(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 57 - The Seed's Sown)

Fuck. How much of that did she just hear? Did she hear me arguing with Callie? Have I just ruined everything?

"What's going on?" 

"I'm sorry," I mutter. I cast my eyes down to the floor, almost afraid to look at her.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"I shouldn't have spoken to her like that," I apologise, lifting my head to look at Jess's face. She is frozen on the spot, her eyes wide, her face serious.

"What pressure is she supposedly putting on you?" she asks shrilly. "And what did you mean, you're trying to do the right thing?"

I glance at Callie to see if she is going to help me out at all here, but she is looking impassively at Jess. I'd bet the contents of my bank account that she is secretly enjoying watching me squirm.

"She thinks I'm going to hurt you again," I tell her, when it becomes clear that Callie isn't going to contribute anything to this conversation. "She won't let it go. I'm just trying to make you happy, but she doesn't trust me."

Callie lets out a rasp of disgust, and Jess finally tears her eyes from mine to Callie's.

"Well?" she demands. "Is this true?"

"Of course," Callie replies without missing a beat. "Just because you've forgiven him doesn't mean I have to."

An awkward silence descends. Callie makes no effort to fill it, and Jess stares back and forth between us as though waiting for one of us to elaborate. Eventually I speak.

"I should go. I'm due at the studios."

"I'll see you out," she mutters.

I follow her silently to the door, and once we're in the hallway she pulls Callie's front door closed. She's twisting her fingers together, a gesture I recognise as one she only does when she is nervous.

"Harry," she begins, her voice trembling a little. "Harry... what just happened in there?"

My stomach churns uncomfortably, and I play for time. "What do you mean?"

"I mean just then," she says, a little more clearly. "Why were you arguing with Callie in low voices?"

"She doesn't think I deserve you," I answer carefully. "I'm just getting fed up of it."

Her brow furrows in confusion. "Why, has she spoken to you about this before? Why didn't you tell me?"

This is why I don't lie. I'm just fucking hopeless at it. 

"I just mean it annoys me that she's so openly rude," I reply. "But she's upset, so it's fine. You should go and look after her; make sure she's alright."

She looks like she's about to question me further but I cut her off.  "Baby I really have to go, I'll be late to the studios." I pull her into my arms, glad she can't see my face as I let out a silent breath, my heart beating a little faster than normal, and plant a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you so much, you know that don't you?" 

"Yeah, I know," she sighs, and I relish the taste of her lips on mine before I reluctantly pull away.

"Sorry I was moody before. Go and... plait each other's hair, or whatever else you girls do at times like these," I attempt to joke. "She needs you. I was a dick for being selfish."

"It's OK," she smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Ring me later and let me know what you're doing," I request, but after experiencing Callie in the flesh I have no doubt that she will sabotage the entire evening, and I am unlikely to see Jess tonight.

"I will," she calls as I jog down the hallway, giving her a little wave as I step out into the cool November air and let the door click shut behind me.

I arrive at the ITV studios just over an hour later, where the boys are all already there and hanging out backstage chatting with Simon Cowell and Cheryl Fernandez Versini. The first thing I notice is that Liam is hanging on Cheryl's every word. I can feel Louis' eyes on me as I'm watching Liam, and the minute I make eye contact with Louis he gives me a knowing look, flashes his eyebrows and twists his mouth into a smirk. It's obvious we're both thinking the same thing: Liam has fancied her for years and is flirting with her mercilessly. To Liam's credit though, she's giving it right back to him.

"Tenner says he gets his end away tonight," Louis murmurs under his breath as he leans across me at the refreshments table.

"Make it twenty and you're on," I mutter back. "Liam's not that fast." And we discreetly bump fists to seal the bet.

"Where's Jess?" Niall frowns suddenly, about half an hour later, and I roll my eyes and explain the latest Callie drama. "That's good that she's supportive of her mate, though," Niall approves, but I pull a face.

"Not when the mate makes The Wicked Witch of the West look sweet and caring," I mutter darkly, and proceed to spill my guts about Jess's One Direction stuff, Callie's unfathomable spite and the encounter this evening between the three of us.

