This story was written a while ago so the dates are a bit off...

Jimin sits in his room after dinner writing in a old notebook he found.

He hasn't told Yoongi that he's been tracking his calories again.

For some reason it feels like some secret he can't tell.

The doctors Jimin has been to have told him countless times that ending his obsession with calories would be one of the steps in his recovery.

But overcoming his fear of numbers seems like the hardest part in all of this.

"Hey." Yoongi says knocking on the open door.

"Hey." Jimin smiles slightly in an attempt to look less like he's dying inside.

"You okay?" Yoongi asks sitting next to Jimin on his unmade bed.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Jimin says wrapping himself tighter in his blanket.

"How was your appointment? I meant to ask you earlier but I never got around to it." Yoongi says.

"It was fine." Jimin says with a shrug.

"Any changes?" Yoongi asks.

"No. He just wants me to meet my calories everyday." Jimin says.

"That's good." Yoongi says. "You've been doing well with that lately yeah?"

"Yeah. I guess." Jimin says trying not to frown at the thought of how many calories he's consumed in the past week.

"That's a good thing. It means you're getting better." Yoongi says his tone light, obviously stepping on eggshells.

"That's what they tell me." Jimin says sarcastically.

"Its the truth." Yoongi says. "And I'm very proud of you."

"Yeah. Thanks." Jimin says.

"Come on." Yoongi says standing. "Lets go watch TV or something."

"Fine." Jimin says standing and following Yoongi to the lounge.

"Y'know Jimin. Its almost Christmas." Yoongi says.

"Alright?" Jimin says.

"You still haven't called your mum and told her we're coming for sure." Yoongi says.

"I was hoping you'd forget about that." Jimin mumbles to himself not looking away from the TV screen.

"Well then I'll call again." Yoongi says sitting back and staring at the TV as well.

"Suit yourself." Jimin says. "I think its a bad idea."

"Why? Its just your mother." Yoongi says.

"My point exactly." Jimin says.

"Its been-"

"-ages since we've been. Yeah I heard you." Jimin says.

"So we're going this year. Both of us are going." Yoongi says.

Jimin shrugs no longer wanting to argue over the subject.

Either way they'll some how end up going and either way Jimin's mum would have to see him one of these days whether he's better or not.

Jimin's train of thought trails off as he thinks of all the possible reactions his mother could have when she sees him in a few weeks.

She'll either be quiet for the first time in her life and keep everything she's thinking to herself or she might actually be genuinely terrified.

She'll think he's too skinny.

Just like everyone else.

Too skinny.

If only that were the fucking truth.

"I'll be right back." Jimin says standing to leave the lounge.

Jimin shuts himself in the bathroom sitting against the door.

I can't. I can't go like this. He thinks hugging his knees to his chest.

His mother hasn't laid eyes on him since before he was sick and now when she finally sees him she'll be scared. And disgusted.

She'll probably say he looks like he's dying.

Jimin feels his throat tighten and his becomes restricted as he chokes on his own tears.

Jimin stands up looking at himself in the mirror for the first time since he's tried to get better and he doesn't like what he sees.

What's wrong with me. He thinks before looking away from the mirror and leaving the bathroom and going into his room to grab the notebook he's been keeping.

He finds the pages from the past week adding all the calories from the days.

Jimin gasps dropping his phone when he sees the number.

12,600 calories.

Jimin's eyes fill with tears as he stands throwing the notebook back under the bed.

Jimin grabs a change of clothes and finds his abandoned eye drops in the mess of his drawer before going into the bathroom and starting up the shower.

"Jimin." Yoongi calls knocking on the door.

Jimin jumps slightly at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah?" Jimin asks trying to make his voice as animated as possible.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi asks.

"I'm fine Yoongs." Jimin calls back.

Yoongi doesn't speak anymore but Jimin knows he's still there by the door listening.

Jimin sighs rolling his eyes before removing his clothes and stepping in the shower where he examines himself over and over getting more upset each time.

Jimin doesn't try to stop his tears as they mix with the hot water running over his body.

His disgusting body.

Everything about Jimin's body disgusted him.

He was too short, too awkward, too fat, and too goddamn skinny all rolled into one disgusting mistake.

And he hated it.

He wished he could be perfect.

Not for himself but for Yoongi. Yoongi deserves perfect he doesn't deserve Jimin.

Jimin should have let Yoongi walk out him that day. He should of just let him go and he'd be free. He wouldn't have to be perfect then.

He wouldn't have to be anything but himself then.

Maybe he should leave.

But then he'd hurt Yoongi. And that's all he's good for isn't it? Hurting Yoongi.

Jimin steps out the shower soaking wet, shivering as the cold air hits his skin.

He wraps his towel around his shoulders before leaning over the toilet. A position he's been in countless times before.

He pushes his fingers as far as they will go, gagging and emptying what's left of his meal into the toilet.

Jimin curses himself for not adding up all the calories before hand then he wouldn't have to go behind Yoongi's back and make himself sick again.

Jimin cuts the shower off waiting to flush the toilet when he leaves the bathroom, that way maybe Yoongi wouldn't be so suspicious.

He dresses quickly shielding himself from the freezing cold air in the room before dropping a few eye drops in his eyes to clear them up.

When Jimin looks in the mirror he keeps his eyes on his face which is enough disappointment as it is.
He does look frail. And ghastly.

He leaves the bathroom after flushing the toilet, brushing his teeth, and washing his hands.

He drops his dirty clothes in his room before rejoining Yoongi in the lounge.

"Hey." Yoongi smiles.

"Hey." Jimin says returning the smile as best he could before wrapping himself in his heavy blanket and sitting next to Yoongi.

"You okay?" Yoongi asks.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Xx