(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 64 - Goodbyes Are Bittersweet)

It feels like we've barely fallen asleep when my alarm sounds at 8am the next morning. I groan miserably as Jess rolls over me to switch it off and I snuggle up to her from behind. Her skin is all warm, and I could just lie here all day like this, enveloped in each other.

"Don't go," I murmur sleepily, kissing her shoulder. She shuffles onto her other side to face me and snuggles into my arms, tucking her head underneath my chin and kissing my chest.

"I wish I didn't have to. But you're going off to Mexico anyway. You have to work, I have to work."

I grunt, resenting the schedule that keeps me away from her so often. I know things will be different from next year, but even then my work will take me around the world (I hope, anyway). Trying to fit all that in around seeing Jess is going to be tricky. This last week has been amazing, having her here all the time. Obviously she hasn't had to work, and has accompanied me to all sorts of things she wouldn't normally be able to, but I can't help letting my mind wander... wander into another world where we wake up together like this every morning, and come home to each other every evening, and argue over whose turn it is to wash up or do the shopping, or -

Jess sits up, jolting me out of my daydream. I pull myself half into a sitting position behind her, reach forward and gently cup her breasts in my hands. Oh God, boobs are great.

I slowly lie back down, pulling her with me so she is lying back on my chest, and pinch her nipples gently. I lift my head and kiss her neck softly; she arches her back and mutters with no conviction, "Harry, we'll be late."

"We've got ages." 

We haven't got ages, but I have a hard-on that needs to be taken care of, and she has the most amazing breasts I have ever seen or touched. After a minute of her moaning softly I run my right hand down her stomach and between her legs, massaging her gently until she reaches behind me and starts to do the same to me. It culminates in me pushing inside her (which is difficult at this angle, not gonna lie) and both of us coming a couple of minutes later. This is definitely a new record for us.

She slides sideways off me but remains with her back to me and I curl my arm around her waist. She reaches behind her and cups my cheek with her hand; I rest my chin on her shoulder.

"I'm really going to miss you," she whispers softly.

"I'm going to miss you too," I whisper back. "I'll ring you as often as I can, though. And text. And I'll be back home on the sixth of December. I'll be staying with Mum for a few days but then I'll be heading back down to London in time for the X Factor final on the thirteenth."

It's weird to think this is now less then a month away.

"Oh yeah, your last performance," she says suddenly. "Christ, I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for that."

"You will be there though, won't you?" I frown, and she gives me a reassuring pat.

"Of course I will. Nothing could keep me away this time. Callie will just have to cope for one night with her heartbreak."

I'd be willing to bet my entire year's income that Callie will find a way to sabotage it, if she gets the chance. 

"Come on," she says decisively, pushing back the covers, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and sitting up. "I'm getting in the shower. I still need to pack." 

I swipe aimlessly at her to try and pull her back into the bed but she dodges my hands and disappears stark naked into the bathroom, grinning cheekily at me as she shuts the door.

I throw some of my own clothes into my suitcase while she's showering, ready for Mexico, and then while she's getting dressed I dive into the bathroom. After a quick breakfast and some coffee we're collected by security and driven to LAX, where we're the first ones to arrive in the private lounge. Jess's flight is leaving before ours, so she checks her case in and then comes back to the lounge before she has to head through Security.

"I'm not into dramatic goodbyes," she begins, presumably forgetting about her little tantrum earlier in the air, and then frowns at me. "What's funny about that?"

I'm trying not to smirk, but I don't think it's working. "Nothing," I answer innocently, but her raised eyebrow is just too funny. "It's just that last time we said goodbye in an airport - this airport, in fact - you told me the same thing, but then ended up throwing a tantrum and flouncing off in tears across the Atlantic over a comment about Taylor Swift."

I think we're finally far enough past that disaster that we can laugh about it. At least, I hope we are. She narrows her eyes at me; I grin back.

"Low blow, Styles," she says eventually, and I let out my suppressed hysteria in the form of a loud laugh, relieved that she didn't throw a fit over the joke.

"For a minute there I thought I'd stepped over the line," I admit, still grinning.

"You're so far past the line you can't even see the line anymore," she quips, quoting Friends.

"The line is a dot to you!" I announce, doing my best Joey Tribbiani impression while she watches me with an amused expression on her face.

"I must have the patience of a saint," she mutters, as I slide my arms around her, still chuckling.

"You fucking love it," I chide softly, kissing her on the lips and letting it go on longer than intended as it's just so fucking good. She's kissing me back gently, packing emotion into it, and suddenly I get the impression that she's sadder about saying goodbye than she'd ever admit. No tears in airports, huh? Let's see if we can make it two out of two.

I pull away from her and look deep into her eyes. "I love you so much," I whisper. "No one else has ever come close to you, you know that don't you? I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. You're amazing." I feel my stomach flutter a little as the truth of my own words hits me. "You've changed my life. I didn't know what love was until I met you. I don't care how corny that sounds, it's the truth. You're my life, my world, my everything. You complete me." 

Her eyes look watery, and she hides her face in my chest. I smirk to myself. This was so easy. All I had to do was tell the truth. I kiss the top of her head and then turn my face sideways to rest my cheek on her hair. "You're my muse," I add softly. 

She says nothing, but I hear a muffled sniff and I tilt her face up to mine to check: yep, she's crying. Boom. 

