"Hello human," the creature said, just as I screamed and leaped away, my back bumping hard into the edge of my sink.

How the fuck–

Where the hell–

The bathroom had been empty when I'd entered. It wasn't big enough for anything to hide. So where had this ... this ... thing come from? Had it just materialized out of thin air? I would have said that was crazy, but the entire existence of what I was seeing was insane anyway.

My eyes were glued to what looked like a goat's head on a human body, dressed in a dark suit and tie. It had human hands which were holding a clipboard and a ballpoint pen of all things. Its face was covered in brown fur, its head sported two curled yet very pointy horns and its creepy eyes fixed on me as it tapped its pen against the clipboard.

"We have been sent to finalize your contract," it said, its voice deep and strangely echo-y, sounding almost as if not one creature was speaking but a myriad of them. It made my skin crawl with deep revulsion. All I could do was stare as it stared right back at me, cocking its head a little as though it was waiting for a response.

In the absolute jumble of questions racing through my mind, I managed to latch onto and verbalize only one by clinging to a word the thing had spoken.

"W-What contract?" I blinked and somehow the dam broke. "Who are you? How did you get in here? What is this?" I blurted.

The creature held up its hands, twirling the ballpoint pen absentmindedly. "You summoned us, young human witch, which constitutes a contract. We have it right here, of course." It flipped the clipboard so I could see the sheets of paper on it. The top page had "Contract" typed on it, followed by blocks of print, too small to read from a distance. "You have condemned the souls of one ..." It turned the clipboard around again and read, "Julie Markus and Pavel Adamski to Hell. We have come to collect them after you sign ..."

This time, the creature took an actual step in my direction as it offered both clipboard and pen to me. I pressed myself harder into the sink, my eyes darting to the door just a few steps to my right. Every cell in my body wanted to make a run for it, only my feet seemed stuck to the floor.

"... Here." The abomination tapped its pen on a dotted line at the bottom of the page.

I was frozen. "This isn't real," I muttered. "It can't be." I pinched myself hard, but the monster didn't disappear and I didn't wake up.

It tilted its creepy head to the other side and studied me with something that might have been exasperation. I couldn't be sure. I'd never seen exasperation on a goat before.

"What is happening?" I asked, though, truth be told, it came out as a bit of a whimper.

"You made a contract last night," the creature repeated. "You need to sign it so we can collect the souls you promised."

"No... I didn't make a contract. I was drunk and I just played around with that weird book," I finally stammered. "I never actually thought it was real." And I'm also not thinking that this is real, I wanted to add.

The thing harrumphed. "It is real. You made a contract and you summoned us here using witchcraft." It tapped the clipboard again. The sound was hollow and spooky. I felt it reverberate through my bones as if the goat-man wasn't tapping on paper and plastic but my actual skull. "Now sign."

My gaze flicked back and forth between the page and that horrific face. "What ... What will happen if I do that?"

"Exactly what is supposed to happen. The two souls you offered us will be transferred to a place of eternal torment, so that their suffering can generate energy we harvest as per agreement."

I tried to process this. Julie would be ... what? Killed? Was that what that meant? She'd die because she'd broken up with me? My whole body stiffened as I imagined this; Julie dead because of my stupidity, my dumb hurt feelings, my selfishness.

"I never agreed to that!"

"Yes, you did when you performed the ritual. It was an offer and we accepted it. Now sign." Tap. Tap.

"I take it back!" I yelled. "I don't want this and I'm not going to sign!"

The tapping stopped and the creature narrowed its creepy goat-eyes. "Oh? You rescind your offer?"

A shudder ran through me as I braced myself for whatever this thing would unleash on me in retaliation, but I remained firm. I couldn't be responsible for Julie dying. Even though I'd hated her last night, I knew she didn't deserve whatever this was. I couldn't do this to her. I just couldn't. "Yeah, that! I rescind it! It's null and void! You can go away now!"

"Huh. I see." To my relief, it didn't get angry. It just nodded its head and flipped through the pages on the clipboard. "Well, in that case, we need your signature here." Once more it held out its clipboard. This time the upper pages had been peeled away and were flopping limply over the back to reveal the bottom sheet with just a few lines of print and another dotted line.

"I hereby rescind my offer," I read, feeling my heartbeat slow down from a painful gallop to a more normal pace. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe this was a weird fever dream/hangover hallucination, nothing more than a fantasy my brain had cooked up to teach me the valuable lesson that actions have consequences, and maybe this was its happy ending.

Or, if this was real, I could weasel my way out and then repress this memory until the day I died, without ever having to confront the implications. Implications such as: Does this mean Hell is real? And does that in turn mean God and demons and angels and stuff are too? Nope, better not think about it.

After taking a big gulp of air, I put my name down on the dotted line. I needed this to be over. Most of all I needed this half-goat person to disappear. Once my signature sat there in shaky blue ink, I handed the ballpoint pen back to the goat-guy who kept nodding like some dashboard bobblehead as he accepted it, his lips peeling back into a disturbing smile.

I averted my eyes from those small yellow teeth and muttered, "Okay, this is it, right? We're done here?"

"Oh," the demon chuckled, his chin bobbing. "Yes, we are done. Indeed."

His cheerful demeanor made my skin crawl. A dark sense of foreboding descended on me. I didn't even have time to ask - not that I wanted to know - he just came out with it right away.

"There is a compensation clause, of course," he said. His tone was conversational, but I could see the twinkle in his eyes. Devilish. The word struck me like lightning out of a clear blue sky.

"Compensation clause," I parroted dumbly, the dread I felt creeping into every syllable. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you see, we came all this way. Crossing dimensions is no joke; it takes some effort, some energy, you could say. The kind of energy generated by suffering ..." He trailed off for a moment, his eyes sweeping my body as though I was a cow brought to auction.

A chill rose from the soles of my bare feet, all the way up to my scalp. I had to suppress a shudder.

"What did I just sign?" I asked, the tremor in my voice making it clear to both of us that I already knew. Of course I knew.

The creature narrowed his eyes. There was glee in the way it fixed its gaze on me, and something else. Hunger, I thought, as shivers ran up and down my spine. I inched toward the door. The tiles beneath my feet were freezing cold in a way I hadn't been aware of before.

Shit, I was terrified.

"Since you are the one who called us here, offering us these souls, well, the responsibility to provide reimbursement of some kind falls to you. And since we only accept human souls, yours will do in a pinch."

"You want my soul?" Shitshitshit. That was my whole thought process, until a calmer voice in my head chimed in, This cannot be real. It's a dream of some kind. Nothing's actually going to happen.

Except... That thing was grinning, its small yellow teeth right in my face.

Wake up, I told myself sternly, but nothing happened.

The creature approached me.

"You signed," it told me without any inflection. "That means you agreed." There was a soft noise. I looked down and saw that it had stepped on my poor santa candle. "You have twenty-four hours to decide. We might still take those other two if you reconsider. Here is a preview, to help your decision making process." It waved its hand and all hell broke loose in my bathroom.