This one shot is heavily inspired by Another Thing They Always Got Wrong by Emberglade on ao3. It's really good and if you enjoy this, you'll enjoy Embers' even more.

Tw: Eating Disorder, vomiting, bulimia, self harm mentioned, restricting, binging, lots of ed talk, major character death, mentions of abuse, indications of horrible past, mild swearing, indications of suicidal thoughts.

If this stuff is triggering or reading this may effect your mental health, please click off.

I have my eye on you, people with eating disorders... shhh, I do the same thing too lol. but please, click off this could trigger you. This isn't meant to give any tips on how to restrict or make purging easier. This is just a way for me to express everything I've felt over the past year and put it into a form of entertainment. I am going to try and make it so it's not romanticized. It's going to sound pretty gruesome and maybe a bit over the top but eating disorders manifest in different ways for different people.

I hope I get this as accurate as possible. This is half based on my own experience and I haven't been formally diagnosed but literally everyone I know (including my mum who has struggled) thinks I do have one. Please don't come at me if I get anything wrong 😭. I guess this is more disordered eating than an eating disorder. Also, Bakugou has ADHD and I do to so the terms you see are real, not made up.

I cried writing this. It took such a different path then I first anticipated.

Anyways, onto the fic!

If Katsuki Bakugou knew this was how he'd be living his life, he would have eaten himself in the womb. He wasn't exactly enjoying his life, sitting on the grimy public bathroom floor, hand in his hair as a sort of soothing mechanism as his other pushed down his throat. Purging isn't as clean as people think. It's messy. Food splattered along the rim of the toilet bowl, his fingers drenched in little food bits and dribble that rolls its way to his elbow. His face is smeared in vomit and his eyes tear up. Toilet water splashed in his face. The pain of trying to get the little food left in his stomach was horrible. His stomach ached and his throat burned. Knuckles turning red. His elbow accidentally smeared the vomit on the rim. Some even managed to get on the wall behind him.

Bakugou hacked as he attempted one more time. It ripped at his already torn throat agonizingly. He fell back against the wall, trying to catch his breathe.

Cleaning up was equally as horrible as doing it. He'd feel guilty and worried that someone heard and was waiting outside the door to scold him. But he'd also feel proud for getting up and doing it. For some reason, it took a lot – mentally – for him to get to the bathroom. He didn't want to deal with the aftermath or the smell that lingers in the bathroom stall.

He grabbed a few pieces of toilet paper from the dispenser box thing and begun cleaning up the mess. First smearing the vomit off his fingers and face. His arms and then the toilet rim. Under the toilet and around the top of the toilet seat. He cleaned the small splashes on the floor and walls. He blew his nose, a small piece of carrot ejecting into the toilet paper.

Gross.

He stood up and threw the fourth grab of toilet paper in the porcelain bowl and flushes it, watching as all proof is drained into the sea. He grabbed a mint and threw it in his mouth before opening the door. When he noticed no one outside to scorn him for doing something so disgusting, he washed his hands thoroughly in the sink. He looked at his reflection. For many people, purging gave them a high, triggering an endorphin rush. But for Katsuki, it did the complete opposite, making him feel numb and drained. He wanted to sleep, but it was only lunchtime and hero training still followed.

He threw a throat Lozenge in his mouth to suck on with the mint. Just swallowing hurt, let alone talking. How he was going to get through the rest of the day was a mystery.

This habit had started back in middle school after hyper fixating on one comment from someone he didn't even know.

"You should lose weight."

He'd pondered over that thought, looking in the mirror and not seeing anything wrong with him. His body was toned, muscles large. But as he walked past a mirror with a shirt on, he then noticed it. His big titties made the shirt stick out from his body, stomach seeming much bigger than it was. Hence, his self-consciousness started up.

Bakugou doesn't half-ass things and he'd obviously heard of the things that people with eating disorders did. It'll only be till I don't look so fat. It won't get any worse. His biggest mistake. Two weeks passed and he was seeing results, quick results. He was working out a lot and not eating too much. He wasn't too stressed about calorie intake but definitely stayed away from foods if he could. Then the binging began. And then the purging. And then he'd stopped once he got into U.A., his dream school. He had something else to focus on.

