Plastic Smile by knightsrachel

I stood in the shower, the pulsating showerhead beating against my sore back and shoulders.

I would've never imagined I'd be the type of guy to go on a morning run. I wasn't the sports type, and running never appealed to me as something worth doing in my free time.

But nowadays it seemed like a staple in my scheduled life. Wake up, run, do some online schoolwork, meet with my personal trainer, and play video games. My days never changed, they were all scheduled and regulated. And I liked it that way.

I turned off the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist as I passed through the hallway toward my bedroom.

"Sean?"

I turned to see Carina, the in-house chef, standing at the edge of the hallway, a smile stretched across her face.

"I'm fine, Carina. Thanks."

"Sean!" she called out again.

I let out an annoyed sigh, turning to face her. "What?"

"Logan and Nick are here to see you. Again."

I shook my head. "Not today."

She offered me an unamused glare to which I just shrugged.

"Your mother thinks it would be a good idea-"

"Not. Today." And with that I shut my bedroom door behind me.

I hadn't seen my friends in over half a year. And I was too embarrassed to face them now.

I spent the majority of my middle school in and out of dietician's offices, my parents puzzled over my ever-increasing weight. I tried every diet, every workout plan. But nothing seemed to be working.

Eventually, my parents took me to a therapist as a last resort. After spending thousands of dollars exhausting every other outlet, and getting divorced in the process, my dad had thought that maybe a therapist could understand what they couldn't.

And that's when I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder.

It didn't sound like a real disorder to me, and my mom had a tough time grasping the concept as well.

But the criteria fit. I was a binge eater, I couldn't control my portions and never had the feeling of being full. And even when I did, I enjoyed food too much to stop. Until I was done with the binging episode, that is. And then I was miserable and ashamed. But the cycle would always repeat.

And so my parents shipped me off to fat camp for the summer between my seventh and eighth grade year. There was a more technical term for it, but that's essentially what it was. I lost weight while learning healthy eating habits and creating an eating and exercise plan in the process.

When I got back, my therapist suggested that I take my eighth grade year online due to my tendency to stress eat.

Low self-esteem? Ate my way through that. Obesity risks? Ate my way through that. My parents' divorce? Ate my way through that.

My parents agreed. I'd start high school with an appropriate body weight and a new sense of pride and self-esteem. So my mom hired an in-house chef and my dad educated himself on the disorder, so that they could properly assist me in continuing to lose the weight I'd accumulated.

However, they didn't account for my two best friends to continuously come around. At first, my dad was hesitant. He wanted to give me an adjustment period. My mom took the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting to thrust me back into the real world as soon as possible.

My dad began to take her side after a couple of months of isolation, when he realized that Logan and Nick were truly my only friends.

Aside from paid professionals, I wasn't getting much human interaction. And that worried both of them.

But I was embarrassed that they'd ever seen me at my heaviest, that I'd ever been morbidly obese in the first place. I didn't want to face them again, not until I lost all of the weight.

I still had at least thirty pounds to lose before I'd be considered a normal BMI. The top percentile for my age, but I'd still be considered normal again.

And I wasn't willing to face them until then.

I'd been unhappy a good majority of my life, always obsessed with my weight and being considered fat amongst my peers and the adult community.

Surprisingly enough, my peers weren't my biggest problem. I went to a small, private school, and while there was a fair share of gossip and drama, for the most part we tended to stick together as a grade level.

That's where I met my two best friends. Logan was new to our school in the third grade, and with his pretty boy face and boyish charm, he didn't have a hard time making friends. But one day afterschool, both of us having missed the bus, we began to talk about my biggest obsession, video games. And that's when I found out that Logan was just as obsessed, if not more. And our friendship started there.

Nick, on the other hand, had been going to our school since Kindergarten, same as me. But we'd never run in the same friend circles until my third grade year. Nick's brother was arrested on two felonies, and teachers began to label him as something that he wasn't. Nick was outgoing and friendly, always with a smile. But teachers only saw his brother in him. Parents didn't want their kids around him anymore, and his popularity level dropped hard and fast.

One day Logan invited Nick over to hang out with us afterschool. And we've been inseparable since.

But the adult community was relentless when it came to my weight. Doctors, coworkers, even Bible study groups, adults always felt the need to comment on my weight. Only when they thought I was out of earshot, of course.

His mother has such a gorgeous figure. How is this possible?

Because I'm not my mother. I may have her DNA, but I'm not a carbon copy of her.
His parents have the resources, why don't they spend less on their house renovations and more on their sons' health?

Because house renovations were the only thing that kept my mother sane throughout it all. Another failed diet? Let's renovate the kitchen. Another dietician? Let's redo the pool.

I heard the Carpenters are getting divorced. Do you think it could have to do with Sean?

