Max landed in a heap on the ground, knocking the wind out of himself in the process. "Ow! That first step's a doozy." 

"Are you all right?" Sarah offered her hand out to him. 

"Well, hello there gorgeous," Max said as he kissed her hand. "You're looking much better." 

"I changed back to my normal self when I hit the ground, almost as if I got the rat knocked right out of me. I hope it's permanent this time."  

Max pulled himself to his feet and dusted off his shirt. "Well then, let's take a look around and see where we are, shall we?" 

A small dirt path stretched out ahead of them leading into an imposing snowcapped mountain range. There were large quantities of clouds surrounding the mountains, presumably because this was the location from which they originated. The city wall loomed behind them and the vegetation was sparse. There were a few trees scattered about, but mostly the landscape consisted of dirt and grass. 

"Looks like this should be a fairly straightforward operation," Max cracked his knuckles. "We'll just follow this little path into the mountains and hopefully it'll take us right to the cloud factory." 

"Sounds good to me," Sarah said. She grasped her forehead and winced. "God, my head is killing me. I almost feel like I'm hung over or something." 

"That's just crazy talk," Max said quickly. "Now come on, let's get moving. The fresh mountain air will do you good." 

He began marching down the path purposefully as Sarah followed slowly after while continuing to clutch her head. Before long they arrived at a huge ravine. The trail came to an abrupt stop at the edge. Two rainbows stretched across the ravine, one headed off to the left and the other to the right. Two different trails heading off in opposite directions were visible on the other side of the ravine right where the rainbows touched. 

"Hmm," Max stopped in his tracks. "I'm not sure what to do here." 

"It looks like those rainbows are serving as bridges across the ravine," Sarah said. 

"Bridges?" Max asked incredulously. "Unlikely. Everybody knows rainbows are just light. You can't walk on light, Sarah." 

"Well, do you see any other bridges around here?" she asked defensively. "Besides, they clearly connect to the trails on the other side." 

"Yeah, you may be right," Max said thoughtfully. "Uh, why don't you go first?" 

"You think I'm going to fall right through when I try to step on the rainbow, don't you?" 

"No, I'm just a firm believer in chivalry," Max tugged at his collar. "Ladies first, I always say." 

"Why don't we just toss a rock on one of the rainbows and see what happens," Sarah said sensibly. 

"Ah yes, the rock test," Max nodded. "I, of course, had already thought of that idea quite some time ago. I just wanted to see if you and I are on the same page. I've gotta know I can trust you not to fold on me mentally when push comes to shove." 

"Will you shut up and find a rock already?" Sarah said. "All your yapping isn't helping my headache." 

"Sorry, sorry," Max said. "Jeez, what's the matter? You on the rag or something?" 

"You better hope you find a rock before I do because I'll throw it at your head before I throw it on the rainbow." 

"Aha!" Max said quickly. "I found a suitable rock. Igneous, by the looks of it. Well, rock, 'tis a far nobler thing you do now than you've probably ever done before. Risking life and limb on our behalf... I just want to give you my sincere thanks." 

"Are you eulogizing the rock?" Sarah asked. 

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am," Max snapped. "Some of us have respect for acts of great bravery and sacrifice no matter what form they come in."  

"I don't believe this. Would you just throw the stupid rock already?" 

"All right! I'll throw it! Don't get your panties all twisted up!" Max wound up and hurled the rock at the rainbow on the right. It landed with a solid thump and remained supported by the rainbow. "Well I'll be damned. Looks like they are bridges. Who would have thought of that?" 

"I did," Sarah reminded him. 

"Yes, yes, of course. Remind me to give you an award later. But for now it seems we have a bit of a decision to make. Do we take the rainbow on the left or the rainbow on the right? They clearly lead in different directions." 

"Well, I think-" Sarah began. 

"Never mind that!" Max interrupted. "I'm the one you're paying to think! Your job is to look pretty and be the token babe. Now let's see..." 

"Hey! I'll have you know I have a mind," Sarah protested. 

"Yes I know. So do children, but we don't give them positions of responsibility, do we? Now be quiet and let me figure this out." He licked his index finger and held it up, testing the wind. 

"You just might be the most infuriating man I've ever met," Sarah gritted her teeth. "And that's saying a lot." 

"Thank you, I take that as a compliment," Max bowed. "But anyway, I have reached a conclusion. Using my keen detective's eye I've noticed that the cloud concentration seems to be a tiny bit thicker over to the left. Given the wind direction and velocity it would seem to me that they're probably being blown from right to left, which signals to me that they must have originated to the right. Therefore, that's the rainbow we should take." 

"Fine, whatever," Sarah mumbled. "Let's just get on with this." She stepped out onto the rainbow. It sank a little beneath her feet, but kept her supported. Max watched her get about halfway across before deciding it was indeed safe and followed after her.  

Upon reaching the other side they found that the trail began quickly running upwards into the mountains. They climbed uphill for several minutes before Max insisted on sitting on a boulder for a quick breather. 

"Maybe we shouldn't stop right here," Sarah said. "I hear noises coming from that cave over there. There might be a wild animal or something living in there." 

"Huh?" Max panted. "What cave?" He looked over his shoulder. "Oh, that cave. Well don't worry, those heavy grunting sounds are clearly just the wind." 

A gruff booming voice came rumbling out of the cave. "Who's out there?" 

"Nobody," Max called back. "Go back to sleep, whoever you are." 

A few seconds later they heard the thumping of footsteps and a giant ogre, about twelve feet tall, with pallid green skin emerged. It wore a tattered brown loincloth and hauled an enormous club in its massive hands. Two sharp fangs sprouted from its lower jaw and it had long pointy ears and a bald head. "Oh look, fresh meat! And just in time for lunch." 