But when the damn villains kidnapped him and he didn't have Deku anymore to release his anger, he had to turn back to something and that something ended up being food. Most of the time it came in waves. Three months of attempting to lose weight, only to not see results from his excessive eating and then taking a two-month break, the thoughts barely bothering him. Obviously, some things stuck. The thoughts of purging, worrying about calories, and pinching his skin in bed.

Then, he'd have enough of feeling like shit, and start up again. He knew it was going to be like that until he found something else to distract him.

Even after two years, whenever he fell back into the cycle, he'd always yearn for those two weeks that went so well. He tried manipulating things, trying to do things like he did back then, trying to replicate everythingbut nothing was working. He got fewer mean comments about his body at school which was probably why. He didn't have enough to fuel his desire.

He sees himself in a mirror or shop window and all he sees is the way the shirt hangs off his body and the way it made him look so much bigger than he actually was. The way his thighs scraped against each other. How the fat jiggled when he walks downstairs. The way the fat on his forearms spread out when he wrote. How he couldn't see his spinal cord.

Each toilet break always led to some form of body checking. He'd suck in his stomach, hand running over it as it caves, and ribs become exposed. The small spike of adrenaline he'd get at the thought of actually being able to look like that.

It had been a month since the Kamino Ward incident and the end of All Might and his muscles slowly began to shrink. He never understood why. He was always eating, so why were they shrinking?

Though he always ate over his calorie limit, he still felt the effects. He was always tired. He'd wake up tired. At least it stopped the nightmares. His throat was always sore, knuckles red and scabbing. His face puffy. He'd get dizzy. A lot. Whenever he stood up from bed. Recently, he'd stopped walking as he reached his desk and he started to get faint. He thought he might collapse.

And it was one of the only things he thought of. Math? No. Training? No. It was calories in, calories out, things he'd seen online, his flaws. How many calories he was going to burn at training, exercise to lose the weight around his legs, safe foods. Things he could and couldn't eat.

Almost always.

He'd fall asleep to the scenarios of his teachers or friends finding out and finally getting help, for good. To bring a permanent stop to it. He'd thought of all the different ways they would react. How Aizawa-sensei would refer him to Hound Dog and Recovery Girl. How Kirishima would support him through it all, Mina being obsessive and making sure he wasn't hiding anything. It was a comforting idea, something that usually settled him. That's why he'd never think of any negative reactions. but this reality was unobtainable. It was all made up and he knew they would never react like that.

------

As always, Katsuki woke up tired. He pulled himself out of bed, waiting for the dizziness to pass, throwing on his uniform and going to the private bathroom in his room. the school gave them their own because they 'knew there were some things that students didn't want to share with everyone'.

He brushed his teeth, checked the puffiness in his face, pulled his skin back to see how he'd look like with a more defined jaw. He smacked himself across the cheek, bringing him an intense burst of energy only to last a few seconds. His throat burned just at the feeling of oxygen from the intense session the previous night, so he takes some Nurofen.

The first thing Kirishima said when Bakugou entered the common room was, "You had a really long shower last night, bro."

He doesn't speak, working on making a cup of coffee. He grabbed the smallest apple he finds and stored the calorie information in the back of his mind to write down later. He finished it quickly, throwing the core in the bin and taking his coffee and drinking it.

Aizawa-sensei was at his own 'designated' table. Since they'd moved in, he seemed to just have claimed the one furthest away from the dorms. Every morning Denki would try to make the man laugh only to fail miserably with a reward of a cold look.

Times that by 10. That would be him if he found out.

Aizawa-sensei looked over Denki's head as he blabbered on about a joke or something that happened. He had an inquisitive look.

Katsuki was unsure if it was to turn Denki's attention away from him or if he'd noticed something wrong with Katsuki.

He always tried hard every morning to make sure every indication of his problem was hidden and he usually did a good job.

"Hello, Bakugou," Todoroki greeted.

Katsuki glared at him as he made his coffee.

"Does your throat hurt?" he asked, face void of emotion.

What the-?

"What the hell, Icy-hot?" he snarled, pushing through the small pain still in his throat.

