(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 59 - Hotel Rooms and New Tattoos)

"Good flight?" Louis smirks as we disembark the plane several hours later.

I give him a sheepish smile in return, and Niall slaps me on the back and smiles too behind Jess's back. I'm grateful to them for not embarrassing her by openly admitting they knew what we were doing, but I suspect this will change once Jess isn't with us.

I'm half right. Louis makes a couple of crass comments in the car on the way to the Good Morning America set the next day, but everyone's attention seems more focussed on Liam, whose phone has been glued to his hand for the last twenty four hours due to the fact that he hasn't stopped texting Cheryl since the moment they parted. 

"You always fall so hard, so fast, Payno," Louis teases, as Liam stares out of the window, grinning goodnaturedly. "It's like you meet a pretty girl, she smiles at you, and bam! You're in love. You're worse than Harry. Way worse than Harry," he emphasises as I give him an indignant frown.

"I'm not in love," Liam protests. "I just like her, and I want to see her again."

"You sure you didn't fuck?" Louis presses. He keeps asking this out of the blue, as though hoping to catch Liam off guard and force a different answer out of him.

"I'm telling you, nothing happened," Liam insists, and I believe him. He's an open book, it would have been obvious if he'd slept with Cheryl.

"Stop trying to get out of giving me my twenty quid," I pipe up, and Louis turns on me.

"Funny how it's twenty when I owe you, but it was ten when you owed me."

"I never owed you," I point out. "Liam said - nothing happened."

"What are you talking about?" Liam asks, looking back and forth between me and Louis.

"Nothing," I reply quickly, at the same time Louis announces, "We had a bet on whether you'd bang Cheryl. Harry won, and is pestering me for twenty quid. You know, because he needs it, because he's so poor."

"You made a bet?" Liam moans, frowning as Louis and Niall both cackle and I throw him an apologetic look. He pouts. "You fuckers, why would you do that?"

"Because you deserve it," Louis replies with a shrug.

"And you've never been keen on a girl before?" Liam retorts, his expression changing and a glint forming in his eye.

"You coming to meet my tattoo guy later, H?" Louis changes the subject swiftly.

"What's this about a girl?" I ask, my attention piqued.

"Ask him about Danielle Campbell," Liam winks as Louis pulls a face at Liam and looks pointedly out of the window.

"The actress? What about her?" Niall asks.

"Desperate to get his end away," Liam supplies as Louis gives us all two fingers. 

"I mean, she is gorgeous," I agree carefully and Louis turns his fingers on me. 

"Keep your eyes on your own bird," he states.

"Oohh, see what I mean?" Liam chuckles as Niall cackles and smacks his own thigh in mirth. "He's getting a bit possessive already."

"So are you coming to talk about tattoos?" Louis interrupts loudly.

"Only if we can talk about you and Danielle," Niall answers.

"You weren't invited, dickhead," Louis retorts. "Unless you want to talk about how you've been talking dirty to Selena Gomez?"

"Definitely don't wanna talk about that," Niall answers immediately and Liam and I protest loudly and request more details. "I'll spill about Selena when Louis talks about Danielle."

"Not happening," Louis answers flatly.

"Why is it only my love life that gets ripped apart by you bloody hyenas?" I huff.

"Because you're the only one pathetic enough to allow it," Louis answers. "Anyway," he continues with a hint of exasperation. "Tattoos! Are you in?"

"Where?" I ask, allowing the Danielle conversation to slide for the moment.

"He's coming to the hotel for a consultation about a new piece. I'm gonna text him when we leave."

I nod. "Nice one."

I've been feeling for a while that I want a piece on my right arm, not only to cover up the 'Things I Can' tattoo but also as it now looks bare in comparison to my left, so it will be good to see what kind of work this guy has done and can do. Finding a tattoo artist I like and trust can be tricky. 

The car pulls up outside the crew entrance of the studio before this conversation can go any further and we have to gather our bags and coats together and make our way inside. 

I'm still feeling jet lagged, although my throat and voice are a thousand times better than they were a couple of days ago. I resist the urge to text Jess as I know she'll still be fast asleep in bed where I left her, probably for a good couple of hours yet. She knows what time we'll be on though so I'm hoping she'll be awake in time to tune in and watch.

