If I may have my say, I could definitely make a full report on the boys without any bias.

I could say they were crazy, stupid and crazy. Did I already say crazy?

I would also add all synonyms of the word, but that would be a long list. Their names would be included, of course, because they were the perfect puns.

That night, when Georgie drove me somewhere out of town so she could continue cussing and word-murdering Jordan Ledesma and her family, I knew I was about to die. I was almost certain I was at the end of my mileage years.

So this was what happened:

We were driving through the winding road of Don Salvador (please, don't ask how she came up with the idea to go there) when we almost ran over a cliff. Seriously, I had volunteered myself to run over Brian off a cliff back in Campuestohan, but I was not really serious. Do you get what I mean?

Good thing I had great breaks. Georgie could have been trying a drift technique on a huge bend and failed so we kind of turned a hundred and eighty degrees, my skid marks clearly visible on the road. If it were not for her fast reflexes and my well-maintained breaks, one of the very few things the boys made sure I had on that was working, I would now be drinking the best diesel gas in a gas tank made of glass with Volkswagen, my creator.

But fate had stored more crazy things for me to experience and it spared us both.

Georgie was breathing so fast and neither of us said anything for almost thirty minutes. No other vehicles passed by during that length of time and we were left in the middle of the road doing nothing, trying to convince ourselves that we were alive.

"Something has to be done," was all Georgie said after a while.

Yeah, right. Sell me to someone who is not crazy. Please, I beg you!

*****

Jackie felt lightheaded when they left her parents' home.

"I should probably take you back to the apartment. We can have that talk tomorrow," Dean told her.

She shook her head twice and regretted it. The dizziness got worse. "No," she said, swallowing hard. "I need to say what I have to say before any other distractions or delays happen."

Dean glanced at her direction and nodded. "Okay. We'll talk at my place."

She groaned.

"There's something wrong with my place?"

"No, it's just that I don't want to step inside your place if we are going to talk about what we are going to talk about." She could hear her speech slurring but she could still comprehend everything. "And don't tell me I am drunk. I am not. Just a little tipsy."

"Then where do you want to talk, Jackie?"

"Let's go get some coffee first."

He took a breath and let it out slowly, making her aware that he was trying to be patient. "Okay. But you have to make up your mind after that. Because in my own point of view, you are not even sure if you want to tell me whatever it is. You've been trying to delay everything. You say you want to talk and then the next moment, something happens."

"No, this time, we are going to have that talk. Just get me my coffee first."

*****

"Why did you move out of your home?" Dean asked as a while later as Jackie finished her coffee. They dropped by a convenience store, the only place open during that time and ordered a coffee on the go.

"I wanted to become independent. And the apartment is really near Collins Corps."

He nodded and silence reigned between them again. Jackie grimaced at her coffee.

"I think I am done. This coffee is not that good."

"At least it worked. Ready for that talk?" Dean raised an eyebrow in question.

Jackie sighed. She looked out the window. They parked just outside the apartment.

"You want to talk inside?"

She shook her head. "No, Dannie is inside."

"Well, then, by all means, do tell me what it is," he said, shifting in his seat behind the steering wheel to face her.

Jackie swallowed. For a moment she was distracted when she saw Jam walking out of his apartment, smoking a cigarette.

When Jackie returned her gaze to Dean, he was eyeing her with patience. She was aware that he was almost forcing it, but she couldn't help it. She was scared with his possible reaction.

But she had to do it for his sake and for her own peace of mind.

Clearing her throat, she started, "I am actually going to confess something."

She saw a slight twitch in his eyebrows. He was about to frown but he stopped himself. He didn't say anything but fixed her with his gentle gaze.

"I told you about how Brian has been bothering me ever since, right?"

This time, his brows furrowed as he nodded. "Yes."

"And the first time I did, you didn't do anything."

"Jackie--"

"No, no, it is okay. I understand now. You were doing your job and you didn't care about me that time. You must have thought it was just nothing, but I was desperate that day. I never got any proper sleep and my phone won't stop ringing, the works."

He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand. "And I tried going to the police. I went to the barangay. I opted for a restraining order but they told me I was not physically harmed to even file for one. A barangay protection order was a good idea but it would only last for a few weeks. I was that desperate. And then a solution presented itself."

She paused to take a breath and to steady her heart which was beating fast and strong against her chest.

"Jackie?" Dean said in a whisper when she didn't continue.

Her eyes blinked, shocked to realize she had been gazing. "So, yeah," she continued, "a solution presented itself and I didn't even think twice when I thought of it." She looked at him guiltily and then looked away, afraid that the next thing she was going to tell him would either make or break what they had.

"What solution?"

She looked him in the eyes. "You."

Dean's frown returned. "Me?"

Jackie nodded and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Yes, you. I don't know how to put this..."

He didn't say anything. He waited until she gathered all the strength left in her system.

"I hated you back then, you see. I hated you more especially after you refused to do anything when I told you about Brian. You didn't care about anything but how I did my work. And so, when I noticed how Brian would cower in your presence, I decided to use you."

