For the whole morning, Ellie, Alice, Sam and I cleared up the mess we made. Catherine had left the house, trusting us to tidy everything up, giving us a bit of a stern talking-to. I couldn't blame her at all for being angry. The state we'd left the patio area in was appalling, to say the least. But we cleaned and tidied and threw away all the rubbish until you couldn't even tell we'd all got smashed.

Ellie and Sam left pretty quickly after – truth be told, I was pretty sure they were a little scared of Catherine. She was lovely and kind, but she was also the stricter parent. We'd finally woken up Ryan, who was barely alive. While Catherine was still out, Ryan stayed for breakfast and we cooked ourselves bacon sandwiches to help the hangovers. I hadn't seen Joseph since I'd left his room – I imagined he didn't want to be around a group of hungover and grumpy people.

Ryan left after breakfast, and Catherine came back home from her morning out. She gave us the 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' talk, and while Alice seemed unbothered, I took it to heart. I hated disappointing Catherine – she was like my second mum. And I supposed she was the only mother figure I had, now. Last night had been a great distraction for me, but Catherine's scolding had brought back memories of when my mum would tell Alice and me off if we ever misbehaved – which was often. But I didn't cry.

When Alice and I were later lying on the sofas, wallowing in self-pity, the doorbell rang. We both glanced at each other, but neither of us moved.

"I'm not going. This is not really my house. I doubt it's for me," I said stubbornly.

Alice scowled. "I'm not going either. I didn't get to sleep in a nice comfy bed last night and now my back hurts."

Needless to say, being hungover did not bring out the best side in either of us.

Finally, Catherine appeared and looked over at us. "Neither of you fancied answering the door?"

"Sorry, we're stuck to the sofa and cannot physically get up," Alice said, sinking further into the cushions.

Catherine rolled her eyes but answered the door. "Oh, hello, can I help you?"

"Um, I'm looking for Ana?"

I immediately sat up. That was Harry. I exchanged a glance with Alice, her expression concerned. I knew her so well that I could tell what she was thinking – are you okay to see him?

Catherine looked over at me questioningly. I sighed and got up reluctantly. Might as well do this now. I briefly realised that I looked terrible, but then thought that I no longer cared about that with Harry.

When he saw me, he smiled, and then his eyebrows furrowed in worry. "Ana, hey. Can we talk?"

I nodded and gestured for him to step backwards so that we could talk outside. I shut the door behind me before turning to Harry and crossing my arms, waiting for him to talk.

He rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "Ana, I am so sorry about yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking, taking you on a boat. That was so stupid and tactless. I am really sorry."

As I looked at Harry, I believed him. I believed that he was sorry. I could see it in his expression, I could see the remorse in his eyes. But honestly, looking at him now, I just didn't really feel anything for him. "Harry, look, I forgive you for the whole boat thing. I can see that you're sorry. But–"

"Oh thank god," he interrupted, and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I stiffened and didn't hug him back. "I mean, you really have no reason to forgive me. I was such an idiot." He pulled back and glanced down at my outfit. "Are those your clothes?"

I grimaced. I had never changed out of Joseph's clothes. Alice hadn't seemed to care, and Catherine hadn't even questioned them. Ellie had given me a bit of a knowing look, though, but she was always suspicious. "Um, not exactly."

"Whose clothes are they?" He frowned at me.

I bristled slightly. On the surface, the question seemed innocent and curious enough. But I could hear the subtle accusatory tone underneath. "It doesn't matter. Harry, listen–"

"Are they Joseph's?" he said, the slightest edge to his voice.

My eyebrows raised in surprise. Why would he guess – correctly – that they were Joseph's? How would he know? "Why do you care about my clothes? I'm trying to talk to you. Please, just listen to me."

Harry finally stayed quiet, but the suspicious expression remained.

I sighed. "Harry, look. I can't... I don't think I can see you anymore."

Surprise crossed his face. "Ana, come on. I thought you forgave me for the boat thing? Which, I'm still extremely sorry for."

