TW/Brief mention of self-harm. Very mild, but still may be sensitive to some.

Tyler sighed softly as his husband pulled into a parking space in front of the hotel. He had no idea what to expect tonight.

Josh turned off the ignition. "I'll go check us in," he said quietly.

While his husband was inside, Tyler wrestled to get their suitcases out of the trunk. Josh came outside when Tyler had his own suitcase on the ground and had Josh's halfway out.

"Don't worry about it," Josh said, getting his suitcase out and closing the trunk.

Tyler started to wheel his own suitcase before Josh stopped him. "I'll do it."

Tyler hesitated but allowed Josh to wheel his suitcase inside for him. They rode the elevator up to the top floor, both unable to keep their minds from how they were the first time they were going up this elevator.

It was right after they had gotten engaged. Josh was holding Tyler, his hands under his bum as they couldn't pry their lips apart unless it was to share a giggle out of pure happiness and love for one another.

You see, Tyler and Josh had begun going to couples therapy. After Josh began lashing out at Tyler and Tyler began closing himself off, they decided it was best to get professional help.

Their therapist had suggested they go to somewhere they associate positive memories with. This was one of the first places that came to their minds.

Josh chewed on his lip before deciding to reach his hand out to hold Tyler's, but the doors were already opening, Tyler walking a distance in front of him.

Josh sensed it was because he was scared of him. Tyler felt that he was tiptoeing around a ticking time bomb with Josh and his lashing out.

He stood in front of the door once he arrived, not even having to look at the room number. He remembered which room it was.

Josh arrived at the door as well, taking his hands off of the bags and inserting the room key. Tyler entered first, Josh following with both bags.

Tyler stood and looked around for a moment while Josh looked at him.

This wasn't the same Tyler that was in this room with him last time. This was a hurt Tyler. A Tyler who felt unloved and worthless.

They made eye contact, Josh taking a few steps forward, slowly so he wouldn't alarm his husband.

Tyler quickly looked down at his own hands, fidgeting with them nervously.

"So," Josh said softly. "W-what do you wanna do?"

Tyler shrugged. "I-I don't know," he whispered. His voice cracked. "I-I hadn't put that much thought into it."

Josh nodded. "I uh... I think there might be something in the bathroom for you."

Tyler slowly walked to the bathroom. Not out of caution but instead out of thought, as he was lost in the memories of last time they were in this room together.

Last time they were in this room, the only quiet moments were when their lips were together. The rest were filled with laughter and "I love you's."

Last time they were in this room, there was no standing around. The only time they were standing was when they were in the shower together.

He entered the bathroom to find a big bouquet of roses on the counter.

I love you,
Josh

The note tied to the stems read.

Tyler picked them up, his hand shaking. He set them back down, turning to go back to the main area of the room but Josh was already in the doorway.

"I-I um... I hope this weekend is really special," he told the shorter boy.

Tyler nodded. "Me too," he said softly.

It was quiet for a moment.

"I-I remember standing in this bathroom," Josh said quietly. "The morning after I proposed." He ran his fingers against the cold granite of the sink. "Standing here with you, brushing our teeth while I had my arm around you from behind. A-and we were just looking at ourselves in the mirror, wondering how we could be so happy."

"I-I remember that too," Tyler said quietly. "I-it was after the first time we showered together."

Josh nodded. "Y-yeah," he said. "I-I miss that."

"M-me too."

"I-I um... do you maybe wanna go out for dinner?" Josh asked.

Tyler looked up at him and nodded.

"What sounds good?" Josh asked.

Tyler shrugged. "Y-you pick."

"I always pick," Josh said. "It's your choice."

"I-I'm bad at picking."

"Remember what Dr. Shaw told you," Josh gently reminded Tyler.  "I-it's important that you share your opinion."

"I-I... I-I don't know," Tyler said, tears welling in his eyes.

Josh looked at his husband. How sad, how broken he was.

"C-can I touch you?" Josh asked.

Tyler sniffled and crossed his arms over his abdomen, something he always did when he was insecure. He shook his head.

"Here... um..." Josh said, trying to think of what he could do to help Tyler de-stress. "H-how about I read off some options and you pick?"

Tyler took deep breaths to try and calm himself, eventually nodding.

Josh read off about five options of restaurants that were near them according to google, Tyler being able to narrow it down to three but not being able to choose from there. He didn't want to disappoint Josh with his choice.

