Jimin and Yoongi sit in the lounge together for a change.

They don't talk. But it's still a step up from being in different rooms for all hours of the day.

Yoongi focuses on the TV while Jimin focuses on his laptop.

Both of the men trying desperately to find something more distracting than their mental states.

Jimin heaves a sigh through his nose as he scrolls through his social media mostly finding pictures of himself that he despised.

Jimin shuts his laptop in one quick motion before looking up at the TV which is playing an episode of anime that he and Yoongi were meant to watch together.

Yoongi hardly focuses on the TV his mind racing with empty thoughts and his body lacking any emotion or interest he was once able to muster.

The silence in the flat would drive anyone in their right mind mad. The lack of conversation and the lack of warmth the apartment once had completely gone. Leaving the two to suffer in their own minds.

The pain in Yoongi's chest made him feel weak. Like he wasn't doing his part in their relationship. He was supposed to be the strong one. He was suppose to help Jimin through his struggles.

He wasn't supposed to cry himself to sleep. He wasn't supposed to dig his finger nails into his own wrists until they drew blood. He wasn't supposed to feel like he could crack under the pressure of holding the scream in the back of his throat inside for too long. This wasn't supposed to happen to him.

But it was and he felt like a complete failure.

"Yoongi." Jimin says breaking the lasting silence. Yoongi turns to look at him. "You know I love you, right?"

In the past these six words could have been enough to cheer Yoongi up. To make him happy.

But now he just feels more relieved than happy.

"Yeah." Yoongi replies his voice more broken than he could ever imagine.

Jimin nods to himself before standing and leaving the lounge.

Tears swell in Yoongi's eyes as he feels the space between them grow.

He can't imagine a life without Jimin in it. But he still imagines that it would feel a little like this.

Yoongi stands and drags his lead filled limbs to his room.

He hears Jimin in the kitchen and a part of him hopes he's okay and the other part of him feels uninterested.

Yoongi shuts his door before grabbing his backpack.

Yoongi's mind is blank as he grabs random items of clothing and other things he may need and stuffs them in the bag.

He doesn't bother wiping his tears away letting the fall freely. As feely as he hoped to be.

Yoongi drops the backpack by his door before going to get in his bed.

This is like everyday now. All Yoongi does is sleep and eat. And that's all he wants to do.

He doesn't want to do anything that involves actually living.

Because it hard to live when you want to die.

***

"What are you trying to say Yoongi?" Jimin asks.

The next day Yoongi sat Jimin down and told him what he had to say.

It wasn't easy to get Jimin to listen but it was harder to say when he finally did.

"I'm saying that you need to either get help. Or let me help you. And if you refuse to let me help you. I have to go." Yoongi says his heart hurting at the thought of leaving Jimin.

"I don't..." Jimin says his voice small. "I don't get it."

"I'm saying-"

"No. I know what your saying it's just..." Jimin trails off again wrapping his blanket tightly around his frail frame. "You're leaving me?"

"No. I don't want to. I want you to get help Jiminie. You need help." Yoongi says.

"And if I don't you'll leave?" Jimin asks.

"I don't want to leave you Jimin-" Yoongi starts.

"Then why are you?" Jimin asks.

"I'm not. I want the best for you and if you can't do that for yourself then I can't be here anymore." Yoongi says. "I don't want to hurt you Jimin. God knows that's the last thing I want. But I have to do what's right not only for you but for me. Do you understand that?"

"How is leaving me right for you if you don't want to?" Jimin asks.

Yoongi sighs. "I don't know."

Silence fills the room and Jimin keeps his eyes focused on the floor in front if him.

"I don't know what you expect from me Jimin." Yoongi says breaking the silence. "What do you expect me to do? Sit here and watch you kill yourself everyday? What?"

"I love you." Jimin says as tears fill his eyes.

"I love you too." Yoongi says. "But is that why I should stay? Because you love me?"

"Yes. And I'll stay because you love me too." Jimin says wiping his tears away with his blanket.

"No." Yoongi says. "You get better. Because I love you too. You get better because you love me. And because I'm in pain knowing that you are. And because I get sad because I know you are. And because I get get scared because I know that if you continue to live like this that one of these days Jimin. You aren't going to wake up."

Jimin lets out a light sob as he covers his face with the heavy blanket on his shoulders.

"Look at me Jimin." Yoongi says taking the blanket from Jimin's face and pushing it off his shoulders slightly revealing his small fragile body. "Why can't you see how much this is breaking me?"

Jimin bites his lip trying to contain the sobs that rack his body as he falls apart in front of Yoongi.

"I don't want you to hurt Jimin." Yoongi says. "I hate seeing you in pain let alone a kind of pain I can't cure by telling you I love or that your beautiful or that you've always been perfect to me because you have and you always will be. And it's kills me. It is killing me to know that I can't take it all away."

Yoongi pulls Jimin into his chest holding him securely.

"You have to do this for me Jimin." Yoongi says slightly under his breath. "I can't stand seeing you like this."

Even while Yoongi says these things to him Jimin still is filled with a crushing feeling. And even though he is finally ready to help himself. He just keeps hearing No.

No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.