A piece of the past…

It happened again.

And he wanted to wring the bastard’s neck.

But he had to let it happen to stop it.

He was holding the camera, trying his hard to keep his hand steady.

Miguel and Lee were on the lookout. He was standing on a broken bamboo bench outside the house.

The man was beating Danica again.

And Troy caught it all on camera.

That very same afternoon Troy, Miguel and Lee went straight to the police.

PRESENT DAY

She cried silently as Troy kicked another chair across the veranda in anger. She didn’t want to see his furious look so she kept her head bent, her tears blurring her vision, her emotions muddled.

“I should have killed that bastard,” Troy rasped out.

It was no secret to a lot of people that her father used to beat her up. But the other things he did to her never went public. “He went to prison for his crime,” she finally uttered.

Troy was silent. And she was suddenly caught in his embrace. He was kneeling in front of her, his big form enveloping her frail one. Her first instinct was to push him away but the comfort he offered was what she much needed at the moment.

“I am sorry. I am sorry,” he said over and over again until his voice faded in his own tears. His shoulders started to shake and she felt him sharing his pain. “I should have been there for you. I could have done more. I didn’t know,” he said in a croaky voice.

Tears welled up her eyes and flowed down her cheeks as she took comfort in his strong arms. She warded off the part of her that wanted to push him away, to protect her self, because she needed his embrace. They comforted each other that way.

“Someone reported him on that last day he beat me up. I will always be grateful to whoever it was. Don’t be angry about things you couldn’t change now.”

She felt him stiffen and his body’s reaction alarmed her once more. He stepped away before she could push.

“You’re saying you’re not angry?” he asked, his voice an octave higher. His eyes were still wet and he was not making any effort to wipe the tears away.

Dannie finally looked up, blinked the last of her tears and looked straight into his furious eyes. “To what he did to me?” she asked. He did not reply. He waited for hers but she stayed silent for a long time. She slowly shook her head. “I am not angry to what he did to me.” She slowly stood up and forced a smile on her face. “But I can’t forgive him either. I don’t think I can ever forgive them.” She walked past him.

Troy held her arm in a strong grip, stopping her. She didn’t have to look to know that he was frowning. “Them?” he asked.

Her hand gently pushed his hand away from her arm, trying hard not to tug harder knowing it was Troy holding her and not her father or other men. “You know what that word means. And I don’t want to discuss that right now. I need to get some air.” She started to walk away again.

“Danica—”

Dannie stopped walking away but did not turn to face him. “I just need a bit of air, Troy.”

*****

She was sitting on the sand, watching the sun slowly fade behind the horizon, leaving behind a gradation of red, orange and yellow in the sky. There was calmness all around as the few people in the resort started to walk back to their cottages to freshen up and prepare for their dinner reservations. The sunset floating bar could still be seen in the distance.

Her chin rested on her knees, her arms hugging her legs.

“It has been almost an hour and I think you’ve recovered enough and allow me to sit beside you,” Troy said, sitting down beside her. “But I’ll give you a little bit of space,” he added in haste when noticed her alarmed state, scooting a few inches away from her. His face was back to his old, Troy look—playful and up-to-no-good.

Her body relaxed and her chin went to rest back on her knees. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“That’s okay. I am not sorry about the chairs though. I was really angry.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Danica, I am in love with you. You can expect me to just calmly react to the fact that your bastard father—Forget it,” he said, stopping himself as his jaw tightened with his control. “I don’t even want to mention that good-for-nothing-fucker.”

A long, comfortable silence fell between them.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked her. She was staring straight into the ocean, watching the floating bar slowly make its way back to shore.

“I am just wondering how I can make you unlove me.”

He scoffed. “As if you can. Wanna place a bet on that?” He was in his jesting mood this time and she hated to spoil this moment.

She shrugged. “Well, that was just a thought. You asked.”

“Because I was hoping you’d say you’re thinking how you’d tell the sisters that you’re not going back.”

Dannie rolled her eyes. “Big dream you got there.”