"Good job," Josh said softly. "Y-you did really well narrowing them down."

Dr. Shaw had told him it was important that he encourage Tyler when he did something well.

"How about um... how about we go for Italian?" Josh suggested. "Does that sound good?"

Tyler nodded.

"Great," Josh said softly. "Great."

***

The boys went out for dinner and were walking back to the hotel.

Josh gently reached his hand out, brushing his hand against Tyler's. He carefully intertwined their fingers, praying not to overwhelm Tyler.

They got back to their room, Tyler laying down on the couch as Josh laid in bed.

Tyler hadn't been sleeping with Josh for a few weeks now. It was intimidating to him, for some reason.

"You're sure you don't want the bed?" Josh asked.

Tyler nodded.

"Really, Ty. I don't mind."

Tyler shook his head.

Josh sighed and nodded, turning on his side to face Tyler. He watched his husband's eyes softly close, wishing things were different.

***

Josh woke up to sniffling at 2:45am. He opened his eyes to see it was Tyler, crying as he lied there on the couch.

"Baby..." Josh said softly, getting out of bed. "Oh, baby..."

Baby. He hadn't called Tyler that in months.

It was both his favorite nickname for Tyler and Tyler's favorite nickname Josh called him.

He walked over to the couch, scooping Tyler up in his arms and walking back to the bed with him.

He lied Tyler down and then crawled in next to him.

"C'mere, baby," he said softly as he saw Tyler was starting to crawl towards him. "C'mere."

He helped Tyler to straddle him, looking up at the sobbing boy in his arms.

"Look at me," Josh said, gently holding Tyler's chin. "Look at me."

Tyler looked up so he was looking at his husband.

"I am in love with you," Josh said. "I am so, so deeply in love with you, Tyler Dun. Okay? I want nothing more than for you to be happy. You're the only thing in my life that matters. You are it. And it's taken me so long to realize that, and for that I'm so sorry, but I've finally come to realize that I have nothing but you. And I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and happy."

Tyler sniffled, tears still running down his cheeks. "I-I love you," he choked out. "I-I love you, a-and I always have."

Josh ran his fingers through Tyler's hair, Tyler pressing their lips together.

They eventually pulled back, looking at one another.

"This is the first bed we ever made love on," Josh said softly. "A-and I remember it perfectly."

Tyler sniffled, nuzzling his nose into Josh's neck, making himself comfier.

"We didn't have any lights on," Josh began. "We were towards the middle of the bed. A-and I was just so excited to get to have a new type of connection with you that there was no room for me to be nervous. I remember being so excited to get to touch you and make you feel good and make you feel confident and loved. A-and every day I-I'm starting to feel that way more and more. I-I'm starting to get back to wanting nothing more than to make you feel amazing and confident and incredible. Because you are, baby. You really are incredible."

Tyler continued to cry, sitting up and pressing his nose and forehead against Josh's. "J-Joshua..."

A tear rolled down Josh's cheek. "I-it kills me to see you like this, Tyler," he said shakily. "I-it really, really does. S-seeing you sleeping on the couch every night, s-seeing you so nervous to even get close to me. I-I just want to earn your trust back." He was gently caressing Tyler's back, knowing that always helped Tyler to calm down.

Tyler sniffled, looking deep into Josh's eyes.

He saw his sweet Joshua. The Joshua who put nothing above Tyler. The Joshua who got so excited when Tyler got home from even a 20 minute walk. The Joshua who he married.

"W-we're gonna get better," Tyler said softly. "B-both of us. B-but for now, I-I just wanna stay here."

Josh nodded, holding Tyler close.

"But only if you stay here with me," Tyler finished.

"Always," Josh replied.

He hugged his love tight, telling him how much he loved him and how much he meant to him.

***

"I-I think we need to clean up," Josh said softly, about an hour later. "B-both of us."

Tyler nodded.

"H-how about a shower?" He asked, looking into Tyler's eyes, their foreheads pressed together as he held Tyler's left hand with his right, rubbing soft circles into the back of the smaller boy's hand with his thumb. "Would you be okay with that?"

Tyler sniffled and nodded.

Josh scooped him up in his arms, carrying him bridal-style to the bathroom and setting him on the counter. He stepped back and took his own shirt off.

"J-Joshie," Tyler said softly.

Joshie... he hadn't called Josh that in months.

