I got back to the house at about seven-thirty, trudging up the path to the door. Suddenly it opened, and Millie appeared, but no Joseph. I stopped in my tracks, wondering if I could run and hide in a bush or something before Millie saw me. But, too late – she'd seen me, and she was walking over.

I took a deep breath and before she could say anything, I said flatly, "Just don't even say anything, okay Millie? I don't care if you slept with Joseph, I don't care if you don't like me, I just don't care." And at this point, I really didn't. I hadn't had a wink of sleep last night, not even for a second, and I was ready to full on punch Millie if she got on my nerves.

As it was, Millie just scowled at me. "Why so grouchy?" But then she sighed and glanced back at the house. "Listen, as much as I wanna piss you off, nothing actually happened. Alice would have killed me if something had."

I raised an eyebrow, now confused. "Why is that?"

She gave me a look. "That's none of your business. But you know, you should really stay away from Joseph."

"I'll do whatever the hell I want," I snapped, but Millie just smirked.

"Not because I want him, jeez. I'm just saying it would be better for both of you. There's a lot you don't know."

I narrowed my eyes at her.

"No need to look at me that way. I'm just trying to help." She shrugged innocently before brushing past me.

I was just going to let her go, but I blurted out, "Why do you hate me so much?"

Millie stopped and turned around, rolling her eyes. "For god's sake, Ana, I don't hate you. You're not that special."

"Fine," I said with gritted teeth. "Then why don't you like me that much?"

She watched me for a minute as if analysing me. "There's just something about you that ticks me off. I don't know what it is, exactly."

"Wow, thanks, that makes me feel so much better," I said sarcastically, and Millie actually smiled a little bit. It wasn't a smirk, or a condescending grin, it was an actual smile.

"Sorry, just can't help it." She sighed. "I don't... I don't not like you, I just think you can be kind of... blind, sometimes."

I frowned. "Blind? How?"

"Figure it out for yourself." Millie was quiet for a second. "Um, listen, I'm really sorry about your parents."

I exhaled slowly, feeling my eyes sting. "Yeah. Me too."

She nodded at me. "I'll see you at Melissa's."

I watched her go, feeling a little confused. It was almost like she'd declared some kind of truce, and maybe she would lay off me a bit now. Maybe she wasn't that bad. And okay, she didn't like me and didn't exactly give me a reason for it, but not everyone's going to like you, and I could accept that.

When I entered the kitchen, the only one up was Joseph. He looked up briefly as I walked in before going back to typing something on his laptop, not even saying a 'hello'.

I sighed through my nose and was about to ignore him too and just go back upstairs. I didn't have the energy to talk to him, or anyone. Last night had felt like a real setback for me. I'd thought it had been getting better, the grief, but now it felt like just yesterday that my parents died, even though it had been... over a month and a half, which really was no time at all.

"Have you only just got in?" Joseph suddenly asked, and I stopped, turning around. Joseph wasn't looking at me. In fact, he seemed to be looking anywhere but me.

"Um. I guess." From wandering around town all night.

"From Harry's?" Joseph's eyes were still fixated on the table, and it looked like all his muscles were tensed.

I narrowed my eyes and moved towards him. "No. You saw me here last night after the beach. Why would I have gone to Harry's?"

Joseph moved away from me. "Never mind. Do what you want." He went to sit on the sofa instead and switched on the television, and I watched him with a frown. I didn't know what was going on with him, and with anyone else I might not have had the willpower to care, but... Joseph was different. I wasn't really sure why, but he was. I went to sit down next to him, leaving a good amount of distance between us.

"You overheard mine and Alice's conversation last night, right?" I said cautiously, picking up the remote and turning off the TV. "About Harry kissing me."

Joseph just rolled his eyes. "Lily, if you really think that's what I'm mad about, you're way off. I don't care that you kissed Harry. Why would I?"

"But you are mad about something," I said a little triumphantly, trying not to dwell on the fact that he didn't care that Harry kissed me. And he was right – why would he? And why should he? "Tell me why you're mad."

"Can you stop being so goddamn nosy?" Joseph snapped, and my eyes widened. That was a serious mood change. He must have noticed that he'd shocked me, because his expression softened a bit. "It's not your problem. Okay? Just know when to leave things alone."

I was starting to feel hurt. Something had changed between Joseph and me. I'd thought that we used to have a sort of...understanding, but that seemed to be gone, and it was like he was no longer comfortable around me. Or he was trying to put those walls up again, and it was now my decision whether to just leave it this time, or to try and break down those walls again. And because I was generally a stubborn person, I would definitely not be leaving it alone. But now I was starting to get pissed off. Did he really think he could just talk to people like that?

"What is wrong with you?" I said sharply. "You know what? You don't get to be mad at me. I've done nothing wrong."

"Like I said. I'm not mad." Joseph's voice was flat, emotionless.

"Oh sure. You can keep saying that, but I'm not going to believe it," I bit. God, he made me angry. "Whatever it is, get over it. Stop holding grudges. Life is too fucking short."

He glanced at me, his face expressionless. Then he swiftly got up and left me sat on the sofa, hands clenched in fists in irritation.

I turned to look at Joseph, who was pulling on shoes and a coat. I wanted to say something else, maybe yell at him some more, but it's far easier to yell at someone when they yell back. Instead, all I was getting was this emotionless response, which was worse.

"I'm going out," he said bluntly, not looking at me as he grabbed his keys. "Tell my parents I've gone to see a friend."