He let out a big breath as he slowly fell on his back on the sand, his hands under his head. “Oh, Danica, you don’t know the half of it.”

“Really? Pray do tell.” She regretted her words the moment they rolled out her mouth. She didn’t want to hear Troy’s dreams.

“As of the moment, topping the list of my dreams is making you fall in love with me,” he answered nonchalantly. “Next is get off your friend zone and be tagged as your boyfriend. Next is, of course, make you realize that your past doesn’t really matter because no one can do time travel so that means we are not ever going back to that time—there’s just moving forward. And…let’s see…”

“If it is going to get cheesier, I’d like to pass,” she uttered with feigned mockery.

A laugh grumbled out of his chest. “I am just being honest. It’s no secret what I feel toward you.”

“And you think it will change my decision?” It was an innocent question.

“I hoped it would be enough, yes,” he admitted. “But I realized I can’t be with you if you can’t love me back. And I can’t force you either so that makes it more challenging on my part. I can try, but I can’t do it with you inside a convent.”

Dannie took a deep breath, taking in the breeze of the ocean. She looked down at him. His face was calm and she wondered if he was getting used to the waiting and the pain.  “Troy, there are things that happened to me that made me think I am underserving of any forms of love.” She gauged his reaction and when it didn’t change, she continued, “And I know it’s wrong for me to think that. I have gotten over the I-don’t-deserve-your-love crap. I know I deserve all the love I can get. God had shown me that.” She turned her head back to the ocean and tucked her long hair behind one ear. She spoke facing the ocean. “But I can’t give love as equally as other people. That’s my problem. I can’t give love because I don’t know how to forgive and forgiveness is a great factor to any relationship. The only one I can wholeheartedly love is God because He is not capable of hurting me.”

Silence reigned between them.

“I can’t promise I can’t hurt you if that’s what you expect me to say,” he slowly said. “I am bound to disappoint you in some ways because I will never be as perfect as the Man upstairs. I may hurt you with hurtful words and actions if not physically. I am bound to break my promises. But I can promise one thing: a bunch of happy moments and memories to drown everything you’ve been through. I am the epitome of fun and good times. I can give as much love as you deserve and I won’t stop trying to do so. I can be a man, I can be a child. I can be a friend. I can be a whole lot more. If that’s not enough for you, I don’t know what is.”

Dannie sighed. “Sounds like you’re bribing.”

“No. I am bragging. I am bragging about the awesome things I can share with you.” He suddenly pushed away from the sand and stood up before her. He held out his hand toward her. “But who am I to force you to choose me and the imperfect world outside the convent, right?” He motioned with his outstretched hand. “Come on, let’s go get dinner and get this heavy feeling out of the way. We’re here to enjoy.”

*****

“No, man, don’t hang up!” Troy said in a rush as he paced in front of me.

Where the hell was Dannie baby?

“I don’t care about the stupid clan. You can get me back when I get there. I can’t contact Lee and Miguel. They won’t answer my calls. Yes, I know you have a wedding to prepare and I don’t want to take much of your time. I just need someone to talk to.”

Oh, it’s the groom. Great.

“I think I know why Danica entered the convent.” He listened for a few seconds, sighed in frustration and calmly explained, “No, I am not trying to find a different excuse other than serving God. I just have this feeling that she wants to be a nun for the wrong reasons. No, I am not going crazy. I just believe that her decision to enter the convent was all so sudden. Tell me if you wholeheartedly believe that she went in that convent because that’s what she really wants.” We both waited for five minutes. “See? And if you ask the others, they wouldn’t be able to say with complete certainty that Dannie wants to be a nun because it’s her calling.” Troy was frowning now and he was looking over his shoulder, checking if Dannie baby was around. “Yes, as I’ve told you, I might know the reason. I can’t give you all the details because I am not entitled to spill her secrets. What I can tell you though is that I think she went to the convent to punish herself and escape.” He took his phone away when the big voice boomed a reaction. “Yeah, yeah. Hang me for that but that’s what I think. What do you think I should do?” A long moment passed as he intently listened for advice. “No, I will not confront her. Do you want me killed on an island? Then you will lose an awesome wedding photographer, moron. No, give me a different advice.” He stopped pacing as the message from the other line sank in. “Not a bad idea, man, but it’s going to be very challenging.”

