TW//mention of suicide, VERY mild

"Okay, Mr. Dun," the nurse said with a soft smile. "He's ready for you."

Josh looked up at her, his leg still nervously bouncing. He nodded.

"You need to prepare yourself," she told him as they walked to the room his husband was in. "He's likely to be quiet, he might be very sensitive to touch. Be very, very gentle with him in order not to overwhelm him."

Josh nodded.

They got to the room, stopping outside.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

Josh took a deep breath and nodded.

The nurse opened the door and he entered the room, seeing Tyler sitting cross-legged on his made up bed, looking down at a framed photo.

Tyler looked up, seeing Josh.

Josh looked back at him, tears welling in his eyes.

Tyler looked so pale, so unhealthily thin, so... different.

"H-hi, baby," Josh said softly. "C-can I come sit by you?"

Tyler nodded silently.

Josh carefully walked over to the bed and sat across from Tyler.

"I'll leave you two alone for a minute," the nurse said, closing the door.

"I-I've missed you," Josh said. "I-I've missed you so, so much. And I love you so, so much."

Tyler nodded, sniffling.

"Oh, baby, what's wrong?" Josh asked as he noticed Tyler crying.

"I-I'm sorry, Joshie," Tyler sobbed. "I-I'm so sorry."

"O-oh, baby," Josh said, beginning to lean in to hug Tyler but realizing that might overwhelm him. "Can I come snuggle you?"

Tyler sniffled and nodded, wiping his eyes.

Josh then rearranged himself on the bed so that he was under the blankets, Tyler in his arms as he ran his fingers through his hair with one hand and held Tyler's hand with the other.

"I-I shouldn't have done it, Joshie, I-I'm so sorry," Tyler choked out, sobbing harder than Josh had ever seen before. "I-I'm so sorry, Joshie, please don't hate me. P-please don't hate me, Joshie."

"Tyler," Josh said, looking into his husband's eyes. "You know I could never, in a million years, stop loving you. Let alone hate you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Looking at the framed photo of he and Josh on his wedding day, the photo of Joshua crying as he saw Tyler walk down the aisle because he was just so moved by his beauty, had made everything so real to Tyler.

He regretted ever trying to take his life.

He regretted ruining Josh's life.

He regretted ruining their marriage.

He regretted ever even thinking about taking his own life.

Josh tried to steer the conversation to something more positive. This was their first time seeing each other in 90 days.

"I've got Mac n cheese at home," Josh said, kissing Tyler's forehead. "The kind with the squiggly noodles. Your favorite. A-and I've got lemonade and brownies and ice cream and our favorite music a-and a comfy bed and all the snuggles in the world a-and all my heart."

Tyler sniffled, looking up at Josh.

"I-I'd kiss you right now," Josh said. "B-but I thought maybe you'd want our first kiss back to be at home."

Tyler sniffled and nodded.

So once Tyler was ready, Josh drove him back to their home.

The home they lived in for only six months before everything happened.

Tyler was ready to make more memories in that home. More happy memories.

Josh helped him to walk into the home, getting Tyler comfortable on the couch before unpacking his things for him. But not before slipping one of his sweatshirts onto Tyler, knowing it always made him feel safe.

After he unpacked Tyler's things, he went to the kitchen and got Tyler's dinner ready, taking it to him on the couch.

He was all over the place. He was spastic. He was so concerned with making Tyler comfortable that he hadn't been taking a chance to just sit down with Tyler and breathe.

"Joshie," Tyler said quietly as Josh was quickly trying to rearrange the pillows into the order he remember Tyler liked them being in.

"Joshie," he said again when he didn't turn around.

"Joshie," he said louder.

"W-What?" Josh asked, alarmed. He quickly turned around. "W-whats wrong? W-what can I do?"

"W-we still haven't had our first kiss yet," Tyler said softly. "C-come sit by me, please."

"A-after this, baby. A-after this."

"Joshie, right now, I need you to sit by me," Tyler said softly. "T-that is what I need right now."

Josh looked at him for a moment and nodded, going back over to the couch and sitting by Tyler.

"I-I would like to please snuggle with you," Tyler said quietly.

He had learned how to better express his wants and needs while at the mental hospital.

Josh nodded. "O-Okay," he said, pulling Tyler close with his arm around him.

The boys sat there for a while.

"Here," Josh said, taking the bowl of macaroni and cheese Tyler hadn't taken a bite of and feeding him at a slow speed.

Tyler was actually eating, which made Josh feel a lot better.

"Good job, baby," Josh said as he saw the empty bowl. "Do you want more?"

Tyler nodded.

Josh got up and got him more, feeding that to him as well.

Afterwards, Josh asked if Tyler wanted to go back to their bedroom for some more snuggle time.

Tyler said yes.

So they went back, Josh helping to undress and redress Tyler into his pajamas.

He missed his pajama pants with penguins on them.

Josh asked if he was okay to brush his teeth on his own, and Tyler said yes.

So Tyler went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth while Josh sat on the side of the bed, his back towards the bathroom as he sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

He was so stressed and worried that he was doing something wrong, so stressed and worried Tyler would relapse, so stressed and worried Tyler no longer loved him.

