Phil's POV

The first day home was hard enough, but the week after was devastating. Dan had to finish editing the gaming video himself and post it. He read some Tweets to me too about how the fans hope I'm okay. I didn't really want that kind of attention.

I was sat on the sofa with Dan. He was watching anime,and I was having a hard time picturing what was going on. He offered to turn it off, but I said it was fine and that I enjoyed the noise. Noise had become the best thing for me - any kind of noise. It gave me some feeling that I still existed, only I was in a lonely world of darkness.

Dan had been amazing throughout it, however. I became scared of sleeping alone, so he stays with me. He's helped me get clothes and make food, and has also been Tweeting for me to try and stay updated. He's read all of the Tweets I've been tagged in lately from our other YouTube friends telling me they're sorry for what happened and they wish me the best. It was nice to have support, but I also felt like I didn't deserve it. I really didn't do anything. A lot of them were apparently saying to "stay strong," which is a lot easier said than done.

I hated using the cane. I did try, but it felt inhuman.I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with it. Dan suggested getting a guide dog, but I don't think that's the best idea, since we can barely take care of ourselves and our apartment wasn't fit for a dog. He also disregarded the idea when he found that there weren't any shiba inus for guide dogs, but I think he only said that to make me laugh. If he did, he did a good job.

Instead, Dan has helped me around. I loved staying so close to him. I liked the physical contact with him. He made me feel safer. I didn't know what I'd do without him. I always thought of him as a best friend, but now that I needed him so close and he's been so loving, I've been tempted to show my gratitude by being more affectionate. I hugged him more often, like before bed or when I had to thank him for helping me do something. He probably thought it was just my new anxiety problem, but really I just wanted his arms around me. I've never felt more loved or safer in my life. I liked holding his hand or arm when trying to get around. I would want him to kiss me, but I had to assure myself that I was just overly grateful. I didn't have feelings for Dan. I couldn't, right? It's just a bad situation that caused me to think differently.

"Dan," I said after being quiet for sometime. I felt so bad for making him do so much for me. I decided I didn't like making him work more than he had to. "Can you help me with something?"

"Of course! What is it?"

"Could you... help me set up for a video? I think I should tell the fans what's going on personally now."

"Absolutely," he agreed, and lead me to my room, where he set up the camera and stood behind it. "Ready?"he asked when everything was set up.

"Yes."

"Let me know when to turn it in."

"Now."

He clicked the record button. "Okay, you're good."

My usual video-making voice perked up. "Hey guys! So this is kind of a serious video today. I know it's been so long but it's because, as some of you on Twitter have probably heard, I got into a little accident. I was kind of hit by a bus.

"I don't know how it happened! I was just walking across the street and it came and hit me! I didn't break any bones, which is kind of a miracle, but one little problem did happen...." My voice dipped into a more serious tone. "I've lost my sight. Yes, I'm completely, one hundred percent blind. In fact, I needed Dan to set up the camera for me or I wouldn't be making this. Dan's actually been like my guide for the past week and I feel bad about making him do so much. So yeah, if I'm not making eye contact with the camera right now like I usually do, it's because I don't exactly know where the camera... is.

"However, Dan's been reading what you guys and our other friends have said about it on Twitter to me, and I have to say thank you so much for the support and hope. You guys are the best and definitely have made me feel a lot better about this. It's not easy. I never realized how hard it was to function with a disability. I hope you guys understand that it's going to be hard for me to post new videos, but I'm still going to try. Thank you all so much, and I hope I can be back on soon. For now though, that's all I've got to say. So I hope you've had a better week than I have!" I laughed a little. "Bye guys."

I listened to Dan step in from the entrance of my room and turn off the camera.

"Oh, were you there the whole time?"

"Never left."

"Well, thank you."

"No problem."

Dan's POV

I can't take it. I stood there, listening to Phil's short video, just thinking, "I can not take it."

I stared at him, though I remained out of camera shot. I was thinking about how much more important I became to him. He was always the most important person to me, but now I can see how much he needed me. I was his eyes, and I was his way of getting around.

But I can't take it.

We were best friends. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Making so much physical contact every day with Phil, I feel more attached to him, but in a new way. Instead of locking arms with him, I wanted to link my fingers with his hands. Instead of sleeping beside him, I wanted to cuddle him at night. He's become so much more precious to me than I ever realized before. When we practiced walking around, I wanted to kiss him. I didn't know if what I felt was just because helping him made me feel happy and important, or if it was serious. Either way, it was a new type of affection. It was stronger.

After Phil's video, I offered to edit it and upload it for him, and he allowed me. I did so quickly, since it was short, and sat with him.

He looked so sad. I wasn't sure why he continued to wear the sunglasses indoors. I didn't mind, but I just wondered. I decided not to ask.

"Thank you," he said, "for the help with the video."

"You don't have to thank me every time I do something for you," I said.

"It just feels so weird to not be able to do things. I feel so useless."

I put a hand on his. "You are not useless," I assured. "It's only been a short time. You'll get used to this. But come on, you're still Phil! You haven't changed or anything."

His head turned away from the sound of my voice. "I don't want you to have to take care of me," he said quietly. "I think I'm going to call my mum. She'll pick me up and she can help me. I'll be out of here and away. I won't bother you again."

My mouth dropped open. "Phil!" I said somewhat loudly to make him face me. "Phil, no! You don't bother anyone! I don't want you to go. I want to help you. I'm here for you. I don't care how hard it gets, Phil! Just because I have to see for both of us doesn't mean I mind it. I love - " I paused. His eyebrows twitched. "I love helping you."

"Why?"

I gripped his hand in mine. "Because you're still the most important person in my life, and I intend on repaying you for everything you've done for me."

"I haven't done much."

"You've done everything."

He too held my hand back now. "I miss you."

"What do you mean? I'm right here."

He shook his head. "No, I mean I miss seeing you. I miss your smile. Seeing you smile made me so happy. I'm still so upset that I'll never see it again."

I breathed in, a bit shaky. "You've just got to remember that if I'm with you, I'm always smiling, okay?"

"I still miss seeing you. If I could have just one opportunity to be able to see again, even just for a moment, I would spend my time just watching you smile. That's all I would want."

I didn't know what to do. I felt like I would cry, but I wasn't going to. Though he couldn't see, Phil's become good at listening to pitch changes in my voice. He seemed to be understanding me better.

"Dan?"

"Yes?"

"This is going to sound really weird," he said. "But could I... touch your face?"

I realized that's what blind people did to picture what others looked like. I agreed. "Yes."

He awkwardly stuck his hands out in front of him until he touched my forehead. My face burned with a blush as his soft and gentle fingers slowly trailed down the sides of my face to my chin. He touched my cheeks and my nose. He traced above my eyes and down to my mouth. It tickled, so I smiled. When I did, he felt my pulled up cheeks and smiled too. Phil's index finger touched the exact spot where my dimple was without trying to search for it. He just knew where it was. He began to giggle.

It was odd having someone touch my face. I've never seen someone look so intrigued than Phil did while exploring my features. I imagined he was trying to envision everything the best he could. It seemed so strange to me, but it was also so lovely. It felt like a different type of communication. It lasted a while before he pulled his hands back to himself.

"You look great," he said. "I wish I could actually see you."

I smiled. "Thank you."