Chapter 2

Noah

            I had thought Jen bolting out of the apartment more pissed off at me than she has ever been before was going to lead to another world war in the lobby of the building.  I wasn’t going after her because I wanted her to come back; I was trying to take the argument outside where we could at least not disturb everyone else.  I never would have imagined that she would slam right into one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen.  As soon as I saw Leah I no longer cared about any of the drama I was running after. 

            Now I am sitting here with her in my apartment and I can’t stop thinking about how torturous it is going to be to live next to her.  I don’t make a habit out of hooking up with neighbors and now that I know she has just started school here, I really don’t want to get involved because when it goes bad, and it will, she will be right next door everyday for God only knows how long.  Still, my body is revved up and ready to start something as we sip our wine and get to know each other. 

            I let my fingers dance up the soft skin of her ankle and know immediately that it was a mistake.  My nerves along my entire body begin to wake up and take notice of what I have right in from of me.  She is gorgeous, and not in a want-to-be sorority sister type of way.  Her long brown hair is pulled messily back into a ponytail and she is wearing cut off shorts and an old concert tee.  Nothing pretentious about her appearance and yet she is obviously well educated and confident. 

            Leah’s eyes are a deep chocolate brown and I love the way they peek out from behind dark lashes.  Her cheeks are flushed from the moving or wine, and her lips are plump in the shape of a bow.  She didn’t want me to take her here, but I just wasn’t ready to let her go yet.  It has been so long since I have had the desire to sit and talk with a woman like this, but that is changing as I listen to Leah and watch as she gracefully drinks the wine I gave her.  She also steals glances at me when she thinks I’m not looking.

            She is playing with fire.  I have been studying men and women for a long time now and I don’t have any room in my mind for ideas about fairytales and forevers.  I can tell by the box of old pictures I saw in her apartment that she is a forever kind of girl. I am not going to be the boy that shows her how wrong she is to believe in that.  As crazy as it sounds, I am pretty sure I am going to friend zone myself with this girl. 

            “So…I know it isn’t really my business, but did I just witness an epic break-up today between you and Jen?”  She smiles at me from above the rim of her wine glass and I love the way her cheeks flush a little deeper pink.

            “I’m not sure you could call it a break-up.”  I look to her and she casts her eyes down.  It isn’t that she is coming back; we just were never really a couple.  I can’t avoid the fact that I am going to sound like a totally dick when I explain this.  “I don’t do serious relationships.  Since we were never really committed to each other I don’t consider it a break-up.  It is however, a permanent goodbye.”  I look down at my wine and then bring to my mouth for another drink. 

            “You mean you just haven’t found that special someone?  You can’t be serious about swearing off committed relationships.  Eventually you will want that.  Everyone does.”  She sounds so confident in that belief, but I know it is just because she hasn’t seen what I have.  I’ve been studying couples breaking up for the last three years.  I see them when they have a chance at making it work but most of the time I watch them crash and burn. 

            Of course, some couples make it, but I am not convinced it will be forever.  I was hopeful once and had a three-year relationship with someone I thought I could be committed to forever.  School was a wedge between us and as I dedicated more hours to studying and she started working a few cities away, we failed just like all of the other couples.  I know the game now and I have no interest in playing it. 

            “Not everyone wants forever, Leah.  But even if I agree to the majority of people wanting it, it doesn’t work out.  I’ve seen it too many times to count.  I don’t want to be a part of that statistic.  It’s like sitting through a super long movie even if you know the ending, and it’s going to suck.  Relationships suck.”  Her mouth is now agape and all of a sudden I want to taste her.  I wonder if she tastes like wine and what she would do if I tried.  I don’t of course.

            “Well, I believe in forever.  You just have to find the person you are meant to spend that forever with.  I’m not saying it is going to be easy—but I do think it’s possible.”  I can’t help but to trace the skin on the inside of her ankle again, knowing that I always get this response from the women I share my theory with.  As a society we have trained them to believe, through Disney movies, romance novels and constant messages about needing a spouse to have children.  It’s all bullshit really.

            I laugh softly because I know there is no way to win this argument with a romanticist.  “I hope that works for you because it sounds amazing.  Just remember that love is like an equation where the variables are always changing.  Most couples think they have it solved, only to find out that it no longer works.  Very few things are constants.”  I look back up at her so I can watch her analyze what I have just said.  Her eyes are watching the slow circles I’m tracing on her skin.

            “It is not an equation, more of a chemical reaction.”  Her eyes meet mine again.  “Once you have joined the two elements, the work is done.  It may change form or have elements combine with them, but the basic ingredients are always the same.”  I feel my head growing fuzzier with the alcohol as she waves her hands around with her words.

            “Always is never true, beautiful.”  I say it low and almost to myself, my heart twisting with the knowledge that she still has so many painful lessons to learn.  “Take it from me, I believe I have found the one thing that makes the equation have a higher likelihood of success, and yet I still don’t believe in forever.”  I tip back the last of my wine and set the empty glass on the table.  Leah finishes hers as well and hands the glass to me to put on the table.  Our fingers touch for a brief moment but I feel the connection all the way down to my soul.  I pull my hand and the glass away quickly.

            “What do you mean you have found ‘the one thing’?"

            “My dissertation is focused on couples in counseling.  I believe that there is one behavior that helps to accurately predict whether a couple can fix whatever isn’t working between them.  It started with a recognition in a relationship I had and now I have seen it play out numerous times on video.”  This has her attention.

            “What is it?  Compassion? Honesty? Commitment?”  She seems too excited and also dependent on the answer.  It is as if she has been seeking it out for years and I’m about to hand it to her.  If only it was that easy.

            “Touch.”  I slide my warm hand up her leg as if to demonstrate it.  “Any kind of touch.  A soft wipe of a palm across your partner’s skin,” I careful lift the pillows her foot is resting on and scoot over to place them all on my lap. “The familiar caress of a hand on top of another,” I place my hand on top of hers.  “The more intimate touch of a lover’s hand on your face,” lightly I let the back of my hand graze across her warm cheek.  I hear her sharp intake of breath and watch as her eyes continue to slowly dilate. 

            “It doesn’t even have to be sexual,” I say as I let the hand on her cheek fall and gather her small hand in mine.  I intertwine our fingers in demonstration and bring her knuckles to my mouth the press a soft kiss on them.  “It’s just a simple touch.  The couples who continue to touch or learn to touch when things get rough tend to make things work longer.  Those who stop physically reaching out to each other are doomed to fail.”

            I watch as what I have said sinks in.  Her expression changes from desire so pain right before she pinches her eyes shut.  And there it is.  She can’t deny that I am right because somewhere in her heart she has seen this play out.  Instinctively I squeeze her hand tighter and to my surprise it was as quick as a reflex.  Leah is hurting and I offer my touch as a reprieve.  So together we sit here once more not saying a thing and yet still communicating so much.  

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