"Yeah, baby?" Josh said, immediately rushing to wrap his arms around Tyler.

"P-promise me you won't get mad..."

"W-What?" Josh asked. "Baby, why would I get mad?"

Tyler took a deep breath and took off his shirt, revealing several markings over his abdomen.

"Baby..." Josh said, tears in his eyes. "Oh, baby... why? Why would you do this to yourself?"

Tyler sat with tears in his eyes. He felt so vulnerable, so disgusting and afraid.

Josh stood between his legs, his arms wrapped around his waist.

"You're the most beautiful being," he said softly, looking up into Tyler's eyes as he stood in front of him. "That has ever graced this earth."

Tyler looked down at the floor, Josh tucking a finger under his chin so Ty had to look him in the eye.

"You're just as beautiful as the day I met you," Josh whispered.

The boys were eventually stripped and in the large, open shower. As soon as they got in, Tyler wrapped his arms around Joshua. Josh hugged him back tightly as they stood under the warm water.

Josh rearranged both of them to where he was looking down at his husband, and Tyler was looking up at him.

"When we get back in that bedroom, I'm going to snuggle you so hard..." he spoke softly.

Tyler let out a soft giggle, which made Josh grin from ear to ear.

"That beautiful laugh," he hummed. "That beautiful, beautiful laugh. I haven't heard it in a while."

Tyler smiled softly, getting on his toes and kissing the base of Josh's jaw. "Give it time, Joshua. Give it time."

Josh looked back down at him with his goofy grin, something Tyler hadn't seen in quite some time either. "Maybe I'll get to hear more if the tickle monster made an appearance tonight."

The tickle monster was a playful joke the boys had. Tyler was incredibly ticklish, and Josh thought it was the most adorable thing ever. So whenever Tyler would do something, Josh would playfully threaten him by saying the tickle monster might be coming if he didn't stop 'acting up.'

Tyler giggled again, his right hand gently holding the side of Josh's face as he rubbed their noses together.

Josh smiled widely and nuzzled his nose against Tyler's right back, hugging him as close as he possibly could.

***

The boys got out of the shower a while later, putting clothes back on sharing a few kisses here and there.

They turned and looked at themselves in the mirror, standing just how Josh had described them earlier.

They looked at themselves.

"We're gonna be okay," they both said in unison.

They looked at each other, smiling softly.

"C'mon, my love," Josh grinned, holding his hand out for Tyler. "It's time we go to bed."

Tyler blushed and followed Joshua to the bed, smiling shyly as he crawled in next to him.

"Don't be shy, baby," Josh teased. "I don't bite."

Tyler continued to smile, straddling Joshua again.

"I see this is our new favorite position, hm?" Josh grinned.

Tyler giggled and nodded. "Mhm."

"Absolutely perfect for me," he grinned. "I get the perfect view of the most perfect boy on my lap, I get the perfect shot for his lips, I get the perfect shot for snuggles. What more could I want?"

Tyler smiled shyly. "I-I can think of one thing..."

***

The boys laid in bed completely naked, out of breath as they looked into each other's eyes.

"There's something about this room that makes love making all the more spectacular," Josh hummed with a goofy smile. "Wouldn't you say?"

"I love you, Joshua," Tyler said, kissing his lips deeply.

Josh kissed back, deepening the kiss as much as he possibly could. "I love you more, baby."

***

The boys woke up at the same time the next morning.

Tyler just happened to open his eyes before his husband.

He stared at Josh's gorgeous features, wondering how someone could be so perfect.

Josh slowly opened his eyes, grinning as he saw Tyler and pulling him closer with the arm that was already wrapped around him.

"H-hi," Tyler blushed shyly.

"G'morning, beautiful," he hummed. "Fancy seeing you here."

Tyler giggled, kissing Josh's nose.

"Aw, just a nose kissy?" Josh pouted. "I thought I'd get at least one lip after so many last night..."

"Shut up," Tyler giggled, pressing his lips to Josh's. Josh grinned, humming in the kiss as he deeply returned it.

"That's better," he grinned.

Tyler pulled back, snuggling more into Josh and burying his face in the taller boy's chest.

Josh gently traced patterns into his love's back.

"Indescribable," he hummed.

"What?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, I thought you asked how much I loved you."

Tyler giggled, kissing Josh's bare chest. "I'm so happy we're here."

"Me too, baby," Josh hummed with a grin. "Me too."