"I know. And it's not just that." I looked away for a second. "I'm just...I'm not in a place where I find it easy to trust people at the moment. What with my parents..." I swallowed. It was still so difficult to even mention them. "I'm sorry. And I know it sounds super cliché, but I really do need to focus on myself at the moment. Honestly." And that was truth.

Harry slowly nodded. "I mean, I get that. I do understand that. I just thought I could help you through it."

"I know. But I do have to get through this on my own." I looked up at him. "I did have fun with you. I really did. But it was too soon. And I didn't want to lead you on."

He half-smiled. "Well, I appreciate that." He paused. "Just so you know, I do really like you. All I wanted to do was make you happy. I think you're one of the strongest people I've ever met."

I felt the corners of my mouth tilt up slightly. "Thank you for saying that." I paused, averting my eyes. "It doesn't feel like that most of the time."

"I know. But it's true." Harry sighed and ran his fingers through his blonde hair. "Well. We're still friends, right?"

I hesitated and then nodded. "Yes. Still friends."

He smiled and looked like he was about to leave, but then he said in a low voice, "And look. If another of the reasons you don't want to see me anymore is Joseph..." He shook his head slightly. "That's okay. I've seen how he looks at you. And I'm sorry for snapping at you about the clothes. It's not my business." His eyes met mine, not angry, but understanding. "I hope he makes you happy."

I didn't say anything. I wasn't even sure what I could say. So I gave him a small smile, touched his shoulder lightly, and went back inside.

In the house, Catherine and Alice were both waiting expectantly. Alice looked a little worried and Catherine looked confused.

"Who was that boy, Ana? I feel like I've seen him before." Her expression was thoughtful, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Um." To tell Catherine or not to tell Catherine? I decided on to tell. "He's a boy I was seeing. But I just ended it."

Her face immediately shifted to that of a concerned mother. It sent a pang through me. "Oh, Ana. Are you okay? Why did you end it?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay. He just... wasn't right for me." And I left it at that. I didn't really feel like rehashing all the details again.

I really did feel okay, which just went to show that I didn't actually like Harry that much. Well, no, I did, but... maybe it was just the novelty of meeting someone new, someone fun and easy-going. That was what drew me in. I had enjoyed being with him, and kissing him, but the kisses didn't exactly cause fireworks. it wasn't passionate. But not everybody gets passion in their lives.

After making sure I was okay, Alice let me go up to my room to have a bit of time to myself. When living with your best friend, it's important to be alone sometimes, and not be with them every second of the day. I had learnt that while living with the Moores.

I didn't see Joseph during the day until supper, where we all ate together. I was still feeling a little worse for wear and mainly pushed the food around my plate, Alice doing the same. Mark had been brought up to speed on what had happened last night, but he didn't seem particularly angry, or angry at all, in fact. And we'd cleaned it up so well that Catherine didn't really seem to have anything to be annoyed about anymore, but she still gave us looks during dinner that said, 'it's your own fault'. And, well, it was. I usually knew my limits when it came to alcohol, but last night, I'd just wanted to get wasted. And I'd had a great time.

After supper, Alice went upstairs for an early night, yawning as she did so. I was pretty exhausted, too, but I wanted to talk to Joseph. We'd exchanged a subtle look, knowing that one of us would go into the other's room later. I couldn't believe all this time we were spending in each other's rooms, and nothing had ever happened.

It was a couple of hours before Catherine and Mark came upstairs, and then I waited a bit longer to make sure they were asleep. Finally I left my room and tiptoed towards Joseph's door and I was about to go in when I heard him talking to someone.

I froze. Who was he talking to? Me being nosy – honestly, this was something I really needed to work on – I leaned closer to be able to make out what he was saying.

"I know." His voice was low and comforting. "I know it's hard." He paused. "I miss you too."

My mouth went dry. I could just about make out the tone of the voice on the other line, and it was definitely female. I knew I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but...I was jumping.

"But we'll see each other soon." I'd never heard him use such a patient and soothing voice. "I promise."

As quiet as I could, I turned and made my way back to my room. I didn't know who he was talking to, but it sounded like they were close. I knew I shouldn't assume. I also knew that I didn't even have a right to be jealous. But if Joseph could be jealous, why couldn't I?

