*Translations:

mijo: my son

cariño: sweetheart

mi amor: my love

ven aca: come here

***

LeLe:

mama

sos

code purple

i need advicd

advice*

can we talk

Mama Bear:

Of course mijo

I just need a few minutes

Finishing up dinner for me and your father

So a code purple huh? What's she like?

Valerio's lips pursed before the bottom one was brought between his teeth. His eyebrows knit together, the skin above his nose and forehead wrinkling. Both thumbs hovered above the phone's keyboard out of uncertainty.

How could he word this?

LeLe:

its...not a girl

its a guy this time

so...

yeah...

Mama Bear:

OH!

Okay cariño ❤️

Hard, tense shoulders dropped in relief.

Valerio wasn't sure why he was afraid of opening up about his newly developed romantic attachment. He knew his parents would've been fine about him having a crush on anyone, whether it be another man, a woman, or someone else in a different spot on the gender spectrum. Sweet Mama Bear would've been excited about the prospect of welcoming someone new into the family again. Loving Papa Shihab would've been delighted to know someone cared for their son the way they did. There had just been an understanding, until now, Valerio wasn't Bi in that way.

He never thought he'd have to come out of the closet a second time—especially since he hadn't known he was still in one to begin with.

It was possible his old fears from back in the day, fears of not being understood or accepted, bled into the present.

A lot of issues from the past were reawakening as of late, doing their damnedest to keep him in a cage shrouded in cold, isolated darkness.

Hopefully, talking to someone trustworthy with experience in following their heart would give Valerio a guiding light to follow.

It was something he depended on now more than ever because a certain person of interest had never been this important before.

Valerio just...needed help. He needed someone to hear him out. He needed someone to listen.

Thankfully, it seemed the universe wanted to grant him some reprieve as "Mama Bear" popped up on his phone's screen for a video call.

"Hola, mi amor- Oh! You dyed your hair? It looks cute!"

"Thanks, mamá." Valerio's smile came to life, a few fingers toying with the single, bright purple streak. "A...friend did it for me. But, uh, how are you? Are you and dad doing good?"

"Sí, sí, hold on- let me-" The camera was pointed toward the ceiling. "Omar! ¡Ven aca! Our son is on the phone!"

"Coming, Gabriela!"

Valerio couldn't help but laugh at his parents' antics. "I know I said it was an SOS situation, but you don't have to rush dad."

"Well, it's not every day that you tell me you have a crush on someone, LeLe. It just...I don't know. I know it's been a while since you split with she-who-shall-not-be-named, but I just don't want you to get into something before you're actually ready. You know?"

"It- it's not like that, mamá. I promise. The guy I'm telling you about- he's not just some rebound or something that I'm using to, like, fill a void. We've been friends for a while, and he's a really sweet guy. I like spending time with him. He's caring and funny and nice. I just need some advice because I don't want to mess things up with him."

"Him?" Omar asked, coming into frame. "You have a crush on a boy?"

"Hi, Dad. And yeah, I do."

"...Do I need to give him the shovel talk?"

"What? N- no! No. We're not- he isn't-"

Gabriela gave a light smack to her husband on the arm.

He looked at her in bewilderment, rubbing the spot with an exaggerated pout.

"LeLe needs relationship advice, Omar."

"And he thought to get that from us?"

"Come on, give yourselves more credit," Valerio cut in. "You two have been together for decades. Clearly, you're doing something right."

"Huh. Yeah, I guess that's true. Either way, though, what do you need us to help you with, son?"

Being given the floor to actually speak his troubles into existence made furious bees swarm within Valerio's stomach. He was caught off guard by a heightened desire to hide himself away, leading to a portion of his face being shielded behind his hand. A sheepish gaze averted to the drafting desk now sitting in the center of the room.

Looking at random art supplies acted as a teasing reminder for the events to come within the next hour.

If he didn't get his issues out now, he was never going to.

"...I have a crush on my friend, Theodore. I didn't really mean for it to happen- I didn't even mean to make friends with him. But we met in my dance elective and kind of just hit it off." Valerio got up to pace around the room. "It started off as us hanging at the library and having dinner together. At first only a couple nights a week, but now it's every night. Then we started meeting at the coffee shop, hanging out by the field to watch the band, and stuff like that. And- I don't really know when it happened, but- one day he looked at me and it- I didn't feel the same.

