I woke up to the mildly bright sun slipping through the blinds. He was still asleep and I couldn't resist staring at his immaculate, resting face. He looked divine like that - without his angry eyes or the confusing smile he brings up when he is about to do something wicked. I closed up to him and cuddled as tears escaped me without a warning.

I couldn't desist if any of this was real. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined waking up next to him. It wasn't a dream and I even checked it once or twice. It was a desire that came true. But something vexed me. Our relationship didn't have a name. Though, I knew it was intense without one.

I had a feeling that this was not going to last. What if it was just a passing moment we used to get what we wanted? I prayed that wasn't true. But I could feel a throbbing in my chest that didn't want to let him go. However cruel or stupid, he still felt mine. He was the devil I slept with. I wrap my arms around him and take it all in one more time. We cuddled again in confirmation of the previous night.

It felt safe in his arms once again. I felt lethargic and yet I mustered all the energy I could to let him know how I felt about him. I closed my eyes to feel his skin grazing mine and the warmth that exchanged between us.

Moments passed and he slowly shifted. He was waking up. I lazily turned away and sat myself up. I couldn't let him see the dried-up tears or my sunken face first thing in the morning. I stepped into the bathroom grabbed my clothes and shut myself in. Even if I wanted to be vulnerable in front of him, a part of my ego wouldn't let me. It wanted to protect my heart but it was going to burst nonetheless without telling him how I felt.

I couldn't point out exactly when I started having feelings for him again. Was it at the beach, in Rye, or in bed? I wasn't sure. Still, it felt real. Maybe there was always hope that we would get back together. Maybe all this time apart has been a test for our love. Doesn't it look like destiny brought us together?

I knew we had our differences but we couldn't deny the passion that burned even now. It was special and irreplaceable. Our story has had a big twist but maybe we were closer to the climax. Maybe there was a 'Happily Ever After' for us too.

But does he feel the same way? I didn't know what he was thinking. Was it love or was it just a fling? I couldn't discern from his actions. His mysterious ways sometimes pissed me off, especially when it came to matters of the heart. He was never really good at expressing his true feelings, then and now.

His actions felt blurry as I thought more about it. We had agreed to be friends only a few hours ago but we ended up devouring each other. My life had turned complicated the minute I saw him on the plane. Everything that happened since then has been baffling and twisted, if I think about it now. I couldn't fathom some parts of what happened nor could I understand where my head was. It was tough to imagine being on this brink any longer. I decided to talk to him and I knew there was no better moment.

I got out of the bathroom and saw his half-covered body still on the bed. He was texting someone sheepishly and I could imagine who it was. What was he going to do about her now? Was he telling her about the night and breaking up with her? He told me that he didn't love her anyway.

"Noel. Can we talk?"

"Okay," he placed his phone beside him ready to talk. "What is it?"

"You know what I'm about to ask. What does this mean for us?"

"You tell me", he sat, briskly folding his hands..

"Don't play with me, Noel. I'm serious"

"Why do you have to question everything? Don't you like to be happy for a change?"

"I am happy and that is why I am scared. I can't handle a heartbreak again. So, tell me if this is real or not. Tell me you don't feel anything for me and I won't ask you again"

"This is real Anu. But just not what you think. Aren't we friends now?"

"You mean friends-with-benefits?"

It was all clear to me. We were two ex-lovers who were still sexually attracted to each other. No more, no less. Anyway, I was the one who let him go in the first place. How can it be fair to expect anything more?

That is why I didn't have this conversation with him.

I stared at the bathroom mirror, spinning my tales. I didn't want to seem weak or stupid in front of him so I cleaned myself properly. I took a quick shower, put on the same clothes from the night, and went back to the room. I had envisioned seeing him on the bed but he was gone. The door to the balcony was ajar and I could see translucent smoke whirling outside. He still hadn't lost the habit.

The pungent smell from the cigarette was already reaching me. When I peeked into the balcony, he was standing there chest bare with a white hotel around his waist. He looked celestial. Was it the post-sex glow or was the passive smoking making me delusional?

I couldn't let him see me, so I tip-toed my way back into the room and picked up my things. I was doing exactly what every Rom-com movie ever taught me. I decided to leave before I could make this encounter any more uncomfortable. I couldn't look him in the eye and ask him whatever was bothering me. I was almost sure what he would say. So, I'd rather run away from the truth and live with this feeling than get myself hurt again.

The sky was clear and it was my cue to leave quietly before he could find out. Though it wasn't easy to escape right under his nose, quite literally, I had to try. I opened the door as slowly as possible and slipped out of it unnoticed. As I passed by the lobby, my eyes looked for the old woman. But she was gone and there was a middle-aged man with a bald head and a huge grin looking at me. I shot him a smile and barged out the door.

'Should I pay for the room?'

'Should I split?'

'Should I just leave?' I couldn't decide. As I fled out the door, I could feel something pulling me in.

I have never fled anyone before, at least not so rudely. But I had to be selfish and spare myself some embarrassment. I didn't want him to look me in the eye and tell me that all of this meant nothing. Because it did - for me.

But there was more to it. Something else stopped me too. It was guilt. I felt guilty for being an ungrateful prick to someone who went to lengths to apologize to me. All he did was try to repair our broken friendship and I just ruined it again, possibly forever.

As I pondered outside the door, I heard footsteps rushing down, and my reflexes pulled my legs away from there. I wanted to run as far away as possible. I ran around the cottage and hid by the window with a partial view of him. He looked distressed and angry as he banged his arm against the table in front of the receptionist. He was truly angry as the bald man pointed his fingers to the door. I watched him as he tramped against the hardwood floor. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and began dialing. I could guess that it had to be me.