WHAT IS IT?! WHAT IS IT?! I demanded.

He did not answer. He ended the call with a confused look on his face. He was considering the advice.

WHAT IS IT?!?!?!

But he walked away, not hearing me. He left me in my parking space with two kayaks who didn’t know how to talk. Great.

*****

“Where have you been?” she asked him the moment he entered the cottage.

He gave her a wicked smile as he closed the door behind him. “You sound like a nagging wife. I quite like it.”

Dannie rolled her eyes. “Have you made the reservation? We can just eat here.”

He nodded his head. “I’ve reserved us a table by the beach.”

“That sounds romantic but you know—”

“Chill out, Danica. It’s not a date if you don’t want it to be. It is just an awesome dinner with a friend by the beach.”

She arched an eyebrow. And then she was reminded that this could be the last few moments she’d spend with him as a friend. “Let’s go then.”

“After you, my lady,” he said, waving his arm to the door.

The walk to the restaurant was not far. The resort was quiet and the only sound came from the gentle waves of the ocean a few meters away. When they reached the place, the restaurant was full.

“I never thought there are this many people here,” she said with awe.

Troy shrugged. “The place is large.”

A lady approached them with a smile and Troy gave her his name. They were immediately escorted to a table for two and true to his words, it was located just about two meters away from the ocean.

“I told you,” Troy whispered as they took their seats. He ordered for them and while waiting for their dinner, Troy played with his camera. Of course, she was the subject.

“Stop that,” she told him. “I don’t want that on any social networks. I should not be having a vacation like this.”

“Convent rules?”

She chose to ignore the question and the clicks continued.

“The lighting is really good,” he said. Candles were lit at the center of their table. Torches were scattered everywhere, giving the place a tribal and classy feel. After a few minutes, his attention was diverted toward the restaurant which was glowing yellow.

“What is it about photography that you like?”

He did not remove his eye from the lens as he answered. “Capturing moments.”

“But in the process you won’t be able to enjoy the moments because you’re busy taking them.”

“I take five percent of those moments alone. Then I put this camera down and enjoy the 95 percent of it. And once I get back home, I look at the products of the five percent I missed and then I will remember the precious 95 percent I enjoyed.” He faced her and focused the camera at her. She heard the click before she could cover her face with her hands. “See? I captured a good moment and I could come back to it in the future and share it with the world.”

Dannie shook her head turned her head to look at the darkness of the ocean.

“Tell me what you guys do inside the convent. I am really curious.”

She shot him a suspicious look.

“I am not trying to have another fight here. I am just really curious.”

“We do a lot of things. And most of them are fun as well despite what other people think,” she started to say. “We wake up, we pray, we do our specific tasks, we study, we pray some more, we take meals together. We also laugh and make jokes. We talk about important matters. We do a lot of charity works and we help a lot of people because of that. Life in the convent is pretty fulfilling.”

“Fulfilling?”

She nodded. “Inside the convent, I feel safe. There’s no fear, no sadness. There’s just contentment.”

“And you’re content with contentment? And what of happiness?”

“We are happy to serve the Lord. What better contentment and happiness can there be?”

She expected him to contradict her statement but he didn’t. He just shrugged and went back to playing with his camera, leaving his question a hanging thought in her mind. What of happiness? Was she really happy inside the convent like the other sisters?

As she looked at Troy concentrating on taking his shots, his brows furrowed in concentration, she wondered if she had had put on enough efforts to find real happiness in her life. Had she captured enough moments outside the convent before she entered? Was it really important to do so? But there was one pressing question she refused to entertain until now.

Was she afraid she’d find greater happiness here, in the outside world?