"You're being a bit of a creeper there, Joseph," I said quietly, putting my guitar down. "How long have you been watching?" I hadn't even heard him come in.

"Not that long, I swear." He came further into my room and shut the door properly behind him. "That was... that was pretty good."

I looked down in slight embarrassment. "You weren't supposed to hear."

"Whatever. I did. And besides," he gave me a look, "I've shown you my art. Doesn't that mean I get to hear you sing? I didn't even know you did sing."

"That's different," I insisted.

"I disagree." Joseph's eyes went to all the crumpled of pieces of paper in my bin and on the floor. "Bit of a waste of trees, don't you think?"

I just shrugged. "I get frustrated easily."

"Yeah, no shit." He made his way over to the pile of paper, arms folded. Then he crouched down, and before I realised what he was doing, he started to uncrumple a couple of the pieces of paper, looking closely.

"Wait, no–" I hastily scrambled over to Joseph and snatched the paper out of his hands. "You're not allowed to read these."

"Oh come on." He smoothed another piece of paper out. "Why write these if you're just going to bin them?"

"Because," I said firmly, grabbing that sheet from him as well. "These ones are shit."

"You know, you can keep taking them from me, but there's a lot of lyrics here. And as entertaining as this little game is, it might get boring after, like, 100 bits of paper." He rolled his eyes as I started to scoop up as many of balls of paper as I could. "You're no fun. Can't I see even one?"

"No," I said flatly, grabbing the bin and standing up, putting it behind me so he couldn't get to it.

"You know, Lily, this situation feels a little familiar." Joseph stopped trying to read the lyrics and straightened up, standing a little closer to me. "I recall someone being extremely nosy about my art, and not giving up until she bullied me into showing her my drawings."

My mouth twitched. "Wow, she sounds like a nightmare."

"Oh, she definitely is. But I trusted her enough to show her something important to me..." Joseph trailed off and raised an eyebrow at me.

I gave an exasperated sigh and pretended to think about it. "Hm... no. You heard me singing. That's all you get."

He shook his head at me. "You're ridiculously stubborn, you know that?"

"I've heard. I like to think it's one of my more attractive qualities, but I prefer to call it determination rather than stubbornness." I smiled rather smugly at him.

"You're so annoying."

"I've heard that, too."

Joseph laughed. He almost absentmindedly lifted a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. My breath caught in my throat. "You're not going to try and spin that into a positive quality?"

"Um..." I was finding it hard to think with Joseph so close to me. "Entertaining?"

"Mm." There was a slight smirk on his face. "You know, I heard you and Ellie talking about me tonight."

I didn't process what he said for a second. "What?"

"Yeah. When she was talking about how attractive I was."

Oh no. "Oh. Well, that's Ellie for you. She thinks any average-looking guy is attractive."

"Really?" Joseph moved a little closer. "So, you don't think I'm attractive?"

Jesus Christ. Change the subject. "I don't even know how you heard that. I thought you were entertaining Blaine."

"I can multitask, you know." He took another small step forwards. I reflexively took a small step back. "And you're changing the subject."

"I'm not." This conversation was veering in a dangerous direction. "I just... I shouldn't really answer that."

The smirk didn't fade from Joseph's face. "That's answer enough."

He was right. "And you shouldn't really be asking those kinds of questions."

"I know."

"So don't."

His gaze moved over my face, heated and intense. "I'm just not sure I care so much about what I should and shouldn't be doing anymore, Lily."

My lips parted in shock. Never before had Joseph been so straightforward and candid about what he... wanted. It felt like our roles had reversed. I used to be the one who would make the effort with him, annoying him and forcing him to talk to me. But now... "What changed?"

Joseph didn't answer but moved away to sit on the edge of my bed. After a while, he said, "You should be careful. With Harry."

I frowned in confusion at the sudden change in subject. "What?"

He rubbed his face, not meeting my eyes. "It's not just that I don't like him, which," he grimaced slightly, "I don't, but... I don't think he's a good guy."