"Before, when we were around each other, everything was easy. Now, even if he just looks at me, I get all choked up and stuff. But- it's not a bad feeling! Being with Theo doesn't make me feel bad. If anything, he makes me feel...content? Yeah, that's a good word. Like, I know sometimes people say catching feelings for someone is all about, like, physical excitement and lust and things like that, but this is different. I felt that for Julianna, but I don't feel that way this time. Like, don't get me wrong. Theo? Absolutely gorgeous- that man is beautiful. But the physical stuff when it comes to him is just a bonus, really.

"When it comes to him, I feel more like I'm comfortable. I feel like I'm...safe- the way I am with you guys. I feel like I'm with someone who makes me feel warm when it's freezing; someone whose hugs help to stop the stress of the day, even if it's just for a couple seconds. He gives me the same cozy feeling you get when you sit down on a beach and just watch the horizon during a sunset. Theo helps to make me feel...peaceful.

"...That's why I'm so terrified of screwing this up. He's really important to me, and I don't want my feelings for him to ruin the great things we have going on. But, at the same time, part of me wants to be open because I don't want to lie, to him or myself, about something this serious. It's a lot of back and forth on my end, and I really just don't know what to do."

"Well..." Omar scratched at his gray beard in thought. "Have you asked him if he feels the same?"

"I haven't even asked if he likes men. I feel like that's rude and kind of says more than I want it to. I don't know, I feel like you only ask another guy if they like guys if you, as a guy, have feelings for them."

"I understand the saying-more-than-you-want part, but I don't think it's rude at all. There's nothing wrong with making sure."

Gabriela nodded in agreement. "It's better to be sure and know for certain, instead of not knowing and always second guessing. But, just so we know, is you not knowing if he likes you the only reason you don't want to tell him? I know you said you don't want to ruin things, but you guys could still be friends even if he didn't feel the same."

Valerio thought about that specific outcome a lot. He was actually okay with the prospect of being rejected in terms of romance while still keeping their friendship afloat. They hadn't known each other long enough for his feelings to be seen as love. It was just a crush—something, if really necessary, which could be snuffed out if given an adequate amount of time.

What scared him was the act of being honest and, much like in the past, his confession being the reason why everything came to an abrupt end.

"...Every time I've been open with someone outside of the family about something really big, it always got thrown back in my face."

"Are we talking about your old friends? Or are we talking about her specifically?"

Valerio shook his head, loving and hating the fact that his parents were as observant as they were.

"She's why everything is so confusing." Fingers buried themselves in his hair near the back of his head. "Julianna was everything a girlfriend shouldn't have been. In the end, I realized she was only with me out of boredom and to fill the time. She never actually cared about me. And while I've made peace with that, I can't act like I'm not scared of someone else doing that to me.

"I know Theo enough to know he'd never act like she did. But I'm terrified of telling him how I feel. I've been honest about a lot of small things, but this is big. The one time I brought up something legitimately substantial to Julianna, we broke up. I don't want that to happen between me and Theo. I don't want my honesty about something like this to be the reason we stop being friends altogether. I don't want to make things awkward or make it seem like he has to feel the same way. I just- I don't know..."

"Aye, mijo..." Gabriela's expression fell at her son's emotional turmoil. "I know it's scary to put yourself out there when so many people have hurt you. But all of those people were wrong. All of those people weren't meant for you- to be in your life. Like you said, you didn't feel safe around them. But you do around this Theo boy, and that's a big difference."

"I think so too." Omar glanced at his wife with a small smile before bringing his attention forward again. "If Theo is the way you made him out to be, it seems like he'd want to be with you. I can't say for romance, but at least in terms of a friendship, I think he'd stick by you. You've been honest with him about other things, and he's still with you. I think, even if you open up about liking him more than a friend, he'd be understanding about it either way. Because he seems like the type of person who actually cares about how you feel."

Valerio wanted to agree with his parents—and a part of him did. But another part kept screaming how Theodore, in the end, would be just like everyone else.

Their future, like everything else, was uncertain; because, as they'd agreed, personal likes and dislikes were bound to change at some point in life.

If he was open about his romantic attachment, even if it was rejected, would Theodore really choose to stay with Valerio next week, next year, or five years from then?

There wasn't time to further think about the situation, however, because his phone alarm went off.

"Oh- sorry- I have to go. I have a sketch to do tonight for my midterm and...Theo's the one I'm drawing. He's going to be here soon, so I have to get ready."

