Over the following week, Joseph made up – sort of – with his parents, apologising for disappearing and even getting them their favourite wine to make up for it. They accepted his apology, and we all went out for supper at the weekend as a late celebration of Joseph's birthday. Everyone... everyone seemed happy and were getting along well, which was a rare occurrence.

I didn't see Joseph that much. What with me having school during the day and him working at the bar from the afternoon until late at night, the only time we ever saw each other was when he got back, which often wasn't until at least 1:30 in the morning. Sometimes I fell asleep before he got back – which was honestly a good thing – and then, if he came to my room anyway, he would leave my room before anybody else got up. And that kind of sucked. Any amount of time with him wasn't enough for me.

The Sunday morning after we'd gone out the night before, I slept in. Joseph had come into my room last night, and we'd stayed up until around 3, just talking and being with each other. Sometimes I would lie there, dozing, and Joseph would get his sketchbook and draw me. Sometimes he would lie with his head in my lap and I would run my fingers through his hair and trace the features of his face. It was these moments that I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but... after Violetta, it would probably be a while before he could love anybody. And that was okay.

When I woke, Joseph wasn't in my room. I felt well-rested for the first time in a while, and when I opened the curtains, I saw it was a beautiful autumn day outside, contributing to my good mood.

I pulled on some leggings and a big hoodie and made my way downstairs, not hearing any noise in the kitchen. I frowned slightly and stepped into the room, seeing only Joseph sitting, shirtless, at the table typing on his laptop.

"Hey," I said to him, trudging towards the fridge.

Joseph looked up and smiled. "Hey."

"Where is everybody?" I scanned the contents of the fridge and, deciding I didn't want any food, put the kettle on to boil instead.

"Uh, Alice is at dance, dad's sailing, and... I think mum's getting coffee with a friend."

"Right." Made sense. I went over to Joseph and leaned down, resting my arms on the back of his chair and propping my chin on his bare shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing interesting. Seriously. It's just the rota for work."

"Oh." I wrinkled my nose. "That is boring." I straightened and went to grab a mug, pouring myself some coffee.

After a couple of seconds, Joseph shut the laptop. "Done now." I heard him get up and move behind me, his hands snaking round my waist.

"Careful, you don't want me to spill scalding coffee on you, now," I warned, my senses narrowing to Joseph's touch.

"Don't do that." He leaned down and brushed his lips over the side of my neck, just under my ear. I shivered slightly. "That would hurt."

"Mm," was all I could manage to say, my eyes half closing as Joseph left featherlight kisses over my neck and my shoulder. I put the coffee down and span round, capturing Joseph's lips with my own. I felt him smile into the kiss, his hands creeping under my top and grazing my ribs. I let out a small noise and held the back of his neck, weaving my fingers in his hair.

"Empty house," I breathed when I pulled back for a second.

Joseph laughed and kissed me again, saying against my lips, "funny you should notice that."

I smiled and held him close to me as he deepened the kiss, parting my lips. He enveloped me in his arms, practically lifting me against him, not an inch separating us–

"No fucking way."

I jolted away from Joseph and my eyes snapped to where Alice was standing in the doorway, an expression of pure rage on her face.

My stomach dropped and I put my hand to my mouth, my gaze darting back to Joseph with wide eyes. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Joseph's expression mirrored mine. I looked back to Alice, who was glancing between us, the emotions on her face flitting between fury, disbelief and disgust.

"Alice–"

"No," she all but snarled. "I don't even want to hear it." And with that she reeled around and left the house, slamming the door after her.

I whirled around back to Joseph, my eyes beginning to fill with tears. "She – oh my god, she's never going to forgive me–"

"Lily, you have to calm down," he said firmly, gripping my arms.

I tore myself out of his grasp. "Calm down?! How can I calm down?" I clasped my hands behind my head, pacing back and forth. "I have to – I have to go. I have to go after her." I didn't even wait to see Joseph's response before I pulled on some shoes and ran out of the house after Alice.

She'd only made it to her car. I sprinted after her. "Alice! Please wait–"

Without warning she stopped and span around, hands clenched into fists at her side. "What? What could you possibly say that could make this any better?"

There was nothing I could say that would make this better. "Just let me explain–"

"What is there to explain?" Alice yelled. "You're hooking up with my brother. That's all there is to it."

Behind me, I heard Joseph catch up with us. "No, that's not all there is–"

"Oh, right, I'm so sorry," she said sarcastically. "You love him, right? That seems to happen with my friends. They fall in love with my goddamn brother."

I didn't deny it. There was no point. "Alice, I'm so sorry."

Her furious gaze went to Joseph behind me. "History really is repeating itself, huh? I just hope you didn't get her pregnant this time."

I froze. The world seemed to stop. The word finally processed. Pregnant. Joseph got Violetta pregnant. I sharply turned around, my breathing shallow. "What?"

Joseph's eyes flashed to mine, his mouth opening but no words coming out.

"I guess he hasn't told you everything," Alice said sharply, and I looked back to her, my eyes wide with shock. "He got her pregnant, and then he got them into a car crash, and he killed the baby."

"Alice," Joseph said, his voice shaking with barely restrained anger.

She ignored him, her eyes on me as a tear rolled down her cheek. She said more quietly, her voice cracking, "How could you do this to me, Ana?"

My eyes began to burn with tears again. "Alice, I – I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"But it happened anyway." Alice didn't sound as angry anymore, which just made it worse. She just sounded sad. "I lost Violetta because of what happened. I pretty much lost my brother. And now–" She swallowed, seeming to almost choke on her words. "Now I'm going to lose you too."

"Alice, no, you don't have to–" I took a step forward, but Alice was getting into her car. She didn't say another single word before slamming the door shut and driving away.