I crossed my arms and stood opposite Joseph. "And why's that?"

He sighed. "Look, he used to date Millie. She told me what he was like. He used to cheat on her. Like, a lot."

My eyebrows lifted, and I bit my lip, processing and deciding what to say. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because," he muttered, "I didn't think you wanted to hear it."

To be fair, if he'd told me before, I might have said that Millie was lying. But now that she and I had a slightly better relationship, I could see that she wasn't actually manipulative like that, she was just... blunt. "Well then, I'll be careful. But I can look after myself."

"Oh, I'm sure." Joseph lay back on my bed, putting his hands behind his head. "I just think you can do better."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't like discussing Harry with Joseph. It made me feel so guilty and conflicted. "Okay, Joseph." I gestured to the way he was lying down. "Make yourself at home, why don't you?"

He ignored me but sat up, taking hold of my hands and pulling me towards him so that I was standing between his legs. I was too surprised to react. It was true, Joseph was starting to be more... touchy-feely with me, every day more and more so. I didn't want to admit how much I liked it. I knew I should have been resisting, should have pulled away, but I couldn't bring myself to. Instead, I felt a surge of boldness, and my hand lifted to Joseph's face. I lightly ran a finger down his cheek, not meeting his eyes, but I knew he was watching me. My finger carried on its path, tracing features of Joseph's face. I reached his lips and grazed my thumb lightly over his bottom one, heart pounding. I flicked my eyes up to meet his. "I shouldn't be doing this, right?"

"Definitely not," Joseph murmured. I saw the expression on his face, and I was sure it mirrored mine – desire. I had to step away, or I wasn't going to be able to resist from taking things further. I couldn't kiss him. I just couldn't. I ran my hands through my hair as I turned away and walked around my room, calming myself. When I turned back to Joseph, he had a roguish grin on his face. "You look like you need a cold shower, Lily."

I felt like I did. "I don't know what you're talking about." Once I felt like I could control myself – honestly, my urges felt pretty animal-like when it came to Joseph – I went back over to the bed and casually slid under the covers. Joseph raised an eyebrow at me. "What? I'm going to bed."

"I can see that," he said dryly. "Don't mind me."

"Okay," I said, turning on my side but still facing Joseph. My gaze went to him, and I propped myself up on an elbow. "How's your sleep?"

Joseph shrugged. "It's... not too bad. A lot better than it used to be." His eyebrows furrowed at me. "How's yours?"

I looked away. "It's up and down. Some nights are okay. Some nights... I just can't stop thinking. And then if I do fall asleep, I'll wake up again and I won't be able to go back to sleep."

Joseph didn't speak for a moment. "Lily, that sounds like insomnia."

I'd considered that. "Yeah. I know."

He seemed to think about something for a second, then Joseph moved to lie down next to me, leaning his chin on his hand as he faced me. "I can't really give any advice. It just... it'll get better."

I glanced at him. His face seemed lost in thought, and I realised he was also talking about whatever experience he had. I wondered how long ago it – whatever happened – was, and if he was right. Maybe one day I'd be able to look at a picture of my parents and smile at the memories rather than cry at what I'd lost. I hoped so.

Against my better judgement, I twisted onto my side and shifted closer to Joseph, brushing my fingers against his. After a moment, Joseph linked our fingers together, and my breath caught. I watched as Joseph turned his head, our eyes meeting. Neither of us said anything, we just looked at each other. Eventually my eyes fluttered shut, and my breathing slowed as I relaxed. Joseph's hand never left mine as I drifted off.

***

When I woke up, I could tell without opening my eyes that it was well into the morning. I also realised that Joseph had never left my room last night – my head was nestled in the crook of his neck, my arm resting on top of his chest. I kept my eyes shut, just relishing the warmth of Joseph against me. His breaths were slow and steady, his chest rising and falling with them. He was still asleep. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought to myself that Joseph should not have been in here, and that either of the Moore parents could possibly walk in - not that they'd ever come into my room uninvited before, but there was still the possibility. Alice had her dance academy, so at least that wasn't a worry.