He gulped down the rest of the coffee and headed out of the dorms, Kirishima on his tail like usual.

Kirishima was like the better, less annoying version of Midoriya. He didn't mumble, didn't jump to conclusions, didn't praise him so much it sounded fake. All in all, just the much better version, but no matter how close they were, Katsuki would never speak a word of what was happening.

Bakugou strongly believed he was not bulimic. He wasn't always completely consumed with the disordered eating thoughts and it was probably only a hyper fixation due to his ADHD. He didn't want to purge, but he forced himself to so it didn't seem as fake to himself, which made it seem even more fake which was confusing, and it was like he was forcing himself to hate himself. He was criticising himself, not some other voice in the back of his head. He could block it out but in the end, always gave in to the way binging made him feel. The only thing he had that was consistent, was how thinking of food sometimes made him feel physically sick, but that wasn't enough for a diagnosis, or help.

------

As usual, Bakugou's lunch was nothing more than a protein bar. He knew the calories in them and there was no room to question the number. He'd eat it slowly as to savour the taste as the rest of his group had curry, or soup that all smelt amazing. He'd pretend the protein bar was what they were eating, until he started craving it to the point he was nearly about to buy it himself. Then he'd stand up and leave the cafeteria to walk around the school and talk some sense into himself.

He'd been so focused he'd nearly bumped into Aizawa-sensei, stopping himself when he saw his shoes. He was going to walk around him but was stopped.

"Bakugou, I want to talk to you," Aizawa-sensei said.

Bakugou stopped walking and looks up, trying to keep his aggressive expression. He was tired. He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Don't tell him anything.

"You've been seeming more distant in class and training. Your teachers have told me your grades are starting to slip and I've noticed that your explosions hold less power. What's going on?"

Don't. Tell him. anything.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he said, usual grit in his voice.

"Hmm, okay. Tell me when you're ready," Aizawa said and continued heading in his direction.

Fuck.

Bakugou does the same, thinking of a list of excuses for every situation he could think of.

------

It was early on Saturday morning, about 7:30, when Bakugou was rushing up to Aizawa-sensei's dorm to hand him his grocery list and the money. Before 8:00am every Saturday, if students wanted food from the grocery store, they'd give Aizawa-sensei a list with the money needed. They refused to let the students off school grounds. It was deemed unsafe with all the villain attacks recently.

He was tired. Bakugou was definitely sleeping after this. It was always a struggle, trying not to binge on weekends, but by getting the teachers to buy the food he asked for and a few minutes of will power not to write ice-cream or chips on the list, he'd succeed a lot of the time.

He made it to the top floor and knocked on Aizawa's door. His weak fingers clasp around a folded piece of paper and 10 000 ¥. He heard some shuffling until the door opened.

"What?" Aizawa says groggily.

"My shopping list." He hands the note to him and turns around to leave.

"We aren't going this weekend, Bakugou. I thought you knew," Aizawa said.

Bakugou swivels around. "What? Why?"

"Because Yamada is sick and some personal stuff has come up."

"But-" he began but couldn't find anything to say. He snatched the money and list out of Aizawa's hand and stormed off.

He shut the door and fell onto his bed. Without safe foods, this week would become a painful one. He screamed into a pillow, rage leaving his body. He was left coughing roughly in the bed.

His eyes began to warm before tears leaked out in a rush. "Fuck, my life's over."

He gripped at his hair, rocking back and forth. He knew he would spend the entire week binging and purging. He was not looking forward to it.

He fell asleep crying and woke up with a plan. He had a few safe foods left. he'd spread them out over the week and lower his limit drastically. He'd essentially do intermittent fasting. It was the only way. It had never worked for him but it was either that or binging, and at least if he did binge, at least he tried, right?

He was okay with fasting, but the first day was always the hardest. The third and every day after that was easier. Not easy, but easier. So, if he was on a roll, he'd just fast all week. His BMI was currently sitting in the middle of the healthy range, which he hated. He wants a BMI of at least 18.5, ideally 17.

He began that day. Started a timer on his phone to see how long he could go with fasting. He felt a burst of energy and he was determined to succeed. He went to his desk and worked through his homework.

