I didn't see Joseph for a few days. I texted him when I started to get worried, and all he replied with was, 'I'm okay. Staying at a friend's'. And that was it. No kiss, no 'I'll be back soon'. The atmosphere in the Moore house was tense and worried. This time, they did seem to be concerned where Joseph was. My mind kept drifting to places I didn't want it to drift to – I kept having thoughts that Joseph was with his ex. Pictures of Joseph kissing some other, beautiful girl filled my mind, although I tried not to let them. This whole thing was bringing out a nasty, jealous side of me that I hadn't seen before. But I couldn't help it.

During these days, I'd been talking to Pierre a lot on the phone. He'd found us a flat with two beds and two baths, right in the centre of town. It was in his budget, and from the pictures he'd sent me, it looked perfect. He'd made his offer and it had been accepted. There was a bunch of legal stuff he had to do which I knew nothing about, but once the contract was signed, everything was pretty much sorted.

I ordered Joseph a present or two – a leather paintbrush holder with his initials on, as well as a new sketchbook. I hadn't seen a paintbrush holder in his room at all so I thought it was something he might need. The sketchbook was green – emerald green – and on the back of it, I'd added an inscription that said 'Joseph – to paint all your travels. With love, Lily'. I'd been very uncertain about putting the 'with love', but I thought it was a normal thing to write on presents and in cards.

But it got to Joseph's birthday, and he still didn't come home. The only thing I'd heard from him still was that one text. At this point, I was started to get mad at him. I knew he had a lot on his plate, and I didn't understand the full situation, but I thought I was important enough to him that he would at least come back after a couple of days. Mark, Catherine and Alice were starting to get pissed, too. They'd planned for us all to go out for Joseph's birthday despite their rocky relationship, and now he wasn't even here. I had work at Melissa's during the day, but Millie wasn't there to ask if she knew where he was. I messaged him to say, 'Happy birthday Joseph. Please come back x'. No reply. The evening rolled around, and he still wasn't back. Mark and Catherine kept exchanging glances, and Alice barely ate any supper, just pushing food around on her plate. We all went to bed in low moods. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep, even though I needed to. I was exhausted.

When I knew sleep wasn't coming, I moved to my desk and sat with a pen in my hand and a piece of paper in front of me. Words started to flow, surprisingly. I wrote until my hand started to ache, and by then it was 1 in the morning. For a while I just sat at my desk, staring out the window into the dark, so many different thoughts racing through my mind.

And then my door opened. I sharply twisted round to see Joseph come into my room. Our eyes met, and he gently pushed the door shut behind him. I didn't say anything. Neither did he. I slowly stood, debating between hugging him because I'd missed him, or hitting him because I was mad at him. My choice was made for me when Joseph closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. I opened my mouth to object, but then I breathed him in, and couldn't find the strength in me to pull away. His scent and touch were so warm and familiar that I couldn't help but hug him back. Joseph tightened his arms around me, his nose and lips skimming my hair.

"I'm mad at you," I said, the sound slightly muffled as my cheek was pressed against his shoulder.

"I know." I felt him sigh deeply, but he didn't let go. I eventually found the willpower to push him away, immediately missing the contact. I crossed my arms to keep myself from touching Joseph, frowning as I met his gaze.

"Where have you been?" I hardened my voice, letting all the annoyance I was feeling at him rise to the surface.

Joseph looked away. "I've... I've been thinking."

"Thinking," I said flatly. "That's not a place."

He paused. "I was at a friend's. I told you. And I was working a lot at the bar."

"Yeah, that one text really solved all of my concerns, thanks," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I may have been being harsh, but I was pretty sure he deserved it. "One text, Joseph. You've been gone for three days. I've been..." My voice cracked slightly. "I've been so worried."

"You didn't need to be," he muttered.

"Really?" I challenged. "Because when I don't hear from people, I imagine the worst. And you know exactly why that is."

Joseph's eyes snapped to mine, guilt flashing across his face. "Lily... I'm sorry."

My shoulders sagged slightly. "I know." I didn't say anything for a moment. "Your ex-girlfriend is back in town."

He stiffened. "Yes."

I swallowed, looking down at my feet as I said quietly, "Were you with her?"

"What?" Joseph moved towards me and took my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "No, Lily. I wouldn't... I would never do that to you."

I looked away again. "I know. I'm sorry. I just couldn't help but think–"

"I promise, Lily." He took hold my chin firmly, making me face him. My eyes flickered up to meet his. "I wasn't with her." His hand moved to graze my cheek, his thumb running gently over my bottom lip. I leaned slightly into his touch, closing my eyes.

"Alice..." I opened my eyes again to see Joseph watching me. "Alice told me a little about her."

Joseph's hand stilled, and then dropped. I could see a muscle twitching in his jaw as he decided what to say. "What did she tell you?"

I bit on my bottom lip anxiously. "Um... she told me how you guys were family friends, and how you kept it a secret." My voice was quieter as I continued, "and how she was Alice's good friend too."

Joseph looked away. "She was."

I knew I was going to regret the next thing I said, but I said it anyway, my voice low and uncertain. "Don't you think... don't you think history is repeating itself a little bit here?"

His gaze met mine again, eyes hard, a frown on his face. "No. I don't."

"Really?" I'd been thinking about this the past few days. "Because... because it seems a similar situation to me, Joseph. And Alice..." I ran a hand through my hair. "If she ever found out, she would never forgive either one of us."

"So what are you saying?" he said in a blunt voice. "You want to end this?"
My eyes widened. "What? No. Of course not." I stepped closer to him, tilting my head up to look at him. "Joseph, I... you know how important you are to me."