Tyler watched Josh from the bathroom, his heart sinking.

This was the first time he could remember seeing Josh since the attempt.

Everything from the attempt on was a blur, until now.

He'd hurt his husband.

He'd hurt him badly.

After he finished brushing his teeth, he went to the side of the bed Josh was on and took his husband's hands into his own.

"I-I love you," he said, holding Josh's hands.

Josh looked up at him.

"I love you because you always wake me up with a kiss and a hug, no matter what. I love you because you call me sexy when I wear my penguin pajamas. I love you because you tickle me whenever I'm being sassy. I love you because you talk to me about everything under the stars. I love you because you treat me so well after we have sex. I love you because you always treat me like I'm the only person in the world. I love you because you always try and touch my butt in public and even though I act like it annoys me I secretly love it because it makes me feel confident about myself. I love you because you're a hard worker. I love you because you always make dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times, a-and even though I say I hate it, I love it. I love you because you make me laugh. I love you because you make me cry out of happiness. I love you because I've never felt unloved by you for even a second. I love you because you do sweet things like save our first kiss in three months for when we're at home because you know how special that kind of thing is to me. I love you because even after I ruined your life, you still love me. I love you because you're Josh. Y-you're my Joshie. Y-you always will be my Joshie."

Josh looked up at him, tears in his eyes.

"S-so does this mean I get to keep making dirty jokes at thanksgiving dinner with your family?" Josh asked with a smile as he cried.

Tyler giggled through his own tears, tackling Josh in a hug.

The boys lied in bed together hugging for several minutes, Josh looking down at Tyler as his husband looked up at him.

Josh smiled softly at him, through his teary eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Tyler," he whispered as he ran his fingers through his hair. "You're so, so beautiful."

He connected their lips, cupping Tyler's cheek as they kissed passionately.

In the kiss, Tyler rearranged himself so he was straddling Josh. When they broke apart, they pressed their noses and foreheads together.

"There's something I want to do for you," Josh said softly. "Are you okay with that?"

Tyler sniffled and nodded.

Josh nodded, gently getting up and having Tyler sit where he had been sitting originally.

Josh reached into his bedside drawer, pulling out Tyler's wedding and engagement ring.

He stood in front of Tyler, holding his hands before lowering himself onto one knee.

"Tyler," he said, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he wiped his own eyes. "I'm pathetic," he said softly at himself for crying.

"Anyway," he laughed. "Tyler. I-I'd be lying if I said I haven't been rehearsing this big long declaration of love for you over the past three months. I'd also be lying if I said I remembered any of it right now. But here's the idea: i-i love you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I love you more than drums, more than Taco Bell, more than weenie dogs, everything. A-and I'm so, so incredibly lucky to be able to wake up next to you in the mornings and fall asleep next to you every night and to be able to call you my husband. The past three months have been hard, I can't lie. They've been the hardest three months of my life. But if we got through that, we can get through anything. You're my everything, and we can get through anything."

"S-so, my everything," Josh said with a soft smile. "I present to you, your engagement ring. The ring that I gave you that symbolizes that you are my everything." He slid Tyler's engagement onto his husband's finger.

"And here's your wedding ring. The ring that I gave you on the day that we vowed we would get through anything together," he said, doing the same with the wedding band.

"S-so now, every time I kiss your rings, or you feel them, or you touch them, or anything, you can remember that you're always going to be my everything, and we can get through anything."

"Joshua," Tyler cried, wrapping his arms around Josh's neck as he sobbed. "I-I Love you so much. Y-you're the best husband I could have ever asked for."

Josh smiled, hugging him back tightly. "I-I love you too, baby."

Slowly but surely, everything went back to normal.

The boys started being able to act like newlyweds again, since they only got six months of it before.

Josh was showing Tyler just how beautiful life was, and how incredibly worth it everything was to stay alive.

One night, about four months later, Tyler woke Josh up in the middle of the night.

"Joshie," he said softly.

"Hm, baby?" Josh hummed sleepily.

"I-I'm ready," he said with a shy smile.

Josh's eyes burst open. "Y-you're ready?!"

"I-I'm ready, Joshie," Tyler smiled. "I-I'm ready."

"Well," Josh grinned. "You know how sexy I think you look in those penguin pants."

Tyler burst into giggles, allowing his husband to kiss all over his face.

"I love you, baby," he said gently, smiling as he caressed Tyler's side and looked into his eyes. "I'm gonna take great care of you. I'll be real slow and gentle. Just how you like it."

Tyler smiled shyly, blushing.

He'd forgotten how much of a a romantic Josh would get during sex.

"Give me your hands, baby," Josh said.

Tyler smiled, holding Josh's hands.

"Look me in the eyes and say, "I'm beautiful, life is beautiful, and this special moment I'm about to share with my smokin' hot, naked husband is beautiful.""

Tyler bursted into giggles, Josh grinned down at him and laughing. "Say it, TyTy!"

"I'm beautiful,  is beautiful, and this special moment I'm about to share with my smokin' hot, naked husband is beautiful."

Josh grinned, kissing Tyler's lips. "That's my beautiful, beautiful Tyler."

Life really was beautiful, and special intimate moments like these only helped put emphasis on the beauty of something so magical.