CHAPTER NINE.

The past few days had been even more exhausting. After Lev and Roma's disappearance out into the Ravkan wilderness, Liliya found herself restless. She constantly tossed and turned in bed. Aleksander tried to distract her and tire her out but nothing really worked. She just stared at the ceiling and thought for the long hours of the night. It was exhausting but it was all she felt like she could do.

Training with Alina and Arina distracted her during the day. Time with Aleksander strategising for the war also helped fill her time. It left her busy and she was glad to be busy but it had meant she hadn't seen Genya. Liliya had only caught glimpses of the other redhead over the days so was thankful for the free time and she headed straight towards her old room where Genya usually was at this time of day.

Liliya didn't bother to knock and strolled into the room, closing the door behind her as she looked around. Genya was sat on the bed, relaxing with her hands on her lap before she spotted Liliya.

"You look rough," Genya said rather bluntly. Her way of greeting was certainly not what Liliya expected but she didn't entirely care. Instead, she walked over to the bed and sat down. Genya sat up against the headboard.

"I'm exhausted," Liliya mumbled and quickly realised what Genya would say, "and don't," She added, a warning edge to her tone. Genya rolled her eyes and watched as Liliya moved to sit against the headboard.

"The bags under your eyes are gone somehow," Genya responded, shrugging. Liliya pulled her eyebrows together and looked over at the mirror, able to get a glimpse of her face. She did look less tired oddly enough.

"I didn't notice. I thought it was because of you," Liliya explained as she let her head fall back. Her eyes falling closed as she rested her hands against her lap. Three days of barely any sleep was getting to her. Across the past few days, she had gotten around four hours so she wasn't going to die but it felt hard to function.

"Li, I haven't seen you all week," Genya said, the worry lacing her tone. Liliya tilted her head slightly, squeezing her eyes closed before she chuckled. She had to think about it really hard but it had been nearly two weeks since she had last spoken to the redhead.

"Oh... yeah. Sorry," Liliya shrugged. The apology was genuine but it didn't exactly sound that way.

"It's fine. Is there something wrong? I doubt this was just the General," Genya questioned. Her hand moving to gently poke Liliya's cheek. The redhead scowled and lifted her head, opening her eyes again. It took them a moment to adjust to the light before Genya's face came into focus.

"Partly him and then I stayed up all night worrying about Roma and Lev," Liliya answered, her hand lifting in some vague gesture that added nothing. Genya frowned.

"Have you heard anything?"

"No,"

"Oh,"

"Yeah. It's fine. Just I need to lie down," Liliya decided as she pushed herself forward. Her head falling into the plush pillows as she closed her eyes. Her whole body relaxing against the mattress. Then she remembered why she wanted to see Genya. David. "How's David?" Liliya asked, a slight teasing lilt to her tone.

"I haven't seen him," Genya mumbled. Liliya chuckled and opened her eyes briefly to meet Genya's gaze.

"You have," Liliya argued. Genya shook her head and turned her face away. Her gaze fixed on the open curtains with a view of the Little Palace's grounds, "I saw you sat with him in the workshop when I ran by with Alina. What were you talking about?" Liliya questioned. She rolled onto her side and gently tugged on Genya's hand to get her attention. There was no point trying to lie to Liliya. Genya knew that but she still felt embarassed.

"He was making a ring that Kirigan ordered be made," Genya explained with a gesture. She then turned to face Liliya, lying down next to her.

"For Alina?" Liliya asked curiously. Her eyes falling closed again now she knew that Genya was facing her and talking.

"Yeah. David came up with the idea. He was just finishing it," Genya muttered. Liliya smiled and moved one of her hands under the pillow. A soft yawn passing through her lips as she attempted to talk but it came out incoherent.

"And you were talking to him," Liliya repeated. The smile appearing on her lips. She was just glad that Genya was at least talking to the boy. He was so quiet most of the time and they barely ever saw each other so Liliya was glad there seemed to be some connection at least.

"I mostly just watched him work. He's wonderful," Genya gushed. A smile on her face that she desperately wished would go away. Liliya opened her mouth, tempted to make a comment about how Genya complimented nobody but decided against it. Deciding to take a different route.

"You are so in love with him. Just ask him out," Liliya muttered rather bluntly. Genya smacked her chest and Liliya pouted, opening her eyes. Genya gave her a playful glare and Liliya's pout quickly morphed into a smile.

"He's too busy," Genya argued. Liliya scoffed.

"And you have to look after the cow that is our Queen. You can make time," Liliya retorted. Genya narrowed her eyes and shook her head, rolling onto her back.

