I shrugged into my jacket, clutching my beanie and mittens while Mom eyed me with concern. They weren't the least bit pleased with me going out into the snow to drive alone through the dark. Vera had a knowing look on her face, and she protested the least.

Any other day, I would have conceded to my mother's wishes to stay the night since she rarely asked me of anything. When she did, it was usually important. Besides, they had a point. I looked out of the window and almost changed my mind. It wasn't the best weather to drive in.

"I have new tires on the car. I'll be fine. I promise."

Dad adjusted his glasses. "That car is a piece of junk, great tires won't help you."

"Oh, shush! He's going to his lover," Vera said, grinning with that kind of knowledge big sisters seemed to thrive on. "Isn't it romantic?"

I tried to contain my blush, but failed miserably.

Dad muttered something and took a swig of scotch.

I gave them each a hug, holding on extra tightly because I felt bad for leaving them. "Bye everyone."

"Don't forget to call when you're there. No matter how late it is." Mom fussed with my jacket, clearly unhappy that I was on my way, but also too kind to stop me.

"I will."

I was halfway there when clouds rolled in and opened up, allowing large snowflakes to dance down from the sky to obscure my vision. It was beautiful in a way, and as the headlights struck the glittering surface of a lake, I decided to pull over. I didn't cut the lights and watched as countless crystals glistened while they fell toward the lake below. I hurried to get out my new camera and snapped a photo of the eerie atmosphere. Mom and Dad had spoiled me with a very expensive Christmas gift since I was about to take photography classes this term. Vera had stolen my last camera when Alicia was born, claiming that she had better need of one. I'd kind of agreed.

I stared out across the landscape, letting minutes pass by. It was cold and bitter, but stunning nonetheless. There was a loneliness to it as well, reminding me of how I had felt during the months after Gabriel had thrown me out.

Forcing a smile to my lips, I decided that I really had to stop wallowing over the past. We could only change our future.

* * * *

Half an hour later, I closed the car door and shifted from foot to foot in the ankle-deep layer of snow. It was far too cold to remove my mittens, but I'd promised Mom I'd call her. With fingers that quickly turned numb, I tapped on the screen and put the phone to my ear beneath my beanie.

Mom answered fast enough to make me wonder if she'd been hovering over the phone. "Hi love. Are you there yet?"

"Yes, I've arrived. Sorry for leaving like that." I felt bad, but not bad enough as I watched the warm glow from Gabriel's window.

Talking with her helped to keep my nerves at bay while I walked toward Gabriel's door, and we didn't finish the call until I stood right in front of it, tightening my fist to knock. By then, my stomach had come alive with flutters of soft wings.

I knocked and stood back, staring at the handle.

Faint shuffles reached me from the other side of the door, then with a creak, it opened.

Gabriel loomed above me. A few drops fell from his damp, tousled hair as if he'd just stepped out of the shower. His eyes gleamed, and his lips drew back into a smile. It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

"Come in." He stepped aside to allow me entrance. I passed by, and as I did, he let his hand drift along my side, sending shivers up my spine. Letting out a small gasp, I stopped and closed my eyes. The sensation of receiving his touch, a touch I had craved for so long, ground my entire world to a halt.

He came up behind me, his chest against my back, moist air from his lips traveling down my neck. I could feel his heart beating through our clothes, and for a moment, I imagined our beats were aligned.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered into my ear.

"Me too."

He nibbled on my ear lobe and trailed gentle kisses along my jaw. My lips parted with a sigh as I pressed closer, feeling his arousal against my hip. It was a heady sensation. I still couldn't believe this was happening.

Not listening to the rational part of my brain—that told me to wait, to talk first—I spun around in his embrace, tilting my head to reach his lips with mine. My thoughts quieted as he nipped at my skin with his teeth. The slight, almost teasing pain startled me alive, and I had enough lucidity to register that the room was clean and that he tasted of toothpaste. Embarrassment tugged at my core—I hadn't taken the time to prepare like he had. My mind swirled with that thought. He had made an effort. The apartment was clean, he was shaved, showered and tasted nice. For me.

The kiss softened. It was nothing like the one we had shared in rushed desperation. This was different. He was careful—patient. He waited for me to respond, and I did. Filled with confidence that I was doing the right thing—that we were doing the right thing—I pressed my lips firmer against his, letting my fingers tangle in his damp hair to pull him closer. When he replied in turn, I was unable to contain the need that had simmered within me for years. The rough, unsettling session we had shared yesterday hadn't sated that need because it was a need for intimacy, not just sex.

It felt as if I ripped my chest open for him to step inside, and it felt as if he did. He was there with me, restoring me with his affection.

It felt as if he loved me.

Tender lips and heated breaths, roaming hands and sweet words whispered into my ear. He dispelled every fear, every apprehension.

* * * *

We awoke early when darkness still lingered outside our tiny world. Gabriel stirred, his muscles growing tense. I reached out with my hand to keep him with me, running my touch against his warm skin. I didn't know why it felt like I should, or even that I could, but he grew still. His breathing stayed calm, and I kept stroking his chest with my fingertips.

"What time is it?" he asked, his voice less laden with sleep than I had expected.

"I don't know. Haven't checked."

He grabbed my hand and put it aside, sitting up in the bed to reach his phone. "It's only seven."