"No tears in airports?" I tease. "OK then."

She pushes me away a little more roughly than necessary and then adds a thump on the arm for good measure. "You arsehole!" she cries, and I wait for the scolding that is already on its way. "Were you just saying all that soppy stuff to make me cry?!" she demands, and instead of looking happy-upset, now she just looks upset-upset. "What a fucking shitty thing to do!" she wails.

Oh, shit shit shit shit shit.

"No - Jess - I meant every word, I swear!" I insist. She turns away from me so I hurry round her to see her face again. "I just made it sound as soppy as I could to make you emotional because you said you don't do dramatic goodbyes!"

Trust me to fuck up right as we're saying goodbye. I was doing so well. 

"Sorry...," I add meekly, wrapping my arms around her shoulder and pulling her tightly against me. "Of course I meant it. You must know by now how crazy I am about you. I'm head over heels. I can't ever imagine being with anyone else. Ever," I add recklessly, and my stomach gives another nervous clench.

She looks up at me uncertainly, wiping her face and watching me for a moment as though making sure I'm not winding her up. I stare back at her, scared momentarily that she might run a mile at this serious announcement. I hope I haven't read this completely wrong - I really don't think I have.

"I can't imagine being with anyone else either," she whispers, after what feels like an eternity. "Well, except when you pull idiotic stunts like you just did," she adds with a huff.

"I'm sorry," I plead, again. "I didn't mean to hurt you - not really. I meant everything I just said. You're the only one for me. You're... you're -" Oh God, I'm really gonna say it out loud, to her face - "The One."

It comes out in a rush, sort of like 'thuwun' but judging by her flushed face and her trembling lip, I'm fairly certain she understood what I said.

"I feel the same," she says shakily. "There's never been anyone but you since the day I met you, Harry. I could never love anyone else the way I love you."

A strange wave of emotion threatens to rise from deep within me; a mixture of love, euphoria, relief and hysteria. I grab her and pull her against me again, swallowing hard and squeezing her as though my life depends on it.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life," I mumble, "but it must have been something pretty amazing."

"Everything you do is amazing." Her voice is still wobbling. "That's why everyone falls in love with you."

I couldn't care less about anyone else. I don't think I ever will. 

"As long as you're in love with me, that's all that matters," I mutter.

This feels huge. This feels momentous. This conversation wasn't planned, but now it's happened it feels like a strange weight has been lifted from around my neck. I've been afraid for so long, that even though she said she had forgiven me for the Sara Sampaio mess, that maybe one day she might have a change of heart and decide it wasn't worth the hassle. 

Maybe seeing Nadine and Sara last night was the best thing that could have happened. Maybe it was the closure we both needed. Maybe we've finally put everything behind us, and maybe that's why we couldn't get enough of each other last night. I've never felt closer to her; I've never felt closer to anyone in my whole life. Everything I need in my life is right here in my arms. I never want to let her go again.

She eventually pulls away from the embrace and stands on her tiptoes to kiss me. 

"I have to go, or I'll miss my flight," she explains, wiping her face again.

"I'll be in touch every day," I tell her, kissing her back. "I'll be on my US number, don't forget, not my usual one. Do you want me to walk you to Security Control?" 

"I'll be fine," she replies with a shake of her head. "Besides, I don't want another emotional goodbye in front any stray paparazzi."

"Good point," I nod, and watch her as she opens the door to leave. "Text me when you land," I call after her.

"Ditto," she calls back, and then she is gone.

I turn away and sit down, running my hand over my face and wiping at a tiny stray drop of something that has leaked out my eye during those emotional couple of minutes. I pull out my phone, abandoning all chill as Louis would say, and text her. I love you. I miss you already xxx

I'm so pathetic, you don't need to tell me.

Immediately I get one back that makes me grin like an idiot.

I love you and miss you too, Squidge xxx

"What's got you grinning like the cat that got the cream?"

I look up to see Louis walking in the door, closely followed by Niall. 

"Nothing," I answer quickly.

"Maybe the question should be, did he get the cream last night?" Niall winks at Louis.

"I'd say by the look on his face, he got the cream more than once last night," Louis observes. "Am I right or am I right?"

"You're nosey," I reply, locking my phone and sliding it back into my pocket.

"That's not an answer," Louis points out.

"It's the only answer you're getting," I tell him.

"You're right," Niall affirms, with a nod in Louis' direction, as Liam enters the room, a bag slung over his shoulder.

"What did I tell you?" Louis shrugs. 

"What did you tell who?" Liam asks, looking between us all in confusion.

"Harry got the cream last night," Louis answers bluntly. 

"So did you," Liam points out, setting his bag on the floor. "Finally hit the back of the net with Danielle, didn't you?"

The room explodes as Louis grins sheepishly. "Alright lads, alright," he calls over our whoops and catcalls. "But so did Niall, so that means Payno's the only one not getting any action."

More calls and cheers follow this, but Niall shakes his head and refuses to answer any questions about Selena Gomez, and Louis (it turns out) is equally as coy about Danielle Campbell. We resort finally to goading Liam about Cheryl, whom he is happy to admit he can't wait to see when we get back to the UK.

"You've always had a thing for her," Louis declares. "She's like an itch you could never scratch. But maybe now's your chance."

Liam says nothing, but the smirk on his face gives him away.