"I called you to explain. Siguro ay nakita mo 'yong isang post ni Amethyst. There's explanation behind that, Chelsy," pagsusumamo ni Cal.

Huminga ako nang malalim at napangiti. He sounded desperate, na tila ba inaakala na iiwanan ko siya nang dahil lang sa picture na 'yon. Yes, I feel off, pero I am all ears to understand his explanation. Nakagugulat nga, e', at bigla-biglang tumawag. He usually asked first before... But at some point, I really like the change.

"Nag-video call kayo? Ano pinag-usapan niyo?" Ngumuso ako. Kitang-kita niya 'yon dahil naka-on cam kami pareho.

Natawa siya saka nagpaliwanag, "the thing is gusto ni Caliver na mag-usap sila ni Amethyst, but the plot twist ay sa phone ko. Kagabi 'yon after dinner at bigla-biglang humingi ng favor ang kapatid ko. Look, Chelsy, I know you're jealous—"

"Hindi, ah!"

"Weh?"

"Oo nga!" Umirap ako.

"Okay... You're not probably... Jealous, because you are not a jealous type of girl," he sounded sarcastic and sweet. "But I know you're feeling bad because of that screenshot. It wasn't my intention to really have a conversation with her. Matanong siya at diyan na part siya nag-screenshot, that's why I looked talking sa picture. I told her to delete the picture kaso umayaw. That's why I am worried. You might overthink. My darling might overthink."

I hope this man knows how good he is at reassuring me. I hope he's aware how he seems like a big green flag in my eyes. At sana alam niya kung papaano ako magkakaroon ng pagkatataon na mag-overthink kung sobra-sobra siya magpaliwanag.

"Do you want more information from me? Swear, if you are thinking like we're talking constantly ni Amethyst, you are wrong. She's already restricted and I promise, I didn't, and I will not do anything that will hurt you."

"Cal..." I whispered between my breaths. "Okay na, naiintindihan ko na."

"Hmm, that's glad. Ask me anything if you feel confused or whatever."

"Cal, I have something in my mind. Gusto ko siyang i-share."

"Tell me, tell me. Chika? A problem? A good news?"

"Just a thought... Now I understand why habol nang habol si Amethyst sa 'yo. Kung bakit mukhang in love pa rin siya sa 'yo kahit wala nang kayo..."

"Why do you think so? Pinagttripan na naman ako?"

"She knows she lost a best one."

Tumahimik sa kabilang linya. I never imagined na maghihiwalay kami ni Cal, because we look like we can fight until our last strength. Pero kung sakaling hindi umayon ang tadhana sa amin... Hindi ko rin siguro matatanggap. I don't chase, but if it's for him, for us, I don't mind jogging a lot to have his attention again. Siguro, kagaya ni Amethyst, hindi ko rin kakayanin, magsisisi ako, hindi ko matatanggap. Gagawa ako ng paraan para maging kami lang ulit.

"You think so?" aniya pa. "Wait, are you not being jealous, right?"

"Hindi nga! Naisip ko lang 'yan, no!" I grinned. "Hindi rin naman nagma-matter nang todo kung gusto ka niya... O kung gusto ka ng maraming babae. I am confident you'll always choose me."

"Naks!" pang-aasar niya. "But that's my darling. I like my woman being confident."

Little did he knows, he made me this confident.

Alam kong hindi ako ang pinakamaganda sa mundo, pero sa mga mata ni Cal? Napaka-espesyal ko panigurado.

Kung anu-ano pa ang pinag-usapan namin hanggang sa ako ang unang inantok. O siguro kanina pa siya inaantok pero hindi niya lang pinahahalata.

I was busy cleaning my room when Allysa appeared. Nagkakamot 'to ng ulo na tila hindi sigurado sa sasabihin.

"Chels, can I ask?" tanong niya.

"Sure!"

"Nandito kasi ang parents mo kaninang madaling araw. Timing na nasa sala ako at nanonood ng pelikula kaya ako na lang ang nag-entertain sa kanila. Ayaw rin naman nila na gisingin kita."

"May sinabi sila? Tulog na tulog ako, eh. Hindi ko nga namalayan na gising ka pa pala kaninang madaling araw."

"They just asked me about your boyfriend... Sinabi nilang umamin kang may boyfriend ka na. Wala raw kayong maayos na pag-uusap kaya nakalimutan daw nilang alamin ang pangalan ng boyfriend mo. Okay lang?"

"Maybe, I never explained enough talaga that night..." I whispered to myself. "It's okay, Allysa, I should have formally introduced his name by myself that's why thank you."

