(No Control - 69. What Makes You Beautiful, third part)

We all get wired up to our earpieces and walk out onto the stage for soundcheck. The atmosphere is still strained, and we fluff our way through it, casting nervous glances at each other and over-apologising for any imperfections. We're just making our way backstage afterwards when Alex calls the four of us back.

"I don't know what's just gone off between you all," he says, once we're out of earshot of everyone. "But pull it together, yeah? This is your first show back after two months off. You need to smash it. So whatever squabbles you're having, put them to one side until afterwards, ok? The show must go on."

He looks harder at me and Louis than he does at Niall and Liam, and we nod meekly and murmur agreements and apologies. He gives us a curt nod in return and we slink back along the corridor.

"Niall - do me a favour," I say, in false cheeriness. "When Jess and her mates get here, you need to ask Maddie if she knows it's you who does the 'OW!s' in our song Heart Attack."

Niall turns round and gives me a confused look.

"Don't ask - it's just something Jess teases Maddie about. Apparently Maddie used to tell Jess all the time or something," I elaborate, and he gives a nod and grin.

"Say no more," he chuckles.

We're almost back at our lounge when a movement to my right catches my eye, and I look up to see Jess and her friends walking towards us, accompanied by one of the stadium security. Her eyes meet mine and I feel a pang of longing. I need her.

"Jessieeee!" Louis shouts from behind me, and she gives a little squeal and runs towards us. My stomach gives a little backflip at the excitement on her face, and I open my mouth to tease her for losing her cool, when she runs straight... into Louis' arms? What the fuck?

I give an exaggerated shrug and throw an exasperated look at Niall, but he's too busy laughing to pay any attention. Louis whispers something in Jess's ear and I really have to grit my teeth and hold back a nasty jibe.

I honestly don't know how to get over this. I'm in danger of ruining everything.

Jess laughs at whatever Louis has said, and then turns to me and envelops me in a hug.

The feel of her arms around me instantly calms me, and I squeeze her tightly as she nuzzles her face into my neck and breathes in.

"Oh, you've noticed I'm here then," I mumble, unable to resist passing comment.

"I only really have eyes for you, you know that," she whispers, and she reaches up and kisses me.

I do know this. Don't I? Fuck, I wish this jealousy would leave me.

"Get a fucking room," Louis' voice teases from behind Jess as I return her kiss. I stick my middle finger up at him and he sniggers.

"I've missed you so much," I whisper, so only Jess can hear me, once I've finished kissing her.

I want nothing more than to disappear somewhere with her and tell her all about what has just happened, and confide all my fears in her. But what if she takes Louis' side? What if she tells me, quite rightly, that I was out of line with the way I spoke to him and goes to comfort Louis instead? My rationality tells me the latter part of this is unlikely, as they aren't close enough for her to do that, and he has enough family around him to confide in anyway. But the thought of her thinking badly of me makes me feel sick, so I swallow my nerves and instead follow them into the lounge.

"Hey Maddie," I say, raising my voice slightly. "Niall's got something to say to you."

"Oh yeah," Niall nods, looking at Maddie. "Did you know it's me who does the 'Ow!'s in our song Heart Attack?"

"Uh, yeah, I did," Maddie replies, blushing deep red just like Jess does, and Niall and I cackle wickedly while Niall puts his arm around Maddie.

"How on earth did you remember that?" Jess whispers to me, beaming, and I beam back.

"You'd be surprised at the little things I remember," I tease, thinking of my plans for on stage later, and Louis catches my eye and gives me a faint smirk.

When the girls leave to take their places in the stadium we do a pre-show meet and greet, and then wait while McBusted play their set. Things are still strained between me and Louis, and I try and act normally but it's in that awkward stage after an argument where everyone is treading on eggshells.

By the time we walk out onto the stage after our ritual huddle I'm feeling the nerves a bit. No matter how many shows we play, it's still a bit daunting walking out to a crowd of seventy thousand people all watching every move you make. I don't think I'll ever really get used to it, no matter how many times I do it.

The screams are deafening, but I'm intent on finding Jess's face on the front row, and I do a quick lap of the stage under the pretext of waving at all the fans and blowing kisses, until I find her to the left of the walkway as I look out to the stadium. Our eyes lock and my stomach gives a little flip, and I can't stop myself from smirking in giddiness as I head over to the opposite side of the stage to sing Clouds.

I keep her in the corner of my vision, and sneak full glances over her way whenever I can, without making it obvious. Every time I look over she is looking at me too, and it makes my heart swell. Even when I'm not looking directly at her, I can feel she is watching my every move, and I'm so fucking happy. The only time I pretend to be annoyed is when we sing Better Than Words. As Niall's second verse approaches I wonder if Jess knows he always grabs his dick during this part, so I wait until it's just about to happen and then glance over at her, just in time to see her lose her shit over Niall, screaming like a lunatic and jumping up and down as he sings, "You make me wanna ssssss one more night."