Once we've been through hair, make up and wardrobe we hang around in the green room waiting for our turn to come on. The studio has laid on a fantastic breakfast for us and we all tuck in heartily. My mind wanders back to breakfast on the jet yesterday morning, and my conversation with Jess about our argument over Callie on Sunday. I quietly ponder what the hell Callie's problem is, and whether she will ever get over herself or if she is destined to be the thorn in my side forever. I'm glad I gave Jess a lift to her flat the other day, because now I do at least believe the story about the unfaithful boyfriend and the breakdown of their relationship; I no longer think, as I first did, that it was all a stunt to ruin my evening with Jess. It was lucky really that I had the opportunity to see her face to face, as I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have met Callie. This makes me annoyed all over again, as once more I am being judged in my absence (although I am not belittling the fact that I was unfaithful, or thinking I don't deserve to be thought of badly for my actions). 

My mind wanders further, to Jess's non-functioning car and her worries about getting it fixed. She hasn't mentioned it since, and I know she won't have had time to do anything about it as she came straight to my house from Callie's flat before dawn on Monday morning. I know she wouldn't let me pay for her car to be fixed - she's far too stubborn. But I wish there was a way I could help her out.

And then is born my next brilliant idea - I could get her a car for Christmas! She couldn't refuse it if it was a gift, and that would solve the problem of her finding the money to fix hers! I could get her a top of the range model, with all the luxuries... or would she be embarrassed by such an expensive gift that she wouldn't be able to reciprocate? I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. And what if she gets her car fixed in the meantime, forks out a load of money, for nothing? Fuck, why is this complicated?

I ponder all of this for a minute and then pull my phone out before I can change my mind. 

Hi Callie. It's Harry. Hope you're OK. Sorry for hassling you again. I'm thinking of getting Jess a new car for Christmas but I don't want it to be too much, and embarrass her. I also don't want her to spend loads of money on fixing hers unnecessarily. Do you think she would love it, or hate it? (Not trying to prove anything by texting you, just genuinely want to get her a good present). Harry.

Fuck, I said my name twice in the message, again. She's going to think there's something wrong with me. Not that she doesn't anyway.

