Should I rewrite this?

My writing has improved a lot, and this saga this is going to be around four books long(not including one-shots and maybe a backstory book for a character none of y'all know about yet) so I want it to be good!

Let me know your thoughts on the comments, and holy shite, my leg won't stop moving! I had a small sip of Monster, and now I can't think very straight.

Bye,

Rachel out