I walk as close to her as I dare without drawing attention to her, and when she lifts her gaze to mine I shake my head at her in mock disappointment. She laughs and then blows me a kiss, and on impulse I pretend to catch it and give her a sly wink, and it's worth it just for the look on her face. She may be in full fangirl mode, but it's (nearly) all over me so I don't mind.

"Jess can't take her eyes off you," Liam says in my ear as we sit down in the middle of the walkway to sing Little Things.

I turn to him and grin, and he gives me a knowing wink before sitting down with his back to me, next to Louis. I'm sitting facing the right of the stage with my back to Jess, so I wave and smile at the fans, pull a few faces and mimic a blonde girl who is standing with her arms folded, looking bored. As soon as she spots me taking the piss out of her she starts screaming, which makes me chuckle.

As I begin my solo I hear the crowd singing along, and it never fails to raise goosebumps on my arms. I look out at the fans swaying in front of me, thousands of torchlights shining across the stadium, and I feel that familiar humility and gratitude for their support. I'm just reaching the end where the others join in, and sing, "and I'm in love with you..."

"Jess," Louis' voice adds, coming through my earpiece (which means he's said it down the mic) and my blood runs cold and my heart gives a lurch as the fans scream.

"And all your little things," I finish, keeping my voice as steady as I can despite the butterflies in my stomach, and then the others come in for the last chorus.

I daren't look over at Jess for a bit after that, in case the fans realise who she is, and after Night Changes we move to the middle stage for the next part of the set so she is out of my sight. I'm beginning to get nervous now, because the next song on the main stage is What Makes You Beautiful.

We head back down the walkway and I see Liam wave at Jess, who waves enthusiastically back, and then he turns to me and nods so I know he has clocked her position.

"Nervous?" he asks in my ear as the intro begins to play and I nod silently, taking a deep breath. "You'll be fine," he smiles.

He's so soppy, he's just loving this. He regularly serenades Sophia at home, bless him.

We seem to fly through the first two verses and choruses and by the time we get to the Na Na Na parts my heart is hammering hard against my ribcage and my palms are slick with sweat. I glance round at Liam for reassurance and he gives me a nod and a smile, so I take a deep breath as we come together in a little huddle and start to shuffle gradually over to Stage Left, and come to a stop directly in front of Jess. I'm staring into her eyes as I do so, and she is singing along, her whole face lit up in the most amazing smile, but this slowly slides off her face as I think she begins to realise what I am about to do.

She stops singing and stares at me nervously, and I fall gently to my knees holding my mic, and begin to sing my solo just to her, holding my hand out towards her so she can be in no doubt as to what I am doing. (If I thought I could get away with jumping off the stage without getting my balls ripped off by every member of Modest afterwards, I would.)

"Baby you light up my world like nobody else..." (her face is slowly turning a beautiful shade of red, and she licks her lips nervously) "The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed..." (The fans standing around her are verging on hysterical, jumping up and down and reaching forwards to me, but in the middle of it all Jess stands there, completely still, her eyes fixed upon mine, and I swear she's tearing up.) "But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell, you don't know..."

I scramble to my feet, having disrupted the stage production enough for my own personal reasons.

"You don't know you're beautiful!" we all sing, and I bounce off across the stage, feeling on top of the world at what I have just pulled off. I'm dancing like a lunatic, and I need to calm it down because otherwise I will be too out of breath to sing this last chorus properly if I'm not careful.

I can see everyone in her section going mental, apart from Jess who is standing where I left her, still staring at me, with this look of pure adoration on her face. It's the same look I captured on camera by the River Dane a couple of weeks ago. She's in love with me, I know she is. I'm in love with her, too. And I'm going to tell her tonight. No excuses, no putting it off. I've beaten around the bush long enough. This is it. I'm going to tell her I'm in love with her.

The song is coming to a close now, and on impulse I walk back over to her, and instead of singing the last line, I just say the words down the mic while looking directly at her: "That's what makes you beautiful."

And then to seal the deal, because I'm on a high now and drunk on life, I wink at her. I'm sure I see her wobble slightly, and I see Maddie pointing at the screens behind us, which show Jess's radiant smile and tear-filled eyes. I grab a bottle of water and while Liam entertains the crowd I sprinkle most of it over the front row, grinning at Jess again.