His eyes searched mine, and he dropped his head down a little. "And you know how important you are to me."

I leaned forward to rest my forehead on his chest, breathing him in. "I just... wish I'd heard it from you."

Joseph didn't reply but rested his chin on top of my head, his arms encircling me again. I was still trying to be angry at him but I was finding it very hard. I did have reason to be mad, I just didn't have the energy for it. But... I pushed away slightly, saying quietly, "But Joseph, I feel like... I feel like there's not a thing about me that you don't know. And sometimes, I feel like I don't know you at all."

"You do know me," he said firmly.

"You say that, but there's so much I don't know," I retorted, then softened my voice. "I just wish you'd open up to me a bit more."

Joseph stepped away, rubbing his jaw. He looked like he was about to say something, and then he turned, pacing as he ran a hand roughly through his hair. I waited. Finally he sat on my bed, elbows resting on his knees as he twisted his fingers together. "She's called Violetta."

Violetta. Seriously? Anyone called Violetta had to be gorgeous. "Okay."

"She..." he frowned down at his hands. "We'd known each other forever. Our families had known each other forever. When we were both sixteen, I...we started seeing each other. Secretly. And we kept it that way for... 6 months, I think. I was in love with her."

I closed my eyes for a second, hurting a little on the inside at that. But I reminded myself that I was the one who asked about this. I wanted to know.

"And then..." Joseph wasn't looking at me. "Our families found out and everything went to shit. They weren't happy about it. Violetta... she didn't want to upset her family. So she ended things. And then... they all moved away." He breathed out slowly, and then said, "except for Millie."

What he said didn't process for a moment. When it did, my eyes snapped to Joseph and my mouth practically dropped open. "What? You mean–"

"Violetta is Millie's sister," Joseph muttered, his eyes finally meeting mine.

My eyebrows were raised in shock, and I put a hand to my forehead. "Oh my god." I thought about all the other things that had happened with Millie, everything starting to connect together. "Oh my god." So many things started to make sense. "That's – that's why Alice was so angry when she thought you slept with Millie." Holy shit. "But how did Millie stay here?"
"She has family here. She didn't want to leave, so they let her stay with her aunt." Joseph glanced away again. "I know this is a lot."

It was a lot, and I was still processing. "Um, yeah. Wow." I didn't even know what to say. "Sorry, I'm just..."

"I know." Joseph was watching me. "You know that nothing happened with Millie that night, right?"

"Yeah. She told me." I bit my lip. "What did happen that night?" It was after that night that Joseph started avoiding me.

"We just... talked. About a lot of things. About Violetta, about... about you."

I raised my eyebrows. "Me?"

Joseph's lip twitched slightly. "Yeah. I was... I was afraid of what I was starting to feel for you." Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at that. It was amazing, honestly, the effect Joseph had on me. "And Millie... she was worried that the same thing was happening again, like you are. She didn't want me to go through it again. She was genuinely looking out for me. That's why I stayed away from you for a while."

I'd kind of guessed that. I slowly moved towards where Joseph was sitting on the bed, taking hold of his hands and standing between his legs. "That sucked, you know."

Joseph half-smiled, letting go of one of my hands to take hold of my t-shirt and tug me towards him. "It wasn't fun for me, either."

With my free hand, I traced a finger down the side of his cheek, his stubble rough under my touch. "Please don't disappear again."

Joseph stood, a hand coming up to hold the side of my face, his thumb softly grazing my cheek. "I won't. I promise."

I sighed and closed my eyes as Joseph leaned down to rest his forehead against mine. "Good."

Then his lips were on mine, and I'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be kissed by Joseph. I brought my arms around his neck, pressing my body to his as we kissed. His touch and smell and taste overpowered me, so overwhelmingly Joseph that I just never wanted to let go. He held me close to him, kissing me fiercely, one hand moving to cradle the back of my head and the other arm tightly wrapping around my waist. When we broke apart, I suddenly remembered. "Oh. Happy birthday."

Joseph let out a small huff of amusement. "Thanks."

I ran a hand lightly down his chest. "I got you a present."

He groaned slightly. "Lily, you really didn't need to–"

"Well, it's too late," I said stubbornly, pulling out of his arms to get him the presents. I suddenly felt nervous as I picked them up. I turned and, handing them to Joseph, I said, "Okay, so, like, I got you these because I thought they would be good for your travelling, you know? I mean, you don't want to get out of practice while you're out there, so I thought this paintbrush holder would be useful because it's portable, and well, this can be your travel sketchbook and you can show me all your drawings when you get back–"

"Lily." There was a smile on Joseph's face.

"Yeah?"

"They're perfect." He unrolled the leather brush holder, running his fingers over the texture. Then he turned the sketchbook over and read the inscription, and my heart stumbled a bit.

"It's fancy art paper, too," I mumbled quickly, looking away. I didn't want to see his reaction to the 'with love'.

Joseph chuckled. "It is." I glanced back at him to see his eyes on me. "Thank you, Lily. Seriously."

Feeling uncomfortable, I just waved my hand dismissively. "It's fine, you know, you should get some nice things on your birthday."

"I suppose." He put the presents on my chest of drawers and came up to me, resting his hands lightly on my waist. "Although technically it's not my birthday anymore."

I scowled up at him. "Your fault for coming back so late."

He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Sorry."

He did sound sorry. And he also sounded like he genuinely liked what I got him. But every time I thought about Joseph going away for 6 months, it... it really upset me. I missed him when he was gone for three days. But for the moment, I chose to focus on the fact that he was here, with me, and that was good enough for now.

a/n merry christmas eve!!

gonna set goals for myself - wanting 2+ comments before i publish the next part! xx