date: August 7th, 2016

this dream rlly fucked me over and ive been really nervous all day and some events arent making me any better aha
so it was the cliché "everyone forgot who i was" thing
pastel-feels was like the only one who acknowledged my existence (idk why,,???)

i think the thing that hurt me most and scared me was that my brother didnt remember me (ironically enough he had a dream about me killing myself aHA shit fam) and its weird because
ive known him for the longest, hes been with me through everything, i dont know why he wouldnt remember me
and it was so heartbreaking to me and ive just been so scared because I /know/ I have to go to the residential and I know I'm going to be gone for a while and I just
I don't wanna be forgotton
I don't want people to just see me as the kid who was suicidal or the kid who was crazy or the kid who tried to hard to be a fuckimg pinecone
And the thought of him not remembering me is too much to handle and i want to ask him i want him to promise hes not going to forget me but i dont wanan fuck things over then theyve been and i dont know why my solution to this is to die when he told me thats the very thing he doesnt want me to
i hate my mind