"No," Genya said simply. Liliya groaned and tugged on Genya's arm again, urging her to turn around so she could look at Liliya. But Genya stayed the way she was, barely even acknowledging that Liliya was tugging on her sleeve at all.

"Come on, Gen. I want you to be happy," Liliya said. The frown spread across her face and she was unsure of what to think. There was a look on Genya's face that Liliya didn't quite recognise.

"I can't be happy," Genya mumbled. Liliya quickly pushed herself to sit up. The frown deepened even more and the exhaustion seemed to disappear a little. There was still a blanket of exhaustion wrapped around her but it felt less consuming

"What?" Liliya asked, the concern laced her tone. Her hand reaching out to take Genya's intertwining their fingers but Genya was quick to pull away.

"Not with what's happening," Genya said as she moved to sit up too. Her legs crossing as she met Liliya's gaze. Liliya's eyebrows were pulled together, her frown only deepened more, "Don't give me that look. Kirigan told me what you're doing," Genya added, shaking her head slightly. Liliya wasn't entirely sure what she should say. She didn't know what Aleksander had told Genya and she didn't want to admit anything that she wasn't supposed to so.

Instead, she simply asked, "What are you talking about Genya?" The confusion still lacing her tone but it only seemed to irritate Genya who pushed the hair off her shoulder and shuffled back a little more.

"With Alina. I'm betraying her. She's only a girl. She shouldn't be playing a part in this. None of it," Genya explained quickly. The words falling from her lips before she even had a second to think about it. Liliya sighed and shuffled closer to Genya again.

"She's a Grisha," Liliya argued. Her tone softened slightly, hoping that it would urge Genya not to pull further away. Liliya had to do damage control that Aleksander had - of course - failed to consider when he revealed their plans.

"And so she deserves to be used by him?" Genya asked. Liliya looked away for a moment, considering her words. Her teeth clicking together quietly before she turned back to Genya again.

"There's no other way we can do this, Genya. They'll just kill us like they always have," Liliya said simply. Genya frowned and quickly tucked some hair behind her ear.

"So you agree with him?" She asked. Liliya nodded.

"Don't you?" Liliya asked curiously, "Do you really want to be working for the Queen forever? She's a cow, a selfish one that only sees you for your abilities not who you are. There's nothing else we can do but destroy them," Liliya added. She knew it was cruel to manipulate Genya. She knew that it was cruel to use her position and the Queen as a way to pull her to their side but she had no other choice. Aleksander had left her with very few options.

"You're going to kill people," Genya said. Liliya took a deep breath, feeling the anxiety rise in her chest. However, she was quick to push it away.

"Plenty of people have died already," Liliya responded. It was her way of both placating Genya but also justifying everything to herself. War was cruel and she didn't have any choice but to try and rationalise it.

"Liliya," Genya mumbled, shaking her head slightly. Liliya quickly moved her hands to cup Genya's face, keeping her close.

"Genya, you'll be free once this is over. All of us will be and it'll be better. It's okay, I promise," Liliya vowed. Her voice was soft and Genya found herself leaning into Liliya's touch. Their foreheads pressing together. Liliya closed her eyes and just listened to Genya breathing for a moment, "All of us will be okay. It's for the best. All the people who used or hurt us will be gone," Liliya mumbled. Genya swallowed thickly and wanted to pull away but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Are you using her too?" Genya asked, looking at Liliya. She tried to seek out the connection but Liliya's eyes were closed. The beautiful blue colour was hidden and Genya could feel the guilt twisting in her gut.

"I need to gain her trust," Liliya said. Her voice was quiet and there were hints of shame but they were quickly hidden. Liliya's eyes opening and staring into Genya's. Her thumb brushing along Genya's cheekbone.

"You can't..." Genya muttered softly. Liliya sighed.

"Genya. If you are having doubts, you'll be one of the first to die. So, if you don't want to do this, leave before you die. I love you but you can't stand in the way of this," Liliya said. Her words were harsh and blunt. It was simply honesty. Liliya didn't want to admit it but she knew what lengths Aleksander was willing to go. What lengths... she was willing to go for this. After everything she had heard and been told, she didn't know if she wanted these people to rule or live anymore. They didn't deserve it.

"Li..." Genya muttered. Liliya pulled Genya's face closer. Their lips inches apart.

"I love you," Liliya muttered before she sealed that moment with a kiss. Genya moved her hands to Liliya's chest, ready to push her away but she couldn't do it. The two of them sharing that soft kiss before Liliya pulled back. They simply stared at each other for a long moment before Liliya moved to lie down again, "Lie with me," Liliya said softly. Genya stared for a moment, trying to work out what to think and do or how to act. She simply ended up lying down next to Liliya.

