by , Nov 28, 2014, 9:14:51 PM / / / (An annoyed Chris flies up on his jetpack)

Chris: that's it! This is the finale! It's about pain and betrayal... and PAIN! Not hugs and kissing... PAAAAAIN!!!!!

Noah: wow, drama queen much?

(Dawn giggles... and then she and Noah lean in for a kiss. Following them, Alejandro and Heather kiss, then Mike and Zoey, Gwen shrugs and plants a kiss on Cameron's cheek; Cameron looks shocked. Duncan clears his throat loudly, and Gwen sheepishly smiles, and then she and Duncan kiss. Cameron realizes he is now next to Courtney, and cringes in fear. Courtney just shrugs and pats Cameron affectionately on the head)

Chris: (Annoyed) that's it, new rules! Anyone who gets the sword out of the stone wins the $1,000,000!!

Alejandro: (Pulls away from Heather) anyone? (Drops Heather and starts running towards the water, but Heather trips him by grabbing his foot)

Heather: oh no you don't!!

Gwen: uh-oh.
Cameron: oh boy.

Courtney: anyone? (Shoves Cameron away) move it! (Dives into the water)

Gwen: what the, Courtney!!! We had a deal!

Courtney: sorry, Gwen, but you know I can't take a chance when opportunity knocks!

Duncan: (Rolls eyes) yep, that figures. (Turns to Gwen) uh, you might wanna hurry up and win, Gwen; cus not even a freight train is gonna stop Courtney!

Gwen: ankle's still sore, but I'm on it!! (Dives into the water after and starts swimming towards the other side)

Chris: (Smiling mischievously) this is WAAAAY better.

Zoey: (To Mike) looks like it's game on!

Mike: (Chuckles) yeah, I better go get my money!

Zoey: (Chuckles) you wish! (They both start swimming in different directions. Swims up to Gwen) hang on, Gwen, I'll help you up. Girls vs. Mike finale!

Gwen: (Hangs onto Zoey) sounds cool to me. (Smirks) Course once we beat Mike, it's every woman for herself!

Zoey: (Chuckles) bring it on! (Swims with Gwen towards the shore)

(Courtney is getting closer to the shore)

Courtney: (Chuckles) finally! It took me four seasons, but that money is mi- (Suddenly finds herself going backwards) what the- hey?! What's going on?! (She finds herself rising above the water, being held by the three-eyed bear, which is wearing a snorkel mask) WHAT?! No fair!!! (The bear roars loudly; Duncan just bursts out laughing)

Noah: whoa! When di-

Dawn: the fair beast wished to thank us after I returned its child.

Noah: huh, gotta love nature.

Dawn: ooh, also it hopes that, when we acquire that animal shelter, we may babysit its adorable little offspring. (The bear glares threateningly at Noah)

Noah: (Nervously) uh... sure! Love to. (Gulps)

(Heather and Alejandro are now pulling each other's hair and pushing against each other, finally they tumble into the water; only to come back up and start shoving each other again)

Cameron: (Trying to sound tough) stop right there! I won't let you guys through! I'm still with Team Zoey, prize or not!

Duncan: and I just don't like you guys so.... yeah, you're done-zo!

Alejandro: (Lets go of Heather, turns towards Duncan and Cam) you really think you and some criminal can stop ME, little one?

Svetlana: (Off-screen, sing-song voice) YOOO-HOOOOOO! (Svetlana leaps onto Alejandro's shoulders, holding Fang's tooth) hoo-rah, Svetlana iz back und better zen ever!

(Svetlana gasps, switching back to Mike)

Mike: and I'm back in the driver's seat for real! (Drops Fang's tooth into Alejandro's palm) here, hold this. (Summersaults off) see ya, Cam!

(Alejandro holds the tooth in confusion, and then looks up to see Fang glaring down at him)

Alejandro: uh oh. (Hastily swims away, Fang chasing after him)

Heather: (Pops up from under the water) ha! So long, sucker. (Suddenly, a stick from above falls and conks Heather on the head, causing her to plunge back underwater)

Gwen: (Still climbing up the ladder) woops! My stick slipped, OLD Heather!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: I've been waiting to do that for FOUR seasons! (Gives a squeaky giggle)

(Confessional ends)

(Pan up to the final level, Mike and Zoey (Carrying Gwen on her back) quickly climb up the ladder to the top. Zoey pops her head up first, only to duck a flying meatball being shot from Chef's bazooka. Zoey leaps up, dodging more meatballs, and sprints to behind a rock. Chef starts shooting in the other direction just as Mike pops up. Mike leaps up from the ladder and lands on his feet, and starts running towards the stone)

Chris: oooh, some impressive maneuvers from both Gwen, Mike, AND Zoey! (Flies up to Chef on his jetpack) and unimpressive shooting from Chef! (Chef shoots a meatball at Chris, knocking him out of the air)

Zoey: (Peeks from behind the rock) Don't say that, Chris! I'm sure that Chef is doing is best!

Gwen: Incoming meatballs! (She and Zoey duck behind the rock as Chef fires three more meatballs at them)

Chef: aww, thank you, sweetie! At least someone appreciates my...

(A shiing is heard, Chef looks down to see Mike holding the sword over his head)

Mike: ye-eh-he-hes! I did it! Whoo-hoo-hoo!!!

Chris: (Walks up to Gwen with the million dollar case) Mike wins the Million Dollars!!

Gwen: (Sighs happily) way to go, Mike.

Zoey: (Clapping happily) Oh Mike! I'm so proud of you!

