(No Control - 48. One Way Or Another, first part)

I'm having the best dream. I'm lying on my back while Jess is sitting on top of me, riding me hard and fast, with no condom. I can feel every inch of her, and she's looking down at me with this wide-eyed innocent look on her face, her hair scooped forwards over her shoulder. I reach up to touch her and jerk awake, my hand stretched out in front of me in the empty bed. I have a raging boner.

Where is she?

I lie there for a minute, contemplating what to do. Do I go in search of her to help me put this hard-on to good use? I might bump into one of the lads. Are they even up yet? I strain to listen, and I'm sure I can hear voices filtering up the stairs. They must be in the kitchen. I can hear Louis.

Fuck. I can hear Louis, which means he's with Jess.

I spring out of bed like a jack in the box, my erection suddenly gone. I redo my hair into one of those mun things that Jess likes, pull on a clean pair of boxers and head downstairs.

Several things become apparent the second I walk into the kitchen:

Jess is wearing a tiny pair of shorts and my Green Bay Packers hoodie, and she looks absolutely incredible.

Louis and Liam are both looking at her: Liam at her face, Louis at her legs.

She is looking down at the breakfast bar, passing Liam a cup of tea.

Liam is smiling gratefully at her. Louis is perving. They are both wearing only their underwear.

I am jealous.

She looks up suddenly and her eyes rake over my body. I recognise that drooly look before she has time to hide it, and as she turns away and rolls her eyes (I'm not sure why?) I smirk to myself that she still has this reaction to me.

I follow her over to the other side of the kitchen where she is making another cup of tea, presumably for me, and I smile at her. She looks up at me, through those impossibly long eyelashes, and my stomach gives a slow roll of nerves as I think how beautiful she is and how happy I am that she is mine. Sort of.

"I didn't know where you'd gone," I pout.

"Sorry," she smiles. "I came down to make a cup of tea for us but these two distracted me." She extends her hand towards Liam and Louis. Louis is now staring at her backside appreciatively.

He catches me looking and gives me a guilty look, and averts his eyes. Fucking busted.

"Hmm, should I be worried?" I tease softly, so only she can hear me, but suddenly I don't care that Louis was ogling her, because she was ogling me, and right now she's looking up at me with this little smile that I've only seen her use towards me.

"Are we going out for breakfast?" Liam interrupts, and I vaguely recall a conversation around one o'clock this morning about this. "I'm starving," he is moaning, and he reminds me of Niall.

"Alright, Niall," I shoot at him. "Yeah, we can go to Dialog Cafe if you want."

"Awesome," Liam nods. "I'm in the mood for the full works."

"Save it for Sophia," Louis smirks, and Liam ruffles his hair.

"You're like a dog on heat, man. You're worse than usual."

Jess finishes her tea and stands up.

"I'll go and get ready," she says.

"Yeah, we wanna leave before lunch," I tease and she flips me off without looking at me and we all laugh.

"Did you have the conversation?" Liam asks as soon as she is out of earshot.

"No," I reply. "We never got around to it."

"Meaning he boned her instead," Louis puts in, and Liam smacks him across the back of his head. "I'm not wrong though am I?!" he laughs, rubbing the back of his hair with his hand, and grins at me when I don't answer.

"Are you going to speak to her about it?" Liam asks, ignoring Louis.

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for the right moment," I sigh.

"She's going home tomorrow!" Louis reminds me, as if this is news.

"I know!" I snap. "I'll talk to her before she goes. I just need her to stop brushing me off for five minutes and let her guard down and I'll pounce."

Louis drains his cup and stands up. "Don't let her slip through your fingers. She's the best thing that's happened to you in a long time."

"He's right," Liam nods once Louis has gone upstairs. "She's a cracker, mate. You'd be a fool to let her go."

"I know," I mutter. "I'll bring it up later when we're on our own."

"Make sure you do," he says.

I quickly text Paul, to let him know we're going out for breakfast and he replies telling me security will be outside in half an hour and will wait in the car, and then we head upstairs to get ready.

Jess is out of the shower when I enter my bedroom, but she still isn't ready by the time I'm dressed so I join the others downstairs to wait for her.

"Why do women take so fucking long?" Louis grumbles as we hover in the hall.

"Dunno, but Sophia's the same," Liam replies. "She spends hours putting make up on, to make it look like she's not wearing any. What the hell is that all about? I keep telling her, just don't wear any, save yourself the time. But she gets annoyed when I say that."

I hear the bedroom door open and I lean back against the wall, fold my arms and pretend to be asleep. Next to me I hear Louis do a fake snore, and when I look he and Liam have adopted my stance. We all snore loudly as her footsteps get nearer, and she sighs. I grin.

"Yes, yes, very funny," she says sarcastically, and I open my eyes and push away from the wall. Louis and Liam snigger.

"We'll go in the Range Rover, there's more room," I say, grabbing the keys.