Before I can stress about this any further a member of the crew comes in and calls us to get ready - we're due on in five minutes. I stow my phone in my pocket and try not to get too excited about Christmas, and Jess, and the future, and just life in general.

~~~

The performance flies by in a flash - another one down with one less to go before we officially part ways on the hiatus - and before we know it we're back in the car on the way back to the hotel.

I try calling Jess to let her know but she doesn't answer so I fire her a quick text which she ignores also. When I enter our hotel room I find her standing next to the bed on her phone; she looks up and smiles as I shut the door behind me.

"Hi. How did the show go?"

I cross the room towards her and take her in my arms. "It was good, thanks. I missed you, though. Did you watch us?"

"Um, no," she replies in an apologetic tone. "I was flat out in bed, sorry. Then Callie rang, and we got chatting about her and James, and then I had a shower and... here you are."

Why does it feel as though Callie manages to monopolise Jess's attention every time something matters to me? It's like she has us under surveillance and knows exactly when to call for maximum impact.

I'm beginning to sound paranoid.

"Sorry," she says again, mistaking my inner frustration at Callie for anger towards her. "I didn't intentionally NOT watch it. If I'd woken up, of course I would have."

"It's fine," I tell her quickly, giving her a kiss to show her I'm not annoyed with her.

"Are you sure?" she persists.

Oh God, I'm starting to seem like one of those controlling boyfriends aren't I? Fuck, that isn't me at all.

"Of course!" I try and sound sincere but now I think I sound like I'm trying too hard. "Have you eaten?" I ask, attempting to change the subject and inject some normality to the conversation.

"Um, no not yet."

"Do you want to get room service, or go out to eat?" I suggest, without really considering the time.

"Will we have time to go out before we fly back?"

Good job someone's on the ball.

"Maybe not," I concede. "We can order a takeaway though? And I need to pop into Louis' room in a bit too."

"Aren't you tired?" she asks with a look of incredulity. "I was exhausted from the flight alone!"

"You get used to it," I smile. "I'll try and stay awake as long as I can to get my sleeping pattern back to US time. But right now I could do with a shower, if you don't mind waiting a bit longer to eat? Have a look and see what room service have to offer."

She gets up to retrieve the room service menu and I start undressing, throwing her a mischievous smile. "You could always come and join me, if you wanted to?"

She turns to me, disappointment all over her face. "Oh, but I've just dried my hair -" Barely have the words left her mouth when she adds hastily, "On second thoughts, make space for me."

She pulls her jumper over head, giving me a great view of her boobs.

"Will do," I grin as I walk into the bathroom in my underwear. "Hurry up."

I switch the shower on and step out of my boxers, waiting a few seconds before sticking my hand under the water and adjusting the temperature on the thermostat. Once it is warm enough I grab some shower gel and step underneath the shower head, letting the water cascade over my head and thinking of Jess's naked body that hopefully will be pressed against mine in a few seconds. 

While I'm waiting I wash myself all over, lingering over my dick a little longer that necessary and enjoying the tingling feeling as I imagine her hand on me in place of my own. Eventually I call out to her.

Jess?" 

"Coming!"

"Not yet," I smirk, and a moment later she appears in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of black knickers and looking absolutely fuckable, apart from the strange, faraway look in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing." Her tone is soft, and absent.

"There is. I can tell by your face. What's up?"

"Nothing," she says again, and I reach around the shower screen and pull her into the shower with her knickers still on.

"Harry!" she begins, but I bend my head and kiss her softly on the lips, her skin feeling cool against my own. The kiss is long and teasing, and when we finally break apart my voice is husky. "Yes?" 

She doesn't protest further so I kiss her again, pulling her body to me so her thighs are touching mine and her breasts are squashed against my chest. I squeeze her bum and slide my tongue into her mouth, my dick hardening in anticipation. She kisses me back but it isn't with her usual fervour, so I turn up the intensity a little, pushing her gently against the shower tiles and running my fingertips over her nipples, something I know from experience always makes her squirm in pleasure. My erection digs into her stomach and I wait for her to moan into my mouth, but the sound never comes.

I open my eyes to look at her. Her eyes are clouded, her expression still faraway.

"What's the matter?" I ask her again.

"Nothing," she says again, frowning.

"Something's off, I can tell," I argue, as she reaches up to my face. "What is it?"

"Harry, I'm fine."

I know she's fibbing, and I feel sad that she obviously feels she can't tell me what it is. 

"I know you, Jessie," I remind her softly. "There's something you're not telling me."

Her eyebrows twitch a little at this, and she hesitates, takes a small breath, and then grimaces. This tells me there is definitely something wrong, and she's at odds with herself over whether to tell me what it is.

"You're doing that thing where you argue with yourself in your head, aren't you," I mutter with a sigh.

"No!" she lies, and I turn away from her, feeling hurt that she isn't being truthful when I haven't done anything to compromise her trust. Not this time, anyway.

I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my previous abuse of her trust, and wonder if maybe she isn't as over it as she claims...

"Don't keep secrets from me," I murmur softly with my back to her.

"Are you keeping secrets from me?" 

Her words come out in a rush and I can't stop myself turning round to look at her in surprise.

"No," I answer, and it almost sounds like a question. "Like what?"

"Why is Callie texting you?"

Oh. Fuck. Well, I wasn't expecting that. 

My heart is pounding all of a sudden as my brain races to catch up with everything that this means.