------

Saturday 7:30 pm. Bakugou had succeed without food for over 12 hours (if you included his sleep) and was going to bed. His stomach was so empty that it was painful. It wailed loudly and Bakugou felt like collapsing with it. His eyes were pained for being so tired. He could barely focus on his homework. His mind couldn't comprehend the questions. Whether it was his eating habits or his ADHD, maybe even a mix, he didn't care. All he knew was that the teachers were going to be heavily disappointed in his work.

But that doesn't matter because he's losing weight, well, will lose weight. If his calculations are accurate and everything goes to plan, he'll lose almost all the weight he wants, but for the price of being heavily exhausted.

"Hello Bakugou," Todoroki greeted... again.

"What do you want?" Bakugou tried to sound aggressive but his headache was not going well with his fatigue.

"Don't forget to eat, Bakugou."

What? Does he know?

Impossible.

Bakugou looked at him, eyes narrow and focused. He'd only then noticed the eye bags, how you could clearly see the tendons in his hand as he wrapped it around the mug. How he swayed slightly as he stood. "Wait, are you-" he didn't finish his question. They're in a public space, he couldn't.

All Todoroki did was nod before dragging his feet across to his friends.

So, Todoroki is similar to him, isn't he? Bakugou was glad he'd found someone with the same issues but also unhappy that someone else was struggling.

The rest of the day Bakugou thought about Todoroki and food (obviously).

And when he went to his locker to change out of his sports uniform after training and his joints hurt and his eyes heavy, he found a note in his locker. It read messily, 'Tell Aizawa-sensei. You'll die.'

He crumpled the note and glared at Todoroki, who didn't look back. He finished changing and threw the note in the bin.

He waited on one of the benches, making the excuse he wanted to sabotage Mineta for being a pervert. No one wanted to see what was in his locker, so no one offered to stay.

When the door closed behind the extra with the tail, leaving only him and Todoroki behind, he stood up, leaving his bag on the bench.

"Hello, bakugou," Todoroki said as calmly as ever.

"What the fuck was that note for?" Katsuki didn't wait to get to the point.

"You should tell him, Bakugou, You'll die if you keep going."

"And you won't!? You do the same thing, right?" Bakugou retorted.

"I'm much better now."

"That's what they all say," Katsuki mocked.

"Seriously, I am. I told Aizawa-sensei and he got me the help I needed. My father didn't even find out."

Bakugou turned around and grabbed his bag. "This is bullshit."

"You want to be a hero, right? You can't keep doing this and expect any success."

The door closed behind Bakugou and he had to take a deep breath. The anger was giving him a headache. He was nearly 36 hours in, and he was not going to stop. This might be his only opportunity and he'd push through anything to get the results he desired.

He made dinner for the class using the communal food, lying and saying he'd eaten while cooking it. He didn't stick around for dinner and went back up to his dorm where he scrolled through social media and being immediately remined of why he was doing what he was doing.

There was a knock on his door. "What do you want?" he shouted.

"I brought you dinner," Todoroki said.

"I'm not hungry."

"Bakugou, please."

"Go away, I'm sleeping."

He could hear the sigh. "Please just tell Aizawa-sensei then."

"Tell me what?" the deep gruff voice asked as he entered the conversation uninvited. Bakugou's blood pressure spiked, finally entering a normal range for once. His room was a mess. It still smelt like vomit. He had trash bags full of vomit stained clothes. His weight goals were written on the body length mirror. His scale was out. Clothes were thrown around the room. the floorboards stained with sweat he hadn't wiped up. His laxatives were on his desk (they were for emergencies and he was too lazy to put them away) and so was a bloody razor.

If Aizawa-sensei ordered to come in, he was screwed. All the evidence was out in the open.

"It's not my place to tell," Todoroki said to Aizawa.

"Why are you taking your dinner to Bakugou's room?" Aizawa asked, he'd definitely picked up on the hints.

As a safety precaution, Bakugou began hiding things. He threw the blade and box in his drawer. He wiped goal weights off his mirror, but it was still there, practically staining (idk) the mirror.

"We were going to study together."

Bakugou couldn't help but internally thank Todoroki for covering for him. He opened his window and kicked the scale under his bed where the vomit bags were. Lastly, he threw a shirt over the floor stain.