"Oh are you driving us?" Jess says, looking confused.

"Security will follow," I explain, and as I open the front door she yells, "Shotgun!"

"Errr, don't you know the rules of Shotgun?" Louis says sarcastically, and she turns to face him and puts her hands on her hips.

"Yes! The car has to be in sight before Shotgun can be called," she says immediately. "Not my fault you were last out the door. Snooze, you lose."

I laugh delightedly at the way she has just slayed Louis again. He needs someone like her to keep him on his toes. Just not her.

He glances at me with a brief smirk and raises an eyebrow at her.

"Not what I meant," he says. "Driver's girlfriend gets automatic Shotgun. There was no need to call it."

My stomach flutters and my heart sinks as I know where this conversation will go.

"Um... I'm - I'm not his, uh..." she stammers, and I can't even be arsed with this so I yank the driver's door open and put my sunglasses on. I don't look at anyone as I start the engine and surf the radio channels to find one that isn't playing adverts.

Why does she insist on denying it, every time? I don't get it.

There is an uncomfortable silence in the car as I begin to drive down my road, slowing down to pass through the security barrier, and then on towards West Hollywood.

I'm sort of glad she has said that in front of the others so they can see what I've been talking about. But I'm also pissed off that she's being like this. I don't know what to do.

I know I need to ask her about it, to find out if she really does just see this as a bit of fun with no potential to go any further, but fuck, what if she says that's all it is? The thought makes me nervous. I don't want another rejection. I've had enough of those lately. It's fucking humiliating.

My thoughts are interrupted by Jess turning the volume up on the radio and for a minute I think she's going to start singing along to something, but it's just the presenters talking about Liam and Louis arriving at LAX. She listens intently and then when they introduce Teenage Kicks her face lights up and she turns the volume up to the max so the bass makes the whole car vibrate.

Turns out I was right first time - she starts singing, ignoring the fact that Louis has his hands over his ears and his face scrunched up in pain.

She pulls her phone out as she sings and I can't help grinning as she starts taking selfies with the boys in the background. I'm actually surprised it's taken her this long to be honest. She must have been dying for an excuse to do this. I catch Louis' eye in the mirror and mouth Lets' sing, and he grins and pulls hands off his ears, nudges Liam and shouts, "Let's go!" in time with the words of the song as the second verse begins.

Liam gets it, and starts to sing his part of the song. I look at Jess, who has practically fallen off her seat in shock, and chuckle to myself as she records this on her phone, her excitement mounting.

She takes over Zayn and Niall's solos, and I'm elated to see goosebumps rise on her arms when I sing my parts. She's stamping her feet and squealing, and when I sing "I wanna hold you, wanna hold you tight," I wink and point at her and she practically hyperventilates.

She's doing the dance now, in her seat, as we near the end of the song, and I smile and shake my head at her as she throws her all into it, still videoing us. She's barely keeping the camera still, so god knows how it will turn out.

She screams and cheers when the song is finished, stamping her feet and covering her face with her hands. I imagine this is what she will be like at our concert.

I can't wait to see how she reacts when I sing my solo to her during What Makes You Beautiful. I don't know how I'm going to pull that off yet. Do I tell the boys what I'm going to do? I think I'll have to.

"Oh my God that was fucking amazing!" she is screaming. "That was like the best thing ever to happen to me!"

"Okaaayyyy, crazy fan," Louis laughs.

"Sorry," she pants, staring out of the window with a grin on her face.

Louis leans forward and his face appears next to my shoulder.

"Does she do this when you're getting jiggy?" he asks.

"No I do not!" Jess protests before I can answer, and bats her hand at Louis' face. He grins and dodges it, and then leans forward again, towards Jess this time.

"Is he a bit of a let down?" he whispers to her theatrically, and I shake my head at him in mock disappointment.

