TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic and descriptive self harm and suicide. Please don't read this if it could trigger you, you can always find another fanfic or come back to this in the future! <3

Courtney's POV

Another day of going through the motions. I attended all of my classes and never arrived less than five minutes early. I did homework during lunch. I wasn't eating anyway. I haven't in so long that I'm immune to hunger.

Controlling psychopath. That comment is a relief. It's tame compared to the others. People on the internet do not like me. People in general don't like me. Narcissistic abuser. This one stings. What hurts the most about the comments is that I know that they're true. I've been a narcissistic abuser and a controlling psychopath, some of the biggest reasons that I hate myself.

I shut my laptop and my eyes water when I see my arms. I see them all the time when I'm alone, but it hits me hard right now. The crusted up gashes that once gushed blood remind me of how lonely I am. I'm so lonely that sitting on the bathroom floor and emotionlessly cutting myself has become a daily event.

It's empty inside my head, there's nothing there. I don't remember what happiness feels like, or anger, or sadness.

I grab my phone and open my contacts. I scroll through them. I don't call anyone. No one would answer. I don't have a single friend. All I am to my parents is a disappointment. I am air. I live but my life and my mind are empty.

Bleach sits on my bedside table.  I take off the lid and take a sip. It burns. The pain in my throat is the worst pain I've ever experienced. I force down another sip. My stomach is on fire. I look in the mirror.

"I love you."

I'm the only person that's ever said that to me.

The burning is all I can feel. I'm being burned alive from the inside. The pain is unbearable but I can't scream because my throat is so damaged. I die in pain.

People screamed in agony over Courtney's death, they sobbed, they laid on the ground in a state of shock, they attended her funeral. But she didn't know that. She was dead and gone forever.

Never try to kill yourself. There is help, and there is happiness, no matter how far in the future it is. There will always be simple pleasures and moments of laughter, and things that make you smile, even if it's just for a minute.

National suicide hotline: 800-273-8255