Summer: Day 36

Mack's POV:

When Kylar left yesterday, he told me he doesn't want his love for me to get in the way of our friendship. He said he'd eventually get over himself and things will be okay again, whatever the definition of 'okay' is. But I knew, I knew that we'd never be the same. I knew that I could never look at him as if he was just my best friend anymore, and he could never look at me without remembering his unrequited love.

It was as if the summer couldn't get any more dramatic, any worse.

I felt alone, losing two people I care for the most in the world. But Kylar loved me and I loved his brother, the one who couldn't stand being around me; the one who I'd do anything for. I would give everything up for him, anything. But I think that's the issue:

If you love someone, you'd be willing to give everything up for them. However, if they loved you back, they wouldn't ask you to. And I knew Zachariah wasn't asking me to give anything up, but I've just about lost everything in my life by simply loving him.

Yet, I couldn't stop. He wouldn't go away. Zachariah Lane Montgomery was my drug.

If I didn't get a dose of him, I was a mess.

I'm addicted, and I can't live without it, without that small dose.

But I needed rehab, I needed space.

My life is a ferris wheel; ups and downs, but the same run-around motion. I'd get to the top with the boy of my dreams and then the ride stops, only to go back up and down through the same motions all over again. The heartbreak, the thrill, the love.

I grab my phone and check for anything from him. I notice a few missed calls before a voicemail pops up. My shaky fingers tap the screen to hear the recording:

"Kenz," Zachariah says after a couple of seconds. "I just had to hear your voice, so I listened to your voice message a few times. And I know you said you needed space, but I can't do space. I don't want space."

I pause the message and replay the first part again, tears welling my eyes.

"Why, why do you need space from me? Why can't we just work it out? Why can't you trust me—" He pauses, his voice becoming harsher. "Why are you shutting me out, after everything? So fucking what, who cares what everyone says, Kenz. I want you. I only fucking want you.

"You know that I care, you fucking know it. So—why would you put me through this kind of shit and leave me the minute I realized I was falling for you?"

I stop the message again, my face falling into the pillow. He's just one big lie. He'll go back on his words the minute he knows he's affecting me. I know how this works; I'm used to it.

"I guess that's what I get for getting into something with someone as young as you."

I stop it again, gripping my scalp so that my knuckles turn stark white, not sure how much longer I can go with this—not sure how I can ever breathe again without knowing the only reason my heart is pumping is because of the love that's burning within.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," he says softly after he curses under his breath. "But it's like we're running away from the one thing we finally had, and it's tearing us apart. I want you, and I don't know how many times I have to say it for you to believe it's true.

"I will never care about someone the way I do you, Kenz. I just want you to know that. So regardless if we work out or not, I'm gonna be standing right here fighting for you all the way. I want you that bad—I need you that bad, baby. I miss you already."

When he doesn't say anything else, I just listen to his ragged breathing until the line dies and the message stops playing. I think I messed up.

No—I need space, time to process.

But do I?

Confused and crying, I get up from my bed and leave my apartment, walking down the corridor hallways to Tanner's place. Lilah. I need Lilah.

I knock on the door a couple times before he opens it, his face dropping at the sight of me. "Oh god, Mack," he murmurs, pulling me to his chest in a tight embrace, as if trying to piece me back together. "What happened?"

I fail to wrap my arms around him and tremble under his arms, feeling so useless, so broken. I'm used to this.

"Are you okay?"

I shake my head.

"Talk to me."

I pull away, wiping my cheeks with the sleeve of Zachariah's football hoodie, the one I haven't taken off since we argued. "I messed up."

He furrows his eyebrows, asking, "What do you mean?"

"I said I needed space and then—then we just broke."

Tanner's face goes through a whole wave of emotion before he runs a hand through his hair. "You told him you needed space?" I did, I did, I did.

I nod, choking on my tears. "I think I messed up, but I didn't know what to believe at the time. Everything is so damn confusing with us, space sounded like a good idea."

"Space," he whispers to himself. "No, Monty can't be away from you, Mack. He's gonna blow up or something. He needs you."

"Well I need myself right now," I say helplessly, moving towards the couch so I can curl my knees up to my chest. "I know I messed up, but I've been through hell with him. Everything just seems too good to be true."

When Tanner doesn't have anything to say, he sighs.

"Did you know he was supposed to be arranged to marry me?" I ask, wiping my face.

He shakes his head. "No, he would've told either me or Corey. Zachariah wouldn't be stupid and do that to you, Mack. He hates his father's guts, but he is in deep fucking love with you."

