I stayed staring at my closed door for a while, almost unable to believe that Joseph had just... gone back to his room. Like there was nothing between us. I really thought he was going to kiss me. But he didn't.

I slowly began to take off my jewellery, walking over to the mirror in the bathroom as I did so. I looked at my reflection. My makeup and curls had stayed surprisingly intact, but I could see the frustration on my face. I felt so let down. I sighed to myself and lightly ran a hand through my hair. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, and I watched as my expression of disappointment gradually disappeared. But then it was replaced by one of determination.

This was not how my night was ending.

Without thinking about it twice, I marched out of my room, and went to Joseph's door. My stomach was full of butterflies, my mouth dry, heart pounding. I ignored all of it. If there was ever a night to be bold, it was tonight. I lifted my hand to knock, but the door opened before I could.

Joseph stood there, his face surprised. He hadn't been expecting to see me. I swallowed as we looked at each other, neither of us saying anything. For the first time tonight, Joseph's expression became clear. It was longing. It was desire. And I was sure it was mirrored in my own.

He slowly moved closer to me, gently brushing my hair back from my face. I closed my eyes for a second, my lips parting. Joseph's hand touched the side of my face, his thumb running over my bottom lip. My breaths quickened. Every touch was so small, but it set my heart racing.

"Lily," he murmured, moving even closer. "What are you doing here?"

My breath caught. "What do you think I'm doing here?" I said softly.

Joseph's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "I was about to come back to your room."

"Why?" I asked as we drew ever closer together.

His eyes flickered up to meet mine. "You know why."

I swallowed. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe with him looking at me the way he was. We both knew what we wanted. It was just a question of letting go of all excuses and reasons not to. We would both have to let our walls down, allowing us to see each other as we truly were. And that seemed terrifying.

"God, Lily, do you know what you're doing to me?" Joseph breathed, his eyes blazing with desire.

I didn't answer but kept my eyes on his as I lifted a hand and lightly touched his lips with my fingers. His eyes were stormy and intense, the way I'd seen them before whenever I touched him. The way they were the night when I danced around him in my underwear. The way they were whenever we lay in bed together. All of those almost-kisses and teasing touches had led us here.

"Fuck, when you asked me earlier if was going to kiss you..." Joseph dipped his head down, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear, his finger tracing a path down my neck. My breath hitched. "That was all I could think about for the whole night."

I let out a shaky breath. "But you didn't do anything about it."

His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes darted to my lips. "I didn't." Joseph dropped his head down even further, his forehead resting against mine, our lips inches apart. His palm touched my cheek. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest. I could barely breathe. I was feeling such a tangle of emotions, but I knew that I wanted Joseph.

"So do something about it," I whispered. I felt the heat of his body almost against mine. All I could smell was him. He was so unbearably, tantalisingly close to me, and it was driving me crazy. Joseph's hand stilled on my cheek as I tilted my head up slightly, our lips a millimetre apart. Just one small movement... "Joseph. Do something about it."

"Lily," he breathed, and then he closed the gap as his lips met mine.

Time seemed to stop. It was like drawing in a deep breath after being underwater. The feel of Joseph's lips on mine set me on fire, all my senses heightened. The kiss was slow and deep, hungry and scorching, making my toes curl and causing me to let out a quiet, breathy moan. Joseph made a noise low in his throat and moved his hands to my lower back, enveloping me in his arms, pressing me up against him. His lips were soft yet hard, moving seamlessly with mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding the back of his head and weaving my fingers in his hair. All I could think was Joseph, his touch and scent surrounding me.

We broke apart for just a second, breathing harder, and we looked at each other as our foreheads rested together. Joseph put his hands on either side of my face, his thumbs grazing my cheeks.

"Lily," he repeated, and he kissed me again, slowly but deeply. After weeks of build-up, Joseph was finally kissing me, and it was worth the wait. He gently guided us back into his room, and I pushed the door shut behind me. He backed me up against it, pressing his body against mine and pinning my hand to the door next to my head. The slow kiss began to heat up as Joseph broke away only to press kisses to my jaw, leading to my neck. When his lips touched a sensitive spot right under my ear, I moaned slightly and took hold of his face, bringing his lips back to mine.

"Joseph," I whispered between kisses, just to say his name. It was all I could muster right now. Any coherent thought had gone right out my head, my mind filled with want. Not even want – need. I needed Joseph. I went to undo the top button of Joseph's shirt, but he took hold of my hands and stopped me.

"Lily," he said, his voice low and slightly hoarse. "We – we shouldn't."

I looked up at him, running my gaze over his face. I pulled my hands out of his grasp and placed them on either side of his face, and he closed his eyes for a second. "You're right. We shouldn't."

A small smile twitched on his lips. "But we really shouldn't." Even as he was saying this, he was running his hands lightly over my body – my arms, my waist, my hips.

"Mm-hm." I pressed a light kiss to his lips, then traced a path of kisses along his jaw before bringing my lips back to his. I couldn't get enough of him.

"Lily," he groaned. "I – we should stop."

"We should." I pressed my lips to his again, his scent washing over me. Then I pulled back slightly to meet his gaze. Joseph's eyes were telling a completely different story to what he was saying – they were full of want. No, need. "Do you want to?"

Joseph choked out a laugh, hands tightening on my waist. "My god, I don't want to stop. You have no idea how much."

