(No Control |  Holding Me Ransom - 62 - The Necessity For Apologies)

It takes me a few minutes to get to the entrance of the venue to make the call, as I keep getting accosted by people I know and I keep having to cut the conversations short to get away. Once I've spoken to Paul and he's confirmed they'll be outside to pick us up in a few minutes I turn back to look for Jess but instead come face to face with Louis.

"Interesting night," he remarks. "Jess OK now?"

"Yeah I think so," I mutter. "Listen, thanks for looking out for her earlier. It means a lot to know you've got her back."

"Of course, mate. Couldn't let Nadine disrespect you to your face like that," he nods, and I frown at him.

"What are you talking about?" 

He frowns back. "What are you talking about?"

"When Jess went to the bathroom and Nadine was needling her. What did you think I meant?"

"That, obviously," Louis replies smoothly, but this doesn't seem to fit with his previous comment about disrespecting me to my face. I open my mouth to question him, but he speaks first. "Watch your back with that one," he warns, inclining his head towards the entrance but maintaining eye contact with me. "She was a right sly bitch to Jess. She knew all the right buttons to press." He is obviously referring to Nadine.

"What did she say?" 

"Just a few well worded comments about you and your liking of Victoria's Secret models. She took a jibe at what Jess was wearing, made out like she wasn't in the same league as the fucking A-listers here or whatever - you know I can't be arsed with all that shit. Oh, and she made sure to bring up your night with Sampaio."

"She's a piece of work," I breathe, shaking my head slowly in disbelief at Nadine's deliberate and underhand attempt at making trouble. Times like these make me wonder how on earth I ever could have thought I was in love with her.

"Yep," Louis nods. "I put her in her place though. But I think Jess was a bit shaken afterwards. She looked a bit teary as we walked away. She was great, though. She didn't rise to Nadine. She's proper classy, mate."

"I know," I smile, warmth spreading through me that has nothing to do with the alcohol in my bloodstream. Hearing Louis talk about her like this causes a swell of pride in my chest.

"I'm genuinely happy for you, y'know?" Louis says suddenly and seriously. "I know I take the piss out of you relentlessly, but it's just banter. She's a good'un. Don't fuck it up again."

"Yeah I know it is," I smile at him. "And don't worry, I won't fuck it up again. Thanks, Louis."

"No problem," he smiles back.

I'm glad the paparazzi are safely out of sight. I can't imagine how a photograph of me smiling stupidly at Louis would be interpreted - oh wait, yes I can. I inwardly roll my eyes at the thought. My phone vibrates in my pocket - Paul is telling me the car is outside now - and just as I'm about to return to where I left Jess I see her walking towards me with Lou Teasdale, looking tired and straight-faced.

"What are you doing here?" I beam at them.

"Getting away from Sara Sampaio," she replies with a sigh, and my heart drops again. "I'll explain on the way back," she adds, and looking more closely I can see she appears mentally drained.

"The car's out front," I say quickly. "Do you want to brave the paparazzi together, or leave separately?"

"I don't mind. I just want to get out of here."

"Together, then," I decide, past caring about anything other than avoiding hurting Jess any further. If Sara has upset her, I am going to scream. "Come on."

We say a hurried goodbye to everyone before I usher Jess towards the door where Dale is waiting to escort us through the crowd of paparazzi. He waits for us to exit through the main door and follows behind, keeping us moving as the camera flashes light the way and the frenzied shouts of the paparazzi ring in our ears.

"Harry!"

"Look this way!"

"Can we get a picture?"

"Is that your girlfriend?"

"Harry!"

"Stand back please!" Dale barks. "Let them through!"

Dale has barely shut the car door before Paul begins to move off, attempting to shoo the paps out of the road as they ignore the moving vehicle and shove their lenses up against the windscreen, blinding us all.

Paul holds his hand on the horn, yelling at them to move until finally they disperse and let us drive away.

"Christ," Jess mutters from beside me. "I'd forgotten how intense they could be!"

Once I'm satisfied she's OK, and we're clear of the venue, the traffic and the crowds, I ask her about her conversation with Nadine. Even though Louis has already told me the gist of it I want to hear Jess's interpretation of it, if only so I can reassure her of anything spiteful Nadine might have uttered.

"She said I was out of my depth and we wouldn't last thanks to your wandering eye," Jess answers flatly, and I make an involuntary sharp intake of breath.

"She had no right -"

"I know," Jess interrupts. "She knew what to say to provoke a reaction. Or at least, she thought she did. I tried not to give her what she so desperately wanted."

Jess shouldn't have had to deal with that shit. She shouldn't be forced to listen to Nadine's jealous poison just because Jess is my girlfriend and Nadine can't handle it.

I let out a deep sigh and stare out of the window at the darkness beyond. "I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I'm sorry being with me is never plain sailing."

"Pfft, who wants plain sailing anyway?" She's smiling now, I can hear it in her voice, but I can't bring myself to smile back. I ponder Louis' version and Jess' version for a moment before I ask tentatively, "And Sara?" I mean, I might as well hear the full miserable story.

"Sara... apologised," she replies, and this time it's surprise I can hear in her tone. "She seemed genuine. She didn't make excuses, she just said how sorry she was for what she did and she wished she could go back and change it."

"She should have left you alone," I mutter, unable to feel anything other than contempt for Sara for bugging Jess when she also had no right, especially right after Nadine's vile performance.

"I'm actually glad she came over to me," Jess muses. "That took a lot of courage. She's gone up in my estimation after that. I mean, we'll never be bosom buddies, but at least I know if I ever bump into her again she's more likely to be civil, rather than rip my hair out."

Well I suppose this makes sense, and I'm glad Sara didn't add to the drama of the evening, but I'm still feeling miserable and fed up after what happened tonight and can't seem to pull myself out of it.

"Are you alright?" she asked, and sigh again and take her hand in mine.

"Yeah. I just get worried that one day you'll get fed up of the shit you have to put with because of me, and you'll just walk away. I don't think I could face losing you again." Oh God, I sound so pathetic.

"Harry," she says, her voice low and urgent. I look up to see her staring at me with earnest. "I'm not going to walk away from you. I love you."

I love her for reassuring me like this, even when she is the one who has taken a shed load of shit this evening. I love her for knowing I need to hear these words. 

"I love you too," I murmur, leaning my head on the back of the seat and staring miserably at her. "So much. Like, I can't explain how much."

"You don't need to. I know." 

She presses her soft lips to mine, gently at first but with increasing pressure. My neediness responds to her, desperate for further reassurance, manifesting itself in the form of desire. 

I know it's completely inappropriate, and it's not like we can really do anything with Paul and Dale so close to us in the front seat, but fucking hell I want her, right here, right now, in the back of this car. 

---***---

Happy New Year! It's 1st January 2021, and I cannot believe I am still writing this book nearly 6 years after I started the first book in the No Control series! Anyway...

I hope 2021 is a better year than 2020 for everyone, and that you are all managing to stay safe. It's been a crazy twelve months with all that has happened across the world, and I don't think it's over yet by any means, but I am hopeful that with the new vaccines that have been developed there might just be some light at the end of this tunnel. If you celebrated Christmas, I hope you had a good one. If you didn't, I hope December was peaceful and good to you in every way. Take care, until the next update (which will be soon, I promise!) xx