(Mike suddenly gets hit by another meatball)

Chef: (Chuckles, then clears his throat nervously) I was just cleaning it, and it went off. (Mike cleans off the meatball, and Zoey wraps her arms around Mike. The others all walk up to Mike, cheering as well, Gwen hobbles over to Duncan)

Courtney: (Groans in annoyance) nice going, Mike.

Cameron: Great to have you back, Buddy.

(Suddenly a louder cheer is heard from the distance. Chris pulls out a pair of binoculars and looks, in the distance can be seen the rest of the cast from the Aftermath; including the seven contestants from the balloons, safe and sound, and a fully back-to-normal Ezekiel)

Chris: huh, looks like every weirdo has his day, Mike. Even your peeps from the aftermath came all the way out here to cheer for the man with five brains.

Duncan: (Puts his hand on Gwen's shoulder) so, you're not even a BIT bummed?

Gwen: maybe a little; but hey, I made it to the finale, TWICE. That's pretty good, right?

Zoey: so Mike; now that you're a millionaire, what're you gonna do first?

Gwen: If I might make a suggestion, can I borrow the case for a second?

Mike: (Hands Gwen the case) sure.

Gwen: thanks. I've wanted to do this all season. (She hobbles over to Chris, pulls the case back, and then swings it... right into Chris' kiwis)

Chris: AIIIIEEECUCARACHA!!! (Grabs onto his kiwis and falls to the ground, holding them in pain; speaks in a squeaky voice) so THAT'S what it feels like!

Gwen: (Hands Mike back the case) THAT'S for all the crap you've put us through all... forever! (The contestants all laugh at Chris' pain) and, hear this; NO WAY am I, or ANY OF US, EVER coming back to this dump again!

Duncan: (Wraps his arm around her shoulder) THAT'S my girl. (They both smile at each other... when the island starts rumbling, steam coming out of the hole in the stone)

Chris: um... what's going on?

Noah: uh... Chef, just a little question, what'd you use to drill these moats?

Chef: a fracking machine.

Gwen: whoa! You can't say that on TV!

Cameron: a fracking machine is a hydraulic drill! ...YOU CAN'T USE IT ON AN ISLAND THIS SMALL; IT'S DANGEROUS!!!!

Chris: (Nervously) why? Wha-what could happen? (Water starts gushing out of the stone like a geyser)

Noah: THAT could happen, you idiot!!!

Cameron: THE ISLAND IS SINKING!!!

(Everyone starts screaming and running around; suddenly Izzy swoops in and lands on top with the others)

Izzy: (Oblivious to the chaos) hey guys! (Cackles; notices the geyser) huh? What I miss?

(Cut to the dock of shame, where the yeti walks towards the Flush of Shame, holding a newspaper and whistling. Suddenly, water comes gushing out of the toilet; pretty soon water is gushing out of the Confessional, the mine, even the rocks and trees from the ground. The animals all run for their lives, excluding one squirrel who holds up a sign with a picture of a broken earth, cackling insanely. Water bursts out of the mess hall, the interns floating on one table. The butler plays a violin on the spa hotel patio, as water washes over it. Finally, pan out to the whole island, as it sinks straight into the ocean. Miscellaneous objects float away; Chef just sips his coffee cup as he floats on a rubber duck. Heather and Alejandro pop up from underwater)

Heather: cheated out of a million bucks... AGAIN! I hate this show!!

Alejandro: (Calm) but, we have the greatest consolation prize of all... each other.

Heather: (Annoyed) great... JUUUUUST great. (Fang pops up as well; the two swim off as Fang chases them)

(The top of a cabin floats by, with Duncan, Gwen, Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Courtney, and the case riding on top)

Duncan: (Laughs wildly) WHOO-HOOO!!! That was awesome!!! We GOTTA do that again NEXT season!

Gwen/Mike/Zoey/Cameron/Courtney: (Annoyed) No!

Chris: (Floats by on top of the confessional) well, that's it for our very first All-Star season. But don't worry; we're coming back with a brand new cast! And I guess a brand new island too. (Chuckles) until next time, I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total Drama... (A Chris invincibility statue falls from the sky and strikes Chris on the head, causing him to fall unconscious. The contestants on the cabin roof laugh at this; followed by the cast on the Aftermath yacht, as it comes around and stops next to the cabin)

Bridgette: another awesome season, guys! Now let's get out of here; you're all gonna be a part of an awesome wedding! (Smiles lovingly at Geoff)

Geoff: true that, babe! Followed by a WICKED WEDDING/SEASON FIVE WRAP-UP PAR-TAY!!!!! (The cabin cast cheers loudly)

Brick: (Notices something) wait a minute. ...Has anyone seen Owen or the others?

(Right there, the Boat of Losers comes sailing past, carrying all the animals off the island. Right at the tow is Owen on water-skis, with Noah, Izzy, and Dawn on his shoulders)

Owen: look, Ma, we're water-skiing! (Suddenly trips, causing all four to fall right into the water. They pop back up and Owen chuckles) THAT was awesome!

Gwen: (Chuckles) come on, party-boy; we got a wedding/wrap-up party to get to.

Owen: WHOO-HOO!
Noah: Nice!

Izzy: Be there in a minute! (She and Dawn smile mischievously, looking at their boyfriends) but first...

Owen/Noah: (Nervous) uh oh.

(Izzy and Dawn grab their boyfriends' heads and pull them into passionate kisses, causing both couples to sink underwater. Owen and Noah's arms shoot upward, and high-five each other)

(End Credits)