"Oh, we can't stay for lunch," Max said. "We're, uh, just your friendly neighborhood religious fanatics here to distribute literature, but you're clearly not interested. We'll be on our way now." 

The ogre grabbed Max by the neck and lifted him off the ground. "I think I'll eat you first and save the girl for later." 

"But girls taste better," Max said meekly. 

The ogre set his club down and picked Sarah up in his other hand and carried them into his cave. "That's why I'll save her for dessert. For now frog legs will be the main course." He tossed them into the corner and began lighting a fire underneath a large black cauldron. 

"I'm a toad," Max croaked as he rubbed his neck. "Look, I know you may have heard rumors about delicacies or whatever, but the truth is most toads cause indigestion and diarrhea. In fact, you might say we're toad-ally inedible." 

The ogre stopped working on the fire and perked up considerably. "Did you just make a pun?" 

"Uh, yeah, I guess I did," Max said. 

"Oh, how marvelous! I just love puns!" The ogre clapped his hands together excitedly. "I'm quite the pun master myself actually. I have an arsenal of wea-puns at my disposal, so to speak." 

Sarah groaned and clutched her aching head. "That was terrible." 

"Oh, do sit down and trade puns with me," the ogre gestured to an oversized chair. 

"Don't mind if I do," Max said and hoisted himself up onto the chair. 

"I don't like the direction this is headed one little bit," Sarah grumbled. 

"I propose a challenge," Max said confidently. "We'll trade puns back and forth on an agreed-upon subject. Whoever runs out of puns first loses. If you win you can eat us. If I win you have to let us go. How does that sound?" 

"Max, what are you doing?" Sarah's eyes widened in horror. 

"Shush, woman. Us men folk are negotiating here." 

"Very well," the ogre said. "I accept your challenge. Now, what subject shall we discuss?" 

"Lettuce pun on vegetables," Max said. 

"No, I don't carrot all for that subject," the ogre replied. "Too overdone and corny for my tastes. Another plant perhaps?" 

"Well, if you have a phone we could cauliflower," Max replied. Sarah groaned loudly in the background. 

"Oooh, good one," the ogre applauded. "But you won't beet me that easily. I propose we branch out to trees." 

"Oak-ay," Max said agreeably. 

"I guess we should get to the root of the matter here," the ogre said. 

Sarah groaned again. "This is worse than getting eaten." 

"Don't worry, Sarah," Max said assuredly. "This guy's all bark and no bite." 

"Are you trying to stump me here, son? It's not going to work." 

"Wood I do something like that?" Max asked innocently. 

"It's my be-leaf that you wood indeed." 

"What do you take me for? Some sort of tree-sonous bastard?" Max smiled. 

"That sounds log-ical," the ogre replied. 

Sarah groaned yet again. "That was the worst one yet. Please, I'm begging you, is there any way you guys could truncate this conversation?" 

"Hey, good one, Sarah," Max said. "Trunk-ate. High fives for that one!" He slapped her hand and turned to face the ogre. 

"Impressive, indeed," the ogre conceded. "I do pine for a woman that knows her way around the pun." 

"That's the forest thing I look for in a woman, too," Max said. "The second thing being a great pair of knockers." 

"That does it!" Sarah stood up and clenched her fists. "I can't take this anymore!" She stormed over to the cauldron and tipped it over, sending scalding hot liquid over the ogre's bare feet. Max's legs didn't reach the floor while sitting in the oversized chair so he remained unhurt. 

"Ow! Damn that's hot!" the ogre shrieked as he leaped up and down and clutched at his feet. 

"Aha!" Max shouted. "No pun! You lose! Come on, let's get out of here, Sarah." 

The ogre barely noticed them walking out of his cave as he was too busy attending to his injuries. 

"Well that was a close call," Max said as they started back up the path. "You're lucky you have me around to get you out of situations like that. Now we know these mountains are inhabited by dangerous sorts of creatures." 

"I'm going to feed you to the next one if I hear another pun come out of your mouth," Sarah glared at him. 

"If it hadn't been for my puns we would have both been in a cooking pot right about now," Max said. "You should really show more appreciation towards something that saved your life." 

"If you hadn't insisted on taking a break next to an obviously inhabited cave my life wouldn't have been endangered in the first place." 

"That's beside the point," Max sniffed. "The important thing to note is that I single-handedly saved your life. Not that I expect a reward or anything, but if you felt so inclined to have a congratulatory roll in the hay I wouldn't be against it." 

Sarah stopped in her tracks and looked at him in disbelief. "Excuse me, I think I had a little something to do with saving our skin back there." 

"Okay, so you contributed one pun," Max shrugged. "You want a prize or something? I would have gotten along fine without your assist. I was on a roll." 

"There was the little matter of my tipping over the cauldron." 

"Oh yeah, I was meaning to ask why you did that," Max said. "Seemed a bit unnecessary to me. No, the simple fact of the matter is I outlasted him due to my sheer intellectual superiority." 

"Fine," Sarah flung her hands in the air. "You did everything! What's it matter? Let's just go find this cloud factory, okay?" 

"It's good to see you finally opening your eyes to reality," Max said. "Now, I'm getting a bit winded again shall we take another rest?" He stopped and lit a cigarette.  

"Already?" Sarah asked. "We've only been walking for five minutes!" 

"Five minutes uphill," Max said. He took a long drag off his cigarette. "Besides, I need to conserve my energy in case I need to fight off any more beasts that want to eat us." 

"This is ridiculous," Sarah rolled her eyes. "I'm going on ahead. Stay here if you want." She turned and continued up the path. 

Max took another puff and then put his cigarette out. "All right, all right, I'm rested. Let's continue the expedition!" He leaped after her.