"Okay, LeLe. Try not to stress too much about this, yeah? You take things at your own pace."

"I'll...try. But, yeah- I'll talk to you guys later. Love you."

"Love you, son!"

"Love you, LeLe! Bye, mijo!"

Valerio tossed his phone onto his pillow once the call ended.

Both hands dragged down the length of his face. Fingers laced between each other behind his neck. Goosebump-riddled arms moved from side to side to get rid of an uncomfortable restlessness building within them.

There was still another thirty minutes until Theodore was expected to show up.

Was everything in order? Were all the necessary art supplies out? Did Valerio need to do anything extra to make his room feel more comfortable? The bed and floor had already been cleaned, but did he need to make them even more pristine?

A bead of sweat ran down his back, seeping into the fabric of his shirt. He noticed multiple wet patches running down to his stomach and continuing along the sides.

Shower—Valerio should shower.

With determination, he ran into the connected bathroom. An overhead bulb was still in the process of flickering on by the time water came rushing out of the showerhead. He didn't bother waiting for a pleasant temperature to build, though. Making sure he was clean and smelled nice was more vital than waiting for the tap to heat up.

He did his best to not react to a sharp, almost burning cold which assaulted his skin like freezing rain.

Right, so...

Soap!

Yes, soap was a good place to start!

But, wait—should he shave his face first? Or maybe he should wash his hair? If he did that, he'd have to blow dry his wavy locks to make sure they weren't a dripping mess by the time he had to be completely ready. Maybe he could use his new skincare products to make sure his face felt nice? Or-

Or he could just calm down and take a normal shower.

The quicker Valerio washed up, the quicker he'd have time to finish picking out his clothes-

Hold on, he didn't even have an outfit ready?!

Slippery hands made random passes along several body parts to make sure they were saturated enough in water. Strawberries 'n cream body wash was squirted onto a bright green loofah. Uncoordinated gestures dragged white suds along his body. Sweet-scented gel was rubbed in with extra force along places that were prone to accumulating stronger odors.

In the end, Valerio's skin felt a bit raw yet clean as intended.

Toweling off, he did a mental checklist of the garments sitting on his bed: underwear, check!; socks, check!; cozy black joggers, check!; shirt...

There were two contenders. One was a simple navy-colored cotton V-neck with sleeves that went down to the middle of his forearms. The second was a maroon button-up made of a breathable satin material. Both options felt nice against his skin and went wonderfully with his complexion. The V-neck, however, showed off the muscles in his lower arms alongside a few visible veins near his wrists. Ooh, but the satin shirt gave more leeway in terms of how much skin from his chest would be put on display.

Was showing off his more attractive features an obvious reach to make Theodore notice them?

Knocking on the door didn't give Valerio a second to really ponder about it.

He put on the V-neck, threw other articles of clothing into the closet, ran over to the entryway, took a deep breath, and reached for the nob.

Theodore offered his signature uneven smile.

Having his arms crossed over his chest and his weight displaced onto one foot was distracting. It didn't help that he'd decided to don his most skintight loungewear—a sleeveless turtleneck and athletic pants—for their meetup.

He had no business looking that amazing without even trying.

"Well, glad I'm not the only one dressed for the occasion. I honestly expected you to be in your pajamas for this, Lerio."

Theodore walked inside, offering a snug hug like always.

Valerio's heart sped up when a soft cheek brushed against his own.

"By the way..." A gentle exhale was met with a stifled shiver. "...Your shirt's inside out."

"It- it is not, you asshole!"

"At least I'm an asshole who knows how to put his clothes on right."

"Just- get in here, Theo!"

Valerio turned his back to ignore quiet snickers. He attempted to push down a fierce burning in his cheeks by pulling his shirt off to fix his little blunder.

Quiet footsteps moving along behind him came to a halt.

"Workouts have been treating you well, I see. You're really getting those gains."

"With how hard you push me, it'd be impossible not to."

"Oh, so you're saying me making you do extra reps is actually something good? You flatter me, Lerio."

Valerio rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his ears began to turn red.

He'd never been more thankful for having long hair.

"If you have to use the bathroom or anything, you should do so now. I'm only drawing parts of your body from the hips up, but it'll still take me a little bit to get everything done. Just make sure the position you pick is comfortable because you're going to be in it for, probably, the next two hours."

"Really? That's all?"