How does she know I have been in contact with Callie? Has Callie told her? No that can't be it - she didn't ask why we were texting each other, she asked why Callie is texting me, implying she hasn't spoken to Callie about it. A horrible thought strikes me, and is out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"Have you been looking through my phone?" 

"No!" she answers immediately, clearly riled by the question. "So this isn't the first time you've been in contact with her?"

Why is she asking this? Doesn't she trust me? Has she been snooping because she wants to see if I'm cheating on her? If she doesn't trust me, why doesn't she just come out and say it instead of pretending that she does and then going behind my back to check on me?

I turn away from her again, anger rising in me, and stick my head back under the jet to get rid of the last traces of shower gel before I switch the shower off and turn to face her. She's looking at me, her arms folded across her chest, her jaw set.

"What exactly are you getting at?" I ask.

"I'm not getting at anything. I just saw a text from Callie come through on your phone, by accident," she replies in a clipped tone. "I wasn't snooping; I'm not like that. I'm just curious, as I didn't think you even had her number. It's the middle of the night back home. Why is she texting you?"

"Well without reading it, I don't know," I answer, failing to smother the sarcasm. "You tell me."

"I didn't look at it!" she snaps. "I told you, I wasn't prying! I would never and have never invaded your privacy like that!"

I want to believe her, but suddenly I'm not sure I do. Does she honestly think I am seeing fucking Callie of all people behind her back? Does she think I'm a serial cheater? Has she been checking up on me all this time?

I hand her a clean towel, wrap mine around my waist and step out of the shower.

"Where are you going?" she asks from behind me.

"I'm drying myself off and then I'm going to read this text that's got you all worked up," I answer bluntly.

"Wh - I'm not worked up, Harry," she argues. "All I did was ask you why she was texting you. I think it's a fair question."

"I don't like the connotation behind it," I mutter.

Fucking Callie. If only Jess knew the full extent of our mutual dislike.

"What connotation?!" she exclaims as I exit the bathroom and pick my phone up from the table and read Callie's reply, that incidentally was sent only minutes before she's supposedly been all sweet and nice on the phone with Jess:

A car? Very flash. Lucky Jess. Yes she would love it, and after all the shit you've put her through I'd say it's the least she deserves. She also deserves to be treated better. But don't think for one second you can buy her affection, or my approval for that matter, with expensive gifts.  

Seriously, with one woman in my ear giving me grief and another on my phone, I'm getting really pissed off. I look up at Jess who is watching me with her arms still folded, looking just as annoyed as I feel.

"So should I read it out, or...?" I offer, knowing full well she won't ask me to read it out but knowing my tone will rile her further.

"No. I'm not asking you to read it out," she snaps, and I can almost see her temper visibly rising. "All I asked was why she might be texting you, as I didn't know you were in contact. Stop acting like a secretive, moody arse and either answer my question or drop the attitude. Or preferably both."

I glare at her, furious, and decide to give her exactly what she wants - well, a version of it anyway.

"She is advising me that the idea I had for your Christmas present is a good one, but that you can't be bought, and to treat you how you deserve." I pause for effect. "Happy now?" I let my phone drop with a clatter and turn away from her. "If you want to read the message yourself, go ahead. But you'll find out what your present is, so it's up to you if you want to ruin the surprise."

There is a long silence behind me, and I relish it in a sort of sadistic way.

"Harry -"

"Don't."

"Harry, you're not being fair -"

"I'm not being fair?!" I exclaim in disbelief, whipping my head round to gape at her. "You've just practically accused me of doing... God knows what with your best friend! I don't think you're in any position to judge!"

"Hold on, I didn't accuse you of anything!" she backtracks. "You totally flew off the handle. Why didn't you just say that's what it was about when I asked you? Why were you so defensive?"

"Forget it," I snap, turning my back on her again.

There is another few seconds of silence before I hear her gathering her things up, and then she stalks past the bed without looking at me, her clothes in her arms, and slams the door behind her.

I stomp around the room getting dressed and gathering my clothes into a neat pile, making as much noise as possible in retaliation to her door-slam. I locate the hair dryer, switch it on and blast my hair with it, furiously replaying the conversation in my head and trying to be objective about it. 

Was I defensive? Did I misinterpret her questions? I don't think I did, but a nagging voice at the back of my mind reminds me that she has never been the jealous type before. Maybe I changed all that with my stupid moment of madness with Sara Sampaio. Will I ever be able to move on from that? Will she?

She seems to be taking ages, and for lack of something to do I open Twitter and start to scroll through my mentions, my eyes flicking over the screen but my brain processing nothing.

The door to the bathroom opens. I deliberately don't look up.

"Hi," she begins softly. I ignore her. "I'm sorry," she says, a little louder, and sits down on the bed next to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I still don't answer, but I put my phone down on the bed, listening. "I'm not Nadine, Harry," she whispered.

What?! Where the hell did that come from? Although come to think of it, Nadine would have flown off the handle long before now if she'd thought her best friend was texting me... hmm, let's not go there.

I put my arm around Jess and pull her close to me. "I need you to trust me," I murmur.

"I do," she pleads. "I didn't accuse you of anything. I asked you. There's a difference."

Hmm, there's not, really. But I don't want to argue.

"I'm sorry too," I murmur into her hair, kissing the top of her head. "For flying off the handle. Trust is a big thing for me, but I overreacted."

"I'm sorry it seemed like I didn't trust you," she sighs. "I do. I really really do."

"I know." My lips are still pressed against her hair, breathing in her shampoo.