"As if," Jess snorts, and I give Louis triumphant look in the rearview mirror. He smirks at me and sits back in his seat.

~~~~

We manage to eat breakfast in peace and quiet, without any interruptions. My heart skips a beat when Jess reaches across the table to touch my hand, and I get goosebumps up my arm as her fingers stroke mine softly. I know I shouldn't be letting her do this in public in case there are any paps around, but I'm so giddy that she's being like this with me that I indulge it for a bit, before I make an excuse to pull my hand away. Her foot is touching mine under the table and every couple of minutes I feel her nudge me with it. Each time she does my heart pounds.

Jess seems surprised and happy that Louis and Liam are coming out with us tonight, and I give Liam a look across the table and pray no one lets the cat out of the bag about Ed Sheeran. Luckily they don't, but I am relieved when they stand up to leave, not just because I don't want my surprise ruined, but also because I am craving some one on one time with Jess.

"Do you want to do some shopping?" I ask her after they've gone, and she agrees so we pay our bill and stroll along the street, glancing around the shops. I don't really need anything, I'm just happy to be out with her. I really want to hold her hand but it is out of the question.

She looks at countless bags, shoes, sunglasses and jewellery, and I watch her when she doesn't know I'm looking at her, taking in every detail, from the way her brow furrows when she's looking at something closely, to the way the small wisps of hair frame her face and tickle her cheek, forcing her to push them impatiently behind her ears.

I stare at the pendants in a small vintage shop, and one in particular catches my eye. It's just an obscure twist of metal, but I am drawn to the 'J' and the 'H' that I can see within the intricate pattern. I don't think it's actually supposed to resemble letters, but now I've seen it I can't unsee it. Jess and Harry. J and H. It's a beautiful pendant. It's not my usual style, but somehow it really appeals to me.

I'm suddenly aware Jess is watching me, and I put the pendant down and walk over to her. She's looking at a couple of pairs of earrings and wants my opinion.

"Which pair?" she wants to know.

"The bigger ones," I reply, pointing to a silver pair in her left hand, and to my delight she takes my advice and hands them to the assistant. While she's getting her purse out I look at the pendant again, to see if I imagined the J and the H on it. I notice them again immediately, and I'm tempted to ask the shop owner if I'm seeing things, but I look up and see her beaming at me and change my mind.

I look over at Jess again, and out of the corner of me eye I see the owner walk over to me.

"Please can I have a picture with you?" she asks, and I notice she has a thick Mexican accent.

"Of course," I reply, and she turns around so my back is to the display and pulls out her phone. She snaps a selfie of us, and then smiles at me.

"Your girlfriend is beautiful," she says quietly so only I can hear. "You love her very much."

What the fuck?

"Ummm," I stumble.

"She loves you too. You can't keep your eyes off each other."

I stare at this woman. I've never seen her before in my life.

"You're smitten," she smiles. "It's obvious. But don't worry. Your secret is safe."

I clear my throat and run my hand through my hair, completely lost for words. My heart is starting to pound again.

"Ready?" Jess asks from next to me and I clear my throat again.

"Um, yeah," I mutter.

She thanks the assistant who served her and turns to leave, and I can feel the owner's eyes on my back. I look back as I reach the door and she is still smiling broadly, and then lifts her hands to her chest and puts her fingers together to make a heart shape.

I blink in confusion and turn away, following Jess out of the shop.

That was fucking weird.

I glance back again but I can't see inside the shop anymore because the of the glare of the sunlight on the glass windows.

"Do you want to carry on shopping?" I ask, trying to focus my thoughts.

"I'd love to but I kind of need to think about packing," she says softly. "If we're going out tonight I'll need to get it all sorted before we go so I'm not stressing in the morning."

Oh yeah, she's leaving in the morning. I had temporarily forgotten. Fuck.

My heart is still pounding after the shop owner's words. Why are people so convinced I'm in love with her? What is it about me that gives off that vibe?

Is she in love with me?

My heart pounds harder.

Do I want her to be?

How can she be when she pushes me away all the time? I don't understand.

Should I bring up the conversation? Now?

Now seems as good a time as any.

My stomach churns hard as we saunter along the street, and I casually slip my arm around her shoulders. It feels good.

"What are you doing?" she asks, tensing immediately. Her voice sounds panicked.

"Not caring," I reply.

If I don't care, she shouldn't care either.

"Harry...," she begins nervously, glancing around and stiffening her shoulders.

"What, Jess?" I say, harder than I intend to, and stop in the middle of the pavement to face her.

She looks at me uncertainly, her eyes flicking back and forth between each of mine before looking down at the pavement.

"What if someone sees?" she mutters.

For fuck's sake. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

"I'm starting to think you're more worried about that than I am," I snap, and I walk away from her, shoving my hands deep in my pockets, feeling completely humiliated. Again.

Seriously, what the fuck is her problem? What is she really so afraid of?

"Only because I don't want you to have to deal with the intrusion in your private life when people start getting the wrong idea," she says softly, following me, and I shake my head.

"What if it isn't the wrong idea?" I mutter, but I don't think she hears.

She doesn't say anything else as we walk back to the car. I feel like shit. I just wish she'd tell me if she isn't interested. Maybe it's a good thing she's going home tomorrow.

We reach the car and I open the passenger door for her. As she starts to get in she pauses, her foot on the edge of the doorway. I look at her, holding the top of the door with my hand to prevent it from shutting.

"Sorry," she says gently. "I'd love nothing more than to walk down the street with your arm around me."

"Prove it then," I tell her, looking her hard in the eyes. "Kiss me. Right now."

Come on, Jess. Let your fucking guard down, just for once. Let me in.

"And what will you do when it's all over the internet in 5 minutes?" she asks.

Why does she have to be so rational, all the time?

"I'll ignore it, like I do everything else," I reply. It wouldn't be the first time I've been linked to someone. I'm feeling reckless. I don't care. "Come on," I challenge. "I'm waiting."

She won't. I know she won't. But part me of me hopes with all my heart she proves me wrong.