It was silent for a while before he heard footsteps disappearing. He let himself breathe a sigh of relief and fell back on his bed. "Bakugou, I need you to open up." Aizawa was still there.

"Oh, for fuck sake!" Bakugou grumbled, just loud enough that he knew Aizawa heard. After recovering from the dizziness, he opened his door. "What do you want?"

Aizawa-sensei was definitely caught off guard by the mess of Bakugou's room. He didn't expect it from one of his top students.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"If that's all you came here to ask, you can go because I'm fine." He began closing the door but Aizawa-sensei stopped it.

"Todoroki told me."

Fuck that bastard.

"Told you what?"

Play innocent.

"That you aren't eating."

He's dead meat.

"I am, he's the one who isn't. Probably doesn't want to get better and hopes he can turn the attention on someone else because then he can stop eating without being caught," he lied. It was believable. He'd do it too.

"He said he's heard you purging."

"And I heard Russians talking about unicorns." He rolled his eyes.

Aizawa-sensei crossed his arms over his chest and sighing. "I'll talk to Todoroki. What you're saying does sound believable."

When Katsuki's teacher turned around to head over to Todoroki's room, he released a sigh of relief and closed the door. He fell asleep or fainted, he wasn't sure.

------

Bakugou walked into the classroom, sliding a note on Todoroki's desk. He knew that Todoroki wouldn't try to help him after reading the note, especially with the threat he'd made of telling his father if he mentioned another word of it. Seeing the horrified expression on Todoroki's face, oddly calmed Bakugou. Todoroki, his biggest threat to this secret had been dealt with.

He knew it would leave permanent damage to their 'relationship', but he didn't care, because at least no one would find out.

The week went by slowly. Bakugou had managed to eat only a few rice cakes throughout the week until Friday. He was so happy to see the number on the scale was less than he expected it to be. He was so happy that he decided to celebrate with a bowl of his favourite cereal.

Just one, he'd told himself. One turned into two, two turned into four and an empty box of Kirishima's favourite energy bars, three empty packets of instant ramen and a quarter of the cake Satou had made. He felt like his stomach was going to explode, and walking up the stairs was enough to bring him to tears. It was midnight and Bakugou knew he couldn't purge at that hour, so when he shut his door behind him, rubbing his expanded stomach, he grabbed the box of laxatives and took three of them.

I've never used laxatives so I don't know how they work, sorry about the inaccurate information.

Two hours passed and everything was out in forms of faeces. He flushed it down the toilet. His backside hurt and he felt shaky. His eyes were weak and he began to cry knelt down on the ground. Crying about his lack of control, crying about his body, crying about how embarrassing this is.

Purging is so silly. You stick your fingers down your throat and create a massive mess only to end up with permanent damage to your oesophagus. For what? To release the painful fullness in your stomach? To make you feel okay? To get addicted to the horrible feeling of your burning throat and red knuckles? The bloated face that never goes away? It's so silly. So ridiculously stupid and it's hard to put it into words. It's an indescribably feeling of silly.

Bakugou had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor that night. Yipee...

------

When Bakugou awoke, his back hurt and he felt tired. He'd woken up with a stomach ache. His watch told him it was 7:50. He would have gone to sleep, but he needed to get his safe foods. He forced himself up and brushed his teeth and splashed his face to hopefully get rid of the tired look.

He opened his window to get rid of the stench, and grabbed the list and money which he'd kept from last week and began walking to Aizawa-sensei's room. His head pounded and walking up the stairs felt like a workout. He was exhausted. It was 7:58 when he arrived to the quiet sounds of crying and someone trying to sooth the other. He could only assume it was Aizawa-sensei and Yamada-sensei.

It was common knowledge among the class that they had been married for over ten years. No one minded, even Mineta. Almost the entire class was gay.

Deciding not to intrude, he pushed his note under the door. He began heading back to his dorm when the door opened. It was Yamada-sensei. He looked upset but not like he was crying, leaving Aizawa to be the one having a mental breakdown.

"Don't tell me you aren't going to the shop again?" he asked with frustration. He could not take another week of that. He needed to eat. He was sluggish and lagging behind in training. They had an important math test he needed to study for and in the state he was in, it would be impossible.