I said nothing, just stared. What was I supposed to say? His eyes finally met mine, and for a second it looked like he was going to say something. But then he stayed quiet and left the house, slamming the door shut behind him. After he left there was an eerie quiet, and I was still staring at the door. I didn't know what had just happened. A sadness, a different kind of sadness to the one I usually felt, rose up inside of me, above the anger. What I felt for my parents was an emptiness, a constant aching pain, and a sort of incessant feeling of dreading each day. But this... this was new to me. I felt hurt, and I felt a little betrayed. But then I shook my head and told myself that I was being ridiculous, and I hadn't even known Joseph for that long. So why did the way he just treated me hurt so much? To my annoyance, my eyes started to sting with tears, and I hastily brushed them back. I was not crying over this.

"Hey, you're up early." I turned to see Alice trudging down the stairs, messy hair and puffy eyes.

I cleared my throat, taking a breath. "So are you," I commented, making sure no tears would come. "I thought you would sleep in at least until twelve."

"Ugh. Me too. Sun woke me up." She collapsed onto the sofa next to me, rubbing her eyes and yawning before glancing at me. "Hey, are you okay? Your eyes look a little red."

"What? Oh." I hastily tried to think of another excuse other than the fact that her brother had just acted like he hated me. "Yeah, I know. I think it's just from like the alcohol and the beach last night. Plus, I didn't sleep that well." That sounded believable to me.

"Yeah, me neither, to be honest." Alice yawned again. "Have you seen Joseph? He's not in his room."

"Oh, yeah. He said he went to see a friend." I made sure my voice was neutral as I said this. "Mysterious as ever."

She snorted. "Yeah, I guess. He doesn't really like us every much. It makes mum and dad really sad."

"Why doesn't he like you very much?" I asked carefully, not wanting to probe too much.

"Oh, well, you know, he's always been that way. Never really had a good relationship with our parents." She shrugged, but she also didn't seem like she was being entirely truthful. "We actually used to get on pretty well as siblings when we were younger. Then he went to boarding school, and things... changed."

"How come he went to a boarding school and not Otterden?" Otterden was the name of our school, and I'd often wondered why Joseph and Alice ended up at different schools.

"I think he just wanted to go to a boarding school. Shirebrook is a lot bigger than ours, and... I don't know, maybe he wanted more independence." Alice shrugged again. "It did him pretty well. He's going to university after his gap year."

"He is?" This, I didn't know. "Where does he want to go?"

"He would have been clever enough for Oxford, honestly, but he didn't want to go there. He's going to Edinburgh University, if he gets the grades. But he will."

Edinburgh. Pretty far away, since it was actually in another country. It seemed that Joseph took any opportunity to be miles away from his family. I knew this already, but him going to Edinburgh proved it even more. "What's he studying?"

"Economics." Alice wrinkled her nose. "Sounds dull to me, but I think he'll be good at it."

Economics. That couldn't be further from art, which I knew he actually enjoyed. The more I learned about Joseph, the less I felt I actually knew him.

You know more than most people, Lily. That was what he said to me. But I felt like the exact opposite was true.

"Anyway." Alice got up, stretching and yawning. "You want a coffee?"

"Oh, um, sure." I did my best to push Joseph out of my mind and helped Alice make the coffees.

"So, what day did you say you were going bowling with Harry?" she asked as we sat at the table, drinking our coffee.

"Next weekend, I think." I checked my messages. "Yeah. Saturday." I groaned slightly. "Alice, I don't know how I feel about bowling."

"Come on, have an open mind. You're not going to lose anything by going on this date with him."

"Maybe my dignity," I muttered, and Alice laughed.

"Well, maybe that, yeah. You do kind of suck at bowling." She grinned innocently at me. A thought suddenly came back to me, about Alice and Dylan. I'd been pretty successful at ignoring this theory that Harry had told me and was convinced was true, about Alice cheating on Dylan, but I still couldn't help but wonder if he was telling the truth. But if he was wrong, and I asked Alice about it, she would be so mad at me, understandably. I would be accusing her of cheating, and that was a big thing. Maybe I could get her to admit it on her own.

"You know what I found out?" I started cautiously. "Harry is actually... he's, um, friends with Dylan."

Alice stiffened slightly. "Really? And I thought Harry was a nice person."

"He is," I defended. "Just because he's friends with Dylan doesn't make him a bad person."

"Ana, you do remember what Dylan did to me?" she reminded me, and annoyance began to flare up inside me.

"I remember what you told me," I said sharply.

Alice narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

This was my chance to confront her and ask if she really did cheat on Dylan. But the whole thing just seemed so far-fetched, and I really didn't have that many people close to me at the moment. I didn't want to lose Alice. "Nothing. Never mind. Just Dylan talking crap, like usual. Sorry."

Alice examined me for a moment, her expression softening. "No, I'm sorry. I just get... you know, just... Dylan makes me mad. But I'm sure Harry's a good guy. And I'm sure you'll have fun on the date."

I forced a smile. I still wasn't completely sure that Alice didn't cheat on Dylan, but I would leave it, for now. I hated confrontation, especially with friends. I just couldn't afford to lose any of them right now, not when they were all I had.

At that moment, Catherine and Mark appeared, talking quietly with each other, but when they noticed Alice and me, they stopped and smiled brightly.

"What are you two doing up so early? Would have thought you would want to sleep in after last night," Catherine said with a short laugh.

"I didn't mean to wake up," Alice said, pouting. "If it was up to me, I would still be asleep. But since I'm up, I'm going to go into town. Wanna come, Ana?"

I thought about it for a moment. It was still pretty early; so not many places would be open. Plus, I'd been outside all night. But I also knew I wouldn't be going to sleep any time soon. "Yeah, sure. Let's get some fresh air."