Embrace: To hold someone closely in one's arms especially as a sign of affection

Keith pov

I woke to Lance holding me. Sun was coming in through my window so I harshly pulled the blinds down.
I did not have a good sleep. I was comfy sleeping in Lance's embrace and I felt safe but just dreams kept popping in and out.
This was the first night in months that I've had a nightmare.
But why when Lance was here?
I don't get it.
He was still sleeping.

I can't believe I'd told Lance everything.
I not once have told anyone other than Dane and Christine about my past.
But I feel I can trust Lance.

Lance began to stir and I moved my head off him.
His eyes slowly opened. He instantly panned his eyes around the room and they then fell on me. A grin spread across his face.
"You're not wearing a shirt" He giggled. "Yeah I took it off during the night, I got too hot" I said.
"Well we are sleeping under a duvet, while it's summer, in California" Lance said.
"Did you sleep well?" I asked him. "Yeah I did, Knowing you were safe that made me happy and I was able to sleep well" Lance said.
"What about you?" He asked.
" I had some more bad dreams and I was awake on and off" I sighed rolling onto my back.
"Fuck" Lance mumbled stroking my face gently.
"Sorry that I woke you up..." I said. "With my nightmare and all that"
"No, Keith it's okay. I was worried about you. You looked like you were in pain and it hurt me to see your pretty face in such a state" Lance said.
"You think I'm pretty huh?" I smirked. "Yes I do. Boys can be pretty too and you're a perfect example" Lance said and kissed my nose.
"Okay I don't understand how you can sleep with a duvet on. I mostly just had the sheet on me during the night" Lance said.
"It dosen't matter how hot it is, I always have to sleep with a blanket on me. I need to have some weight on my back to make me feel safe" I explained to him.
"I'll bundle myself in my duvet and just put my fan on to get some air flow" I said. "I can never sleep with my window open though, I'm too paranoid"
"You're insane!" Lance exclaimed. "Don't you fucking cook under your duvet??" Lance asked.
"Yeah I do but it's better than being exposed" I said.
"I'm little so I get cold easily"
We remained silent for a long while just looking at each other with fondness and touching each other's faces every few minutes.

"Well I mean you are really tiny so I shouldn't be surprised" He said.
I covered his mouth with my hand.
He playfully stuck his tongue out onto my palm.
"Ew!" I shrieked and yanked my hand away. He laughed evilly.
"I hate you" I grumbled.
"No you don't" Lance chirped.
"Yes I do" I argued.
"No you don't" He repeated. I groaned and shoved my face into my pillow. "Mm stay like that Keith?" Lance said. "Wha-Why?" I questioned. "Your back is pretty" He said.
"That's weird don't say that" I barked. "But it's true, it just has nice curves. Your whole body has nice curves" He said. I huffed. Pulling the duvet over myself.
"What time is it?" I asked him.
"Ten" He replied.
"Shit we should probably get up" I said.

After a few minutes of hesitation we both got up.
I put my shirt back on and we went downstairs.
Dane had made us omelettes for breakfast. Meenah chatted away at Lance as all 6 of us ate.
"You boys look tired" Dane commented to us.
"Really?" I lied. I was exhausted.
"Yeah, Keith your eye bags look worse than usual" Dane joked.
"Haha" I said sarcastically.
"I'm not tired" I lied again.
Lance's mom wanted him back home so he had to leave soon after. Him and his family were going grocery shopping and apparently that's a ritualistic thing they do every weekend so I encouraged him to leave. I gave him a big hug before he left.
"I'll see you at school tomorrow yeah?" Lance said.
"Yes" I said.
"Only a few more weeks and we're out for summer!" Lance said happily.
I then nervously grabbed his face and kissed him.
"You're so short" Lance joked .
"You're only a few inches taller than me!" I hissed.
"You had to stand on your tippy toes to kiss me!" He exclaimed.
"Ugh go home, I'm sick of you" I joked pushing him away.
"No you're not, you love me" He retorted blowing me a kiss then slapped my ass.
I rolled my eyes as he got into his car and waved a goodbye, revved his engine and he was gone.

I turned around to see Meenah standing in the window next to the door.
Shit...
She'd seen us.
She was grinning ear to ear.
I went back inside the house.
"How much did you see?" I whisper screamed at her.
"Well I saw you guys kiss and he touched your butt" She giggled.
"Fuck" I cursed.
"Don't swear!" She hissed at me. "Sorry" I replied.
"So are you guys boyfriends now?" She asked gleefully.
"I don't know what we are" I said shutting the door.
"Friends don't normally kiss and stuff" She said getting up from the window bench. She stood in front of me hands on her hips.
"Ugh just...just don't tell mom and dad" I begged.
"I'm not ready to tell them yet" Meenah hugged me. She only came up height wise to just above my waist. She's pretty tiny.
"Okay, I promise" She said letting go. "Thank you" I said. I began to walk away and I heard her giggle again.
"He touched your butt" She laughed. I chuckled at her and went upstairs to my room.