"No," I whisper.

"Why don't you just talk to him? Work through it?"

"I can't look at him."

"Why not? He's the best looking guy I know," Tanner says with a light-hearted shrug.

I lift my head up at him and give him a look that screams, 'Not funny.' "Because I know that if I do, I'll let my guard down again."

"But sometimes you have to let your guard down in order to work through things," he replies, coming over to sit down next to me.

"But the second I let mine down, somebody does something to remind me why I had it up in the first place," I say, shaking my head. "Our love or whatever you call it is just one huge disaster—"

"Hey, don't say that," Tanner says, nudging my arm. "Love doesn't have to be perfect, it isn't always like those romance movies you watch. Love only has to be true, and if you both love each other, that's the end of the story. No ifs, ands, or buts."

"But he's never said he loves me," I whisper, my arms wrapping around my knees tighter.

"Mackenzie, that guy is damn whipped if you ask me," he laughs, quirking an eyebrow. "He doesn't need to say he loves you, he shows it. Besides, words are just a bunch of bullshit anyways."

I let out a tiny laugh, but my lips still quiver. "Can you call Lilah?"

He nods, offering me a small smile. "What, am I not good at this comfort stuff?"

I shake my head. "I need a girl to talk to and cry with me."

Tanner scoffs, pulling out his phone anyways. "I cry, just not over Zachariah Montgomery. I cry when the bag of chips is empty."

******

LILAH COMES BUSTING through the door with a concerned look on her face. "How on earth do you manage to look so pretty when you cry?" she asks, rushing over to pull me into a hug.

I crack a laugh through my small sobs and agree to her warm embrace. "Thank you for coming, Tanner was being a butthead."

"As per usual," she smiles, looking back to give him a toothy grin. "So tell me, what's wrong?"

I frown, playing with the long sleeves of Zach's hoodie. "I sorta maybe kinda broke up with Zachariah, but I didn't necessarily break up with him."

"So you asked for space?" she concludes, finally seeing eye-to-eye with me.

I nod. "Yeah, I visited my dad and he told me something about an arrangement or whatever—it doesn't matter. Anyways, I just needed time to think about us, I guess."

"Think about what?"

"I grew up with Zachariah, but this is the closest we've ever gotten to each other. I feel like what we have won't last, and honestly, I want to save myself from that trouble."

"Because you've already been broken by him more than once?"

I purse my lips and look down at my hands, taking a deep breath. "But I love him, and I can't stop loving him."

"Who says you should?"

"Life," I sigh, shaking my head. "Life seems to always get in the way. My doubts, fears, my best friend, my dad, my mom."

"But who's been there to help you through all of that?" she asks, knowing what the answer is. "I'm not trying to force you to believe anything, but if I were you I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He might not have the best track record, but he's stood by your side all through that."

"I know."

Then she looks at me a little deeper, her concern growing. "Have you eaten at all lately? You look so pale, sis."

"I can't eat, Lilah. Pancakes kill the mood and I see his face in my coffee as weird as it sounds," I reply. "I'm just not hungry."

"Monty would want you to take care of yourself," she whispers, her big eyes doey.

"He left me a voicemail today," I say, lowering my head. "Saying he misses me and doesn't want space."

She lets out a small coo and gives me a look that is hard to read. Reaching down to grab my hands, she says, "He's in love with you, Mack. Can't you see it?"

No, I can't see it. I thought I saw it, thought he could love me. But you can only hope and dream so much before, poof, everything you thought you could have vanishes with a few traumatizing words. Because... Zachariah couldn't stand being around me.

"There's just one other thing," I whisper, shutting my eyes.

She squeezes my hands, letting me know I can talk. "Tell me."

"Kylar told me he loves me yesterday," I mumble, tears about to fall. "He told me he couldn't help it, that he thought I could love him. It's just—there's too many things going on right now, I think I need time to recuperate from it all. I lost two people I love within the last few days, and I can't see straight."

Lilah leans over and gives me a hug, tight enough to suffocate me. "You didn't lose him, Mack. He's waiting for you, and he'll keep waiting until you're ready. Don't give up on him, he's trying."

I hug her tighter, relaxing as she rubs my back in a soothing way. "You're like the sister I never had," I mutter against her shoulder.

She giggles, her joyous laugh enveloping me. "You're the sister I've always needed. We'll get you your man back, I promise."

Author's Note:

Simply put, this chapter was short but sweet! Gotta love my girl Lilah <3

Please comment and vote if you want Zachariah and Mackenzie back together again... or perhaps, we can break them up a little bit more?