"I have a lot of experience in drawing realistic sketches. The big thing for me is capturing natural curves, dips, the way shadows appear along the skin, and stuff like that. It doesn't have to be perfect- my professor just wants to make sure I'm grasping what she's teaching."

"Gotcha, gotcha."

Theodore took off his sneakers. After placing them beside a pair of rain boots, he walked further inside to get settled on the bed.

Valerio took a seat at his drafting desk. Several pieces of charcoal were placed beside a cup full of H and B type pencils. Pink erasers and kneadable erasers took residence near the edge of a thick sketchpad. The booklet was opened, revealing multiple images of realistic hands posed in different ways. Subsequent drawings contained similar patterns of body parts modeled in various fashions.

A blank page was smoothed over to ensure nothing, like eraser bits or pencil grains, had been left sitting behind the sheet. An extra table light was switched on for better viewing of his work's progression later on.

"Is this good, Lerio?"

Theodore was leaning against the wall. His leg was dangling off the edge of the bed, whereas the other was bent at the knee with his right arm propped on top of it. The left one was resting in his lap.

"Yeah, perfect. You're giving me a lot of options to work with too, so that's helpful. I'm all set here. Are you?"

"I'm ready whenever you are."

Valerio nodded, reaching for one of his H pencils. "Don't be afraid to talk to me whenever you feel like it. I can multitask while I'm working."

*

Having Theodore as a model was considered both a blessing and a curse.

He was careful to not move too much, only really doing so, with warning as well, if he got a bit itchy or a limb starting falling asleep. There was a form of cognizance in his subtle movements when putting himself back into his chosen position. Even though permission was granted to have an occasional conversation, he made it a habit to not speak if Valerio was particularly concentrated on specific sections.

On the other hand, having Theodore posed in such a way gave Valerio an excuse to ogle at body parts he didn't normally admire too closely.

Tendons pushed against his neck because of its angling. Half of a pronounced Adam's apple had small ridges and light curves only noticeable when truly paying attention. Firm shoulder muscles were broad, leading to prominent spacing above his collarbone.

A series of flat birthmarks peeked from behind red tattoo ink. Small scars lined the skin above his ulna bone. The dangling pointer finger from his left hand was noticeably less straight than the right one. Light hairs made tiny bushes on the joints sprouting from outlined knuckles.

Finding Theodore's additional irregularities further instilled the notion that he, himself, was a stunning work of art.

Each scar, birthmark, and spot of discoloration made him appear unapologetically human.

"Your eyes are really wandering. Remember, mine are up here."

Valerio chuckled, glancing down for a moment. "I kind of have to let my gaze wander for this. I have to make sure things look anatomically correct."

"Mm. At least make sure I look pretty."

"You don't need me to make that happen."

"My, my, a compliment from Lerio?" Theodore let out a soft, airy laugh. "How rare."

"Har, har, asshole."

"Ah, you wound me."

"Uh-huh." Valerio set his pencil down, cracking his knuckles. "If you keep being snarky, I won't let you see the finished product."

"You're not my dad."

Theodore climbed off of the bed, unceremoniously slipping along the satin sheets. His arms were raised above his head to stretch them out. Multiple bones cracked with the movement. A husky, guttural groan shed light on any disagreeable aches now fading with each delectable pop.

He approached the drafting desk in excitement.

An arm was wrapped around Valerio's neck, hanging over his left shoulder.

Such close contact made him gulp.

Theodore's normal scent of apples and cinnamon was overtaken by a new, sweet cedarwood-y cologne.

Light wrinkles formed in his cheeks, laugh lines extending as his smile did the same.

Green irises sparkled in fascination; the bridge of his nose crinkled with each awe-struck chortle; his lips moved fast when talking about what details he liked the most.

Theodore was so warm.

He was so close.

It'd be so easy to take him by the collar and...

Valerio's eyes widened.

A pang of despair punched him in the stomach in such an unforgiving manner, he felt like he got hit with a brick.

Each negative reminder assaulted him all at once: Theodore was most likely straight; Theodore was here to model for an assignment with no intention of getting any more intimate than they'd already been; Theodore didn't harbor the same romantic feelings Valerio was experiencing.

Theodore was a friend and nothing more.

It was a horrible, nauseating realization—something that nearly brought hot tears to Valerio's eyes.

Still, when an ecstatic grin was pointed his way, he ignored his own heartbreak, burying it deep inside, and returned the expression with one to match.