Baji had been my friend since Elementary and i have fallen inlove with him the first time i met him at the park that day.

Baji is not a typical random guy you see everyday. He is wild, mean, rude and unpredictable. Also, he curse a lot. Hed scream at random kids and people he see on the streets if he feels like it.

I choose to love him secretly. He doesnt even have an idea that i liked him.

One day he invited me to the park together with his friend Chifuyu. He said that he need to tell me something important. ' is he going to confess to me now' maybe all this time he likes me too. That what i thought.

I get extra dolled up and i put make up on as i was heading to the door. I made sure i was looking great standing in the front of the mirror checking and giving final glance of my appearance before i head out.

I was so excited. That i bought Baji a gift too. If he confess to me today I'll tell him i like him too and give him this bracelet. Its a couple bracelet with my name and his name on it.

Walking turns into skipping as i am happily making my way to the park. I wanted to see him so badly, i even marked this day as a special day.

I arrived at the place Baji told me and i waved at him. Chifuyu was standing beside him and smiling at me as i made my way towards them.

Baji eyed me up and down as he took a glance of my appearance. "you look nice today YN, do you have a date today?!" he said smirking at me.

I laughed a bit and blushed "what are you saying Baji, i look totally normal today." while i put some of my hair at the back of my ear. I look at baji with sparkling eyes.

"oh okay.. Nevermind, by the way.. I kinda need your help. You see... He looks at you blushing and stuttering a bit, you waited for every word he is about to say as your heart skip a beat with every sound of his voice.

"uhmm.. Your friend Meiko. My eyebrow met as i heard my friends name. She is a transfer student on our school and we became good friends after a month.

" what about her? " i felt something isnt right. No, this whole thing.. Its...

" can you help me get close to her.. I kinda have crush on her.. Please.! I'll buy you gummy bear everyday as compensation." My world almost came crushing down from what i heard. I froze and my jaw felt heavy. My heart beat is kinda painful, it feels like my heart pound so fast and my chest hurt so much. I clenched the paper bag i was holding. 'Shit shit shit im so stupid' those words are screaming out of my head.

Baji was shyly rubbing his nape and chifuyu was staring at the other way. I dont know how to react as it was too painful and i cant handle it anymore.

I looked down as baji is still waiting for my response.

"O-okay.. I'll help you ok.. And i dont need your gummy bear. I said looking down and not daring to look at baji who is a bit excited knowing that i agreed

He was about to hug me to say thank you but i shove him off. Thinking my tears might fall any seconds now.

"i have... to go...i - i think i forgot something." i said making an excuse to get out of there.

Baji was a bit confuse when i shove him off. Leaving him looking at his arms and gazing at my back.

I ran as fast as i can and when i felt like i was far from them i finally burst out crying. All the tears i had been holding was now streaming down my face. I hold the tree trunk with one of my hand for support as i felt my kness getting weaker.

'And when i thought that was me! The one he likes' i was an idiot.

I walked a bit slower towards a big trash bin and put the gifts i bought for Baji together with the other trash in there thinking its also a trash.

I walked home crying as i went straight to my bedroom and sobbed all day. The next morning i didnt come to school as i was not feeling well. Baji had been calling me since last night.

Ive been ignorning Baji's call and msgs for almost 3 days.

I finally told my Friend Meiko about Baji and gave her his phone number. Meiko made sure to have me around when she texted him. Seeing her getting excited for the man i love is so painful yet i have to put up a fake smile.

Its been a week since that happened and i decided to leave them alone and move on. I also distant myself from Baji. From time to time he would call me and txt me asking about how and what im doing as always i wouldnt pick up the phone or answer his msgs.

I want him to be happy and i want myself to learn and let him go. This one sided feeling has put me in so much sorrow. I cant even sleep at night thinking he was happy with her.

Another week had passed and id still wonder what baji was doing and if he's having fun.

'God i wish i was happy too' i whisper to the sky while sitting on one of the bench at the park.

I was about to leave when i suddenly saw Baji and Meiko walking while talking and laughing. 'OUCH'..

I need to get out of here fast, i took some of my books and shove it aggressively to my bag and grab my drink before they see me. When i stood up i immediately turn to run when i bumped into someones chest. It was Chifuyu.!

"Hey YN. Why in a hurry.? I was looking for Baji!? Have you seen them." chifuyu asked.

"uhm - their over there!" i pointed out baji and meiko's location.. But Baji saw us before chifuyu does. He went running towards our direction. 'Oh fuck'..

I knew from that moment i have to get out of there as i know i cant faced baji right now most specially when he was with Meiko.

I ran before baji could get to us and i waved goodbye while running showing i was in a hurry.

Baji looked at my running figure slowly disappeared from the crowd.

1 month had passed, i dont even know where Baji was and what is going on with him. I always avoided stuff about him and ignored every little details that remind me of him.

I went to the playground at the park where i saw Baji for the first time. Sat on the swing and slowly pushing it back and forth. 'This is where baji pushed me off as a kid' he is so mean. Yet he kissed my knees when he saw i was hurt.

I was gazing at the stars when i notice its a bit late.

I stood up and saw a familiar figure at the side of my eyes. 'it was baji on the monkey bar' he notice me and felt a bit surprised. He smiled at me while i walked a bit closer.

"hey.. Baji" was all i said.

"yo! How are you?" he said while eyeing me up and down.

"im okay, i bet you are happy now that you get to know your crush" i said feeling pained.

He looked at me and his expression changed from happy to emotionless face.

"is there something youre not telling me YN"? He said while getting down from the monkey bars and walking towards me.

I turn to look the other way.

Huh? I don't know what your-i said but immediately got interrupted by baji.

"Liar" he said in a monotone voice. Thats the last straw i needed. It's the last thing i had to hold on before releasing all my thought. The final trigger.

I looked down to the ground. I saw my tears falling, as i clenched my fists.

"So what-! You wont give a shit anyways, i-i like you Baji... So much! When you invited me to the park i thought you were gonna confess your feeling for me and this wont be a one sided feeling anymore.. I have feelings for you.. God knows for as long as i can remember.. I-i was having a hard time letting you go..

I needed to see you..

I wanted to tell you how i feel..

I wanted to tell you everything...

But-but...

You never see me Baji..

You never did..

I think i really needed this..

From now on... I don't want to be friends with you anymore... I dont wanna see you..

Im letting you go Baji..

I went that far i guess. I said everything that i feel and I've been keeping for a month now. I finally said it. I just want to disappear from the face of the earth. Please hell swallow me.

Baji was staring at me as i said those words he was shocked from everything i just said. ' your stupid baji'.

I wiped my tears as i started to walk away from that place and away from Baji.

"YN!?.. Your crying again. The first time i met you here i made you cry.. If this will be the last time i will see you, i cant believe i made you cry again at the exact place." he said and i stopped at my track. I took a final glance at Baji's face and he was crying too.

I dont know why and what was the reason but i decided to let it go..

If i stayed there any longer i might never leave.

____________

I hope your hurt🙏😁

Your welcome!!
"