In his sleep, Joseph rolled and threw his arm over me, tugging me closer to him. At least, I was pretty sure he was asleep. He murmured something unintelligible, his chin resting just above my head on the pillow. I smiled slightly. I breathed in, noting how good Joseph smelled – all manly and comforting. Eventually Joseph began to stir, his fingers curling up against my back. I forced my eyes open and shifted my head away from Joseph slightly to look upwards. He blearily opened one eye, glanced down at me, closed it again and groaned.

"You alright?" I whispered, my voice a little hoarse from sleep.

"Didn't mean to fall asleep," he grumbled, twisting away from me and rubbing his eyes. "Shit. I was supposed to go back to my room."

"Yeah, you probably should have," I said, and gave a sly smile.

Joseph saw my smile and his mouth twitched. "Shut up." He sighed. "I should get up."

"Mm-hm." My eyes had closed again. "So get up."

"I'm going to." He paused. "Just... not right now."

I couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "Okay, Joseph." I felt him shift next to me and opened my eyes to see him on his side again, one arm bent under his head. He was watching me, and I watched right back.

"I didn't feel you wake up at all," he said quietly.

I thought for a moment. "I don't think I did. Did you?"

"I don't think so."

I wondered why that was. "Well, I mean... it's probably just all my missed sleep catching up to me."

"Maybe," Joseph said, a slight smile on his face.

"Okay," I said slowly. "Maybe it's because..." I hesitated. "Maybe just because I wasn't, you know..." I was feeling uncomfortable. "Alone. Having somebody here... it was comforting, I guess. So really, anybody could have been sleeping in this bed with me and I would have been fine." There wasn't any point in lying to Joseph anymore, really. He could always see through them.

"Sure, Lily." He just gave me that knowing look of his.

"Whatever." Somewhere in my room, I heard my phone vibrate. "Ugh. Where's my phone?"

Joseph turned and reached down below the bed, getting my phone and passing it to me. "You've got a message."

I rubbed my eyes and squinted at my phone, seeing a text from Harry. My eyes darted to Joseph who was looking at the ceiling, jaw clenched. He must have seen who the message was from. "Joseph–"

"Lily, it's fine." Joseph sat up, resting his elbows on his bent knees. He glanced at me. "You don't need to look at me like that."

I sat up too. "I didn't–"

"It's just..." His fingers were locked together, eyebrows furrowed. "A little confusing. You're lying here, with me, but you're dating him. And I know I'm not supposed to – I can't – say things like that. I know you're my little sister's best friend." He rubbed his jaw in a frustrated gesture. "But he's not right. Not for you. I know it's probably easy with him, but..." Joseph shook his head to himself. "He doesn't deserve you."

I stared, my lips parted in shock. I let out a breath and put my head in my hands. "God. What am I doing?" I lifted my head and glanced at him. "I'm sorry, I just..." I didn't have an end to that sentence. I didn't know what to say. There was no way of justifying what I was doing.

Joseph didn't say anything. He didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what I was doing. I was just one big mess.

"I should go," Joseph murmured, and I wanted to tease him about the whole should/shouldn't thing, but I couldn't. He stood up, heading towards the door. I watched him go, biting my lip. Just before leaving my room, he turned back to me and said bluntly, "Just to set things straight, this time? I am jealous." And then he left.

I sat there for a moment in shock, processing what Joseph had just said. Jealous. He was jealous. Of Harry. Which meant... that he felt something for me. So, he hadn't said it in those words, but he might as well have. Just to set thing straight, this time? I am jealous. Those words were going to play in my head for a long time. Once I finally finished processing what he said, I couldn't help but smile. Joseph was jealous. He admitted it. And I knew what I was doing was wrong – I was messing about two boys, leading one on and not being completely honest about how I felt with the other. And yet... Joseph was jealous. And maybe it was cruel, but this made me obscenely happy.