Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write
Exclusive clips
Written and Edited by Joey Turner and Tanya Furness

(Lindsay's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into a sewer, where the giant albino alligator is lying on his belly below a drain. Suddenly a splash of water comes from above, and Lindsay falls through and lands right on top of the gator's head)

Lindsay: (Rubs gator's face) wooooow, where did you get that amazing alligator coat?

(The gator roars and Lindsay falls forward into the water. The gator snaps its jaw and Lindsay runs away; the gator crawls after her)

(Lightning's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into underwater near a drainpipe; Lightning floats out of the pipe, and straight to the surface, right in front of a mime feeling around an imaginary wall)

Lightning: (Gasps for air) Not cool! (Notices the mime) what the-?! (Zoom out to reveal the Eifel tower) The Eifel tower? Whoa! I must be in Germany! (Looks to the mime) What's up, German clown? (The mime points nervously off-screen, and then motions as if something is coming. The mime then stands on his foot, making a swimming motion) oh, you want me to show you my muscles? Stand back, (Poses) 'cus here comes the gun show! (Suddenly a swan boat, carrying Blainely and Bruno the bear, zooms forward, dragging Lightning with it)

Mime: (Annoyed with a French accent) imbecile. (Walks away)

(Jo's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into a sewer, with hieroglyphics on the walls. Jo falls through the top pipe and lands on her butt)

Jo: (Stands up and dusts herself off) Great! Now what! (Notices a bunch of scarab beetles crawling around) Scarabs? (Crosses her arms; not impressed) whoop-de-doo! Do your worst, you pathetic roach wannabes! (Suddenly, a whole swarm of scarabs surround Jo. Cut to above a manhole cover, in Egypt. A lot of feet, including a camel's feet, walk by as Jo's screams are heard) I TAKE IT BACK! DO YOUR BEST!! (Screams)

(Anne Maria's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into another sewer. Anne Maria falls through the pipe, with two radioactive lice clutching onto her hair)

Anne Maria: (Tugging at the lice) eww! Ew! Ew! Ew! Alright, dat's it! Ain't nobody chewing on the poof, creepy bug things!!! (Finally rips the lice out of her hair, and then chucks them off-screen) Ha! Take tat ya schnooks! Ain't nobody messing with the hair! (Suddenly, her smirk turns into a frown. A trio of snapping turtles angrily approaches her from the direction she chucked the lice) What're you lookin' at, ya glorified frogs? (Suddenly a series of other growls is heard. Zoom out to reveal that Anne Maria is now surrounded by snapping turtles) ...oh crap!

(Gwen's long night)

(Fade into the girl's bedroom in the Spa hotel at night. Heather and Courtney are sound asleep, but Gwen is shivering and shaking, with bloodshot eyes)

Gwen: boy bands.... Boy bands.... Nothing but boy bands! (She yelps and darts upward, and shiftily looks around. She sees that the other girls are still asleep, and sneakily grabs an MP3 player from under her pillow. She sticks the ear buds in her ears, and presses play on the player. Loud punk rock music can be heard from the player, and Gwen sighs happily) ah... sweet, punky relief. (She finally falls asleep)

(After the Aftermath)

(Fade into the aftermath studio. An ambulance pulls away, while LeShawna, Harold, Jo, and Eva are still sitting. Jo and Eva sitting next to each other on one bleecher, while LeShawna wraps a bandage around Harold's arms)

Jo: whoa! Never thought Brightning's bones could look like chunky applesauce. Not bad, she-hulk.

Eva: it had to be done. (Looks awkward) My counselor's gonna have my head when he finds out about this one.

Harold: (LeShawna puts an ice pack on his eye) just so we're clear, I came THIS close to taking down the mighty bacon-brained stallion!

LeShawna: (Rolls eyes) whatever you say there, Tarzan. ...But, you got game for making him back off. (Kisses Harold on the cheek, causing Harold to perk up)

Harold: yes! To the victor goes the love!!!! (Suddenly flails his good arm as he falls out of his seat. He wails in agony as LeShawna cringes.... And then rolls her eyes)

(Brick's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into the middle of a river; Brick comes up, gasping for air, as he drifts down the river)

Brick: (Looks around, and chuckles triumphantly) nice try, Chris! It's gonna take more than a toilet to wash away the stains of war!!!!! (Suddenly the sound of rushing water is heard; Brick looks to his left and sees that he is drifting right towards Niagara Falls at a fast pace) ...thaaaaat could wash away a bit. (Screams and hastily starts swimming away from the falls)

(Heather's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into the Yukon; a bearded man in a coat is fishing out of a hole in the ice next to a flagpole. Suddenly, a huge splash of water bursts out of the hole, sending Heather right out of the hole, into the snow)

Heather: (Stands up, shivering) I'm in the Yukon?! (Groans and walks forward, straight into the flagpole. She pulls back as her tongue is now stuck to the pole. A growl is heard from behind her. She looks back and sees a polar bear looking angrily at her. Pan out to the mountains as Heather's scream and the bear's roar are heard, echoing throughout the Yukon)

(Sierra's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into the warehouse of Area 51; all that is seen is a few crates and the alien pods. A rumbling is heard, and a geyser of water emerges from the manhole, followed by Sierra)

Sierra: (Lands next to the alien pods with a thud) Where-? (Notices the pods and gasps) Area 51 from episode 67 of World Tour! (Smiles hopefully) that means... (The pods break open, and a bunch of Cody clones line up outside of them, staring blankly. Sierra squeals in delight) Alien Cody clones!!! (Starts chasing after three of them while carrying one; giggles) This isn't Area 51; it's heaven!!!