Allysa didn't add follow up questions. Siguro'y nakita na sa mukha ko na hindi agree sina mama at papa sa desisyon ko. Bumalik ako sa paglilinis nang umalis siya. It gives me time to think about my parents... Kung ano ba ang pwede kong gawin matanggap lang nila sa Cal.

Sa totoo lang, ayaw kong iwasan sila dahil hindi nila kayang bigyan ng respeto ang desisyon ko. I have been dreaming na makasama nina mama at papa si Cal sa hapagkainan... And then we will all laugh together...

"Libre mo 'to, 'di ba?" I asked Cal.

Dinala niya ako sa isang sikat na art gallery. Nakapunta na kami rito ng mga kaibigan ko nang nakaraang taon, pero iba pa rin ang epekto ngayong si Cal ang kasama ko. Hindi ko maiwasan mapatitig sa mga painting na tinititigan niya.

"Yeps. To cinema tayo later." He caressed my waist and point out the paintings he found familiar, tapos mag-shihishare ng kakaunting background tungkol rito.

I don't know Cal as an art's lover person, since never din naman niya nakwento na gusto niya... But looking at his eyes right at this moment fed my satisfaction.

"Nakatatakot. Kanina ka pa nakatingin sa akin." Ngumuso siya saka binalingan ako. Nag-iwas naman ako ng tingin.

I can't help but to, Cal. Ang gaganda ng mga mata mo.

"Ikaw rin naman, you keep staring at me kapag hindi ako nakatingin sa 'yo," sabi ko pabalik.

His face reddened at that statement of mine.

"Darling?" he called.

"Hmm? May plano ka pang puntahan? You really are planing to spoil me for today, aren't you?"

"I want these dates of ours to be unforgettable, Chelsy."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya.

"Ayaw ko lang sayangin ang oras. Kung posible nga, pipiliin kung makasama ka segu-segundo."

I find it lovely that he thinks like that. Pero sa kung anong dahilan, bigla akong nalungkot. Siguro sa paraan din ng pagkakasabi ni Cal... He sounds very hopeful, as if this will be our last day being together.

Napa-paranoid lang 'ata ako. Nagpaplano rin kasi akong manood ng kdrama kapag may free time kaya kung anu-ano na ang naiisip ko.

"Darling, can we talk?"

"If it's a bad news, ayaw ko Cal," I bravely said. "Ayaw ko. At saka nag-uusap na tayo. What's with that tone of yours?"

"Look... Don't give me that kind of face. Nalulungkot ako."

Tumigil ako kakairap sa kaniya saka pinagkrus ang dalawang balikat. "If it's about my parents... Kung kinausap ka nila at sinabihan na layuan ako, please lang, don't mention it to me. Hindi ako papayag na magkahiwalay tayo because of that."

His eyes turned into something unreadable. Hindi ko mabasa ang sakit, galit o ano pa man. Seemed like he switched off something to look more bold.

Hindi ko na rin naman kayang mag-maang-maangan pa. Napakaraming sandali kung kailan nahuhuli ko siya na tulala. Minsan naman nagsasalita nga pero kakaiba ang tono.

He doesn't need to pretend that everything is going well. Alam kong may ginawa sila mama't papa. I know very well they are sabotaging my relationship with Cal.

I still don't get them. Para pa rin akong bata sa paningin nila na hindi kayang gumawa ng sariling desisyon sa ikakabuti niya.

"Do you hate your parents?" he asked me instead.

"I love them, and at the same time I get hurt by them. Yes, I also hate them."

"You can't... Hate your parents, Chelsy—"

"No, I can. This is valid. Hindi mo kasi alam kung ano ang mga ginagawa nila sa akin, ang mga pagkukulang—"

"You can't hate them because of me."

"No, this is not just all about us. I hate them ever since I noticed that I was emotionally sustained by them less. It's not just all about them not liking you, Cal."

Napasabunot siya sa kaniyang buhok saka napatingala. And now, emotions are finally visible— such as disappointment and frustration. I then wonder kung anong klaseng mga salita ang sinabi ng mga parents ko sa kaniya. I know Cal... He loves me enough that my words are his only foundation in fighting our relationship.

"I will make you understand. This is not about your parents, Chelsy. They are out of this. Don't hate them more. They never came to me to tell me to stay away from u like what you might be thinking."

"It's obvious. Don't protect them. Cal, what's with that tone? And why does it seem like you're about to surrender?!" I intentionally raised my voice, puzzled at anything. Hindi ko pa ma-process. Am I really talking to Cal who's afraid to lose me?

