AUTHORS NOTE AND TWS
Hey guys I have a tiktok pls follow @OminisFan88, mediocre edits are there 🙏
Tw// small mention of an ed, mention of vomit/bile
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"no please, come on, we've known each other for years! You've always been there for me!! Don't you care?!!"
Ominis keeps a strong face as Sebastian holds onto his sleeves like they're the only thing keeping him alive. This trip to Feldcroft was supposed to be a positive and healing one...
"I need you."
Ominis takes a shaky breath. He's been doing that a lot. He feels like he's been on the verge of tears for weeks, he hasn't been able to focus, he's been too worried about Sebastian. He's constantly rambling to himself and is constantly on the move. He hasn't been to class in the last two days but has been seen around the halls.
"You're the only one I can trust..."
"That's not true-"
"No, no it is..."
He's terrified at what Sebastian has become. When Sebastian actually shows up to class he sits next to Ominis, clutching his arm and not letting go until he pleads him to let go. Ominis can feel scabs along Sebastian's fingers and dirt on his knuckles.
He only talks quietly now, he's not the happy loud student everyone knew, he now speaks lowly with frightening intent. He constantly sounds on edge and his tone makes it sound like he's never done talking but wants to be. Always saying things in the only confidence he has left.
"I need you, Ominis, you're going to fix me, you're going to put me back to normal, Ominis. You will fix me, I don't need anyone else but you..."
His desperate words and dirty hands make Ominis feel ill.
If Ominis could go back and get himself cursed instead of Anne, he'd do it. He'd gladly suffer the pain in silence than Anne suffering, with her brother's delusions and the pain.
"Sebastian... Get up, Anne will be back soon."
Sebastian sighs, a whimper quietly escaping his throat as he wraps his arms around Ominis' waist, his hands flat against his back. He nuzzles Ominis' chest with a low chuckle that forms into sobs.
Ominis' hands go cold and his throat closes up.
He puts his arms around Sebastian, putting one in his hair, trying to calm him down.
"What's wrong with me?"
Ominis wishes that he meant that in the way that Sebastian is questioning his sanity, but he knows he's asking Ominis why he won't get with him.
"Nothing..."
"Then why don't you love me."
"I do..."
"Well, obviously not."
Ominis just sighs. He awkwardly shuffles onto the bed, Sebastian sitting beside him, his arms still wrapped around Ominis. It was a warm night. Too warm. Ominis cringed as he started to sweat. He could feel Sebastian's hot skin against his collarbone, it felt like acid against him. Ominis just sits, saying nothing in hopes that the bile climbing up his oesophagus would let up and go back down to his empty stomach.
He blinks off tears.
"When I'm without you my head starts pounding and my heart hurts. My face goes red with tears and I smell blood. If I'm not alone my hands go cold and I think I'm... I'm going to die..."
"Sebastian-"
"But I'm overreacting... You'd never leave me... I know you won't leave me, so I don't have to live in fear of death, the fear that my mind will kill me. The sole thing that's keeping me alive, won't kill me."
Whatever Sebastian goes into say, Ominis doesn't hear. He brings his hand up to Sebastian's head and runs his fingers through his hair. He ignores the sweat beading on his forehead. He ignores the waves of extreme worry coursing through him.
"You think I can trust Anne?! She'd tell Solomon immediately. Hah- y-you think I can trust Weasley?!"
Sebastian's loud laugh startles Ominis. He just pets Sebastian's hair, hushing him, begging that he falls asleep, he hasn't slept in days. Ominis has spent many early mornings on walks with Sebastian as he gets bored at 4 and shakes him awake to tell him more of his ideas. None of them are full proof and have numerous holes but Ominis is too afraid to find out what'll happen if he explains how all of his plans won't work.
The guilt will eventually get to Ominis, either in years or minutes. The guilt that he was too afraid to love Sebastian due to his own selfishness. He didn't want the blame for Sebastian feeling worse. He didn't want to be responsible for his actions. He didn't want to be associated with Sebastian at this point. Of course he feels guilty now, but he will break down eventually.
He's shocked that he hasn't crumbled yet, his life hasn't had much love in it, only receiving it for the past 5 years and you'd think that a person who's only received love for a third of their life would be on their knees, keeping close to the ones who love them like a kicked dog. A poor kicked dog that will take any temporary love even if it knows that it will be hurt again.
It's not that Ominis hasn't appreciated the support from the Sallow's but he can see the start of the cycle again. He can see being alone and cold again.
On top of that, he also feels horrible as, he does want to be with Sebastian. He's wanted to for years, ever since Sebastian showed an interest in him. Every time Sebastian asked a question, asking for answers or family background, it would make his heart melt. While he didn't enjoy talking about his family, it was adorable to him that Sebastian is interested, especially after being disliked in his family, often leading to not being spoken to for days.
The final kiss on his shoulder and the feeling of Sebastian's body going slack was all Ominis needed for his tears to spill. He softly let Sebastian down, pulling the blanket over him, tracing his body with his fingertips, making sure he was completely covered.
He hated the walk back to Hogwarts. It was too long. He didn't want to be stuck with his head for that long. He sighed and sat back down on the edge of the bed, contemplating asking Solomon if he could stay over, dreading the groan he's gonna hear and the very annoyed "fine." He's going to receive along with it.
He chuckles softly when he hears Sebastian quietly snore, remembering all of their dorm mates complaining about it, he found it cute. Every sleepover during the Summers the morning would start with Sebastian apologising. It's been months since he's had an apology from him...
He leans over, moving his hand over to Sebastian's face. He's starved away his puppy fat and his soft chin which Ominis adored. Remapping Sebastian's face hurt Ominis. He knew his face was going to change overtime but not like this. He misses Sebastian's soft jawline and waist, hating his bony structure. Hugs are no longer as satisfactory and are somewhat uncomfortable.
Sebastian basically changing into a new person was scary for Ominis, but what was scarier to him was that he could fix some of this, if he just wasn't selfish.
And what was worse was that he knew that. He knew that he could fix his own problems but wouldn't. He could stop his complaining but was too scared of too much love.
However, right now, he's letting Sebastian and the sleeping dogs lie, like they deserve to.
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