(This is the prequel to a previous chapter I did called Communication.)

"Are you excited to write your vows, Joshie?" Tyler asked with a wide smile.

"I um... I Uh... about that," Josh said. "I don't... I don't really... the whole vow thing... I just..."

"You just what?" Tyler asked concernedly.

"I just... I don't feel comfortable doing it."

"O-oh," Tyler said.

"Sorry," Josh replied quietly.

"I-it's okay," Tyler said. "I-it's fine. I-I'm gonna go for a drive."

"Can I come?" Josh asked.

"I-I um... I think I'm just gonna go alone, this time, Joshie," he said softly. He picked up his keys and got in his car.

He was so excited to get to write vows and share them with Josh in front of their friends and family, but now that wasn't going to happen. It was something that was really important to him.

Meanwhile, Josh was at home. He wanted to do something for Tyler to make up for the whole vow thing even though nothing could.

Tyler came back a couple hours later, his eyes red and puffy from crying.

Josh raced to the door as soon as he heard Tyler open it. "I-I made you a cake."

"T-thank you, Joshie," he sniffled, walking past him and just going to their shared bedroom.

Josh followed him in there. "Do you not want any cake?"

Tyler was conflicted. He knew he needed to say yes because Josh was trying to communicate and he had to positively react to it, but he also wanted to share his frustration.

"I-I... in a little bit."

"I-I made it special for you," Josh said. "I-I thought you would like some."

"Just... just not now, Josh, ok? I need some time alone."

Josh looked down and nodded, leaving the room and going to sit on the couch. He didn't bother turning the TV on. Now he was sad Tyler didn't want the special thing he did for him.

A while later, Tyler came out of the room and hugged Josh's neck gently from behind as he sat on the couch.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," he said softly. "I was just frustrated because of the whole vow thing."

Josh nodded.

"Are you sure you don't want to even try it?" Tyler asked.

Josh nodded again.

"Could you maybe just write them anyway? A-and not have to read them? Just so I could have them?"

Josh shook his head.

Tyler sighed, pulling back from hugging his neck and going to the kitchen. He buried his head in his knees, not understanding why Josh couldn't just write vows and hand him the piece of paper.

But he was also pretty used to it by now.

Josh came into the kitchen a few minutes later, standing and looking at Tyler.

"I-I'm just not comfortable with it," he said.

"W-why?" Tyler asked. "Why aren't you comfortable telling me you love me?"

"I-I just..."

"We're about to get married, Josh," Tyler sniffled. "I need you to be able to tell me you love me o-or I'm never going to believe it."

"I-I'm trying."

"I know you're trying, Joshua, but... I just... can we please exchange vows at the ceremony? It's the most special part to me."

"I can't," Josh said.

Tyler sighed, sniffling as he hung his head.

"I-I'm Sorry b-but I cant."

"Please, Josh? Please?"

Again, Josh shook his head.

"Why do you want to marry me?" Tyler sniffled. "I-if you never tell me you love me, you never tell me I'm beautiful, you never even kiss me without me having to ask you to, why are you marrying me?"

"B-because I..."

"Because you what, Josh?"

"I-I don't know."

"You don't know why you're marrying me?" Tyler asked, sounding more hurt than ever before.

"I-I..."

"Josh..." he whispered softly. "Josh, if you don't know why you're marrying me, I-I don't think we should be getting married."

"W-what?" Josh asked. "I-I want to marry you. I-I wanna marry you so bad.

"You won't even say you love me without me having to tell you to," Tyler said.

"I-it's just because it's hard for me to communicate, n-not because I don't love you," Josh quickly said.

"I-"

"I love you," Josh interrupted. "I-I Love you I love you I love you. I-I love you a lot."

Tyler sighed, tugging at his hair. What has he gotten himself into?

"Now will you marry me?" Josh asked.

Tyler didn't reply.

"I-I'm sorry that I hurt you all the time a-and that I'm a sucky person to be in a relationship with," Josh said. "B-but I promise I still feel all the same things. I-it's just hard for me to talk about it."

"I-I... i-I'm really gonna need you to get better at that Joshie, ok?" Tyler said softly. "Neither of us deserve that. I-i don't deserve not being treated like I'm in a relationship, a-and you don't deserve to be fearful of expression. T-that's the only way we're going to work."

Josh nodded. "I-I'm gonna really really work hard to. I promise."

"Thank you, Joshie," Tyler said quietly.

***

Two months later, the boys were getting married in exactly one month.

"Are you sure we can't do the vows?" Tyler asked.

Josh shook his head. "N-no. N-not yet, at least."

Tyler nodded sadly. "Okay."

Josh really did feel bad for being the reason Tyler wouldn't get that special moment, but he simply couldn't. He couldn't make himself do it.

He'd have to find a way to make it up to him somehow.