"Let's take our lunch. May malapit na restaurant dito. Let's eat, hmm, darling?" he softly held my elbow as I gave him my questioning look.

Now... What? Why is he confusing me?

"What's our problem, Cal? Why aren't you being honest to me?" sabi ko, balewala ang mga hawak niya.

It's making me puzzled that his tone is making me think like he's about to give up, opposite of that is his actions... Hindi nagtutugma.

"Let's talk about this a later on? This is a public place."

"You are about to break up with me, aren't you, Cal Ramirez?" Hindi makapaniwalang tinitigan ko siya. "Don't talk to me using that kind of tone... How about the promises, ha? You were the one who told me to fight together!"

"I am not breaking up with you—" he's about to hug me when I avoid.

"Really? Then ano 'yang ipapamamaya mo pa? Why can't we talk it here in?"

"It's something personal, Chels—"

"And it's you asking for a separation!" I can hear my own desperation. "Were you... Love bombing me, huh? You are only good at the start! You gave me your world and now you're telling me indirectly that you want it back!"

"Darling... That's not it..." His voice broke. I saw tears escaping in his eyes. Dahil roon hinayaan ko siyang yakapin ako. My face is trapped between in his arms. Halos masundan ko na ang paraan ng paghinga niya sa sobrang diin ko sa kaniyang dibdib. "Can you please understand me? Huwag muna ngayon. I can't tell it yet. I just need more hours, please..."

"Assure me that that's not a break-up!"

"Darling—"

I attempted to punch his chest. Naiwang nakalutang ang aking kamay sa ere. "You can't even assure me... How could I calm down then? You were not like this before... You always do things to stop me from overthinking. Unlike now that you're letting me explode in my own thoughts!"

"Let's not shout, okay? Let's lower down our voice—"

"Just assure me! Iyan lang naman ang hinihingi ko! Assure me like what you always did so I will stop thinking that you were just love bombing me! You make me so attached for nothing, Cal!"

"It's not love bombing. Refrain from thinking like that." He hugged me more... Like he's really treasuring every second. "

Pagbalik namin sa apartment ay wala ang mga kaibigan ko. Cal and I did a lot of things hours ago kagaya ng pamamasyal sa park, shopping together at pagkain sa kung saan-saang restaurant. Just like what he requested, I refrained talking about him asking for a breakup. Kahit 'yon lang ang sumakop sa isipan ko buong hapon, hindi ako nagtanong.

Wala na rin kaming planong magluto pa ng dinner dahil kapwa kaming busog galing sa gala. At isa pa, the main reason kung bakit sinama ko siya rito ay para makapag-usap kami nang maayos.

"Those dates... Will happen again, right?" I broke the silence between us. "Kind of weird. Ginawa natin ang mga 'yon in just one day na para bang wala nang bukas. Can you... Enlighten me?"

Are my parents part of this?

"Caliver is about to get treated in abroad soon, Chelsy," he started. "And I know you understand his illness well."

Inaya niya akong umupo, na kung 'di niya ako yayayain ay baka nakalimutan ko nang gawin.

"Nasa isip mo ba na baka hindi ko kakayanin na mapalayo sa 'yo? You're wrong, Cal. I can wait. Kahit ilang months pa kayo roon, or years, as long as we update each other then fine. Walang magiging problema."

"Plus the fact that you're hating your parents because of me—"

"Hindi lang naman 'yan ang dahilan kung bakit ako galit, eh. There's so many reasons! I can't understand you!"

Minasahe niya ang aking palad. I am losing my own self now. Natatakot ako sa bawat salitang binibitawan niya.

"Please pursue your dreams, darling... Without me."

"Huh?!" Napatayo ako. Walang lakas naman siyang tumingala sa akin. "Did I hear it right? What about your promise? Am I right that you're just love bombing me?"

"I love you, Chelsy—"

"The prove it to me!" I cried. "Tuparin mo ang mga pinangako mo sa akin noon! You said we should fight! Ikaw lang din ang 'di sumusunod sa mga sinasabi mo, eh!"

"I apologize... We can't manage being distance apart—"

"How can you say so? Nakikita mo na ba ang mga mangyayari? At isa pa, ganiyan na ba talaga ang tingin mo sa relasyon natin? I can't..." Napahinga akong malalim. "I can't believe you are letting me beg for you to stay. Hindi ka ganito noon! O baka naman..."