***

Liliya had been up with Aleksander for the past few hours, pouring every part of her into their plans and strategies. The Shu and Fjerdans were getting much more reckless. There were more spies than ever and the situations were becoming almost impossible to handle. Liliya couldn't have more Grisha die. They tried but as the hours drew longer, Liliya was even more exhausted. The mental weight of the day pressing on her shoulders.

Aleksander was quick to notice. The disinterested look on her face, her words were more mumbled as the time went on. So he eventually asked, "Would you like to go to bed?" Liliya was surprised by his question but she merely shrugged. Her hands moved to close the books around her. It was clear that they were both done for the night.

"I wouldn't sleep even if we did," Liliya mumbled as she stacked the books. She then stood up and walked over to the shelves, pushing them back into place. The study was lit up only by the fire in the corner and it barely reached where she was stood. It left her wrapped in shadows.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Liliya pushed the last book in and stepped back.

"Nothing," She shrugged. Aleksander stared at her for a moment. Her face coming into the firelight and they simply stared at each other for a long moment. Liliya broke away - as she always did - and moved to sit down on the chair across from him again.

"You've been awake all night for the past three days, milaya," He stated. His words caused her to pause. Her jaw falling slack for a moment, her eyebrows pulling together before she nodded.

"I know," She said. She wasn't entirely sure what else to say.

"Are you not going to tell me why?" He questioned, leaning forward. His arms resting against the desk, looking into her eyes. She lifted her head up and briefly met his gaze before she stood up from the chair. She pushed the chair in and headed towards the door.

"I don't know why. I just can't sleep," She responded as she pulled it open. Aleksander watched her for a moment before he stood up and walked after her. The fire would die down on it's own and with a wave of his hand, the candles were blown out.

"Maybe we need Ivan's help again," He suggested as he pulled the door closed behind him. Just the corridors of his chambers lay in front of them. The soft scoff that escaped Liliya's lips echoing around the hall.

"No," She said as she crossed over to the war room. Her hands resting by her sides as she walked through the door. Her feet carrying her across the room to his bedroom.

"Milaya, I cannot allow you to jeopardise this plan," He said once they were behind closed doors again. Liliya sighed and paused in front of the dresser. The anxiety and guilt was eating her from the inside out. Genya was her friend. Aleksander was the man she loved. She had betrayed both of them in completely different ways.

"You already nearly did by telling Genya what we're doing. I had to manipulate her and kiss her just to make sure she didn't tell anyone or leave," Liliya said throwing her hands up into the air. She didn't even mean for the words to escape but she couldn't help it. Her body turning to face him. Aleksander looked at her for a moment but he didn't look annoyed. He looked fine.

"We are doing what we have to," He argued. Liliya nodded and pushed her hands across her face. Her eyes falling closed as she rubbed her eyes. The patterns and shapes appearing as she pressed the heel of her hands against them.

"I know," She decided after a moment. Her hands dropping as she blinked. He was blurry for a moment before he came into focus. He had begun to change now. His kefta was already gone but now he was stripping down to change.

"Come to bed," He said, nodding his head towards it. Liliya shook her head and made no move to change. Her body moving backwards involuntarily.

"I don't want to," She muttered as she pushed her fingers through her hair.

"Milaya," He said softly. His pants were on now and he was walking towards her. Liliya held her hand out to stop him from moving any closer.

"Aleks, I can't tonight. I just need this plan to work, quickly. We need to find the stag and we need to gain Alina's trust. We need to kill Isaak. I can't just lie awake while all of it is still working and not complete," Liliya said as she glanced back at the door. She wanted to get out of the room. Out of his room. She didn't want to deal with his neediness.

"You're being difficult," He said simply. There wasn't even a trace of annoyance. He was calm and composed but he was stating it. There was no room for her to argue so she didn't bother.

"Maybe I am but I need to kill Isaak," Liliya shrugged as she grabbed her boots from next to the door. She then slipped them on but Aleksander grabbed a hold of her forearm, pulling her back.

"Isaak will not be a problem. Lev and Roma will return. Genya is on our side. You are worrying for nothing, milaya. Come to bed," He ordered. Liliya stared at him for a moment before shrugging his arm off. She pressed her foot down the rest of the way into the first boot and then grabbed the second one.

"No," She said as she pulled it over her foot. Aleksander was stood back down. He didn't know how to react to the situation. Unsure what the best move was.

"Liliya," He said. The impatience lacing his tone but Liliya was having none of it. She pushed her foot in and turned to face him. The boots making her slightly taller so she at least felt like they were on an even playing field.

"I can't do this Aleksander," She shrugged. He pulled his eyebrows together as he stepped towards her.