"Do you want to sleep more, or should I get us some breakfast?" I wanted to treat him to something, still bothered that he'd been alone on Christmas Day. He deserved to be spoiled with attention.

"I need a shower," he said instead, rising from the bed without a glance in my direction. A pang of insecurity struck me silent. I tried my tongue, but it didn't work.

While he padded across the floor, my eyes followed his back, watching his defined muscles flex as he moved. My tongue unwound in response. "Do you want company?"

He stilled for a second and turned his head slowly, just enough to talk, not enough to look me in the eye. "Breakfast doesn't sound so bad, though."

Why does he sound annoyed? Maybe I was pushing him too far too soon. I should have known better.

I forced a smile, even if he wasn't looking. "Okay, I'll get us something to eat."

Trying not to think too much, I rummaged through my bag until the sound of falling water reached my ears from the bathroom. Fresh clothes would be wasted on me. In fact, Gabriel wasn't the only one who needed to shower.

Eager to rinse off the traces of a long night, I got into my clothes from yesterday, packed my bag and left the apartment behind. As the door clicked shut behind me, I tried another smile, recalling the tenderness of his kisses instead of the uneasy distance I imagined between us. It was far too easy to misinterpret gestures and the tone of someone's voice.

My footsteps echoed in the silent hallway. Few students lingered over the holidays, or those who did were still asleep. The air was empty, as if it should have been filled with sounds and voices, and it made me feel like I was trespassing. Hurrying my steps, I reached the stairs, taking them two at a time until I landed on the upper floor. It was equally empty but more familiar. I felt welcome.

The room I shared with Chris was a mirror of Gabriel's, but a lot nicer. I loved Gabriel, but his sense of style—not so much. He seemed to abhor color while I couldn't get enough. Chris had agreed on the purple curtains, the burgundy rug and small touches of other colors scattered across the place.

I dropped the bag and threw myself onto my bed. I wasn't sure why. Perhaps I needed the comfort of soft sheets around me.

Yesterday, everything had been so simple. He had been loving and gentle. Today, he had taken a step back, which meant that I had to do the same.

Give him time, I repeated to myself.

I knew I could be a bit intense, and I was more affectionate than most, but why did he have to complicate everything? I had already told him that our relationship, if you could call it that, would be kept a secret.

Stop thinking. It would get me nowhere. He needed time, and I could be patient.

With a newfound resolve, I stripped on the spot, grabbed a towel from my bag and got into the shower. Hopefully some warm water would soothe my aching body. I wasn't complaining, but our session last night hadn't helped with the healing process—no matter how gentle he had been. I smiled when I remembered. Last night should have been our first time.

* * * *

Twenty minutes later, I was standing outside the only convenience store that was crazy enough to be open at this time of the day, and on this particular day at that. I strode along the aisles and got us some stuff to make a simple breakfast, shivering slightly as I walked through the chilled sections. Leafing through my wallet, I decided that I had enough money for a treat. I knew he secretly loved hot chocolate, especially if it included marshmallows.

The cashier gave me a warm smile as I approached, showing off her deep dimples. "Someone looks happy today."

Surprised, I smiled even wider. She was right. I was happy, although mildly confused as well. "Yes, very. It's a good day."

"Then let's hope you'll have a good start to the new year as well," she added and checked me out. "Receipt?"

"Thank you, and no thanks."

White flakes of snow fell from the clouds above, whirling around in circles as the wind caught them off guard. It appeared as if they were dancing, light on their feet. I didn't stop to follow their movements, instead I trudged through the snow to my car, feeling ready to head back.

The engine was never happy starting in the cold, muttering before it flared to life. My parents and Chris were probably right, I should get a new vehicle, but I was oddly attached to this one. Perhaps because I had driven Gabriel in it through high school. I'd been his ride wherever he'd gone. That way I'd gotten to spend a lot of alone time with him and no one else had been there to hear us talk.

When I'd driven him, he had opened up and talked about everything. It was a nice feeling to be the special one in his life. Even when he'd had girlfriends, he would come to me with his problems. I'd been the one who'd known days in advance that he would break up with them. Gabriel never talked like that if other people could hear. It was even worse at home. His parents had the habit of listening in, or so he told me on more than one occasion.

I'd had other friends of course, but everyone knew that Gabriel and I were a team. Not together as a couple, but a team that no one could separate. Not until he tore us apart by throwing me out.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I swerved the car and parked it outside the apartment complex. It was time I forgave him for that stunt he pulled back in June. If I held tightly to that resentment, it would drive another wedge between us, and that was the last thing I wanted.

My phone purred restlessly inside my pocket. With stiff fingers, I got it out and smiled as I saw Gabriel's name on the display.

"Hi."

"Where are you?" He didn't sound happy.

"Just outside. I'll be there in a minute."

"Thought you'd left. Bag's gone and everything."

"Sorry, I took a shower in my room."

"So you're clean?"

"Yes?" I replied, not really sure where he was going with that line of questioning.

"Good. Then come inside." His voice turned smooth as honey. "Breakfast can wait."

I blushed and instantly felt the familiar stirring in my groin. I closed my eyes for a second, relishing the warmth simmering within me. There was nothing to worry about. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. Perhaps I was simply questioning myself because it was a little bit too good to be true.