Louis makes a comment about Little White Lies being an aphrodisiac as Dan plays the opening riff, but we head to the middle stage for that one so all I can do is give my crotch a subtle grab and thrust, which sends the crowd wild again. We give Best Song Ever our all, and then before the last notes have finished playing fully we dart backstage, rushing along the cool corridors with security by our sides, and hurry out the back doors to the waiting cars. There are a handful of fans standing at the gates (they must have either left the concert early, or they weren't even in attendance and have just come to catch a glimpse of us) so our cars crawl slowly out in convoy and glide across the city to our hotel.

I'm exhausted but giddy by the time I get into my room, and check my phone to see if Jess had texted me, but she hasn't. Paul is driving them back here, so they shouldn't be too long. I strip off my sweaty clothes and I'm just about to jump in the shower when Niall's words come back to me.

Mate - crack one off before you see her, yeah?

I'd almost forgotten about this, and I feel a flutter of nerves at the thought that her time of the month is probably over now and we will be able to have sex, and it will be safe without a condom because she is taking the pill. I won't last five minutes, especially as it's been the best part of a week since I last saw her properly. Fuck, I'm gonna have to take care of myself quickly.

I'm semi-hard already just thinking about her, so I perch on the edge of the bath and lean back slightly, reaching for my lob-on and giving it a couple of tugs to get it properly hard, before settling into a moderate-paced rhythm. I try not to think of what might happen if she arrives in the middle of this, and instead focus on the last time she gave me a blow job, and the feel of her soft, wet tongue on my throbbing dick. I close my eyes and breathe hard, now imagining her climbing on top of me and guiding me inside her.

It doesn't take me long to come, and I sit on the side of the bath for a minute afterwards while my heart rate slows and my breathing returns to normal. I switch the shower on and step inside, quickly rinsing away the evidence, and stick my head under the water flow. I always feel gross after a show, and a post-concert shower is always amazing. I spend ten minutes thinking about how much I love Jess, and eventually step out, dry myself off, pull my wet hair into a bun thingy and then pull on an old grey tshirt and a soft pair of jogging bottoms. These are my favourite ones, and they always come on tour with me. They are so comfy, and feel like home.

There is a knock at my door and I open it to find Niall and Louis outside.

"You gonna order anything from room service?" Niall asks me.

"Nah, I'm not really hungry," I reply. "I'll see if Jess wants anything when she gets here."

"Man, after that performance the only thing she'll be wantin' is your dick in her mouth," Niall remarks, and earns himself a smack round the back of the head while Louis cackles appreciatively.

"Where's Liam?" I ask.

"Where do you think? On the phone to Sophia," Niall answers with a roll of his eyes.

I hear the lift doors open at the end of the corridor and turn to see Jess, Sarah, Maddie and Phoebe walking towards us. Jess breaks into a run, and her eyes are fixed on me as she pelts towards me and flings her arms around my neck.

"Why it is never me?" Niall jokes as I lift Jess off the ground.

"Next time, Nialler," Louis says, placatingly.

"That was amazing, I can't believe you did that," she whispers into my neck, her voice wobbling slightly.

"I'd do anything for you," I whisper back, and as she pulls away I can see she is crying.

"The boy did good," Louis remarks.

"Yeah, he did," Jess chuckles through her tears, and kisses me softly on my lips. She tastes sweet and salty at the same time.

Jess's friends disappear into the suite next door to mine, and Louis and Niall discreetly slip off down the corridor in the direction of Liam's suite.

"Are you staying in my room with me?" I ask her, praying she isn't going to insist on staying with her friends.

"If that's ok with you," she says, almost shyly.

"Course it is."

I take her bag into my room and she is clearly impressed by it. She takes off her jacket and then turns to me, suddenly avoiding my eye.

"Harry... what you did tonight... It was... I mean no one's ever done anything like that for me before..."

Her fingers are twisting together and I can tell she is nervous, so I walk over to her and look down at her, but she stares resolutely at the floor.

"You have no idea what that meant to me," she continues. "It's.. you're.."

She gets it. She knows what a big deal it was, not just to make such a grand gesture in front of so many people, but because of the impact it will have caused. The die-hard fans will know who she is already, so it's only a matter of time before another wave of hysteria begins, about me having a girlfriend. I have never confirmed any relationships since Taylor Swift. This is massive for me, and she gets it. She understands, and she loves me for it. I know that now.

"Shh," I say softly, hooking my finger under her chin and tilting her head up so she is looking at me. "I know."

I could get lost in those beautiful eyes.

"No, you don't," she says, and suddenly I realise what she means. She means she needs to tell me she loves me.

I don't want her to. I don't want her to have to say it first. I'm going to be the one to do that, and I'm going to do it tonight.

"I do, Jess."

I try and convey the meaning behind this, but she's not getting it.

"Harry," she tries again, and I do the only thing I can do that I know will silence her. I press my lips softly onto hers, cutting her off so I can pick my moment to tell this girl that she is my everything, and that nothing in this world could ever stop me from loving her.