"I'll tell Callie to back off," she says softly.

"No, don't." Christ, that's the last thing I need, Jess having a go at Callie because I've been moaning about her. The witch would have a hissy fit. "I don't want to come between the two of you," I say out loud. "She's just looking out for you."

"If you're sure?"

"I'm sure."

I kiss her, relieved that we're on better terms again and keen to move on from this petty argument now we've both calmed down. While Jess dries her hair, Niall knocks on the door to let me know the tattoo artist Louis has arranged has arrived and is in Louis' room now. Jess is curious about a new inking; so curious in fact that I wonder if she has ever considered, or would ever consider, one for herself.

"I wouldn't know what to get," she shrugs. "It's not something I've ever really thought about properly. I think tattoos should mean something. I would never get one just for the sake of it."

I nod slowly, fighting a smirk. "I agree. You should get, like, 'I heart Harry Styles' on your boobs or something."

This makes her laugh out loud. "You wish," she retorts, grinning, and I grin back.

"One-D 4 eva?" I suggest, drawing the number four in the air to demonstrate, and she laughs again.

"Definitely not. I think it's cool when fans get lyrics tattooed in your handwriting though."

"I'll tattoo something on you myself," I offer, seriously, and then add as a joke, "I'll even sign my name, if you're lucky."

"Now there's an offer I can't refuse," she says sarcastically, smirking. "I'll have to get back to you on that one."

This banter feels like the old days, when she used to pretend she wasn't that into me and I believed her.

"You're so unappreciative," I grumble, but this just makes her laugh harder. I can't resist kissing her on the lips because I just love her so fucking much. "Come on," I sigh. "Let's stop by Louis' room. No doubt you'll love that." I roll my eyes deliberately so she sees and she gives me a side-eye and replies evilly, "I might ask him to hand-write the word 'Perfect' for me, and get it tattooed across my heart."

I grab her in both arms, ignoring her screams and squeals of protest, and tickle her non-stop until we reach the door of Louis' room where his bodyguard, Preston, answers the door and lets us in. 

"Alright Jessie," Louis winks at Jess, and I throw him a look.

"Eyes on your own bird," I remind him under my breath while Jess is saying hi to Preston, and he chuckles and gives an inclination of his head in acknowledgement.

A tattooed guy with black hair and several facial piercings is sitting on the sofa opposite Louis, a catalogue open between them showing numerous photographs presumably of this guy's work. I introduce myself to him - his name is David - and take a seat on one of the chairs to listen to the back end of his conversation with Louis.

"I can do whatever, just ping me over some images once you've got an idea of what you want, and I'll get to work," he is saying. "We can rework it as many times as you want until we get it right. It's no bother."

"Cool, cheers man," Louis smiles, reaching over to shake his hand. "I'll be in touch."

He looks over at me expectantly and I shift over a bit on my chair to make room for Jess to perch next to me. "I'd like something big here," I begin, extending my right arm and showing him the 'Things I Can' inking. "I want it to cover this, sort of statement piece."

"You got anything in mind?" he asks.

"Well, I like the meaning behind the American eagle," I tell him, with a glance at Jess. "I know it's a symbol of flying high and flying free. I feel it sort of represents what I'd like to do in the coming months... sort of spreading my wings and going my own way, which I've never done before in the music business," I explain.

"Definitely," he nods. "Have you seen any particular designs you like? Or given any thought to how you want it look, in terms of position, colour, ambience et cetera?"

"I've looked at a few," I nod. "I don't want anything in colour; I'd like to stick to black and white."

"Yeah, I can see you have a fair few already," David says, looking at my left arm with interest.

"Yep, so I don't want anything to look out of place," I continue. "I don't know if I want it in flight - I think perched maybe, but I'm open to suggestions."

David immediately reaches for the album in front of me and begins leafing through the pages, pointing out a couple of eagles that he has done previously but also some other pieces that have a similar feel and some that don't, explaining the differences between them and how the images are designed to create a particular feel. I turn the pictures towards Jess so she can see too, and ask for her opinions on the different styles.

"I'm not really sure," she says shyly. "I have to confess I know nothing at all about tattoos."

"That's why I want your opinion," I tell her. "I want you to tell me whether or not you like them. Not as a piece of art, but whether or not it is visually pleasing."

"Do you want it in the middle of your forearm, or lower down so you can eventually create a scene around it?" David asks.

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet," I muse. "I'd only got as far as covering this one, so central maybe? What would you recommend?"

David is full of great ideas, and by the time we've finished Jess has started to open up a little and give her views too. All in all, I feel it is a productive session and I'm pleased Jess has been part of it. 

"Let me give you my number," David says, handing me a business card. "Ring me any time to discuss it, and if you wanna meet up to talk in person just let me know."

The conversation pretty much has to end here as some food arrives for us from room service, and less than half an hour later we're hurrying back to our room, packing up our bags again ready to head to the airport for the next stage of our US promo.

---***---

Hello again! It's 29th November and I've finally hit my 50k word target for NaNoWriMo 2020! I'm sorry the updates dropped off these last couple of weeks but I was struggling with keeping on track so I had to put all my energy into writing rather than revising and editing. But to celebrate my completion of NaNoWriMo, I thought I'd stay up late and post an update 😁. I've written up to chapter 69 without any editing, so as I go back and fine tune the chapters, I'll be posting them as updates. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and look out for more updates in the coming days/weeks! Xxx