(No Control - 39. Act My Age)

We fly out to Johannesburg the following day, and when I've unpacked my stuff in the latest hotel room I pick up my phone and call Karen. I've been putting this off and I know I need to get it over with.

"I hope this isn't going to give me any more grey hairs, Harry," she says, by way of a greeting, and I laugh nervously. "Oh God," she says flatly. "Did you use a condom?"

"Why do you always assume I've had sex?" I groan.

"Because lately it's all you seem to do!" she responds.

What she means is, I keep getting caught. Niall gets way more sex than me, he just manages to keep things quiet. He's like a sniper, going in for the kill and then slipping away into the night.

"I've invited Jess to come and stay with me in LA," I say.

Nice and quick, like ripping off a plaster.

"Please tell me this is a joke," Karen sighs, and I picture her sitting in her little office with her elbows on her desk, rubbing her temples.

"Nope. Not a joke. Listen, I know you don't trust her -"

"Can you blame me?"

"Well, actually, yes," I challenge. "You don't know her. She's never given you any reason to doubt her. She's kept my confidences -"

"What confidences?"

"Private stuff!" I say, with a touch of exasperation. Remember that word? Private? I almost add, but stop myself.

"I hope you haven't been spilling your guts to someone out of contract," she says immediately.

"What, I'm not allowed friends now?" I'm trying and failing to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"I didn't say that. I just need to know what I'm dealing with. You haven't exactly had a great track record with keeping your private life private lately."

"I really like Jess," I say, trying to steer the conversation back to where I want it to go.

"If she's going to stay with you she needs to sign an agreement."

"No way," I veto.

"Harry, if this ends up going sour we need something in place early on to prevent her from talking."

"Why would it end up going sour?" I say defensively.

"I'm just saying we need to protect you. If she's a decent girl, it won't bother her."

I close my eyes in frustration. "Of course it will bother her. She'll think I don't trust her when I absolutely do."

"You haven't known her long enough to know whether or not she's trustworthy. This is moving too fast, Harry. I'm not happy about this at all."

"Do you trust my judgment?" I ask.

"It's not a question of that, and you know it. It's just not that simple. You're a genuine person and you see the good in everyone, and that makes you incredibly naive sometimes."

"I'm not stupid," I say, as calmly as I can, because she is really pissing me off now.

"I didn't say you were. But letting someone you've only met a couple of times into your home - into your bed - without some sort of legal process in place preventing them from disclosing any information is a very risky move for someone like you. And you of all people know that."

"Well I'm not asking her. I don't even know if it's going anywhere yet. I want to get to know her away from prying eyes, and I'm not scaring her off by shoving a contract in her face the minute she gets off the plane."

"This girl has some sort of weird hold over you," Karen says suspiciously.

I roll my eyes. "No she doesn't. She's just innocent to the celebrity world."

"Another reason why this will never work. She'll never be able to understand the pressures you are under. Dating fans is a no-no, Harry."

"Good job we're not officially dating then, isn't it," I say breezily. "I'll let you know when she's coming over here."

Karen sighs. "Fine. I'll let this go for now but sooner or later she will have to sign if she gets involved with you..."

I switch off at the this point, until I hear something about flights.

"Sorry?" I ask.

"I said, call Angela when you want to book her flight."

"She's paying for it herself," I inform her. "She got all huffy when I tried to offer to pay."

"Oh." Karen sounds pleasantly surprised.

Ha.

"I'm going to upgrade her to first class though," I muse as the thought strikes me.

"Just keep me in the loop," Karen says finally. "We'll talk about this again nearer the time."

I grin as once again I have successfully called the shots in my own life. I could get used to this.

.....

I get a text from Jess on Friday afternoon telling me she can get the time off work, and I call her once she's home and persuade her to book her flights that evening. I want her to come for two weeks, but she insists on only one. I can't deny I'm disappointed, but I'm just glad she's coming at all.

About half an hour later I get a text with her flight details. Immediately I forward it to Angela at Modest and ask her to upgrade both flights to first class, and to charge it to my account. If Jess won't let me pay for her tickets, I can at least make sure she flies out to see me in style, especially as she's the one who is making all the effort this time.