"Please, Chelsy, I am doing this for ourselves. I know this is hard to take but I am sure we will thank—"

"Baka may iba na?" Napahina ang boses ko. "O siya pa rin?"

"Darling—" he attempted to catch my arms.

"Darling, darling!" I mimicked his voice. "Tama ako, 'di ba? All along, siya pa rin? Si Amethyst pa rin? Were you just playing? Ginagamit mo lang ba ako para makaganti sa kaniya?"

"I will never ever do that, Chelsy, please trust me. Bago tayo nagkakilala, naka-move on na ako sa kaniya. At mas lalong hindi kita gagamitin. You don't deserve—"

"Hindi deserve pero ginaganito mo ako! Tinutulad mo ako sa mga babaeng pinaglaruan mo!"

Sa isang kurap ay nasa bisig niya na ako, panay ang iyak at panay ang tulak sa kaniya. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Kahit anong eksplenasyon pa ang sabihin niya, hindi ko pa rin siya naiintindihan.

Si Amethyst... Mahal niya pa rin ba? Balak na ba talaga nila 'to noon pa? Na mangingimbang bansa sila at doon magsasama?

Pero... Papaano naman ako?

"Please give me years, Chels. Just years..." bulong niya, nagmamakaawa na ito, habang ako ay naguguluhan pa rin.

"You call it just years, Cal? Just years knowing I am about to face them without you?" I was hardly breathing. Gusto ko siyang maintindihan pero hindi ko pa rin matanggap... Hindi pa kami nag-iisang tao... I thought we were going to be last... I thought he would made that happen...

"I am at my lowest right now, Chels, and I can't afford you to burn with me..."

Umiling-uling ako. Didn't we swear to fight until the end? Bakit niya pinagdududahan ang pamamahal ko para sa kaniya?

"W-what lowest are you talking about... h-huh? We can face that t-together. Just don't leave me."

"I want to give you the whole world, darling. I want to prioritize you over anything else in this world, but I can't do that ... Yet. Give me years, and I will make everything okay."

No... Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Hindi ko naman hinihiling ang lahat ng oras niya, eh. All I need is assurance from him na kahit anong mangyari ay lalaban pa rin siya. No... I don't want to own his life... I just want to be part of it!

"I don't think I can be able to forgive you after this..." Napakuyom ako at buong lakas siyang tinulak. Hindi ako makapaniwalang darating ang araw na matitingnan ko siya ng ganito. I never resent anyone like this before... Kahit sa mga magulang ko... Kay Cal lang... Sa kaniya lang.

"You love bombed me!" I accused.

"No," he begged. Sa isang kurap ay nakaluhod na siya sa harapan ko at sa ginawa niyang 'yon ako mas namangha... So... Ganito na talaga siya ka desperado na iwan ako ha. Ganito na talaga ka pinal ang desisyon niyang sumuko!

"I swear, I love you, Chelsy, and never did I stop loving you. Mali ka ng iniisip na pinaglaruan lang kita—no... Hindi ko kayang gawin 'yon sa 'yo. I would rather die than play with your heart."

"Then what?!" Hindi ko na makilala ang sariling boses. "Ipaintindi mo sa akin! Nang maintindihan ko!"

"I want to grow, darling," he cried. Basa at at pulang pula ang kaniyang mata habang nakabaling sa akin. "I want to grow without you. I want to be with myself."

"After..." I pointed my chest. "After making me fall in love with you, you now w-want to g-grow alone?"

"I am so—"

"Nakakaputangina naman ng ganito, Cal! We can grow together! O hindi kaya'y bibigyan na lang kita ng space for a mean time! You want cool off? We can just—"

"I will come back. Wait for me."

Natahimik ako at ang tangi ko na lamang nagawa ay magpunas ng luha sa harapan niya. Ganoon din siya. Nanatili siyang nakaluhod. Kulang na lang ay halikan niya ang mga paa ko.

"I can't wait for a person who didn't want to grow with me, Cal. I am not that... Dumb. I can understand but ain't blind."

At tuluyan niya na ngang hinalikan ang kanang paa ko. I can feel his hot tears on my skin. "I am begging you... Wait for me. I will fix everything so you will worry nothing. Let's meet again and all we need to do is to love each other... Again. Please...."

Para akong hihimatayin habang pinapakinggan ang sinasabi niya. I can't believe that the man I love the most is in front of me begging me to let him go. I can't believe that the man who first made me feel specially loved just broke his own promises and now becoming a desperate flame.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang gusto niya ulit kunin ang mundong sa aki'y minsan niya nang ipinagkaluob.