(( warning for a slur ))

it's pride month, y'all!! so i thought it would be a perfect time to tell you guys about how i realized i was asexual.

it actually started because of wattpad, so thanks, watty! i'd just gotten my first tablet for christmas, and as soon as a found out what wattpad was, i downloaded it. i was immediately immersed in the warriors fandom, and took to roleplaying fairly quickly.

eventually, i started reading fan fiction and i started to be more comfortable with the concept of being gay and other sexualities (in my family you either were gay or straight) as we never really talked about that stuff, they (my family) always kind of laughed at the 'faggots' and kept it moving. as a child, who was i to object? i had to go with the flow, even after i changed my way of thinking, or risk being further alienated.

but being asexual wasn't some big revelation for me. i was simply curious about what the word meant, looked it up one day, and went, "oh, im definitely that".

but a lot of people don't realized that being asexual means different things for different people. some are sex repulsed, some people just don't have any libido so it seems pointless to them, etc.

for me, this was the former. as a child as soon i figured out what sex was, i didn't want anything to do with it. right now, im not as averse to it as i was before, and i am quite horny but?? i can't see myself enjoying sex at all lol and again even though im not as disgusted as i was i still am, i still am lmao. so i guess i'll settle for aggressive make out sessions and cuddling. 

so yeah. i don't think i'll ever come out, bc i'm not really close with my family anyway so why give them another reason to resent me, right??