Louis gives a low whistle and raises his eyebrows when I'm finished. "Fucking hell," he murmurs. "She sounds like a right bunny boiler. Why's Jess so pally with her?"

I shrug. "They've known each other for years. They're pretty tight. Jess reckons Callie was there for her when we broke up - "

"When you played away with Sampaio," Louis teases, and I swat him with the back of my hand.

"Too soon," I scold him.

"It's never too soon to take the piss out of you," he fires back. "I've held back this long, kept my comments to myself - "

"Kept your comments to yourself?!" I repeat incredulously. "When??"

"Believe me, only about ten percent of what I'm thinking makes it out of my mouth," he grins. "It's the only way I can have any friends."

I can't help laughing at this, until a member of the medical team reminds me sharply that I am still supposed to be resting my voice, and to take it easy this evening or risk ruining my vocal chords for tonight's performance. As it happens, it's good advice that I should have heeded because part way through my solo my voice breaks and I have to step back from the microphone and miss a couple of words. I'm gutted to have fucked this up, and will my voice not to let me down again as I struggle my way through the rest of the song, vowing silently not to ignore professional advice again when it comes to my singing. I can only blame myself, and my desire to speak to Jess constantly.

My throat is examined immediately after the performance, and I am cleared to continue with the Xtra Factor interview afterwards, but on the proviso that I keep my talking to a minimum and rest as much as I can over the next few days (in between my countless rehearsals, performances and interviews). I know I have to be careful or risk potential long term damage.

Aside from the singing faux pas, the evening is actually a lot of fun. It's always good to come back to X Factor - everyone always makes us feel so welcome, from the production team to the catering staff to the judges. It's a stark reminder of where our journey started, and I know we all feel the same overwhelming gratitude to everyone who got us where we are today. It's lovely to catch up with everyone, from my ex-girlfriend Caroline Flack who co-presents the show alongside Olly Murs, to Simon Cowell who is the brains behind the show and is the reason for One Direction, to one of the sound technicians, Rob, whom I remember from the very first live show we ever did in 2010.

Liam gravitates towards Cheryl after the show has finished, and as I am saying my goodbyes about to head outside to the car waiting to take me home, I catch sight of them in a corner together, looking more than cosy. I grin to myself, and as I climb in the backseat I pull my phone out and text Louis.

Looks like I owe you that tenner.

Twenty, as I recall, you fucking cheapskate, he responds immediately. Didn't think Payno was quite such a smooth operator! Hats off to the lad.

I'm halfway home when my phone lights up - Jess is calling me.

"Hi baby," I answer softly. 

"Hey," she replies, in that soft, hushed voice that she reserves only for me. "I just wanted to let you know I won't be coming to your house tonight, I'm going to stay with Callie. I'm sorry."

"It's OK," I tell her, feeling gracious after a nice evening and remorseful for having been an arse earlier this afternoon. "I've had a slapped wrist for talking too much, so I wouldn't be much company anyway."

"There are other ways you could be good company than just talking," she teases, and I grin stupidly at my own reflection in the darkened car window,

"We can explore those tomorrow," I tease back, and she gives a murmur of appreciation.

"How did X Factor go?" she asks.

"Really good, except for missing a note in my solo," I sigh. "I daren't go online, I bet I've been crucified."

"Nah, everyone's just worried about you," she informs me - of course she will have already been looking on Twitter. "They're saying you didn't look yourself, and you seemed quiet."

I bet some are saying far worse, but she would never tell me.

"What about you?" I ask, changing the subject. "How's Callie?"

"Oh, she'll be fine. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. Sorry again for missing tonight."

"No, it's me who should be apologising," I mumble. "I was a right git earlier. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." I can hear the smile in her voice. 

Fuck, I wish she was coming over tonight, just so I can hold her in my arms.

"I'll arrange for a car to pick you up in the morning from Callie's," I tell her. "Text me her address and postcode and I'll forward it on."

With the medics' advice niggling at the back of my subconscious I cut the call short after this, with the promise that I can't wait to see her in the morning. Once I get confirmation of her morning pick-up I forward the message to her and receive three kisses in return. I sink into bed half an hour later feeling warm and fuzzy, and looking forward to having her by my side as we start the next stage of our album promo - the US.