"No, we are, but we will be back with the stuff a little later than usual," Yamada said... quietly? What?

"Yeah, whatever. Just get everything on the list."

He turned around and went back to his dorm.

------

Only one person knew about Bakugou's mum. Midoriya. No matter how much he hated it, it was just the hand he was dealt. Bakugou's mum wasn't nice, or supportive. She blamed him for everything. the drop in sales after he'd been kidnapped, her car being stolen, the oven breaking down, and now, her biggest client leaving her. She was pissed and coming to his school to give him a stern 'talking to.'

Not once has Bakugou gone to Midoriya for any sort of assistance. But when the blade that dug into his thighs wasn't enough to ease the pain, he only had one option and it was his least favourite person (before Todoroki).

He banged on his door. He was scared. Really scared, and despite hating Midoriya, he was the only one who never judged him for anything, and also the only one to know about Mitsuki's punishments.

When the door opened, Midoriya was definitely surprised to see him there as he choked on nothing. Uraraka and Iida were sitting on the floor of his All Might drenched room. This room could make anyone hate the hero deemed the symbol of peace.

"Oh, Kacchan!" he said, surprised.

"We need to talk," Bakugou said lowly, trying to push any quivering out of his voice.

Midoriya didn't seem to understand the severity of the situation yet. "Can it wait? I'm just finishing a study session with Iida and Uraraka."

"It's all good, Deku. We can leave if you want," Uraraka said from behind, picking up her books and pencil case.

Midoriya turned around with an awkward smile. "No, stay there, Uraraka. I'll just talk to Kacchan outside. I'll be back in a minute."

Midoriya stepped out, closing the door behind him. It was obvious that Midoriya wasn't in the mood to talk, but Bakugou wasn't in the mood to live so he'd have to get over it.

"What is it, Kacchan?"

"She's coming," he said vaguely. His foot nervously tapped against the carpet. He looked around, paranoid, expecting to see the Old Hag storming up to him.

"Oh, shit, Kacchan," Midoriya said, with an apologetic tone as always. "But she can't get in here without permission from Aizawa-sensei."

"She's not stupid. She already has it!" He whispered aggressively.

Aoyama left his dorm, only giving them a suggestive look before making his way to the common room.

"Take deep breaths, Kacchan. It'll be alright. I'll go out with you, how about that? She won't get mad in front of me."

Bakugou scoffs, rolling his eyes. "There is no way that will happen. She lost her biggest client today and 'it's my fault'."

Midoriya looked conflicted, like he wanted to say something but didn't want to offend Bakugou. "I might have an idea but I don't think you'll like it very much," he began awkwardly.

Bakugou ran a hand through his hair. He just wanted to be in a room with a heater and ten thousand blankets. He was so cold. "Fine, what is it?"

"You should tell Aizawa-sensei that your mum wants to speak to him. She wouldn't go all aggressive on you with him around, right?"

"I feel like that won't work, though," Bakugou outputted, worry slipping in his words.

"It's either that, tell Aizawa-sensei everything about your mum, or just deal with it."

Bakugou turned around and left, throwing a lazy hand up to signal his departure. He went back to his room. He still had twenty minutes to come up with a plan. He needed her permission revoked. He needed to get Aizawa-sensei to do it without telling him anything about what was going on. At least as little as he could.

Bakugou changed into a long sleeve shirt and a black jumper. It made him not look as fat. He also changed into his most comfy tracksuit pants. Putting on socks, he walked up to Aizawa-sensei's room. They hadn't even left to buy the groceries yet, so he still hadn't eaten since his binge the previous day. He was still tired and cold and frail. He wanted this to all be over.

He knocked on the door. Yamada-sensei is the one to open it. "We haven't gotten your stuff yet, little listener," he says calmly. He's acting so weird today.

"I need to talk to Aizawa-sensei," he said with urgence.

"He's sleeping."

That's why he's so quiet.

"His nap can wait. It's urgent."

Yamada-sensei looked torn between his two options. He'd piss at least one of the people in the equation off. "Why don't you talk to me," he concluded.

