Those initials made an appearance often, over the years.

When Yoongi had begun studying the piano and his father had sneered at the amount of money it would cost. Kyunsoo had written the initials again on his hand and tapped reassuringly but Yoongi couldn't bring himself to smile as he thought of the life he had to live without music.

A week later, he found enough money for the first three months of his classes sitting atop his books. He had gone into her room to ask where it came from but the absence of her beautifully painted canvases spoke enough.

"Thank you." He said with a voice near trembling.

"Y.K forever right?" She said smiling softly down at him.

"Right?"

"Right." Don't cry Yoongi. Don't.

"all those were accumulating anyways." She waved it off even though they both knew it was not. Not when she had framed them on her walls and glared at anyone who dared ask her to put it up for sale.

Yoongi nodded anyways, tears burning grateful at the back of his throat.

*

Once again at the night of their father's second marriage.

Then once when Yoongi's songs had been ripped off, with no money given to him.

When Kyunsoo had gone starving to let Yoongi eat and Yoongi had refused.

Once when Yoongi had gotten an expulsion and a consequent beating from their father after Yoongi had punched a boy who had touched Kyunsoo in the wrong places.

Then, years later when both of them had graduated and Kyunsoo had begged to let them go to college after years of just sitting around and their father had said no. Kyunsoo had taken matter into her own hands, snatching up the money they had managed to save up from her paintings, part time jobs and his songs and left, their hands clasped tightly together.

Even in happy times, when Kyunsoo had gotten into an art and design college on a full ride scholarship, and when Yoongi had been accepted in an entertainment company as a trainee.

There was a reason why Suran triggered those flashbacks of his noona and why Lisa allowing him space, sharing silences in that hospital room after he had gotten punched had calmed him.

Suran was the younger and more or less of the soul copy of Kyunsoo. With her black curly hair, tiger eyes, the paintings and sharp demeanor. Lisa on the other hand was opposite. She was kind, never one to raise her voice or be blunt. So opposite that Yoongi had found a guilty dependence on the younger girl.

That day when they both had teased and prodded each other, reprimanding and loving, that was the last day that their souls had sung their beautiful harmony together.

The last day when those initials had appeared too.

It had happened when Yoongi had left his apartment to buy some much needed groceries.

Mostly just Ramen and beer of course.

But he got more than what he bargained for.

The next thing he knew, he was pulled by his father's rough and unforgiving grip into the hell hole he had thought he had left forever.

He was pushed to the wooden floor of his room while his dad locked it before whipping out his belt.

"How. Dare. You. leave. me." Each blow was punctuated with a word. Each word was a gale that his gasps were lost in. Each strike a burning arid desert against his tears, which he could not see the end of.

When the strikes with the belt were done, the leather almost breaking just like his skin, it was replaced with punches and kicks against his ribs. His father's abuse so no end even as red liquid pushed its way out of his throat and nose staining the floor just like how Kyunsoo's colors had once spilled.

He saw Kyunsoo's face and the new kids in his entertainment company who adored and clinged to him.

Lisa.

Jungkook.

Their faces were a chant in his mind, their laughter his salvation as he cried through it.He stayed awake for himself, even as colored spots filled his vision as his father left him.

One hand clutching on his blood side and split skin, he smiled as he heard the door shut.

Once, he would have trembled against what he was about to do, blood love taking over rational thought. But now, there was nothing to loose, nothing his father could take away from him or give him. So he decided, slender and twitching fingers reaching into his pocket for his mobile as he rolled into his back.

"Hello?" Yoongi asked coughing as blood clogged his throat.

"Yes, this is 911 what is your emergency?" The polite female voice on the other side asked and Yoongi's mouth spewed the truths about his dad and ended his call with a wheezed out 'hurry.'

For he knew that this was not the end of it.

Not when it was feminine screams he heard downstairs.

Yoongi closed his eyes, tears stinging across his cuts and washing away the blood as he lay helpless counting the cracks in the ceiling trying to drown out the fearful sounds from below.

Soon the catatonic symphony in the house was joined by the almost reassuring sirens.

It was when he heard the lock of the door being opened and unfamiliar voices seeped through the walls that he let himself succumb to the familiar comforting darkness. But this time with a contented smile on his face.

Later when he woke up he was in the hospital, the sterile and smell of disinfectant smell stuffing its way up his nose. The moment he fully regained conscious, a thousand thoughts slammed like a freight train onto him.

