I wasn't really aware of anything as I swiftly turned and left the bar. I wasn't aware of the tears already rolling down my face. I wasn't aware of the smokers giving me strange glances as I rushed past them. I wasn't aware of the cold air, chapping my cheeks and the light breeze ruffling my hair. All I could picture was Joseph and Violetta, staring lovingly at each other. Holding hands. I'd probably just missed them kissing.

I wanted to throw up.

I kept half-walking, half-running. I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get away. Only I didn't make it very far. One second I was in the centre of town, the next my feet were hitting sand. I didn't stop there, though. My feet took me right to the water's edge, where I froze, looking out to sea.

The sun had almost set. I might have appreciated the view were my eyes not blurry with tears. I took some deep breaths to calm myself down, wiping my eyes and taking a few steps back from the sea. I hugged my shoulders, the wind whipping the hair out of my face as I just stared at the ocean, at the waves rolling in.

I'd seen Violetta a matter of hours ago. And she'd told me she wasn't here to get Joseph back. But she had told me that she still had feelings for him. She had seemed so genuine and kind that I'd really believed her, but I guess that was just completely naïve of me.

So, Joseph and Violetta were probably getting back together. I could deal with that. I'd been without Joseph before, and I'd been doing just fine. But that was before I knew what it was like to be in love. To be so devoted to someone you'd do just about anything for them. To want to spend every second with them and know you'd never get bored of them. And Joseph was that for me. But he was in love with someone else. And that hurt like a bitch.

But I would be fine. I had Alice back. I had Ellie and Sam and Ryan and Pierre and apparently Millie. If someone had told me back when I first started working at Melissa's that me and Millie would become such unlikely friends... well, I would have laughed. But blunt as she was, she'd become one of the more constant people in my life.

I would be fine. Living with Pierre and Hannah was the right move. It already felt like home. I would get through the rest of the school year, and I would go to university next September and start fresh. Maybe I'd meet someone new, and I'd look back at Joseph with fond memories. I'd look back at our relationship and think about how young I was and how I didn't even know what love was, but I'd see it as something I learned from.

God, who was I kidding?

I didn't know what to do now. I didn't want to go home and have to talk to Pierre and Hannah about everything. I didn't want to see Alice and tell her I was too late. The only person I wanted to talk to was Joseph and he was with Violetta.

I turned away from the water. I couldn't stay here, anyway. It was November meaning it was bloody freezing.

I trudged across the sand, back towards the road, without any destination in mind. I lifted my eyes only to see a figure standing at the edge of the sand, watching me.

I froze. My eyes met his. His chest was moving up and down, like he'd been running. His hair was tousled and windswept. His face was full of emotion I was scared to put a name to.

"What are you..." my voice was weak, my throat closed up. "What are you doing here?"

Joseph stepped forward. "I came to find you."

My heart was thumping. "Why?"

His gaze moved over my face. "You know why."

His words took me back to the night at the hotel. My mind filled with the memories of us standing in the hallway, both scared to let each other in. And as I looked at Joseph, I knew that was exactly why he said that. "No, I don't know why."

Joseph raised an eyebrow. "You don't?"

"I don't," I said flatly.

"Let me explain it to you," Joseph said, voice hardening. "I have spent the last weeks lost. I haven't known what to do with myself. I have found myself thinking about you every goddamn second of the day, wondering if you were hurting just as badly as I was."

My breath caught and I almost felt a physical pain in my chest at Joseph's words. At his expression.

"And I thought to myself, 'she can't be. She's the one that ended it'." His blue eyes were so intense as they were fixed on me. "You were the one who didn't want to work out all this shit together."

"I thought it would be best for everyone," I said stubbornly.

"For god's sake, Lily," Joseph snapped, rolling his eyes. "Will you stop thinking about other people and be selfish for just one second?"

My lips parted and I didn't answer for a moment. "Fine. I can do that."

"What do you want, Lily?" he questioned, his voice harsh.

I was scared to admit it. Especially after what I'd seen in the bar. I looked away.

"Lily." I glanced at him. He hadn't taken his gaze off me. "What do you want?"

"You," I breathed. "I want you."

Joseph's eyes seemed to darken. "So why do you keep walking away?"

I let out a breath. "Because..." I swallowed. "Because I'll never be... Violetta." I avoided his gaze. "I'll never be her."

Joseph's fingers were suddenly on my chin, tilting my head up and forcing me to look at him. I reluctantly met his blue eyes. "And what makes you think that I want that?"

"She was your first love," I said fiercely, tugging my chin out of his grip. "I was just... just a rebound. Just something to fill the time until you two made your way back to each other. Which you now have."

"You mean you saw us in the bar," Joseph said flatly.

"Yeah, I did," I said, just as firmly.

He closed his eyes for a second. "Lily, what you saw was two old friends, catching up, reminiscing, and talking about how we really weren't good for each other when we were together."

I just shook my head. "Joseph, I met her. She was lovely and kind and happy and..." Everything I'm not. "How could you not be good for each other?"

"Because we didn't care about anyone else. We were too reliant on each other. We were not good for each other."

"But–"

"When Tom behind the bar told me you'd gone in there looking for me, I was out of there straight away," Joseph interrupted. "I was not in there getting back together with Violetta. I'm not– I'm not in love with her anymore."