And so I moved my hands back to his shirt and undid the top button. He didn't stop me but kept his eyes on my face the whole time, the humour vanishing from his expression. His eyes darkened and his jaw tightened. I kept going, heart pounding, undoing one button at a time until his shirt was completely open. I pushed it off his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. I ran my hands over his chest, his toned stomach, feeling his muscles tense under my touch.

"This feels familiar," I murmured, my eyes flickering up to Joseph's. His eyes were half-closed as I moved my hands slowly back up his torso, lingering on every ripple of muscle. "Except you stopped me last time."

"I didn't want to," he said. "Believe me."

I smiled and my hands carried on their path upwards until they reached Joseph's face again. I couldn't stop touching him. I didn't want to stop touching him. I put my hands on the back of his neck and pulled his face back down to mine, brushing my lips teasingly against his before kissing him deeply. We had what felt like all the time in the world, and I was making it last. Gently I pulled back and stepped away slightly from Joseph, swallowing. Then I turned around and brushed my hair away from my neck so that he could get to the zip of my dress.

"Lily," he said, his voice so low I could barely hear him. "Are you sure?"

I turned back around and brought his face to mine, pressing my lips against his, hard. "I've never been surer about anything."

Joseph gave a small nod and kissed me again. As he kissed me, one hand gently went around my waist and found the zip on the back of my dress. Slowly, so slowly, he pulled the zip down, his knuckles brushing my bare back as he did so. Finally my dress dropped to the floor, leaving me only wearing a lacy thong. My upper half was completely bare, and at first I felt exposed and self-conscious. But when I saw the way Joseph was looking at me, I realised there was no need to be. He was looking at me with... awe. There was no other way to put it.

"Lily," he whispered. "You're so beautiful. I don't think I told you that tonight."

"No, you were too speechless, as I recall," I breathed, and he laughed quietly.

"I was." Joseph ran his fingers lightly over my stomach, brushing one knuckle on the underside of my breast. "I still am."

I held the back of his head and kissed him again, encircling my arms around his neck and pressing myself against him. Our top halves were skin on skin, not an inch separating us. Joseph hooked his hands around the back of my thighs, lifting me onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist. A noise that was so low it could have been a growl escaped him as he walked while carrying me, making his way over to the bed. He laid me down and hovered above me, his hands either side of my head on the pillow. Joseph gently lowered himself, his warm weight settling on me, his lips returning to mine. A heat grew where his hips were against mine, every small movement building it.

"Will you take off your bloody trousers," I murmured against Joseph's lips, and he chuckled, the motion sending jolts through me.

"You're extremely impatient," he said, but he pushed himself off me and stood up, unbuttoning his trousers. He didn't take his eyes off me as he took them off, leaving him in only his boxers. I ran my gaze over his body, practically devouring him with my eyes. Joseph settled himself between my legs again, dropping his head down to kiss me. I knotted my fingers in his hair, unable to get enough of him. I pushed and rolled us over, so I was on top of Joseph, my knees either side of his hips. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, my hair falling down to one side like a glossy, wavy curtain. Joseph slowly sat up, holding me tightly in his arms, our chests pressed against each other. I moved my hips against his slightly and he groaned.

"God's sake, Lily," he muttered, his lips barely leaving mine.

I smiled slightly and pulled back to look at Joseph. We were wrapped so tightly together, I didn't think there was any part of me that wasn't touching him. His blue gaze searched mine and he lifted a hand, his palm touching my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. "God, do you know how long I've wanted this to happen?" I murmured and opened my eyes again. "How often I've wanted you to kiss me?"

Joseph's thumb caressed my cheek. "I know. I could tell."

I laughed. "You're so humble."

He smiled, his eyes moving over my face. "I wanted to kiss you so many times. But we both knew that I couldn't." His brows furrowed slightly. "We... we've both been hurt. We're both healing. And I didn't want to jeopardise that."

I let out a small sigh. "I know." I ran my fingers through his hair, soft and wavy. "But I think – I think that we've helped each other. In more ways than we think."

Joseph's fingers brushed over my ribs, my waist. "I know. But...I didn't really want to accept that for a while. You're my little sister's best friend, you know? This was never supposed to happen."

"Bit late now," I said, and we laughed. I cupped Joseph's face with my hand, brushing his lip with my thumb. "Is it weird? Because I'm your little sister's best friend?"

He pushed my hair back from my face. "Does it feel weird to you?"

"No," I breathed. "It feels... right."

"And that's how it feels to me, too." Joseph brushed his lips over my collarbone, and my eyes fluttered shut. "You're all I want, Lily."

Joseph was all I wanted, too. And so I kissed him again, and not much else was said. He smoothly rolled us back over, our legs getting tangled in the sheets. The last items of clothes were removed, so slowly, and when we became one, we moved together as if we were part of the same puzzle. We were two pieces that fit together perfectly. We moaned each other's names as we kissed, our scents mingling, our bodies slowly rocking together. I felt my love for Joseph, clear as day. If there was the smallest bit of doubt about it before, there wasn't now. Any thought of who I was shattered as all I could think was Joseph. It didn't matter who I was. All that mattered in that moment in time was us, holding each other, just being together. The room and the rest of the world may have been dark, but I felt a light shine within me, between us. The light was passion and lust and devotion, but what was more, was that it was hope. It broke down the last of our walls, that hope, and it sparked something alive inside me. I was alive with Joseph, and the moment was perfect. This moment had broken me but had also built me back up. And I knew that I would never be able to get enough of it.

the amount of times i rewrote this chapter is insane hahaha but hope it lived up to expectations xx