Yes.

The rumors were endless. The gossip never stopped. And I always ended up hearing all of it.

Parents talk. Kids talk. It's a cycle that never stops.

I knew that Nick and Logan had heard the rumors as well, but we'd never acknowledged them. Between sneaking Mature-rated games past Nick's parents and cracking the code to their Parental Controls, we'd never talked about my weight.

But it was glaringly obvious. And I didn't want to know the rumors out there about me, about my family, now.

That would take stress eating to an entirely new level.

So I just avoided it all together. I didn't mind living in isolation, not really. There has nobody here to judge me but me, and I was a hard enough critic to make up for it.

I went downstairs in a pair of sweatpants and a Minecraft t-shirt. Carina was making breakfast, so I plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV.

The news was on, a staple in my mom's life. She watched it religiously every morning, making sure that she was up to date on the latest of the world before leaving for work.
I, on the other hand, enjoyed a good dose of Netflix in the mornings. I'd just finished BoJack Horseman, and had been in a bit of a slump afterwards. I knew I wanted to watch another animated show, but with Netflix it was always touch-and-go as to whether their original series were actually good or not.

I ended up with F is for Family, a Bill Burr-inspired cartoon. And as Bill Burr was one of my favorite comedians, it only seemed fitting. And Netflix didn't let me down.

There were, however, only six episodes available. And there was no doubt that I was going to finish it this week, leaving me in another frantic search for a decent show to fill my mornings.

Carina handed me an omelet. "Your mother wants you to do your English DBA today."
In online schooling, a DBA is where you actually had to talk to your teachers on the phone as they quizzed you about the material.

I hated doing them. I always tripped over my words and sounded like I'd never even opened an assignment or glanced at a study guide.

"She said if it isn't done today she's going to take away your XBOX," Carina added.

"Let her."

I hadn't played my XBOX in months. My dad had bought me the latest Play Station a few months back, and he'd just gifted me the new Nintendo Switch a week ago.

The Nintendo Switch was at his place, but the Play Station was hooked up to my bedroom TV, and I'd been playing it religiously.

"I'll help you," Carina said, with a supportive smile. "As I always do."

I hated that Carina was so nice. It made it hard for me to be short with her, as I usually was with everyone else in my life.

"Isn't today a school holiday?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her. "Why do I still have to do work?"

She just laughed.

I ate my omelet as I watched the fourth episode of F is for Family.

The doorbell rang as I was washing my plate off in the sink.

I raised a questioning eyebrow at Carina.

"Your mother is expecting a package," she said, making her way toward the door. "It's supposed to arrive this morning."

I slipped my plate into the dishwasher as she opened the door.

I heard voices at the door as I grabbed a Vitamin Water out of the refrigerator. I went upstairs, deciding to let Carina deal with it.

My laptop was already resting on my bed from the essay I'd written last night. I propped it up in my lap, sipping my water as I emailed my teacher to schedule a DBA.

I didn't plan on checking my email again today, but I'd taken the step my mom wanted me to. So I was off the hook.

My bedroom door opened as I went to my online school profile. "I know I forgot to take my medicine, I'll be down in a minute."

"There are people here to see you, Sean."

I glanced up at Carina. "No."

"I'm not sure they'll leave."

I shook my head, feeling my stress levels start to rise. "I don't care."

I heard voices shouting from downstairs, and I stepped past Carina and into the hallway so I could hear them.

"My mom dropped us off!" Nick's voice called up the stairs. "We're here to stay."

"F is for Family is the best," I heard Logan say. "I can't believe there are only six episodes."

"Not important right now, Logan."

"English DBA or your friends," Carina said to me. "The choice doesn't seem to hard to me."

How I Met Your Mother started playing through the surround sound speakers. Carina offered me a smile before heading downstairs.

I leaned against the hallway wall, listening to her offer her hospitality toward them. I listened to their banter throughout the episode. Nick always sided with Ted and Logan always sided with Robin. And today didn't seem to be any different.

It almost felt natural, the three of us watching Netflix and debating our favorite characters. I always ended up being the mediator, while tending to lean more toward Barney than anyone.

As the next episode started, I made the impulse decision to go downstairs.
I regretted it as soon as my feet hit the bottom floor.

But I forced myself to walk to the couch, taking a seat in the loveseat.

I was practically straddled by Logan before I had a chance to adjust to the situation.

"You're alive!"

I tried shoving him off of me, but Logan practically shoved himself into my lap.

Nick continued watching How I Met Your Mother, as though this was an every day situation. And in a way it was. Logan tended to do outlandish things when excited or passionate about something.

"You look so different." Logan began pinching my cheeks. "Hello? Sean? You still in there?"

"Get off of me."

"It's Sean everyone!" Logan shouted. "Sounds like him and everything."