My breathing hitched.

"God, Lily." Joseph's eyes flickered down to my lips. "You are so goddamn stubborn. And blind. You were not a fucking rebound. You never were." A muscle twitched in his jaw. He looked away and didn't say anything for a second. When he did, his voice was low. "God, if you had let me say anything on that phone call..." His gaze met mine again. "If you had just stayed on the phone for one more second, I would have..." He broke off and exhaled slowly. "I would have been able to tell you that I am so fucking in love with you, Lily."

My heart stopped. All the air seemed to leave my body. Could I even remember how to breathe?

"Do you need me to say it again?" Joseph's voice was stronger now, and he moved closer. "I love you. No one else."

"Are you sure?" were the words that came out of my mouth. Not, 'I love you too'. The only thing worse that I could have said would have been 'why?'.

Joseph let out a huff of amusement. "Am I sure? Really, Lily?" He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Here's how I'm sure. Even though you can be so bloody annoying, and stubborn, and nosy, I cannot stop thinking about you. I still want to spend every second of the day with you, because you make me happy. You make me want to be a better person, and all that shit. And that is really fucking annoying, but it's true." Joseph's hand came to the side of my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek. "And the thought of you, with anyone else, kills me, Lily."

I looked up at him, my heart feeling like it was going to explode. His gaze searched mine, his thumb still grazing my skin. "There's no one else," I breathed. "I only want you. I – I love you. More than anything."

"Thank god," Joseph muttered, and then he kissed me. I'd missed him, so much, and I was so in love with him I felt like I could combust there and then. I brought my hands to the back of his neck, weaving my fingers in his hair, pulling myself as close to him as I could possibly get. Joseph dropped his hand from my face only to wrap his arms around my waist, his touch setting me on fire as we kissed. "I love you," he murmured onto my lips. I responded by kissing him more fiercely. I never wanted to stop. I had Joseph back, and I was planning on never letting him go.

When we finally broke apart, breathing heavily, foreheads pressed together, Joseph said quietly, "no more walking away."

"And no more disappearing," I breathed.

The corner of his mouth twitched. "No more disappearing."

I pulled back slightly, hands on either side of his face, grazing a thumb over his bottom lip. "And you should talk to your family."

I immediately saw the need in Joseph's face to close up, to ward off any talk about his family, but I also saw him resist it. His fingers tightened on my waist and he closed his eyes for a second, but then nodded. "I'll try."

"At least Alice," I added. "She... I spoke to her. She's forgiven both of us. She just wants us to be happy."

Joseph sighed and lifted a hand to brush a strand of hair back from my face. "And are you?"

I smiled. "I'm working on it."

He nodded and pulled me into a hug, pressing his lips briefly to my forehead. I sank into his arms, wrapping my own around his waist and resting my cheek against his chest. I breathed him in, feeling myself coming alive as I was back in his arms. I had Joseph back. And I had Alice back. I had everything I wanted... except for my parents. I was never going to stop missing them, but they also weren't coming back. And I was finally starting to accept that.

"I'm going to miss you sneaking into my room at 1am," I muttered, my voice muffled.

Joseph's chest shook slightly as he laughed. "I can still do that. You're not far."

"Mm." I was going to – or I already did – miss living with Joseph, but it would be good for me. For us. We weren't going to be able to see each other every day forever. And when he went travelling... well, I wasn't thinking about that right now. I was just living in the present. I was grateful to have Joseph here, right now, and that was more than good enough.

We stayed on the beach a while, just me and Joseph. It was cold, but we sat down on the sand, wrapped together for warmth. My head was in the crook of his neck, his arm around my shoulders, holding me close to him. We looked out at the ocean, the waves lapping onto the shore, the sky a light navy, the night not quite dark yet. I wasn't worrying about anything in that point in time. I wasn't thinking about anyone else, except for Joseph. I was being selfish right then, and I deserved to be. Just for that small moment.

As I looked at the sea, I felt a sense of calmness. Maybe I wasn't ready to get into the water yet, but I could appreciate it. It didn't unsettle me anymore. I didn't see the ocean as the thing that killed my parents. What happened to my parents was a tragic accident, and I was always going to hurt for them. But I knew I wouldn't always be scared of the sea. And I knew I was going to have bad days, days where I would miss my parents so unbearably much, days where any thought of the ocean would terrify me, days where I would feel down and miserable and in pain, but then I could always try tomorrow. And I knew that tomorrow wouldn't be so blue.

The End

A/N

Wow. After 4 ish years of writing this, it's finally finished. I took ages to write this chapter, mainly because I didn't want to finish writing this book. I've loved it. I've fallen in love with my own characters, and I've felt for them. I'm honestly really proud of this and I'm so sad it's finished. Was basically crying as I wrote the last sentence. Also, its at 112,800 words, which is so long. That's almost 113k words. Crazy. Wanna say a special thank you to caramelly_yours - your comments on every single chapter always made my day and made me feel so appreciated. I know this book doesn't have a lot of reads, but there's a few of you out there who have stuck with it and I love you for that!! So thank you, and tata for now xox

p.s. there will be an epilogue :)