"Use me?" Etch of bitterness was transparent in his words and Jackie almost pushed the car door open and climb out.

"No, not you. I don't know how to put it, but I will try to explain the best way I can so you would not throw me out the car before I even finished," she blabbered. When he didn't say a word, she went on, "I made a Facebook account with your name so I could show Brian we are in a relationship." She said the words as if they were tightly woven together. In fact, she said it too rapidly that it took Dean a moment to finally give a reaction.

And it was the reaction she feared.

"You did what?" he asked incredulously, leaning away from her. His face was full of disbelief and...something else. Jackie thought it was disgust, but she hated to think so. Her hands reached out for him but he leaned further away and she dropped them on her lap in defeat.

"I was desperate. And it worked for a time. It did and I felt the safest then."

"What else did you do, Jackie? Huh?" he asked, his voice turning ice cold with every word that she flinched, pressing close against the back of her seat.

This was the Dean she had feared a long time ago; the Dean everyone was afraid of; the Dean behind the Devil's Room; the Dean before everything became alright. Jackie felt the tears coming and she didn't make an effort to stop them. She was thankful for the darkness though because she hated the thought of Dean thinking she was crying to get his sympathy.

"I asked," she choked, cleared her throat and continued, "I asked Troy to take pictures of us together in secret so I could make your account appear real. Dean, I am sorry that I--"

"All this time you've been doing that--"

"No! We even forgot about it when we started hanging out with you guys! I was planning tell you. I planned to take down the account but--"

"But what?" his voice rose higher. "You thought it is getting more convenient now that I decided to pursue you?"

"No," she said faintly. "Brian started to--"

"And it is still because of that jerk, isn't it? You could have just told me and I would have done something. Do you know what I think about what you did? About everything?"

No, she didn't. She didn't want to know what he thought because she was not certain if she could handle the impact. She desperately wanted him to understand--to be the normal rational Dean.

But right now, he was angry. He was not thinking straight.

She understood that very well because everything she had done when she started her plan was caused by her own anger as well.

"Everything you did was just to protect yourself, Jackie. Everything from the moment you made that account was for your own convenience. But you could have done things the right way," Dean bit out in the deadly silence.

"Dean, this is why I am telling you the truth right now! I don't want this thing to come between us and--"

"That will be hard to manage at the moment, Jackie, not after what you told me," Dean cut in. He looked her in the eyes, his expression grim. "I am trying to understand why you've done what you've done, but I can't, not after everything we did together. It seems like everything was part of your plan as well." She saw his jaw clench as he looked away.

"But what I feel for you is real! It is real! Dean, you have to at least believe that!"

Dean scoffed bitterly as he shook his head. Brushing his fingers through his hair, he returned his gaze to Jackie. "I am not actually sure which point of our relationship did everything feel real for you, Jackie. I can't help thinking if I could make myself believe you again if we continue with what we have right now. I would constantly wonder when and which moments were you real."

Jackie was not able to hear everything he said. Her mind stopped working after she heard the words, 'if we continue with what we have right now'.

It only meant one thing: he was not thinking about moving on with her.

She should tell him about Brian's threats, but she was not going to do that. At his state right now, he would only think she told him the truth because of it. It would only make things worse.

"Are there more lies you want to tell me about?" he asked, his voice laced with sarcasm. He reached over the dashboard and grabbed his baseball cap. He put it on and turned his gaze back at Jackie. "I have somewhere else to go to."

She didn't know why but anger suddenly surged up inside her. It took a lot of courage for her to tell him the truth. She risked having their relationship ruined because of it and he reacted just the way the old Dean she knew would: Heartlessly.

If it was wrong to feel anger, then she would be willing to sacrifice a picnic in heaven because anger was the only thing that was keeping her from begging and making a fool of herself in front of him.

The tension between them had long intensified, spreading in the air around them.

It was suffocating for her. She could barely breathe.

With her hands shaking, she shouldered her bag and opened the car door. Before stepping out, she looked over her shoulder at Dean. "It was on that day you gave me your Coke." She didn't care that her voice was shaking with each word.

For a moment, he frowned under the hood of his cap. "What?" he asked without looking at her. His hand was ready to turn the key on the ignition.

"It was the moment that everything started to get real for me," she answered before climbing out of the car. Keeping it open, she bent down and said her final words. "And I have been certain up to this moment that I am this close," she lifted her hand and showed him her fingers as if she was holding a grain of rice between her forefinger and thumb, "this close, to actually believing I could love you if I already don't. And you just snatched away the chance for me to figure that out. But don't worry, Dean, I won't throw myself at someone who obviously doesn't want the whole of me--both the good, sweet Jackie and the crazy, stupid and impulsive one." She almost choked with each word, but she wanted to let them out-- all of it. Jackie didn't wait for a reaction from him and slammed the door close behind her as she walked away.

She walked to the apartment without looking back.

She heard Jam call out her name from next door but she didn't turn. She focused all her energy on her wobbling knees and the most difficult task at hand: Reach the door and get the hell inside to cry her heart out.