I get a cheeky selfie from Jess on Saturday afternoon just after we've arrived at the stadium ahead of the first gig in Johannesburg, and my eyes nearly pop out of my head. She's in what looks like a shop changing room and she's wearing a blue bikini. She looks fucking incredible. I send her a selfie back of my face looking surprised, and then she tells me she has been slaving in the gym to look like this.

I'm momentarily shocked. From what I can remember she didn't need to be going to the gym, especially not for my benefit, but at the same time I am flattered she has made so much effort for me. Maybe she is into me after all.

She tweets a picture not long after of her and a blonde girl having lunch, and I recognise her friend from the night we met. As if on cue, Ellie Goulding's Love Me Like You Do starts playing through the speakers in the backstage lounge. Immediately everyone lays into Niall because he had a fling with Ellie a while back before she got with Dougie, but I stare into space and remember sitting on the sofa under the stairs at that house party, talking to Jess about Twitter, and fame, and her flat and her job while this song played. I can picture her so clearly. I'm so looking forward to seeing her again.

My phone starts ringing and I see Grimmy's name is on the caller ID.

"Hi," I answer.

"Hey. How's it going?" he asks.

"Good, just waiting to do soundcheck in Johannesburg," I tell him.

"Just ringing to see how you're feeling after the whole Zayn thing?"

"I've been better," I admit. "But I've got plenty to look forward to."

I tell him about Jess coming to LA and he takes the piss out of me for a bit, but I can't stop myself from going on about her for about ten minutes, no doubt boring him silly. He thinks it's hilarious that I have pursued her as much as I have, considering she is "just a normal person" - his words.

I can't deny I love that she keeps me on my toes, but it's not just that. There's something about her that I can't put my finger on - some sort of chemistry between us that I just can't forget.

Grimmy tells me he's off for a night out tonight, and we promise to meet up properly when I'm next home. When I come off the phone Liam is grinning at me.

"Is there anyone you haven't told about your girlfriend?" he teases.

"She's not my girlfriend," I frown.

We haven't talked about that yet. It's way too soon for that conversation.

"He wants her to be though," Louis pipes up, looking up from his game of FIFA with Niall.

"Too soon," I knock him down.

"This coming from the guy who declared his undying love for Nadine Leopold on their second date," he retorts.

"Shut up, dickhead, no I didn't," I snap.

"Alright then, third," he smirks.

"Fuck off," I mutter.

I don't need any reminders of the rejection I suffered at the hands of Nadine. But just for the record, it was a couple of months into the relationship that I dropped the L-word. And I got a "thanks" in return.

My ego still hasn't recovered.

For a few brief months she was everything to me. I thought she might be The One.

She thought I was seeing other girls.

You can see where this is going.

We play a good show, and we're ushered out of the stadium and onto the tour bus before the fireworks have even finished. Just as I'm sitting down my phone beeps with a text. It's Grimmy, sending me a multimedia message:

Look who I've just bumped into tonight.

It's a picture of him and Jess.

Oh my God. What if he tells her about our conversation earlier? I cringe at some of the stuff I said to him on the phone.

Don't say anything embarrassing, I type as quick as I can.

Too late, comes the reply, and I feel a flush creeping up my body.

What are you saying to her? This isn't fair, I send back.

I tap my phone against my chin while I wait for him to reply.

Don't worry. You're definitely her second favourite out of all the boys, he says.

OK, I know she's told him to say that. Which means they're in league with each other. Thinking about it, they do have a similar sense of humour. They probably get on well. Which is bad news for me, because they both seem to enjoy making me the butt of their jokes.

You're in cahoots aren't you. Bastards, I send back, and then I swipe Jess's name on my screen and call her. She answers after a couple of rings.

"Hello," she says, and I can tell she's grinning just from the sound of her voice.

"Why do I have the feeling you've just found your kindred spirit?" I say in a resigned tone, picking at a bit of fluff on my jeans.

She laughs delightedly and I hear Grimmy's voice shout, "Hi, Harry!"

