I lay awake for most of the night, listening to the surf and the occasional car that drove by. The others were silent sleepers, not letting out even the faintest of snores. Cameron had claimed the room next to mine, but either the walls were thick, or he was lying absolutely still and breathing softly. I, on the other hand, kept twisting and turning, not finding the rest I desperately needed.

My thoughts returned to the words Dante had said. I tried to think of what I wanted to change, and how I would change things if I went back in time.

If I hadn't knocked on Gabriel's door to give him my Christmas gift, would he still have ignored me? The thought hurt, but I also regretted the months of failure.

After what seemed like eternity, the sky behind the blinds turned a soft pink, urging me to forget about sleep altogether. Sighing, I sat up on the bed and used my foot to pull the bag of clothes closer. I found one of my favorite shirts on top but had to rummage around for a pair of shorts. I shook my head when I saw that Chris had packed the shortest pair I owned.

Suddenly worried, I checked my thighs for bruises and paled when I saw marks of fingers that had squeezed too roughly. Marks of a lover, not necessarily pointing toward the violence that accompanied our relationship. Maybe if the others saw these marks, they could see that Gabriel had wanted me—that he wasn't all bad.

I stopped my train of thought. Was I defending myself or him? I wasn't sure, and I honestly didn't want to know.

After a long shower, I chose a pair of khaki pants instead of the shorts, as well as my purple shirt with long sleeves. I had a feeling that I might end up sweating in the heat, but I was out of options.

Breathing in the silence throughout the villa, I opened the door and went downstairs, relieved that the others were still asleep. I wasn't ready for their worried gazes and words that I tried my best to shut out—words that tried to coax me into a frame of mind I wasn't ready for.

Defense. I had never felt the need to defend myself before, never to my friends, but I wasn't prepared to let them see everything and judge me for all the stupid mistakes I had made these past months. I knew of my failure and that was enough weight on my shoulders.

I approached the large panorama windows at the far end of the living room, taking in the view of the beach and the sea beyond. The atmosphere was tranquil—beautiful and tasting of freedom. This was a good place to search for peace.

The respite lasted no more than a precious few minutes until the sound of footsteps came from the stairs. Looking over my shoulder, I caught a glimpse of Cameron in a pair of loose shorts and a T-shirt that hugged his body in all the right ways. Not eager for company, I tore my gaze away and settled it upon the moving sea again.

"You're up early," he said, coming up behind me.

I took a step to the side, not realizing until then how far away he actually stood. He was giving me space just like Dante had done last night.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep." I almost groaned out loud—my filter was definitely not functioning after a sleepless night.

"You okay?"

"I slept on the plane."

"Right." He sounded awkward as if he didn't know what to say. I had half a mind to relieve him from the situation by saying something that was actually socially acceptable, but I didn't have it in me. Not yet. I didn't know how to behave or how to feel. Cameron's presence only made it worse. All those dreams I'd had about him had me tied up in knots.

"Did Chris say something about breakfast?" he asked.

"Not that I heard."

"I'll look in the fridge." He crossed the floor to the kitchen, and my gaze followed of its own accord. Cameron's brown hair was tousled from sleep, and together with the clothes he wore, he didn't look like a teacher anymore. I bit into my lower lip and swallowed down my wayward thoughts.

I heard distant memories of his carefree laughter. My laughter. Those nights we had spent in his studio had been some of the best ones this year.

"Well, look at this," Cameron sounded excited, bringing me out of my reverie.

"What?" I padded over and peered into the fridge.

"Fresh fruits."

I smiled at his ridiculously pleased tone. He smiled back, sending my tumbling thoughts into yet another whirlwind. He reacted, placing a hand on my shoulder as if to steady me.

"Adam."

Just my name, but it was almost stated as a question.

"Don't," I said.

His shoulders sagged and his hand dropped.

I felt bad. They were all clearly here for my sake even if I hadn't asked for it. The least I could do was to be cordial.

Cameron selected various fruits from the fridge without another word, carrying them over to the counter. I searched the drawers, trembling slightly as I gripped the metal knobs one at a time until I found what I was looking for. The knife's handle was cold in my hands, and I almost had to pry it out of my tense hold to place it on the counter.

"I think Chris has arranged for a boat to take us to Rose Island today." Cameron reached for the knife and began to slice a mango into bite-sized pieces.

"Okay."

"The island is more or less a strip of forest with beaches on both sides. Narrow and very long."

I decided to join the conversation as it seemed innocent enough. "What kind of photos are you after."

"They didn't tell you?" Cameron looked up, fixing me with those warm amber eyes framed with ridiculously long lashes.

"No, they didn't." No one had told me anything, I wanted to add.

"I'm taking...no, we're taking photos of Dante and Chris."

I immediately thought of wedding photos, but they weren't married, and I sure hoped they didn't plan on a surprise wedding during our trip. Perhaps that was nasty of me, but I couldn't stand the thought of being in this state while celebrating something that should be wonderful and joyous.

Another set of footsteps sounded from the stairs. Chris ambled down without a shirt, showing off a bunch of scattered hickeys across his chest for everyone to see.

Cameron chuckled. "Had fun last night?" he asked.

Chris blinked, resembling a startled owl. "Huh?"

"Or maybe Dante had fun." Cameron pointed at his chest.

The shock in Chris' wide eyes was priceless. "Daaaante," he whined and immediately dashed back upstairs. We could hear Dante's laughter sounding through the villa, lifting my spirits a teensy bit. They were cute together.

"Guess he'll be wearing a shirt during this photo shoot," I noted.

"True. I don't think they thought about that."

I envied that those two could show their love freely without feeling an ounce of shame. Of course, Chris might have been a bit embarrassed about the marks, but it had sounded more like mild annoyance paired with humor when he had cried out to his boyfriend.

I swallowed hard. Those were true marks of love, not like the marks I carried beneath my clothes.

"So, are you excited to see the island?" Cameron asked.

'Excited' was a strong word, but yes, I doubted I would come back to the Bahamas anytime soon which meant that we should make the most of our trip despite the occasion. "Sure. Sounds fun." Lies rolled easily off my tongue these days.

"I want some underwater photos. They've got great reefs out there."

The bowl I'd fetched from the cupboard slipped from my grip and landed with a crash against the tiles. I felt how the color left my cheeks. "Sorry, I'll clean this up." I leaned down, picking up the shards with unsteady hands.

"Adam."

I chose to ignore him. It was too much. How was I supposed to tell them that I couldn't swim with them—that I couldn't remove my shirt?

"Adam." He said it sharper this time, closing his hand around my arm to pull me up.

Blasted tears. I shied away, or tried to at least. Cameron stepped over the shards of porcelain and placed his arm around my back, his other hand gently drying off the falling tears beneath my left eye.

"I know this is hard, but we're here to help you. You just have to let us."

The way he touched me—the way he spoke, I couldn't handle it. "You can't...you can't help me."

"We can. Trust me."

I did trust him. Maybe even more than I trusted myself, but I was afraid that what I could give them wasn't enough. Some part of me still wanted to help Gabriel, still wanted that second chance even if I knew it was futile. That was the worst part because I was ashamed of my feelings. They would never understand.

Or maybe it was finally time to let go. I thought of the hickeys on Chris' chest, then the bruises marring my skin. Those marks were completely different impressions of love.

I leaned into Cameron's side, allowing him to be my rock while the storm raged.