I stared at the space where her car had been. This whole thing – it didn't seem real. Had that really just happened? But I felt my hands shaking and my heart racing, I heard my rapid breathing... that really had just happened. Oh my god.

"Lily," Joseph said in a low voice.

I slowly turned around. Joseph... he looked devastated. I felt devastated. "Why – why didn't you tell me?" My voice was barely more than a whisper.

Joseph closed his eyes for a second and then looked away, rubbing his jaw. "I couldn't."

"Couldn't," I repeated.

"I couldn't," he said more firmly. "It wasn't my secret to tell."

I exhaled shakily. "Except it was, Joseph." My bottom lip was trembling, and I took a deep breath to stop myself from crying. "It was. And you didn't trust me enough to tell me."

"That's not it," he insisted, his tone sharp.

I didn't reply for a moment. I just met Joseph's gaze. I looked at the face that I loved so much. The person I'd shared so many secrets with. "I... I need some space."

He took a step towards me. "Lily­–"

"Please," I all but whispered, stepping back. "Just – I have to go. I need to clear my head." Joseph hadn't taken his eyes off me. "Please don't come after me." And with that I turned and walked away. I didn't hear Joseph come after me.

***

I all but ran into town. I didn't know what to do, or where to go. The worst thing that could happen since my parents died, happened. And I had no idea how to handle it.

I didn't pay attention to where I was going, but somehow I ended up at Melissa's. I stood outside it for a second, not sure why I was here. But then I saw Millie inside, and I knew.

I stepped inside the café, scanning the room for anybody I knew, but luckily there wasn't. Millie noticed me and frowned. "Ana? You're not working today."

"I know," I said, my voice lacklustre.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you, like, okay?"

I didn't answer her question. "Can you take a break? Now?"

Millie blinked at the force in my tone. "Fine. Let's go outside the back."

I nodded and followed her through the back of Melissa's. We sat on the small wall that faced the harbour, neither of us saying anything for a moment.

"Do you wanna tell me what's going on?" Millie finally asked, and although at first she sounded indifferent, I heard a subtle tone of concern in her voice.

I stared at the harbour, chewing the inside of my cheek. I didn't know where to start. "Violetta is your sister."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Millie glance at me. "Joseph told you?"

I merely nodded.

"What else did he tell you?" she said carefully.

"He didn't tell me anything else." I blew out a breath. "But Alice had a lot to say about it after she found out about me and Joseph."

Millie barely reacted. "You know that she was going to find out sooner or later."

"Yes, I'm aware, thanks," I snapped.

"Sorry," she muttered. I didn't apologise for snapping.

"She..." I swallowed. "Alice told me Violetta got pregnant. And then... they got into a car crash. And the baby died."

Millie didn't say anything.

I turned to face her. "Is that true?"

"Yeah." She met my gaze. "Yeah, it's true."

I slowly nodded and turned my focus back to the harbour. "Can you tell me the whole story?"

She paused. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

"Well," Millie sighed, "I guess you might as well know the whole thing now." She clasped her hands together and began to tell me. "My sister is beautiful. She's smart, and funny, and kind, and she can turn any bad day into a good one. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know that I'm hot, but... Vi has this aura about her that just makes everybody love her. I used to hate it. All the boys would fall for her without ever paying any attention to me. It made me super bitter, in case you couldn't tell." I smiled a little at that. Millie carried on, "My parents... they had really high hopes for her. They wanted her to go to university in the US to study medicine. Specifically, Harvard. She's smart enough for it, too. Do you know how smart you have to be to get into Harvard? Especially for medicine? Anyway. That's why they were so mad when they found out about her and Joseph. They loved each other so much that both my parents and Joseph's parents were convinced they wouldn't want to go to university in different continents.

"So Vi ended things with Joseph, just to please our parents. That's her flaw – she just wants to make our parents happy, no matter the consequences. Me? I couldn't really give a shit what my parents think of me, to be honest. 

"But then..." Millie exhaled slowly. "Then Vi found out she was pregnant. She told just me, but our parents found out. They were so mad. I've never seen them so angry. They told Joseph's parents, but they didn't tell Joseph. He was completely in the dark. 

"Vi... she wanted him back. She didn't care about what our parents thought anymore. I told her not to, but she rang Joseph and told him she still loved him. She told him to come and get her. So he did. They drove off together. I don't know where they were planning on going, but... I know they just wanted to get out for a bit. Away from their parents.

"And then Joseph's parents called him. And they argued on the phone, while Joseph was driving." She sighed deeply. "Another car hit them. Vi and Joseph were both really injured, and... they lost the baby. Not that Joseph knew at that point that there even was a baby. He only found out from the doctors at the hospital. He wasn't even with Vi at the hospital. The last time he saw her was in the car before they crashed. Their parents didn't let them say goodbye – my mum and dad came to tell Joseph that Vi was fine, but they were moving. To the US. They were planning on it anyway because of Violetta and for dad's job, they just brought it forward. I refused to go. Who wants to live in America, anyway?" Millie scoffed. "Not me. So I stayed with my aunt.

"But they're back. Not for good, Vi did end up going to Harvard. But they're back for now."

I was still processing the whole thing. My hands were shaking. "Does... does Joseph blame his parents for the crash?"

She nodded. "Yeah. And himself. The whole thing was such a mess, and it honestly wasn't even that long ago."

Joseph was going through something when I moved in. "When was the crash?"

Millie hesitated. "Beginning of June. Just after our A-Levels."

Beginning of June. This year. I moved in mid-July. Such a short amount of time...

"But you should know, Ana," she continued, wincing slightly, "that Vi wants to see Joseph. I think she's still in love with him."

happy new year! let's hope 2021 is better than 2020 x