Guys I'M SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER BORES YOU BUT THIS IS LIKE A TIMELINE OF YOONGI'S WORKS. AND HOW THEY ARE AFFECTED BY HIS EMOTIONS.

*also all words written below are purely mine.

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Burden

the curve of the shoulder,

bent, straight or slouched,

carries weights of stories that are painted with colors,

that does not exist in the visible spectrum of our kaleidoscopic eyes.

Do not underestimate the strength of sinew and bone,

the arch of the spine,

and the loudness of our minds.

Do my pheromones and bursting dopamine matter,

or my abstract painting neurons?

chasing after dreams that are not materialistic,

trying to make it realistic,

is that what being human is about?

Relationships do not have blood platelets or lymphocytes,

just like our minds which do not have a temporary exit,

to patch up the patches between the shuddering tectonic plates between our eternities.

Because Lies that tumble and froth over your lips,

propelled by our sharpened tongues,

they all vanquish in the end anyways,

trodden beneath snake skinned feat,

*

*

Flawed.

I caressed the cheek of a tear,

Failing to see its effect on me.

I plucked out the flower of my seldom happiness,

Failing to see the roots I had left behind.

Only seeing the absence,

The fruit of satisfaction that I never received.

The dew drops that grace the delicate petals of a morning flower,

I wonder if they are the tears of an angel above,

Or the tears of a person wasting away in a shattered mirror,

Too busy to see the world abided by time,

Soar past her without a thought.

Why couldn't I see the garden I'd left behind and not the trodden earth?

Why couldn't I see the sea's eager white waves and not its beckoning depths?

Why couldn't I see the stars painting the sky and not its fueling fire?

Why couldn't I see the love in your eyes and not my flaws?

I saw the snow white feathers that failed to to fill the hole in my soul,

But failed to see your shredding wings.

Maybe that is why I didn't feel your hands slipping away from mine,

Until the thread that held us together fell thin.

This part of me,

That I failed to see,

Is a part I cant shield myself from,

Its a lie that swallows me up whole,

A riptide, eroding away at my soul,

A lie, I dont think I can let go of.

I should have known that,

What I looked for in your eyes,

Was not love but my flaws,

I conjured up illusion that you didn't see and blamed you for it,

And you should have known that,

I'm just broken clay piece in the mold of your heart.

*

*

Sea

The sand beneath my feet was whiter than snow,

So at odds with the dark waves that rushed to meet it.

The shimmering waves was a mask of the monster beneath the dove,

Or the haunting comfort that lay just beyond it.

The dark empty night sky reminded me of the sea's monstrous depth,

A ground or a pit,

I did not know.

The sapphire waves which rushed past,

Eager to meet the shore,

Its only serendipity.

The foam was white as a mermaid's soul,

But the tears that stained were not a mermaid's pearl.

The sea with its darkness beckoned me,

The sound of the sea,

A siren's call.

The clouds far above reminded me of the angels I would never meet,

And the darkness beyond it,

Reminded me of the monsters those were waiting for me.

The waves rushed to and fro,

Beckoning me into its arms,

Much more welcoming than the air that I now breathed.

The cold that bit into my skin,

Came with a warmth that I never felt before,

No epiphany could make me stay,

The answer to my relentless questions were me,

So I let myself go.

I let myself fall.

*

*

'Baekyun'

The warm breath that fogs the cold air between your lips,

I know it won't last forever,

Just like the way it disappear into thin air.

I know your sick of holding on,

So I won't ask you to hold on more,

I won't show what you mean to me,

And make you miserable more.

I know the breath that you take isn't just oxygen,

But the pain and fight that dwells in you.

I won't pretend understand the fear that you fight to exhale.

I won't ask you to stay,

Not when every thud of your heart is just as painful as the next,

Every blink, hard and frightful as the next.

Not when all I offer is words that that compress my emotions,

And promises that I can never fully keep,

Not when I have already lost you in the dark sea,

And all I can see is your hand disappearing below the surface with nothing I could do.

I won't ask you the reason behind your pained smile,

Or the heart you already veiled behind a shroud.

I won't ask you to run miles more before you sleep,

Not with bruises on you feet all round.

But remember my warmth at least when the warmth finally leaves your pyre,

And maybe, I will tell myself I'm fine.

But those are just words again.

I will stay behind for you,

And try not to think of every grain that touched your skin that I loved to see,

And every single breath that I cherished.

I will hold myself in the eyes that you never saw,

And try to walk along your path and breath again.

So that someday when you wake,

I can tell you that you did well.

And hope that when you finally wake,

Its a with a will.

A will to stay awake.

*

*

Amor

Wiggling toes, barefoot on the sand,

hearts that gladly become the drummers of the melody,

that plays on in the euphoriatic depths in our souls,

feet that play hide and seek with the playful sea on the consistent land,

dancing to the call of the wind,

chasing peace of mind.

Is that what love is?

So afraid of the cold,

yet anticipating of the shared laughter and intertwined hands,

despite the words that had never graced the air so bold,

yet our souls went hand in hand,

is that what love is?

When we end up in the cold sea despite their chase,

but with sparkling eyes and the seeping warmth of the one next to me,

When we realize that we didnt want the sunset to cease,

Not because it was beautiful and fleeting,

But because it means farewell as darkness covets,

But because it meant another set of eternities before I can grasp your hand again.

Is that what love is ?

*

*

Symphony of Tears

Tears that slip and slides down the cliffs and steppes of my cheeks,

They haven't visited in a long time,

unihibited sounds that escape that me,

they are finally dancing in the air,

free from the chambers of my heart.

The soft symphony of love that reach its crescendo,

as the strings the one near to you pluck, finally reaches your ears,

But you push away those melodies orchestrated by the conductors in their mouths,

Those C8 notes pushed away by the earbuds of your insecurities,

because the love, the noise,

you don't deserve it.

For the first time in your life,

you want to be alone,

but their catatonic symphony seeps from within, cracking and seeping almost within earshot.

You are never alone.

You don't want them to know the pathetic way you think of yourself.

the knowledge of yourself wearing down upon your shoulder say by day,

so you swallow those consistent pirouettes of your tears,

chug them back like the sweet wine from pears,

sealed and closed, fermenting like usual.

You step out the enclosed dome of your peace,

but for the first time,

there's a redness in your eyes that they catch on unlike the other times.

Shrill voices in falsettos,

crashing and reprimanding humorously, a soulful melody in its own right.

You smile.

But those little dancers were still continuing on in your heart,

pointed toes and stretched limbs,

wreaking havoc and rising like a tidal wave above the cathartic symphony outside.

You wish you let it all out,

wail in eternity in a voice that would never be heard,

But these were eyes and hearts bared open at that moment,

and you would hurt them no more,

for even the being loved came with a price.

*

*

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Guys just to clear things up, since one of you guys asked me who was the toughest among the two soft fluffballs.

Uh well its not as simple as that. Yoongz has a tough exterior even tho hes like an insecure broken boy but he actually doesn't give two shits about other peoples opinion unless they are the ones he cares for.

Hoseok on the other hand, he is tough but its a mask. That's why he smiles. He wants to present himself as a normal person with a happy past and cheery personality. He feels too much and thinks too much. So i think Yoongi is the tougher one but when it comes to Hoseok, Yoongi is a sub. LOL

did that clear shit up?

OH AND RANDOM insignificant comment; I GOT NOMINATED TO BE FEATURED ON A FAMOUS INSTA ART MAGAZINE OHMYGOD.

lol if u curious abt me, u can see me on @bookcrazyartist on ig :)