"I really don't think I like this pairing," I tell her flatly. "This is harassment. It's a conspiracy."

"Just keeping you on your toes," she says smugly.

Right. Like she needs help with that.

"Yeah but not with Grimmy," I moan. "That's two against one. It's an unfair advantage."

"Oh and you were being fair when you embarrassed me in front of Louis were you?" she says.

It's a fair point.

I look over at Louis who is laughing with Niall about one of the signs at tonight's show, and I'm suddenly struck by a brilliant idea.

"This is war," I murmur.

"Give it your best shot," she retorts, and I can't stop my grin.

"Oh, I will. Don't you worry about that," I tell her.

If I can pull this off, Little Miss Play-It-Cool won't know what hit her.

"Sounds intriguing," she murmurs, and I get goosebumps on my arms at her tone. It's really fucking sexy.

Her voice, I mean. Not my goosebumps.

"You'll have to wait and see."

It's my turn to be smug now.

"Tell him to bore off," Grimmy shouts in the background. Then his voice is suddenly booming down the speaker. "HARRY! BORE OFF!"

"Rude," I mutter, and Jess laughs.

"I should go," she says.

"OK," I smile. "Nice picture earlier, by the way."

"Thanks," she says shyly. "I bought it. The bikini, I mean."

Fucking hell. As if I wasn't excited enough about her visit.

"It looks great on you," I say, dropping my voice so the boys don't hear me. "I think it would look better on my bedroom floor though."

I glance around self-consciously, but they're all talking to each other and no one is paying any attention to me.

"I... I... err," she stammers, and I laugh softly because I know I've embarrassed her, and for the first time in ages I've got the upper hand.

"Cat got your tongue?" I tease.

"Just you wait," she squeaks, and I laugh louder and turn towards the window to get a bit more privacy.

"I don't think I can," I admit. "These next 2 weeks are going to drag. Can't you come any sooner?"

"I need another 2 weeks of hammering the gym," she says.

Is she joking? She's perfect.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're beautiful as you are," I tell her, and there's a short silence where I hope she's smiling at my words. I know I am.

"HARRY! BORE OFF!" Grimmy shouts again, totally ruining the mood. Typical.

"I'd better let you go," I sigh, with a half laugh.

I don't want to let her go. I want to stay on the phone to her until I fall asleep in my king size bed at the hotel.

"OK," she says in a less than confident tone. "Make my knees go weak then hang up the phone, that's fine."

My stomach flutters nervously at this admission, and my heart starts thudding.

"I make your knees go weak?" I ask shyly, dropping my voice even more.

"No," she says faintly. She's lying.

"The feeling's mutual," I almost whisper. I'm so thankful Louis can't hear me. I'd never live this down.

She doesn't answer, but for once I'm not worried she's pulling a face at my lack of chill.

"Are you all embarrassed?" I tease her.

I wish I was there with her right now. I want to kiss her so badly.

"No," she says again in a shaky voice, and I know I've hit the nail on the head.

"Have fun tonight, Jess," I say softly. But not too much, I add silently. I know how beautiful she is. Guys will be hanging all over her, I just know it.

"I will," she says, and she still sounds nervous.

"Bye," I say reluctantly, and I hear her echo my goodbye as I pull my phone away from my ear and end the call.

Look after her tonight.x, I text Grimmy immediately. I want someone looking out for her. If I was there I wouldn't let her out of my sight.

She's got it bad for you. Haven't they all, comes the reply about half an hour later, once I'm in bed at the hotel.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face. Again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week passes quickly considering we are all on countdown to our break. Cape Town goes well and we are all buzzing by the time we arrive in Dubai for our final show of this leg of the tour. We get to the stadium early but there is a problem with the sound deck so we are left hanging around backstage while it gets fixed, waiting for soundcheck.

I'm chatting with Lou when Liam suddenly sits up on the sofa, grinning, staring at his phone.

"Harry!" he calls. "Have you seen this? Your Jess is on Twitter!"

I frown and pull my phone out. I haven't had a notification.

