyone until now," I confess. "It's way too soon for any kind of discussion like that. We're years away from that kind of commitment."

"But you see it as a possibility?" she presses.

I shrug non-committally but the grin on my face gives me away and she lets out a small squeal.

"Shh!" I hiss. "Seriously - this is way way way in the future, OK? Who knows how things might change in a few years? Don't say anything to Jess. Or anyone, for that matter!"

I feel suddenly sick at the thought of Gemma spilling my innermost, private thoughts.

"Course I won't, what do you take me for?" she huffs, with an exaggerated eyeroll as she reaches for her phone and mutters and she taps the screen, "Compose new tweet.... Is.. that.. the.. sound.. of.. wedding.. bells.. - Oi!" 

"You're not funny!" I hiss, snatching her phone off her even though I know she is only winding me up.

"You're such a stresshead," she teases, taking a sip of champagne and smiling sweetly as she exits the kitchen and leaves me standing alone feeling slightly lightheaded. I wait a few seconds and then follow her through to the lounge and hand Jess her champagne glass. 

We snuggle up on the sofa for an hour, watching Christmas TV and chatting. The later it gets, the more aware I become that I have to pack for my holiday as we're leaving in the morning, and I still haven't asked Jess to move in with me yet. There just hasn't been an opportunity all day with everyone around us constantly, and I know if I don't do it now I'll have to think up another way to bring it up in the new year after we're back from holiday and that will be ten times harder. After deliberating for what feels like hours, I decide I'm going to have to bite the bullet.

I extract my limbs from around Jess, stand up and stretch, and incline my head towards the hallway. "Come upstairs with me? I need to pack for tomorrow."

She follows me up the stairs and already I can feel sweat prickling on my back as my heart begins to pound. A surreptitious wipe of my top lip confirms I'm sweating there, too. I close the door behind us and busy myself with folding random clothes and and putting them in my holdall without really seeing them. I can't even look at Jess. I think I'm going to be sick.

"Have you had a good day?" I ask.

Oh fuck, here we go. Or rather, here I go with the stupid inane comments.

Thankfully, Jess doesn't seem to notice. Maybe I'm just like this all the time. That's a worrying thought.

"Yeah, it's been amazing," she's saying. "Thanks for having me here to share it with you."

I abandon my haphazard folding and sit down on the bed next to her. "Don't be silly, of course I wanted to share it with you. I couldn't imagine spending Christmas without you. Thanks for agreeing to come here to be with me. It means a lot that you did."

"Of course," she smiles. 

Silence. Fuck.

I twirl a strand of her hair around my finger while I desperately try and think of a way to work the conversation round, rather than blurting it out.

"I'm really going to miss you this week," I begin, lamely. "I feel like any moment spent away from you is a waste. This past year has made me realise that I have so little time with my loved ones. And I want that to change."

I look up at her and she is listening intently. I am spurred on by this.

"This meeting with Jeff and Irving is the beginning of the next chapter for me," I continue. "And the outcome of it will hopefully determine the next year or so of my future. I still want to do a film of some sort, before I think about releasing any solo material. But I don't want my work to take me away from you for months at a time."

"Harry I'm not going anywhere," she says firmly. "I'm serious about you. I'm not going to forget about you while you're off making a success of yourself. I'll be right beside you, at every opportunity I can."

"And that would be difficult if I were living permanently in LA," I point out.

Instantly her face changes. "You're moving to LA?" She looks horrified, and I hasten to reassure her.

"What? No! That's exactly what I'm not doing. I mean, I'll still be spending some time there, but I'm planning on looking for work that doesn't take me too far from London, so I can be closer to you."

She takes a moment to process this. She looks stunned.

"Harry," she breathes, her eyes wide.

"Don't tell me not to base my career around you. I'm in too deep for that. I need to be with you, Jess. And there will be plenty of paths available to me to keep me close to home."

Speaking of home.... my heart thuds painfully.