"What do you mean?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow. Liliya leant up and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before she stepped back.

"I love you but I can't sit and do absolutely nothing. I'm going to do some research in the library so I can help Alina tomorrow," Liliya wasn't going to take no for an answer. She just needed to be somewhere else that wasn't his room. This room. She just wanted to be somewhere new where she felt like she was doing something.

"You won't be training with her tomorrow," He stated. Liliya shrugged, "That means you stay here," He added. Liliya shook her head and pulled the door open. She nearly stood on his toes when she stepped back but he pulled back quickly. A frown appearing on his lips for the first time in a long time.

"I'm going for a walk," Liliya mumbled as she stepped out. She didn't acknowledge anything he said and just walked. Her body was on autopilot as she headed out of the Little Palace. It wasn't long until she was sat on the pier by the lake. Her boots and socks placed next to her and her feet submerged in the cold water.

It was freezing and she could feel her feet going numb but she didn't entirely care. Her body falling back against the wood as she let out a breathe. Her chest deflating before she sighed again. She wanted Aleksander, she loved him but he didn't understand. He didn't understand anything and she hated that he never seemed to get it.

"Milaya, you need to sleep," His voice startled her. Liliya lifted herself up and turned a little to see him. The shadows surrounding him. He looked perfect. The kefta wrapped around him and it fit perfectly. His hair was just the right amount of messiness. He was gorgeous and she hated it.

"I know," She said as her gaze turned back to the lake. She lifted her feet, kicking them through the water. A soft sigh escaped her lips before she pushed herself back. The back of her knees pressed against the wood of the pier.

"I don't like lies," He commented as he moved to sit down next to her. Liliya nodded. That had been something firmly established in their relationship over the past year. He didn't like them before they were even together but he let them slide much more often then.

"You don't understand why I'm so scared of Isaak," Liliya broke the long moment of silence. A shiver ran through her as she lifted her feet from the water. Her hand moving into the pocket of her pants and pulling out the flint and steel.

"Make me understand," He ordered. Liliya sighed and lit the flame in her hand. She then used it to dry the skin on her feet. The careful control allowing her to dry without burning herself. Then the flames vanished and she dropped her hand.

"The scars on my collarbones. They were... mostly me but he taught me to do it. I don't know how to explain it but he did it the first time. Then he told me to keep doing it. Keep hurting myself because it would make me stronger. I suppose it did but it took me so long to get out of the habit. Nobody knew and Genya always assumed the worst when she saw them. He was so cruel. He was evil, Aleksander," Liliya explained. Her hand slipping under her kefta to feel the scars that she had grown so used to being there. "And it wasn't just that. Not just me. He didn't just hurt me. He hurt everyone. He always had a plan. A strategy. A want, need, drive, desire. He's determined, ruthless ambitious. He's cruel.

"He doesn't care who he hurts to get what he wants. He just does it. He's killed so many people. In front of me. I've watched him disembowel people, use the cut to chop them in half without even flinching. Not hesitating just because they stood in the way of what he wanted. He doesn't care, he doesn't love anyone. He just wants what he wants and he will step over the dead body of everyone he's ever met just to get it. That is... that is why he's a problem," Liliya explained or attempted to. Her mind was foggy and she was exhausted so a part of her wasn't sure if she had even made sense but Aleksander seemed to understand.

"Are you scared of him?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Liliya shrugged and grabbed a hold of her socks, pulling them over her feet.

"He's not afraid to slit my throat and I'm not powerful enough to fight him so I am. Of course I am. He's my father. He's killed more people in front of me than I've ever seen die in this war. He's powerful and malicious and sociopathic. Of course I'm terrified," Liliya chuckled humourlessly, shaking her head. A part of her understood why Aleksander wasn't scared. He was The Darkling, the Black General, the man that everyone in Ravka was afraid of. Even Liliya didn't know how old he was but Isaak was dangerous.

"As long as I am with you, there is no need to be afraid," He said as he reached out for her hand that held the ring on it. She let him take it, intertwining their fingers. Then he helped her to her feet, "I meant what I promise when we did this," He added, squeezing the hand he held as a way of referencing the rings. Liliya nodded and stepped closer, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

"I know," She mumbled before she stood on her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

***

author's note! this is quite possibly the longest chapter i've written? it's nearly at 4k words and it's just a whole mess, we got a LOT of liliya being a disaster which is a mood... some genya interaction, some aleksander and him being soft. then also some exposition on isaak and... a less subtle hint about something that occured during the year between act one and two, if people don't pick that up... imma be surprised but ITS FINE, i hope you enjoyed this chapter! thank you sm for reading! <3