Bakugou tried to look into the room for Aizawa but his view was blocked by Yamada. He definitely trusted Aizawa-sensei more than Yamada-sensei. But his mum didn't wait for these simple issues to be resolved.

"I need my mum's permission to come to the dorms revoked."

Yamada-sensei was definitely confused. "Why?"

"I'm not telling you. Just do it."

"Would you tell Shouta?"

Shouta?

"Aizawa," he clarified.

Would he? Yeah, probably. At least more than he would tell Yamada-sensei.

"I'd tell him more than you," he said.

Yamada sighed. "Hold on, I'll get him up."

He closed the door and Bakugou could hear him quietly cooing the man to get up. Bakugou nervously stimmed, his hands rubbing over each other as a soothing mechanism (is that stimming? I'm pretty certain it is). He needed Aizawa-sensei to accept his request.

When the door opened, Aizawa-sensei looked more dead than usual, which was almost impressive. His eyebags were bigger and hair all frazzled and knotted. He looked horrible.

Just go. Don't annoy him.

No. he wasn't going to leave. If she came, the entire class could find out about her... discipline, and it could trigger some of the extras. He wasn't selfish. This wasn't selfish, right?

"Why don't you want Ms. Bakugou to come?" Aizawa asked, voice raspy. He let out a small cough.

Bakugou gulped. Foot tapping nervously again. "She's mad," he said.

"So?"

"She gets... how do I put it?" he stopped, taking a deep breath.

Don't give him too much information.

"When she's mad, she gets mad."

Wow, amazing.

"I am not in the mood for this. I'll tell her she can't come, but tomorrow we're talking about this and whatever's going on with you."

"Nothing's going on with me."

"You look on the brink of death."

"So do you."

"Come to my room tomorrow. We'll have your stuff by then."

Bakugou left grumpily. At least Mitsuki wasn't coming.

But he had a new problem. He had to make up excuses. With Mitsuki out of his hair, Bakugou headed into the common area to get a cup of coffee. He still had an English essay due that he had barely even made a dent into.

As he was brewing, Mina was talking to Denki, Uraraka and Iida. She was staring at her phone. "Guys, did you hear about Holibot?" she asked, solemnly. "She died yesterday from a heart attack." She showed the article to the others. Bakugou poured his coffee and made his way to the stairs. Just as he was about to leave through the doors, Mina said something that hit right where it hurt. "She was super malnourished, and a villain came out from behind her. It shocked her and her heart gave out on her."

She died because she was malnourished. It wasn't even a heroic death.

"This is why we eat healthy," Iida said, slicing the air.

"That's so sad," Uraraka said.

"Yeah, she apparently had bulimia."

"I hope no one else has an eating disorder here."

"Yeah, that would be really sad."

Bakugou left quickly. He couldn't concentrate on English. He was just spewing out garbage. He was trying to make the hardest decision. Tell his teacher and 'get better', or continue in the comfort of his pain and die due to his weakened heart.

But he was finally seeing results for the first time in years.

------

Aizawa was definitely not looking forward to his talk that Sunday. He was still exhausted from the previous day. He'd had horrible flashbacks to his childhood that shook him to his core. It was midday and he still had Bakugou's shopping bag full of the weirdest stuff in his room. He had rice cakes, an unknown brand of energy bars, flavourless seaweed and jelly cups.

He knew what was up with Bakugou. He looked so... dead. Not underweight or anything, but he had huge eyebags and he was all shaky. The colour had drained from his face and his hair was thinning. He knew what it was, but he needed Bakugou to trust him if he was ever going to help him. And there must be something going on between him and his mum for Bakugou to ask for help.

Shouta was startled by the knock on the door. He looked much more presentable now. He'd showered and brushed his hair. He opened the door and wasn't surprised to see Bakugou.

He left his room and stood in front of his door, Bakugou in front of him. It was against the law to have your student in your room. (idk if that's true, I'm just too lazy to describe what his room looks like).

"So, will you tell me why you didn't want your mum to come yesterday?" Aizawa asked without hesitation.

Bakugou looked uncomfortable. His hands were in his hoodie pockets and his eyes staring at his feet. "She's just a pain in the ass," he said.

"Bakugou."