"Harry," she begins, clearly fighting with herself. "I don't want to hold you back -"

"You're not," I insist. "Don't you see? You're the one who gives me the strength and inspiration to succeed. Without you close by I'm miserable. I want us to work so much, Jess. I'm still going to do what I planned, but there's no reason why the location can't be an influencing factor in what I audition for, and where I choose to go."

We're almost there. I open my mouth to ask, but she beats me to it.

"I'm speechless," she whispers. "Selfishly, I'm relieved you're not planning on being far away, but I also don't want to be the person that prevents you from fulfilling your potential. You're going to be massive, Harry, with or without One Direction. You owe it to yourself to be the best you can be."

"And I will be, as long as I've got you," I whisper back.

"You've got me," she insists. "Like I said, I'm not going anywhere."

Here it is. This is the moment. Oh God, I'm bricking it. What if she says no?

I clear my throat. "Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that. I've sort of got you one more present..."

No going back now. I roll over to the bedside table, open the drawer and retrieve the little box containing the house key.

"Harry, you've already spent so much on me," she is saying, but I wave away her protests.

"I didn't want to give you this downstairs in front of everyone," I mutter huskily, "in case... well, in case it wasn't what you wanted. And there's no pressure or anything."

She hesitates, and I feel a trickle of sweat running down my back. "Well come on, open it," I urge.

Gemma's comments about an engagement ring pop into my mind and I feel a fresh wave of prickly heat - oh fuck, what if she thinks this is a ring? What if the key is a massive let down? Or worse, what if she thinks it's a proposal and she runs for the hills? 

I don't probe my own rationale here.

She's opening the box now, and I wipe my top lip again as she turns the keys over in her hand, wearing an expression of confusion.

"What..?"

"It's a set of keys to my house," I mumble in a rush. "So you can come and go whenever you want. Although, I was kind of hoping..." Oh God, my voice just trembled then. This is so lame. Start again. "I was kind of hoping that maybe you would come and not go. As in, maybe you would move in with me?"

Her jaw is practically on the floor. "Seriously?" 

"Yeah," I mumble, feeling unbelievably self-conscious. "I know it's a massive step, and it would be harder to keep things under wraps if you were living with me, but we'd talked about possibly going public in the new year, and I just -"

I'm glad when she cuts me off with a kiss, because I was rambling incoherently and probably making no sense. She pushes me back on the bed and I squeeze her tightly. "Is that a yes?" I joke, although I need to check because she hasn't actually answered me yet.

"It's a once-we've-discussed-details-properly-when-you're-back-from-holiday, yes," she concedes, and I'll settle for that, even though I know she's going to start negotiating paying some of my bills which she'll be stubborn about and I'll be impatient.

"Thank Christ for that," I sigh into her mouth as I kiss her. "Do you know how long I've been stressing over this? It's all I've been thinking about for weeks. I've been trying to work up to the right moment to ask."

"Oh Harry," she smiles softly, and turns my insides to mush.

"I just miss you so much when I'm away," I confess. "I want you there waiting for me each time I come home. I want to make you breakfast in bed, cook you dinner, run you a bath, cuddle up with you on the sofa in the evenings..." Take you to bed and make you come every night.

My fingertips slip beneath the hem of her top and she lifts her arms up to allow me to stroke the cups of her bra.

"I want that too. I want to cook you dinner when you've been away eating hotel food for weeks. I want you to come home to me."

Her top is off now and she's pulling me down on top of her, her hips already grinding into mine as I breathe how much I love her into her neck. 

I'm so thankful she said yes. I'm so relieved. I don't think I've ever felt this happy, or this excited for the future. With Jess by my side, I honestly feel like I can take on the world.

---***---

Hi!! So NaNoWriMo is going well - it's 23rd November (2021) and I'm almost at 41k words of my target of 50k. So I thought I would take the opportunity to revise and edit one of the chapters I'd drafted and get it posted. I'm currently drafting Chapter 84, so I've done plenty of work on the writing but no editing. Usually I edit and post as I go but when I'm trying to churn out 50k words in the space of a month I just have to focus on quantity rather than quality! I'll be posting more chapters in December once I've hit my word target but I hope this little update will do for now :)