I'd gone up and cleaned my room a bit. As a rule I like to keep things tidy but when I'm stressed I sometimes loose track. Later that day Meenah offered to paint my nails. She painted them a pastel pink and did a damn good job. Better than I could ever do.
The day went on. We ate supper that I helped Dane cook. Just a simple stir fry.
Night soon came and Christine and Dane tucked the kids in at 8 and they went to bed at 10 after saying good night to me.
Today wasn't as hot as it had been. I texted Lance for a bit but the day was overall pretty uneventful.

Before I knew, it was 2 am and I was starring at me ceiling crying my eyes out, my headphones in and softly playing music.
I didn't want anyone to hear me I put my fan on to muffle the sound.
My face was hot and tears were running down my face like a water fall. I'm so fucking stupid.
A guy I met at school a while ago,made out with him a few times, then spat out my life story to him in the middle of the night.
I trust Lance but he probably thinks I'm insane. Do I love him? Or do I hate him?
These thoughts are swirling around like a hurricane in my head.
He's just so wonderful but he's almost too good to be true...well other than the fact he's kind of arrogant.
I get like this once in a while.
Once every month or every few months.
It's just a normal thing.
I like to reflect on what I've done recently and just elaborate on that. But sometimes memories of what's happened before sinks in and drags it's way to the front of my mind where I can't ignore it. Sometimes the sentences my brain thinks of hurt.
I'll think of the simplest sentences. Just simple words that sum up huge pieces of my life and I repeat them in my mind until I nearly pass out.

My parents are dead.
My parents are dead.
I have no real family.
Nobody wanted me.
I'm living with these people that say they love me
But they truly love me don't they?
Do they?
I don't remember my parents at all but they don't exist anymore so it dosen't matter.
I have nothing but pictures.
What would my life of been like if they had survived?
Would I have had siblings?
Would we have moved to a different state?
Would I be the way I am today?
Selfish.
Just like my father.
I repeat this one a lot.
All I care about is myself.
But is that true still?
What if I end killing myself?
What if I end up just like them?
What would everyone do?
I slammed my face into my pillow. I fucking hate these thoughts! Why do I need to think like this? Why can't I just let my fucking past go and live in the present?! My breathing began to shift into heavy fast breaths. I began to hyperventilate.
My fingertips felt numb.
I felt like I was being choked. I tried to make a sound but only a grunt escaped my lips.
I felt like water was filling my lungs. I couldn't move.
My eyes shifted quickly around my room. My door suddenly burst open and Christine saw me and instantly ran over me.
"Keith? Keith are you okay?" I heard her say.
I couldn't muster a noise. I prayed she could read my eyes. She yanked my headphones out and pushed my phone aside. She put her hand on my face. "Breath honey, Please" She croaked. "Dane!" She yelled. I heard him run down the hall.
"What?" He said franticly. Then he saw me.
"Get me a wet face cloth!" She screamed. He scrambled into the bathroom and got what she needed. He handed it to her and she gently put it on my forehead.
I could move my legs and I curled them up to my chest. My breaths turned into sobs as I regained the feeling in my body. Dane sat on the end of my bed, fear danced in his eyes.
"Breath" Christine said again. I shot up and hugged her and sobbed into her shoulder.
"What's going on?" I heard Meenah's voice say. Dane got up and must of ushered her out of the room.
"Shh, shh it's okay" She said rubbing my back.
"Why am I like this?" I cried my voice quavering.
"I can't end up like them!" I screamed and sobbed more. Christine's voice was quavering now as I could tell she was crying too.
"You're not going to end up like them" She said trying to remain calm. She knew exactly what I was talking about. "I don't want to be like them, I don't want to" I whispered. Christine knew exactly what was going on.
"I'm not going to die like them, I don't want too leave this world and the only one to blame would be myself" I sobbed.
"You won't be like them" She said.
"I don't want to be like them" I choked. "You're not going to end up like them Keith I promise" Christine cried hugging me tighter.
"I love you so much" She sobbed. My breathing slowed and and she rested me back down on my bed. Dane re-entered the room.
"I got Meenah back to bed, What happened?" He asked franticly standing over Christine.
"He had another panic attack" She said wiping her tears away.
"Fuck" he said covering his face with his hands.
"I-I think I'm fine now" I said.
"No you're not Keith! Look at yourself" Christine cried.
She spent a few more minutes comforting me. I was so exhausted that I didn't remember falling asleep.
The night was dreamless.