Grace

Tears are staining my cheeks as I walk down the empty street.

I don't know where I'm going, I just know that I need to get away.

I did the right thing, it has to be the right thing.

I wanted to tell him everything, I wanted to tell him how I felt, I didn't want to lose him. But I did what needed to be done.

Sarah was right, about one thing, at least, my friendship with Jungkook has ruined the happiness they had. 

Clearly, he hadn't seen that, but after my breakup with Christian, I did.

I love Jungkook with all my heart, and I know he cares about me too, but I could tell he would never do anything to jeopardise our friendship, and neither would I.

But I can't look at him with a girl in his arms, not without wishing that were me.

And the same goes for his future girlfriends - they would not tolerate our friendship for long, because they would soon see how special it is.

Was.

It was so precious.

Tears spil harder.

I know I'm running away, I know I'm taking the coward's way out. But I can't help it, I can't face them.

At the thought of Sarah I have to stop walking in order to not fall to the ground. 

Slutty....my fault....rebound....

I can't clear my mind of her spiteful words.

I may have seemed confident back there, acting as if she wasn't throwing daggers exactly at my heart.

What is it was my fault? 

No! I shake my head, it wasn't my fault.

All I want now is for his strong arms to wrap around me and tell me it wasn't my fault, that I'm worth something.

But I still keep walking, walking far far away, despite every nerve in my body screaming at me to stop.

Jungkook

I don't go back.

I can't look at their faces. I can't deal with their worry right now.

That's why I get in the car and drive.

Away, just away, someplace where I will be able to hear my thoughts past the shattering of my heart.

I drive until I end up at the baseball field.

It's so quiet it's almost eerie. But this is exactly what I need.

Grace just asked me to let her go.

She thinks she has to sacrifice herself to make me happy.

How doesn't she see that she's what makes me happy.

But I'm lost. I don't know what to do.

I don't know what I want to happen. I love what we have now. Had...had.

I don't want to complicate it. Especially now knowing how she feels about me. I could ruin everything, that's why I couldn't tell her how I felt.

The cool grass under me and the stars above offer my thoughts a sanctuary. 

A deep sigh leaves me. I look up at the universe, searching for an answer.

The grass next to me rustles. I see a shadow lie down next to me.

For a minute we just lie in silence, a comforting silence.

"What happened?" Namjoon asks, his deep voice laced with concern.

"She left," if I say much more I will break. My voice is shaking already.

"And what are you going to do about it?" Joon asks, still looking at the night sky.

"I- I don't know," I came here trying to find an answer, but what if I can't?

"You love her," he phrases it like a fact, not a question.

"Yes," the word comes out barely a whisper.

"And you're letting her go?" a hint of surprise colours Joon's voice.

"She asked me to," I say back, my voice defeated.

"You're giving up?" he sounds disappointed, "just like that?"

"I don't know what else to do," my voice is full of frustration.

"You love her," Namjoon says again, this time there's finality in his voice.

"I already told you that I do," what was he getting at?

"Does she know?" 

I open my mouth, but then close it.

Does she know?

Namjoon takes my silence as the answer. "For what it's worth, I believe she loves you, too."

"How do you know?" she cares about me, sure. But I don't know if it goes beyond that.

"Are you blind?" Namjoon's voice is laced with disbelief, "she would give up everything just for you to be happy" I swallow hard, but Namjoon continues, "she wouldn't do that if there wasn't love in her heart for you."

Even though I'm in an open space it feels like it's closing in on me.

"What would you do if you were in her place?" Namjoon's still going on.

I would give it all up if it meant she was happy.

I would give it all up to see a smile on her face.

My mind is whirling.

"What should I do?" I ask my knowledgable friend.

"That's for you to decide," Namjoon stands up and looks down at me, "but please follow your heart, do what makes you happy, don't be afraid to make that decision," he turns around and I close my eyes. "She deserves to know," Namjoon whispers before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I look at the countless starts above me and a memory sneaks into my mind.

"Grace," I whisper, "Grace, where are you?"

I'm climbing onto the roof of her apartment building.

When I called her she told me she couldn't come over, so I came here.

"Here," her is voice a quiet whisper in this starry night.

I climb over the ledge and find her in the middle of the roof.

She's sitting, a big telescope in front of her.

"You finally got it," I smile happily. She fulfilled her resolution.

I sit down on the blanket next to Grace, whose eyes are still fixated on the telescope.

I watch her soft hands adjust a big button, her hair, long, even darker and shining under the light of thousands of stars, blowing in the light, cold wind.

I watch the way her she bites her lover lip when she's concentrating. 

I study her features, the long lashes, the bridge of her nose, the way her cheekbones make her look sharp, but I know the second a smile spreads over her cheeks, all toughness is gone from her face.

My eyes gaze down at her neck, I wonder how soft her skin feels and a sudden rush to find that out travels through my body.

"There," Grace says and turns to face me, breaking my thoughts.

"What were you watching?" I ask and try not to focus on the warmth that spread in me, despite the cold, when she smiles and starts explaining.

From what I could understand she was mapping out the constellations.

"Where's mine?" I ask her.

Grace pulls me closer to the telescope and sets it so I would see it.

"That's Virgo," she moves and I scoot closer.

Wait a second.

I am a Virgo. How does she know that?

I'm pretty sure I never told her.

I turn my head at her, "How did you know I'm a Virgo?"

It's dark, but I can still see the light pink colouring her cheeks.

"Hmmm....  your birth date was written in one of your books, one you got for your birthday," Grace looks down, embarrassed.

But me? I'm beyond touched.

"Oh, well I don't know yours," I mumble and run my hand through my hair. It's getting a bit too long.

"It's September 13," she replied quickly and beckoned me to turn beck to the telescope.

"Oh yeah, I could definitely tell I'm 13 days wiser than you from the moment we met," I tease her.  Her birthday is already tucked away in my head alone with the important dates.

"Shut up," Grace punched my shoulder, but I caught her hand and heard her breath hitch.

Our eyes locked for a second and it felt as if all the stars from the sky exploded in me.

Grace blinked and looked away.

I stood up and extended my arm, "Come on, let's get something to eat, I'm freezing," and Grace took it.

I sat up like a bolt of lighting just went through me.

I will not loose her.

And I have a feeling I know where she is.

I just have to make one stop on the way.