I slipped back into bed, pulling the duvet up to my chin despite the warm temperature of the room. So many thoughts ran through my mind. It could have easily just been a friend he was speaking to, but at midnight? And the way he was talking... it sounded intimate, as if they'd known each other for a really long time. I sighed to myself and tried to think about anything else, but it wasn't working.

After a few minutes, I heard my door creak open. I quickly turned over and shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I knew it was childish, but I didn't want to see him. Well, I did – I always did – but I was worried about what I would say.

I heard him come into my room, and he whispered, "Lily?"

I stayed quiet and still.

"Lily, I know you're awake. I heard you outside my door."

Damn it. I needed to learn to be stealthier. Reluctantly I rolled over and glanced at Joseph. He was standing with his arms crossed, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" I said grumpily, turning so I was facing the ceiling.

"Why did you come to my room and then leave?"

I scowled. "I didn't want to interrupt you."

His lips slowly curled into a smile. "You mean you heard me talking on the phone."

"Yes. Why are you smiling?"

His expression began to look a little smug. "Because you're jealous."

"I'm not," I denied, staring determinedly up at the ceiling. Joseph walked towards my bed and sat on the edge, before lying down next to me. I still refused to look at him.

"Except you are." I could hear the smile in his voice. "You're not very good at lying, did you know that?"

Usually, I was pretty good at lying. It was just Joseph who could see through me. "Well, who were you talking to?"

"A friend, Lily." He traced a finger down the side of my face.

"Didn't sound like it," I grumbled. God, I sounded so jealous. I hated that. I didn't really have a right to be, either. It wasn't like anything had ever happened between me and Joseph.

"Well, she is a friend. And just that."

"Why were you calling a friend at half midnight?" I asked, trying to ignore his light touch on my cheek.

"Because she lives in the US. Time difference. It's only six o'clock where she is."

Oh. "But–"

"She's sick, Lily." His tone turned serious. "She's a family friend who I've known since I was two. She's like a sister to me."

And now I felt like a jackass. Finally I turned to look at him, grimacing slightly. "Oh. Sorry."

His hand moved up to my hair, gently brushing it back from my face. "It's fine. She's going to be okay. But she's going through a hard time."

Stupid. Why did I say such stupid things? And why couldn't I get my attention off of Joseph's hand? "I'm an idiot."

Joseph laughed slightly. "You're not. But you were jealous."

My scowl returned. "I wasn't."

"Just admit it." His eyes searched mine, that annoying smile still on his face. "I always know when you're lying. You have a tell."
My mouth dropped open. "I do not."

"You do," he said, dropping his hand. I immediately missed his touch. "Your top lip twitches."

I covered my mouth with my hand. "It doesn't."

"It does."

"Maybe you should spend less time looking at my lips."

"I'm trying."

I held back a surprised smile. Just a couple of weeks ago, Joseph would never have been like this with me – playful, flirty and open. "Whatever. I don't have a tell."

"Okay, Lily." The mischievous look faded from his face. "Are you going to tell me what happened with Harry?"
I swallowed but nodded. Just because I didn't actually like Harry very much hadn't made it any easier and thinking about the boat still caused panic in me. "Well, I told him I couldn't see him anymore. And that was that."

Joseph didn't say anything for a moment. "Are you okay?"

I sighed. "Yeah. I think so. I think I always knew it wasn't going anywhere with him. I told him I needed to focus on myself and that it was too soon. I couldn't trust him." Plus, my lukewarm feelings for Harry were nothing compared to what I felt for Joseph, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

When I looked at Joseph, he was frowning slightly. "You probably should be focusing on yourself. Which means that I shouldn't be here."

No. I needed him to stay. I took his hand and gently touched his face with my other hand. "Maybe not, but... please stay."

After a second, Joseph nodded and shifted closer to me. I closed my eyesand let out a long breath. His hand returned to gently stroking my cheek. I wasso relaxed and felt so comfortable with Joseph – his touch, his scent... itcalmed me. And so I drifted off, and Joseph was the last thing I thought aboutbefore sleep overcame me