Liam comes over to me and shows me his Twitter feed, and I watch a thirty second clip of Jess dancing to Trouble by Taylor Swift, singing along into what looks like a paint roller and wearing a One Direction tshirt and jogging bottoms. It has been shared and retweeted thousands of times, and after opening up Twitter on my own phone I can see the source of the tweet is her brother, Calvin.

I know her well enough to know she will be mortified by this.

"We're ready for you now, guys," Alex calls, poking his head around the door.

"Finally," Louis mutters, getting to his feet and glancing over my shoulder at the video of Jess playing on my screen again. "Fucking hell, she's fucking gorgeous," he remarks, and I feel an irrational pang of jealousy at his words.

The others make their way to the door and Niall looks back at me questioningly. "You coming Harry? Not literally," he adds. "Although that video is hot as fuck."

I can't even be bothered rising to his smut.

"I'm right behind you," I mutter. I need to warn Jess that this video has gone viral.

"Don't be long," Liam warns. "We're late as it is. They won't take kindly to another hold up."

I nod distractedly as I lift my phone to my ear and it begins to ring. It'll only take two seconds to tip her off.

"Hello?" a male voice answers.

"Hello?" I repeat, confused. I pull my phone away from my ear and check I've definitely dialled Jess. I have.

"Hello?" the guy says again, and my heart flutters briefly as I wonder who the hell this is. She told me she didn't have a boyfriend?

"Hi, um, is Jess there please?" I ask.

"She's busy. This is her brother."

FUCK.

"Oh," I say. "Um, hi. It's Harry."

"Yeah, I know very well who this is. I want to know what your intentions are towards my sister."

Oh fuck.

"Um, OK, um, well, we're just getting to know each other," I begin, lamely.

"If you break her heart, I swear to God I will break your legs," he says aggressively.

Fuck fuck fuck. I hadn't bargained on this at all.

I hear Alex calling me, at the same time I hear Jess on the other end of the phone screaming, "Calvin!"

"I'm not going to hurt her, " I say quickly. "I think she's amazing. That's the last thing I want to do."

"What are you doing?" I hear Jess shout. "Give me my phone, NOW!"

"So why have you invited her to LA?" Calvin demands.

"I'd really like to get to know her better," I tell him. "We can't do that easily in London without the paparazzi crawling all over us. I don't want her to have to deal with that while it's still early days, so I thought we'd have more privacy over in LA. So I asked if she wanted to come and stay with me for a week."

I glance at the door nervously. I'm holding up soundcheck. Fuck.

I hear scuffling and a thump, then Jess's voice close to the microphone. "Give me the phone," she hisses.

"Do you mind? I'm having conversation," Calvin replies, and he sounds totally calm. The opposite of me right now. My stomach is churning.

"Harry!" Alex shouts. "Get the fuck out here now!"

"I really like her," I say stupidly and impulsively.

I need to make a good impression on this guy. I remember Jess saying what a close family they are.

"I'm not fucking about, Calvin, give it to me NOW," Jess snaps.

"And is she going to be sleeping in your room?" Calvin asks me.

FUCK! How am I supposed to answer that one without getting my head kicked in the first time I meet him in the flesh? I'm fucking terrified.

"Um, I... we haven't talked about that," I stammer.

"CALVIN!"

I can tell Jess is really angry now. I don't know who I'm more afraid of - him or her.

"Are you using my sister?" Calvin demands.

"No, of course not!" I splutter. "I would never do that!"

"Harry, hang up the phone!" I hear Jess shouting, closer to the phone again.

Is she kidding? I daren't.

"Don't hang up the phone," Calvin says menacingly.

"I'm not going to," I say as confidently as I can. "Look, I don't want you to think I'm some flash idiot or anything. I won't hurt Jess, I promise. I don't know what you've heard about me but I'd bet ninety-nine percent of it isn't true."

Alex suddenly appears at the door, his face like thunder. Lou is behind him.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" he demands. "Everyone's waiting for you. We're late as it is. We've barely got time to do this properly before we need to open the doors."

"Come on, Harry, they're getting really pissed off," Lou pleads.