In response, I frisked my bag to turn off my phone. But I couldn't find it. I couldn't even hear it ringing. That is when I remembered leaving my phone on the bathroom counter before I made the big escape.

The world closed upon me at that second. I realized that he was going to find my phone soon. I had only two options - forget my phone or forget my pride and surrender. Even he knows I wouldn't choose the latter. I fled from the scene, mourning my phone, in search of a cab. Luckily, within five minutes of walking, I found a black cab passing by and hopped into it.

This time the ride back to my hotel was longer whilst I carried a heavy heart. It was as if I left a part of me behind. And it wasn't just my phone.

I watched the same beautiful scene, I saw from the red convertible play in reverse. It wasn't anything like yesterday. The sun was too bright and the wind was too flat. Nothing was perfect anymore.

When I reached my hotel room, I was exhausted. A good part of my weekend was past me and I lay flat, wanting to waste the rest of it. Within seconds, I felt claustrophobic and confined within those walls. The same bed that comforted me a night ago didn't feel welcome anymore. I knew then that I had to go outside.

I had a long, steamy bath before I dressed in my comfortable hoodie and got outside. The warm air wasn't very inviting but it was the only way to take my mind off everything. It felt refreshing to head out and walk the pathways that were still unexplored. I realized that I had barely visited any place around Shoreditch. I wanted to look for spots to visit; my hands searched for the phone in reflex. I realized I didn't have any choice but to ask someone on the road.

When I walked outside, the road was as noisy as I had expected. I had to find someone to ask for directions. It was awkward but it wasn't too difficult to find someone to talk to. I found an old woman selling flowers on the other side of the road. She looked like she'd been around for a while. I crossed the busy traffic and slowly walked towards her.

"Are there any places to visit nearby, ma'am?" I asked.

"Are you lost, child?" she inquired with a huge smile.

"No. Why do you ask, ma'am?"

"Call me Estelle," she said, tapping my shoulder. "Nobody has asked me anything but flowers for the last 10 years, dear. Hundreds of people cross by me every day, glued to their phones. Nobody needs an old lady like me to give directions anymore."

I couldn't resist laughing with her. She was right. I wouldn't have asked her for directions if not for losing my phone. It's been mere hours but I couldn't count the possible number of times I would have unlocked my phone.

"How much are those lilies?"

"I will give it to you for free if you walk with me to the flower market."

It was an interesting proposition and I didn't have anything better to do either. I picked up her basket and locked our elbows as she dragged me slowly through the crowd.

"What is your name, love?"

"It's Anu"

"What a beautiful name! I assume you're from India."

"I am. Do you meet a lot of us here?"

"Oh yes, I do. I've had quite a few friends from the market and might I even add that I had an Indian boyfriend back in the day."

I grinned as she continued telling her story of how she met a Gujarati businessman at an expo and how they fell in love instantly.

"Love was in the air", she said.

"Aww! You still remember it."

"Of course, I do. I remember all of them. Vikram and I dated for almost 8 months. We used to dance to music from the Vinyls and hang out in arcades like teenagers. The 70s was a beautiful era to live in. I can't remember having fun like that since then", she coughed.

"What happened after that?"

"Whatever happens to most love stories! He broke my heart and married someone else"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Estelle. That must have been hard."

"No. I wouldn't blame him. Actually, he did me a favor. I was so upset with Vikram that I had decided not to date again. If it wasn't for him, I would have never met my husband."

It felt sad and yet invigorating to hear her talk about an ex-love with such ease. She was clearly over it and only then could she joke about it. I wondered if I could ever be that cool about Noel.

She then spoke about meeting her husband only two days after losing her Indian boyfriend and how it felt like destiny to meet him. Talking to her was enlightening and though it was hard to think about forgetting or getting over Noel, it felt possible. It felt lighter than ever to know that it was possible to find someone to fall in love with after a tough heartbreak. I could feel the darkness slowly lift off.

When we reached the market after 10 minutes of walking, I realized how bizarre the encounter was. I couldn't believe that she had told me exactly what I wanted to hear. She was the tonic I did not realize I needed. She gave me hope. I dropped her basket on an empty table and hugged her tight until she embraced me back and gave me a peck on my cheek.

"Anu, whatever is bothering you is there for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. So, embrace it like a hug and don't run away."

"Thank you, Estelle. I will remember that."

"Here's the flower for the pretty girl like I promised," she said, handing me a rose instead of the lily I asked for.

I kissed her back on the cheek and walked out of the market to explore the rest of the area by dusk. As much as I was liberated without my phone, I also felt naked and unsafe walking around without it. I had a few hours to dolly around before I could retire for the night and go back to work.

Hell, I didn't want to stop. I wanted to wander a little longer. I walked back toward the hotel on the path I briefly remembered, making detours wherever I could. I wandered into the local artisans market only to pick up everything I saw and put it back in its place. Caressing wooden toys somehow felt therapeutic. Though it was already noon, the crowd had been tight. I couldn't walk an entire minute without rubbing at least one shoulder. Yet, my distress was slipping away. Watching people around doing mundane work was exciting for me.

By the time I reached the hotel, I was hungry. I remembered that I hadn't eaten since morning. Before I began walking toward the restaurant, the receptionist stopped me. He told me that someone was waiting for me and pointed me toward him. My hands began sweating in anticipation.

I knew that he was going to come for me. He knew where I stayed and it was supposed to happen eventually. How foolish was I?

I picked up my courage and walked towards a waiting area on the other side of the lobby. I was getting ready to put on a poker face but when I went there, it was nothing like I had expected.