What if his company didn't want him anymore because of his injury? What if they kicked him out? It wasn't like he was good at anything else other than making music. It wasn't like he could live without music either.

So before the doctors and nurses could become aware of his consciousness, Yoongi carefully ripped off the tubes attached to him, wincing in pain as the various major and minor bandages across his body moved.

But that didn't stop him from gently tip toeing across the floor to find his shoes when he suddenly realized that he was in a hospital gown and his actual clothes were no where near his vicinity. Tugging frustratedly at his hair, he didn't notice the approaching footsteps until the green curtain in front of him was ripped open.

"Mr. Yoongi!" The male doctor said as his eyes widened dramatically. "Your not supposed to be out of your bed!"

"Y-Yeah I kn-" Yoongi started ready to object but the doctor was having non of it.

"Rest. Now." The doctor demanded and Yoongi gave in realizing that outing up a fight was only going to force him to stay more. It was better to act like this was going to work out.

He stayed still as new tubes were attached to him and the doctor fussed over him taking his vitals and injuries.

"Your injuries are caused by...abuse?" The doctor asked gently and Yoongi nodded gently.

"How long has it being going on."

"Sometime." Yoongi replied vaguely , he was not about to talk about his pathetic family life in front of some random shrink.

The doctor stared at him and then nodded like he understood and did not push further.

"You've got an injured rib, and bruises and a broken nose. The bruises will heal but the cuts might scar and you have to take immense care of your broken ribs. Am I understood?" The doctor Kim Namjoon asked sternly and Yoongi nodded.

"No excersise, overworking, wrong postions etc."

"I can do that." Yoongi smiled nodding .

"Also I think you should probably see a psychologist." Kim namjoon said after he jotted down something on his clipboard.

Yoongi's breathing hitched and he managed a nod.

Pretend Yoongi, Pretend.

But Namjoon's eyes were all seeing Yoongi realized.

"Please. It might help you more than you realiz-" Namjoon started but Yoongi cut him off anxiously.

"It is possible for me to get discharged now?"

Namjoon frowned but assessed his state all the same, pursing his lips.

"Please. Its urgent." Yoongi's voice had never pleaded and Namjoon's frown deepened.

"We ca-"

"Please."

And then Namjoon left without words. Minutes later, namjoon emerged with Yoongi's clothes and nodded at Yoongi. Yoongi smiled gratefully and reached for the clothes but Namjoon halted his hand.

"Yoongi-ssi. You need to come back after the urgent matter is seen to okay? You need to be treated. This could lead to more worse stuff if you do not see a psychologist. Promise me you'll come back."

Yoongi nodded vigorously after a pause and Namjoon handed his clothes to him with a sigh.

"Thanks." Yoongi muttered to Namjoon as he completed the paperwork and immediately left.

And never went back like he had been promised.

*

A week later, he was lounging on the couch, after a long grueling day of work, trying to act like mere breathing did not hurt.

The guilt. It did not consume him like it should've on a sane person. It did not bother him that he had handed over his blood father over to the authorities. Hell he was even happy.

He constantly worried that there was something wrong with him because of that. So much that he constantly could not sleep in his own house and ended up pulling all nighters in his studio and then dozing of at dawn. He worried that that if that he was such a bad person, this could potentially hurt anyone close to him. Could hurt Kyunsoo. Lisa. Jungkook. His image as an idol when he debuted.

All these thoughts spread through his mind, dark tentacles of lonlieness and worry breaking and stifling down on his rational thought as he picked up his cigarette packet. The room seemed to dim and narrow to its toxic and addictive presence.

Kyunsoo's face flashed in his mind as he opened and he couldn't help but smile.

And suddenly he could see how the bright the sunshine shining through his loft was again.

So he there the cigarette pack of and unwrapped a lollipop and stuck it in his mouth instead of the death stick, taking small light joy at the fact that he had control on his addiction now.

The sudden buzzing of the phone made him startle and fall out of the couch.

He scrambled for the phone, staring at the letters on screen and not processing before picking it up.

"H-hyung." Jungkook's voice was raspy and weak in a way that made Yoongi's senses go alert and protective.

"I-I got into a c-car accident.

________________________________________

Sometimes even i cant keep up with all the freaking plot twist i have oml.

Guys, btw, do u feel like i'm dragging this on or something? because if i cramp everything into one chapter its going to be awkward and i like to take things slow. So is it annoying?