I wave them away and turn my back on them as Calvin grunts and says, "Ow, Christ, she's hitting me."

"She's fiesty," I think out loud, and I hear Jess's voice threatening, "I'll fucking break your legs if you don't stop this right now."

"So do you often fuck your fans while you're touring?" Calvin asks, addressing me again.

This is going from bad to worse. How do I answer this? He's obviously read the last few articles about me. I can't lie.

"I've done some things I'm not proud of," I say carefully. "But meeting your sister isn't one of them."

"Calvin!" Jess is now screaming. Then I hear, "Muuuuummmmm!"

"Here come the tears," Calvin updates me. "Don't be a brat, Jess," he says away from the phone.

"Calvin's ruining my life!" I hear next, and it sounds like she's crying.

"I'd really like the opportunity to get to know her better," I continue. "I don't know how she feels about me, but I totally respect her - I was pretty much brought up by my mum and my older sister. I've been brought up to respect women. I will never take her for granted or treat her badly. I promise you that."

"Good. Cos if you hurt her, I will hurt you," he threatens, and I gulp.

"Er, OK," I say nervously.

Then he breaks into a maniacal laugh and my blood runs cold. This guy is a psycho.

"She's trying to fucking paint me now," he laughs. "I'd better pass you over to her. She's pretty mad."

There's more scuffling, and Jess hisses, "You're a fucking prick."

She gives a huge sniff.

"Harry?" she says softly.

"Hey," I say in relief. My stomach feels like it's trembling.

"I'm really sorry about that," she apologises, and she sounds pretty upset.

"It's ok," I assure her. "He's very protective, isn't he?"

"He's a knob!" she splutters. "Why didn't you just hang up?"

And make him hate me even more? Is she kidding?

"That wouldn't have gained his trust, would it? He's just looking out for you," I reply.

"Harry, you need to get off the phone," Lou whispers from my left. I ignore her.

"I can't believe you're being so cool about this," Jess cries.

"Why?" I ask, not wanting to admit he rattled me this badly. "What's so bad? He just asked me a few awkward questions. Nothing I probably wouldn't have asked if you were my sister."

I don't think I have ever asked any of Gemma's boyfriends anything like that, but in fairness she is older and independent and nothing like as gentle as Jess.

Gemma slays.

I look up and see Alex striding towards me.

"We are getting roasted out there!" he hisses.

"Anyway, I have to go," I tell Jess. "We're getting called for sound check."

'We're getting called for soundcheck?!' Alex mouths in disbelief.

"Oh," Jess replies in a small voice. "OK."

I suddenly remember why I called in the first place.

"I only called to warn you to check Twitter," I tell her quickly. "You might be even madder with your brother in a minute."

"Why, what's he done?" she asks with another sniff.

"He's posted a video of you." I look at Alex again who is red in the face and furious. I am going to get a fucking bollocking over this. Shit. "I've really got to go," I gabble. "I'm sorry. I'll text you later."

Without waiting for her reply I cut the call off.

"Sorry," I say hastily to Alex, getting to my feet and shoving my phone in my pocket.

He says nothing but stands to the side as I scoot out the door and practically run all the way to the stage.

"Fucking hell, about time!" Louis says.

"Yeah, sorry," I mutter, grabbing my mic from the side of the stage. "Sorry everyone," I announce to the empty stadium.

"It's fine, it's not like we were waiting for you or anything," Louis remarks.

"Yeah, I know, thanks," I acknowledge.

"Not like we're behind schedule," he continues sarcastically.

"Alright!" I snap. "I get it! I'm here now! Let's get on with it! Calm your tits."

"I can't belieeeeeeve what I did for looooove," Niall sings, and Liam chuckles.

As we begin soundcheck I glance over at Alex who is glaring at me from the sound booth. I just know he's going to pull me to one side about this as soon as he gets chance. I turn away as a smile breaks over my face as I run over my conversation with Jess's brother. Hopefully I managed to convince him I'm not a complete dick.

I don't know what Jess has told him about me, but as scary as he sounds, I actually want to meet the guy. And that realisation scares me far more than his threats ever could.