Nick stood up and forcibly pulled Logan off of me. "You can't even act normal for more than ten seconds."

"My best friend just came out of hibernation," Logan huffed. "Excuse my excitement."
"And he's wearing a Minecraft t-shirt," Nick said, with a laugh. "Not much seems to have changed."

I glanced down at my old t-shirt, feeling my cheeks heat up. I'd forgotten I was wearing it.

"Except for how great he-"

Nick slapped his hand over Logan's mouth, shoving him back down onto the couch.

I cleared my throat to fill the silence, glancing toward the TV.

"Okay, Sean, this is important," Logan said.

I glanced back toward him, feeling my cheeks heating up.

"Ted and Robin are having casual sex to avoid having arguments," Logan said.

"Marshall caught them."

"I've seen the episode," I said. "Just because I stopped answering the door doesn't mean I fell into a black hole."

Nick laughed at that.

"Well that was rude," Logan said. "But regardless, my question is why does it matter if Lilly and Barney know about it?"

"Because it affects the dynamics of their friend group," Nick said. "Just like when Ross and Rachel started doing it in Friends."

"Your sex life isn't anyone else's business," Logan huffed. "Sean? Back me up."

It was like slipping back into an old habit.

"It is if someone else, Barney for example, is in love with the same girl."

Logan jumped up out of his seat, he and Nick shouting their arguments over one another.

Carina came into the room, glancing between the three of us. "Is everything okay?"

"I have a question for you," Logan said, spinning around to face her. "Whoever you are."

"That's Carina," I said, feeling my cheeks start to heat up again. "She cooks."

"So your mom finally gave up the notion that she's going to be the housewife of the year?" Logan asked, glancing toward me. "With all of the house renovations and cooking and cleaning, I thought she'd for sure take up house maintenance full-time."

Nick and I cracked up as Carina left, muttering to herself.

Barney confessed his love for Robin, and the three of us immediately fell silent.

"This is it!" I shouted. "Finally!"

And then Robin brushed him off.

"This is why I hate her," Nick said. "Bye bitch."

The episode came to an end, and Logan flashed me a buoyant grin. "Didn't you miss this?"

I just shrugged, much to Logan's disdain.

Nick reached over and paused the TV before the next episode could start.

"Excuse you," Logan said.

"Are you going to tell us why you disappeared?" Nick asked me. "Or are we supposed to-"

"It's not important, Nick," Logan said. "Let's just watch the show."

Nick ignored him. "Or are we supposed to listen to the rumors?"

I cleared my throat, staring everywhere but at the two of them. "Depends on the rumors I guess."

"Did you think we'd judge you?" Nick asked. "Did you think that we wouldn't want to be your friends anymore?"

I could feel my cheeks burning, and I found myself staring at the floor.

"Did you judge me when you found out that my parents are swingers?" Logan asked.
I shook my head.

"Did you judge me when you found out that my brother was facing jail time?" Nick asked.

I shook my head again.

"So get over it," Nick said. "Seriously."

I glanced up toward him in surprise.

"We won't judge you for having an eating disorder anymore than you judged us for our flaws."

"They weren't your flaws," I found myself saying.

Nick and Logan exchanged unreadable glances.

"I used to stay here while my parents were having different people in and out of the house," Logan pointed out. "And Nick used to borrow your graphing calculator while his parents paid off the lawyers instead of buying him school supplies."

"We're going there then," Nick muttered.

"Flaws affect friendship dynamics," Logan continued. "Whether they're family-related or personal, we're a team. And we're going to continue to pester you until you figure that out."

Silence stretched across the room, tension hanging in the air.

It was finally broken by my phone buzzing next to me, a phone call from my English teacher.

I silenced it, sliding the phone away from me. "Why don't you guys come over tomorrow? My dad got me the new Play Station."

"No way," Nick said, his eyes widening a bit.

I shrugged in response.

"I have to do some schoolwork today," I said. "But I'll make sure I finish it in the morning tomorrow if you guys want to come over afterschool."

"We're going to be here directly afterschool," Nick said. "And if you don't answer the door we're going to actually murder you."

I stood up as my phone buzzed with a new voicemail. Probably my English teacher wondering where I'd disappeared to.

"Deal," I said.

And then Logan was hugging me.

This time Nick didn't pry him off of me.

"We missed you, Sean," Logan said. "Things aren't the same with just the two of us."

"My sister is coming to pick us up," Nick said. "Seriously, Logan, let Sean breathe."

"We'll see you tomorrow!" Logan said, before heading toward the front door.

"Really, though," Nick said, glancing toward me. "Things haven't been nearly the same. Welcome back."

This brilliant story was written by Rachel, an amazing writer who tells the stories of flawed characters with issues we can all relate to and connect with.