(Duncan in jail)

(Fade into a jail cell; Duncan, now wearing an orange prison suit, is carving Gwen's face on the wall with a new knife)

Duncan: (Annoyed) well, so far this has been sucktacular. Jail is so boring! No knife fights, no prison riots, I'd be better off back in Juvie!

???: I hear that, bro.

(Duncan looks behind him and sees the source of the voice: another guy who's body almost resembles Duncan's, but with a pointier chin, black eye-shadow, and spikey blue hair)

???: Sup, man? Name's Reaper.

Duncan: wait, aren't you one of Gwen's peeps? What're you in for?

Reaper: Caused a few... "Accidents" at the interstate.

Duncan: (Smirks) niiice! Some jerk face named Chris McLean set me up!

Reaper: (His eye starts twitching) McLean?! ...MCLEAN?!?!!? (Yells in anger) I HATE THAT NAME!!!! THAT NAME MAKES ME SO... VERY.... ANGRY!!!!! (Runs over to the bars, and starts banging on them) SO VERY! VERY! VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!

Duncan: (Smirks) ok... I think I'm gonna like it here. (Chuckles)

(Cameron's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into a beach; a geyser of water shoots out of the ocean, launching Cameron (Still in his wheelchair) onto the sandy shores. The bandages around his head become undone, giving his mouth room to talk again)

Cameron: (Coughing up water) well, at least I can finally say I've explored the mysteries of the sewer system. (Looks ahead and gasps in astonishment; pan over to show that he is on Easter Island, looking at Moai heads of the eight voted off All-Stars) no way! Rapa Nui; Easter Island?! Remarkable! Now maybe I can study the Moai heads to determine their origin... or why one of them looks like Lightning. (A loud screech is heard; Cameron looks up and is terrified to see a giant condor patrolling the sky) oh no! Vultur Gymnogyps! They're super-predators!! (The condor notices Cameron and starts flying towards him. Cameron screams in horror and shuts his eyes)

(Back to normal-ish Ezekiel)

(Fade into outside a dressing room in the aftermath studio; what sounds like construction noises are coming from behind the door. Bridgette, Sam, Cameron, and Beth are all standing in front of the door, looking concerned)

Sam: whoa! Is she fixing Zeke, or building a mechanical catapult with dual elf-flingers in there?

Cameron: Anne Maria said fixing Ezekiel would take some effort... I didn't know she meant THIS much effort!

Bridgette: to be fair, she has A LOT to work with. (The construction noises stop) what the-? Is she done?

(Anne Maria steps out of the door, wiping her brow)

Anne Maria: Phew! That was A LOT to work with! You know how hard it is to exfoliate dead, crusty, peeling skin? (Beth and Bridgette gag a little)

Sam: (Chuckles) cool. So, how'd it come out?

Beth: Did you fix Ezekiel?

Ezekiel: (From inside the dressing room) YO, YO, YO!! (Scoots from behind the door, revealing that he is now fully back-to-normal) Guess who's back in the saddle! Err, I mean dressing room! (Walks out into the hall) I mean, HALLWAAAAAAY! (Chuckles) The Zeke lives again, eh! (Everyone smiles in relief)

Cameron: wow! He looks exactly like he did before the plane accident.

Bridgette: Anne Maria, you are a genius!

Anne Maria: (Smiles proudly) yeah, don't forget it, Blondie. I know make-up, aight? I could make my Grandma look like my sister!

Beth: So, how do you feel, Ezekiel?

Ezekiel: I feel as good as old, eh! I'm back to being my super-fly self again! (Notices a rat running across his foot, looks like he's about to pounce) aw sweet, FOOD!!! (Pounces towards the rat; a bunch of snarling is heard off-screen as everyone looks freaked out)

Anne Maria: (Nervously) He's uh.... He's still a work in progress.

(Alejandro and Heather's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into a toilet with a Chinese tapestry right above it; Heather and Alejandro's heads pop out of the toilet)

Heather: China... AGAIN?! (Groans) Is it so much to ask for this bargain-basement show to have proper plumbing?!

(A feminine voice clears her throat; Alejandro and Heather look over to see a little Chinese woman glaring at them)

Heather: uh.... manmanchi?

Alejandro: allow me to handle this. (Clears his throat and starts speaking Chinese to the woman. It translates to "Pardon me, madam; my lady and I were wrongfully flushed here by a vain monster!")

Chinese Woman: ("ooh, would you care for some mealworms?")