"She was angry at me, okay? No one wants to see their angry Mum," he snapped, obvious he had unkempt emotions.

"Alright then, do you want to explain to me why you look on the brink of death?"

There was a long silence. Bakugou's angered expression had dropped and it was replaced with an anxious one. "I can't focus," he begun quietly. "Like I really can't focus. I didn't even try to half-ass me English essay and it still came out as shit. I've failed all my classes because I just can't focus. And-" he cut himself off, rocking on the balls of his feet. It was obviously a very sensitive thing for him to talk about. He looked more at war than Todoroki did when he told him. "I just... argh, forget it!" His shoulders had tensed and his head lowered. He looked ashamed. He spun around and stormed off.

Aizawa groaned. He thought Bakugou was trusting him. He knew there was something he could do. Make Hizashi not grade his English essay. He entered his room again, realising he forgot to give Bakugou's groceries to him. Aizawa groaned and picked them up before making his way to Bakugou's dorm.

He knocked on the door. No response. He knocked again. Still, no response. "Bakugou, I have your groceries. Open up."

Still, no response.

A bad feeling washed over Aizawa and he puts the shopping bag by the door. He pulled out his key and unlocked the door. It took him a few seconds to recover from the sight. Laxatives on the desk. Scale on the floor.

Bakugou beside it.

Unconscious.

He ran over to the boy and immediately checked for a pulse.

It was still there but barely.

But...

He's not breathing.

He's not breathing!

Immediately, he began CPR. "Kirishima!" He shouted, hoping he was still in his dorm.

"Yeah, Aizawa-sensei?" He said from the doorway, his voice had faded when he saw Bakugou.

Aizawa continued at a solid rhythm. Bakugou looked lifeless. "Call the ambulance. Bakugou isn't breathing."

Kirishima choked on air but Shouta didn't have time to think about that. He heard Kirishima finally make the call behind him. "Come on kid," he pleaded with a sort of determination.

"They're on their way. just another ten minutes."

"Okay, good. Get Yamada from upstairs. Tell him to keep an eye out for the ambulance, you got that?"

Kirishima nodded and began running up. Aizawa's arms began to get tired. Everyone currently on that floor was now crowding around. Some crying, some staring in shock.

Shouta is the only one allowed on the ambulance with Bakugou. They put a mask on him and link him up to machines. His heart rate is deadly slow at around 25 beats a minute.

They rushed him into the emergency room. the doors shut on Aizawa's face. He began pacing. Thinking. He hoped he wouldn't die. He prayed he wasn't dead.

He didn't know how long it was before Hizashi ran into the hospital, Kirishima and Midoriya on his heels. "Is he okay?" Midoriya immediately asked.

All Shouta could do was give him a glance before letting Yamada take him in his arms. The comforting squeeze helped to keep him calm. They soon sat down in a few empty spots in the waiting room. Yamada had a nervous habit of tapping his foot and fingers, similar to Bakugou.

He won't die. He's strong. He'll be fine.

Yamada was combing his fingers through Shouta's hair no matter how scared he was for the kid himself.

It felt like years until the doctor came out, calling Shouta's name. He stood up quickly, speeding to the doctor. "Is Bakugou okay?"

She looked behind him at the rest of the group. She had a sorrowful expression on her face. "Are you sure you want them to be here for the news?"

"We can handle it," Kirishima assures.

The doctor looked at Aizawa. "I'm Doctor Nakamura. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but... he passed away. He had a heart attack. His body was too weak from the lack of nutrition."

Aizawa stared in disbelief.

Bakugou's dead.

He's really dead.

Is it my fault?

It must be.

It has to be.

I could have saved him.

It's my fault.

"Take deep breaths for me, can you do that for me?" Aizawa looked up into Hizashi's eyes, slowly nodding.

Hizashi guided him through his breathing. They'd done this so often it wasn't difficult, but he could tell Hizashi was holding back dams to stay strong for him.

Midoriya was sobbing and Kirishima was trying to comfort him even though he was crying too.

Now it was time to tell everyone else about the tragic end of Katsuki Bakugou.

Sorry if this is shit. I don't really think I was 'in it' when I wrote it. I hope it was readable though.