(The woman holds out a plate of mealworms; Heather and Alejandro gag in disgust)

(Noah and Dawn's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into the banks of a river; a geyser of water shoots out of the river, shooting Noah and Dawn into the air. Noah lands on the bank with a thud, Dawn landing on top of him afterwards)

Dawn: (Groans and rubs her head; notices Noah and gasps) oh my goodness! Noah, are you okay? (Gets off of Noah and helps him up)

Noah: after the day I've had, landing on a riverbank is like a breath of fresh air. (Looks around and notices where they are) The Murray River; we're in Australia? Well, it's better than dying of thirst in the outback.

Dawn: (Looks toward the river and gasps) Oh my goodness; a Murray crayfish! (Kneels down to the level of a large crayfish) I've always dreamed of seeing one! Oh, every year these dear souls are hunted and plucked from their homes! (Gently strokes the crayfish on the back of its head) well not this one! This one I shall protect and help it's noble species thrive!

(Noah smiles at this, and then notices a kangaroo standing behind him, in a boxing position)

Noah: uh... Dawn, are Kangaroos normally found by the Murray ri- (Before he can finish, the kangaroo winds it's legs up, and swiftly kicks Noah into the river. Noah emerges from the river covered in crayfish clinging onto him with their claws) ...yep, NOW it feels like Australia, where every little creature is TRYING TO KILL YOU!!!! (Runs straight out of the river screaming in agony. Dawn cringes at the sight)

(Courtney's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into the side of a river; a geyser of water shoots out of the river, shooting Courtney into the air. Courtney lands on the banks with a thud, and gets up slowly, cracking her back)

Courtney: (Annoyed) Great! Now I smell almost as bad as Owen AND Scott! As soon as my lawyers start taking my calls again, I am gonna... (Notices something off screen) what the-? (Pan over to reveal what she is looking at: two sumo wrestlers facing each other in a makeshift ring) Sumo wrestlers?! Seriously? I'm in Japan? (Groans) This is way beyond my PDA's long-distance service! I'll never get in touch with my lawyers now! (One of the sumo wrestlers notices Courtney and roars loudly at her) ...oh! You wanna go, big boy?! Well, BRING IT ON!!!! (Runs towards the sumo wrestler, who charges towards her. Courtney leaps forward and drives her foot straight into the sumo wrestler's stomach, causing him to go flying backwards. Courtney pants heavily) anyone else wanna throw down!? (The other sumo wrestler's lip trembles. He runs away screaming; Courtney smirks) ha! That's what I thought.

(Owen and Scott's Flush of Shame)

(Fade into a small creek in the middle of the woods; Owen and Scott's heads pop up from the water; Scott gasps for breath)

Scott: Finally! (Glares at Owen) If I EVER get stuck behind your butt again, I'm gonna-!

Owen: (Nervously) You won't! Swearsies! (Looks around) uh.... hey, where are we? (Gasps) Great pork cutlets!! We're out in the middle of the woods... AGAIN!!!

Scott: Pfft, whatevers; I'm from the farm, remember? I can get us out of these woods faster than Pappy can grow mole hairs! (Suddenly notices something coming towards them and gasps. Owen looks where he is looking only to see a gang of innocent-looking bunnies)

Owen: aww, look at the cute little bunnies!

Scott: (Frightened) Those AIN'T cute little bunnies! (The bunnies roar like leopards, and leap at Scott, dragging him under water. Scott runs onto land covered in bunnies and screaming in pain) WHY DOES NATURE WANT TO EAT MY BUTT!?!?!?

Owen: (Gasps) I'M COMING, BUDDY!!!! (Runs after Scott, then starts running the other way when the bunnies cling to him) WHY CAN'T THE NATURALIST WIN!?!?!?

(Rescuing the Balloon Contestants)

(Fade into the seven balloons floating a good distance from the island)

Brick: (From inside his balloon) good news, troops; the wind finally stopped blowing!

Jo: Greeeaaat, so now we're gonna be floating in the middle of whatever country we've landed in forever!

Lindsay: ooh, this will make a great story for my NEXT auto-biograph thingy, Popping the Stinky Balloon in My Soul!!

Anne Maria: (Gags) oye, and it smells too much like Dirt Boy's sweat socks!

Lightning: (Punching through his balloon) THIS BALLOON CAN'T CONTAIN THE WHITE LIGHTNING!!! SHA-LET ME OUTTA HERE!

Sierra: (Moans) if only my flying horse riding fantasy Cody was here! He could use his laser vision to get us out of these balloons!

Brick: ...you gave Cody laser vision?

Sierra: um, DUUR! Everyone knows that laser vision is WAAAY cooler than X-ray vision!

(Suddenly, the balloons pop, releasing all seven contestants from them. They all scream as they plummet towards the earth and land in the water. They gasp for air as they re-emerge, all unharmed)

Lightning: Sha-score!! This'll make getting out of those balloons a WHOLE lot easier!

Lindsay: I know, right? (Jo, Scott, and Sierra groan loudly)

(Me - I am finished uploading. Pakhitew Island Re-write COMING SOON!!!!)